An Immortal Love
What if.... it was not Laurent in the meadow? Bella meets another vampire, she will make Bella see things from a different perpective. Bella makes a decision that will "change her life" and put her in the most interesting adventure 'With the way she smells, if I wouldn't find her someone else would have...'
8. Giving up EPOV
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2144 Review this Chapter
Could I ever do something right for her? I had to. I owned it to her… she had given me the best months of my eternal life… I wave of pain crushed me as I remembered….to think about her was excruciating, and then again it was impossible to cast her away of my thoughts, she had everyone of them, she was my eternal love… no matter that I was away now, she existed, and that fact made this world beautiful. I would never feel anything like the love I felt for her. How it pained me to be away¡¡¡ but it was necessary. She would be safe now, and she would be happy -I imagined what at wanted for Bella- I cringed at the thought, in my head, many years from now, she had said yes to somebody else, it did not matter, that is essentially what I wanted. I knew when I left her, that this was coming for me, a lifetime, no an existence no…. a lifetime, her lifetime, of wondering, waiting, hoping she would be as happy as she deserved, that when she finally met dead-a shiver crossed my body-she would be surrounded by her family, sons, daughters, grandsons and granddaughters, she deserved that, a whole full life. A life that I could not offer to her… I could sympathize with Rose more than I ever thought it would be possible, I wanted, I ached for the opportunity to be human, I envied everyone of them, I envied everyone that now had a change to make her happy, anyone who had the chance to become that yes, without hurting her, without having to think their every move so that they don’t lose control, without condemning her to a soulless existence. How I hated my condition now. Deep inside, I knew that I would go back to her, but when? Probably in those last years, even then I knew that I would not be able to let her see me.
I discovered that the only thing that would somehow lower the pain I was going through was to be mad at her…It did not really help. It did not make it more bearable, but it made me be mad at myself. It made me remember what I wanted for her… How could she want an existence like mine? It was ridiculous, she only wanted it because she did not fully understand what it meant… I could not really blame her for that, even when her human feelings could not possible compare to mine, her choice revealed that she wanted to be with me, she wanted to become like me, it was exactly what I would do, if I had the choice, I’ll become like her….I sighed…Let’s try another one…
How could she believe what I said?, what thought really hurt, for I knew that she had believed me, wherever she was, she really thought that I had no feelings towards her… like she did not know me at all, how could she be so blind, she knew me, how could she make nothing of my love, how could she doubt even for a second that she was and will always be the love of my existence, she knew everything, she always had, but now, right this second she believes that I don’t love her ……that pained me more than anything else. Maybe I should try to concentrate on something else…
A spider was walking toward my arm, it would not try to bit me but it made me remember… she thought that I was a super hero once, radioactive spiders….the thought made me laugh and then the pain almost knocks me down.
All this pain could easily go away… just one sight, just to see her again, she would most likely be happy, a glance at her happiness, would give me the strength that I needed to keep doing the right thing…. Maybe just to hear her voice… I thought about that…I could probably just try to sell something to her by phone….She would not even realize it was me. It would not work; it would make me just more eager to run to her side ruining everything, but what if she wasn’t happy. Deep down I hoped there would be no one she would say yes to, I remembered Esme’s words, “She is your partner son, you can’t make a decision for the both of you” as she said this her voice was full of kindness, even thought she was hurt with my decision and she knew Bella would be hurt too “She doesn’t understand mom, I can’t have her in danger anymore” she thought about this for a moment “She has a say in what she wants, and she wants you… and us, I love her like a daughter” her voice was deep in emotion, as most of my family, she believed I was making a mistake. They were probably right.
No they were not….I could make this, I can make this for her….
No, I can’t make this…I can’t be away from her any longer….I fought against my better judgment the whole way back to Folks, convincing myself that I only wanted to check on her, something inside me burned, I needed to know that she was safe, as soon as I made my decision of coming back, I started thinking what to say to her… How could I earn her forgiveness?… no, it was not possible… just a glance at her… just to see that she was all right... it really would not come to talking to her…
Folks have never been so wonderful, as I stepped in town I felt my dead heart lift, it was surreal, I was there again, my true home, as long as Bella was here, it would always be the place I would call home. Instead of going to my house, like I should have… I ran to Bella’s, my phone rang intend on my pocket… Alice most had seen all this…As I stopped in front of her house I realized that a glance would not do it, I had to talk to her…All my will crumbled, I had to admit to myself that it had crumbled a long time ago…I hated myself for that, but at the same time, it did not matter what I had to do in order to have Bella back….how could I be so selfish…What if she had found someone else… I would go away then… it was only fair…but would I really be able to do that….Maybe I would fight to get her back… I cringed at the thought; I really was a monster… but I knew that the only thing that will keep me away from her would be Bella, the only way I would stay away was if she asked me to.
