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The One Thing I'd Deny Her

Summary:
Jasper loves Alice. He'd do anything for her. Anything. So is there one thing he will deny her? Reposted with Corrections


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1352   Review this Chapter

It was our anniversary. Not the day we’d married, but the day we’d met, so many years ago. She didn’t know it; long ago she’d stopped keeping track of things like that, just as we all had, but this was a day I could have never possibly forgotten. A day that had changed my life so drastically, that had saved my sanity, my immortal soul, a day that was so deeply a part of my essential make up was not one that could be so easily discarded as by memory.

I had had a feeling it was coming. Spooky almost, as if I had acquired Alice’s gift just for this occasion. I had always known that she would ask for it one day, the one thing I’d deny her. The only thing I wasn’t sure how I could possibly handle. So I decided to take the offensive.

“Jasper,” Alice squealed, “Come on, where are we going?”

“Would it be a surprise if I told you?” I grinned.

We had been in the car for quite a few hours now. We had left the night before so that we would arrive at our destination in the late afternoon, and luck seemed to smile, for the weather was reported to be a steady, dreary, raining downpour. Just like before.

“Shouldn’t you know where we’re going?” I asked, glancing at her in the rearview mirror as I stopped for a red light.

Alice had conceded to letting me drive her Porsche, only because I wouldn’t concede to letting her drive and she wouldn’t concede to leaving her car behind. A few minutes ago, she had crawled into the back seat and started running her hands through my hair, down my neck, and under the collar of my shirt, probably hoping to distract me so I would give away the secret.

“Would it be a surprise if I did?” she hummed, kissing my ear.

“Alice,” I said in the firmest tone I could manage. “Stop. Come back up here with me, we’ll be there soon.”

Reluctantly she returned to the passenger seat, and looked resolutely out her window. I smiled softly. The family didn’t often travel to Philadelphia; she was unfamiliar with it to start, and with the rain slaking off the windshield, she was unlikely to recognize where I was taking her until we were actually there.

That set me to wondering where exactly she could possibly imagine our destination to be. It was hard to surprise her, and I didn’t try a lot, so I truly did wonder what she could be cooking up in that gorgeous head of hers if she really was blocking her visions. It was sweet of her; if she knew that I really did want to surprise her, she was good enough to do her best not to peek.

I took a turn, letting the car crawl slowly down the street. The city was not the same; the years had changed it drastically, modernized it, refurbished it, destroyed it, but thankfully the place that memory took us to had been left entirely alone. As we drew closer, I was drawn back to the day when my life was saved. Putting on the blinker, I made the turn into the lot.

“Jasper?” Alice whispered, suddenly grasping my wrist.

Turning my hand beneath her grip so that I could take hers, I brought it to my lips.

“Alice?”

Exiting the car, I came around the hood and opened the door. She eased out and I led her inside. The small bar was exactly as it had been, the colors, the walls and windows, the light cast on it by the rain, brought everything back to her, I could feel it. The interior was dim, and I led us to a small table along the back wall, where we could speak quietly and not be overheard.

She was silent as a waiter approached. I ordered two coffees, and the man brought them back to the table before leaving us alone. We cupped our cold hands around the mugs, letting the warmth seep into our palms. Alice’s brow was furrowed, her lips pursed. I tilted my head to the side, sent her a wave of love, contentment. This was a habit with me, when she asked in greeting how I was. She would know that it was an honest presentation of how I was feeling at this very moment, and in consequence that I saw no reason for her to be perplexed.

She gazed at me quietly for a moment, and I smiled softly at her.

“Jasper,” she said softly. “Why are we here?”

I was silent far a space of time, still not knowing how to go about what was coming. “You tell me,” I said finally.

“I… I think there’s something I want to ask you.”

“You think?”

“You know… you know how Edward never knew what Bella was thinking?” she asked haltingly.

“Yes,” I answered. It wouldn’t have mattered, Alice would have asked, this I knew. Bella was only the trigger that brought it about sooner rather than later.

“And you know how, once she got her shield under control, she was able to show him her thoughts, how much he meant to her, how much she loved him?”

“Yes,” I replied, lowering my eyes to the table.

“How… how come you’ve never…”

“Never what, Alice?” I asked. I don’t know why I forced her to say it.


“How come you’ve never let me feel? What you felt when we met? You tell me so often, how much it meant to you, but you’ve never let me feel it.”

I sighed softly. “Alice, why do you need to? Do you seek proof of my love for you?” I hadn’t meant to speak this part, but the hurt in my chest forced it from me.

“No,” she whispered, suddenly gripping my hands in hers as tightly as she could. “I know you love me. As much as you know I love you. I only thought… such a beautiful thing… I wondered why you wouldn’t share it with me.”

“I can’t Alice,” I answered, abruptly need it over and done with. “It’s not the beautiful thing you think it is. For you to understand and feel that rapture, that height of joy, of hope, of relief… you’d have to experience the… the burning hatred, the crushing depression. The aggressive, horrifying, terrible joy found in pain and death and hurt.”

I stopped, almost unable to go on when faced with the remembrance of my past. “I won’t ever do that to anyone Alice. Least of all to you. This one thing… it’s the one thing I’ll deny you. If you ever choose to ask again, I’ll say no. It’s something I’ll never give you, can never let you have.”

Finished, my shoulders slumped. I had nothing more in me. Suddenly she was in my arms, getting as close as she possibly could.

“I’m so sorry,” she whimpered. “I never thought about that. I should have. I would never have asked. I’ll never ask again, I promise.” Crushing her lips to mine, she gave me a desperate, wonderful kiss. “I love you Jasper Whitlock. I always will. And I know you love me. More than I ever did. That you’d keep from me the one thing I thought would mean the most because you wouldn’t hurt me…”

She kissed me again, differently this time. Her mood had changed, and I was reading it loud and clear.

“Let’s go to a hotel,” I smiled against her mouth.

She smiled and I picked her up, dropping some money on the table and carrying her out to the car. After all, we had just renewed our love for each other, and we were, I believed, closer than we had ever been before or ever would be. And it was our anniversary.