One thing at the time… I had to see her first.
I climbed to her window, she was not there….odd, her truck was parked outside…it was two a.m., could she be with a friend… maybe a sleep over at Angela’s or Jessica’s ….right then a wild anguish caught my attention, an emotion that soon enough was my anguish too, as I understand the tenor of Charlie’s nightmare, pain because he thought he should have done more to help Bella recover, so she never did? …Bella… the woods…monsters…a search…and…
Fear washed through me. What was impossible, I asked Alice to stay away from this but…this much she should have seen. I tried to find something in the room, her scent was not recent, I should have noticed that, soon enough I smelled another scent…a vampire had been here…a shiver crossed thought my body, a vampire had been in Bella’s room and she was gone…I decided to follow the scent…once in the woods, I finally picked up my phone that all the while had been vibrating in my pocket.
“Alice” It was almost a snarl, how could she have missed this, maybe my family knew, and they did not tell me what happened. Was that possible?
“Edward, I can’t find her…” she said her voice belliwered and scared. Can a vampire go into shock?
I pulled myself together enough as to speak again “What do you mean Alice”
“I don’t know it is just…her future had disappeared…”she sounded worried and frustrated….”I don’t understand”
I felt myself burnt every muscle of my body ached… she was really gone…no that was impossible
“Does this mean…Alice is she...” I could not even pronounce the word…
“No…” She said not really sure…I could tell by the lack of conviction in her voice
“You are not sure”
“No, I am sure, Edward listen…I would have seen something like that…I would have seen it…I am sure it is not possible…I should have cached anything mayor, you know how much she means to me”
“But you have not seen she is not with Charlie anymore¡¡¡¡¡” I was totally out of my mind….her silence meant I was right
“What? She left Folks?” no, she hasn’t seen it
“More than that she… Charlie thinks she is lost in the woods, or something..,”
“If she left…That probably reveals that it was her choice to go… Edward I don’t really know what is happening.”
“Listen…there was a vampire scent in the room…it seems somehow familiar… you did not see that either did you?”
“No but…” Desperation and chagrin was clear in her voice. She did not like not knowing, she certainly had seen nothing “that probably means that it was not a dangerous vampire….so there was nothing for me to see”
“WHAT….” I was losing it…No I really had lost it…
“Edward…” it was Jasper now on the phone… “Listen to me…we will find out what happened… we are going there right now…if Bella is lost we will find her..” If he said, if…he had jumped to the same conclusion just like I did…there was no need to search, there was no future to see because…no I could not bring myself to even think of the word.
I waited for the town to awake… I needed to know what happened… I knew where to get some answers… the high school, I lingered in the threes listening to everyone’s thoughts, she had disappeared all right…every student knew that…Mike Newton was thinking about that as he approached Angela, Ben and Jessica…
“Have you heard anything new?”
“No” Angela responded immediately knowing what he was referring to “I called Charlie yesterday…they have not found anything” She was genuinely concerned…I hope she is not….the big wolves.
“Yeah right, why to bother searching Jessica tough darkly she is probably immensely happy with that guy she took to the movies. I know he is been missing school too …Why doesn’t Mike see that. ” I could see who she meant as she thought about Jacob Black, handsome and strong, very into Bella, she resented Bella again unable to see why so many males were attracted to her. I stopped listening, she would not do that, Bella would not run away with someone…she would not do this to Charlie. I knew I was right. Even thought something inside me said that I really did not want to think about Bella with someone else.
….I needed to know everything…I went back to Bella’s house… Charlie was still there, I rang the bell….
Anger crossed his face as he saw me there. I could not expect any less.
“YOU¡ …How dare you” and suddenly his features rearranged in pain
“Chief Swan…Charlie. I’ve just heard” He invited me in. Filling me with all the details of what had happened…and the futile search they had made… They haven’t found her… they have not found even a body…that knowledge filled me with hope and that Jacob kid was lost too along with other 5 hikers because of the wild bears, that was the general thinking, thousands of probabilities run through my head…most of them horrible…but if they have not found her body…
“Wait you said you started the search by my house”
“We found some prints there and” he seemed reluctant to say it “Bella’s truck was there too” at that moment…a memory crossed Charlie’s mind. Bella’s loneliness…a place surrounded by trees, he could be thinking about my house. It was my entire fault. All this was, I should not have left her…
“Charlie…we will find out what happened” I promised “I won’t stop until I have a conclusion to this, “you should know that…I loved…that I love Bella I always had…I left, because I thought it would be best for her, but I came back and now” I could not continue
“It is too late now kid”, his words crushed the place where my heart should have been. His voice was full of sorrow.
“My family will join me shortly” I said before leaving.
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