Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
A crossover between ESOTSP and Twilight/New Moon. Bella can't cope with the pain of Edward leaving her. In depression she seeks out a company 'Lacuna'. Having Edward removed from her memory is like a relief, but is it the right decision?
1. Chapter 1
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2772 Review this Chapter
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I paced Charlie's kitchen restlessly, clutching a formal letter in my quivering hands. I held it up to the light to read, for the fifth time this morning. I scanned the text feeling both comforted and physically sick. The hole in my chest was burning so much, but I refused to double over ,when Charlie could walk in at any minute. I wanted to go through with this I truly did. To not remember him anymore. To start again and move back to Phoenix. It was the hardest decision that I'd ever had to make.
My appointment was booked, I just had to show up, and by morning this terrible nightmare would be over. Edward Cullen would just vanish from my life. I sniffed, and folded the letter back into it's envelope with fumbling fingers. I grabbed my jacket from the hall, feeling like I'd left my guts back in the kitchen.
“Bye Dad,” I called up the stairs in a monotone. No answer. I sighed and pushed my arms through the correct holes in my coat and snatched my keys off the side hook. Outside a thick layer of white frost coated everything. The drive was a death trap , but I finally made it to my truck's door without falling. Famous last words I thought wryly when my feet slipped directly from beneath me. I scrabbled madly and caught onto the truck's side mirror. I stayed like that for a short moment, trying to rid myself of the Déjà vu. This had been exactly like the day Edward saved me from being crushed had started. That day he forced me into his world. Only if he had kept his promise would I have accepted this with good grace. Right now I almost wished he'd let me die, it would have saved so much mutual pain.
It took little over an hour to get to Port Angeles. I noted with quiet relief ,on the way into the main shopping district all the ice had melted. Not wanting to dally in my truck I immediately got out, and pulled with me two black bin bags from the passenger foot well. I held them away from me as I stumbled across the street, not wanting to feel the contents bashing against my legs. I paused outside of a very nondescript building, it looked like a run down dental clinic. I raised my eyebrows and checked the address on the letter with the street name and number. I shook my head, and with difficulty nudged the door open with my shoulder. Inside the atmosphere was thick with one familiar feeling...Heart Break. This was the right building alright! Here I would have Edward Culled torn from my memory.
The walls had been painted in a cheery yellow and quiet jazz played from the over head speakers. I recognized the number immediately as one of Edward's favorite songs and winced as another circumference of hurt carved it's self from my chest. In spite of all this, the room was anything but a happy place. Glum faced people sat in plastic chairs, all clutching black bags. I settled myself into one, beside a girl not much older than me. She had tears dribbling numbly down her cheeks and was slowly twisting a sparkley ring over and over through her hands. I wondered if she felt anything like me at the moment, was it possible for her to feel worse? I doubted that very much.
Pushing my self pity aside I pulled out my journal and ripped the necessary pages from it. My hand hovered over an entry with Edward's name written over and over in layers so it was barely legible. A lone tear slipped from my eye, the moisture that had been pooling for months finally breaking it's banks. However I was interrupted, somebody called my name from somewhere. I looked up ,feeling dazed, like somebody had just stuffed my ears with a giant cotton wool bud.
“Miss Swan?” A woman with blond hair pinned at the back of her head , wearing a white medical coat smiled down at me. I nodded and quickly brushed the tear from my eye, kicking myself for having so little self-control.
“Welcome to Lacuna, You're here to erase-” she glanced down at her clipboard, “Edward Cullen, is that correct?” still her lipsticky smile stayed in place, not faltering for one minute. I nodded, not daring myself to speak in case my voice cracked. Her smile became sympathetic, it made me want to slap it from her face. I froze, completely shocked with myself. What had caused me to be so violent?
“I'm Mary Svevo, I just need you to sign here-” Mary leaned over me, and handed me the clipboard- “And print your name full name here,” she stabbed at a dotted line with her manicured nail. I filled in the correct boxes with care, I wanted this done throughly. Handing her back form I forced my muscles to contract a smile. God knows what I looked like, probably something demented.
“If you'd like to come with me , Dr Mierzwiak will see you now,” Mary informed me with a sickly sweet voice, and tucked my form under her arm. I stuffed what was left of my journal into my jacket pocket and the other offending pages into one of the black bags. I followed Mary's retreating white coat, muttering “excuse me,” and ,”I'm sorry” every now and then as I stumbled from the waiting room.
Soon I found myself sitting in an impeccable office. A friendly looking man who was (according to his name plate) Dr Mierzwial loaded a fresh tape into the recording machine between us. Before pressing record he smiled at me and stuck out his hand for me to shake. I did so , trying not to seem rude.
“Isabella I will be the one conducting the procedure today, My name is Dr Mierzwiak,” He dropped my hand and sat back down in his own executive chair. I nodded brainlessly. This was the type of man you would want as a grandfather, with caring knowledgeable eyes and weathered crinkles along his baggy skin. I thought about correcting him on my name, but decided that it would sound rude no matter how I phrased it.
His think finger pressed down upon the record button and the room was filled with a tiny buzzing.
“Miss Swan, do you agree that this tape is new and was unwrapped in front of you?” I nodded stupidly and then remembered verbal noise was required.
“Yes,” I replied , my voice came out all crackly like I'd swallowed a bad of dirt. I cleared my throat quietly and waited patiently for the Doctor finishing jotting something down on his papers. He looked up at me with an urging smile and silently pointed down at the paper in front of me. I scanned it and kicked myself. It was a list of all the things I had to say.
“umm, I Isabella Swan am here to erase Ed- Edward Cu-Cullen,” I surprised myself with my with how hard it was to say his name. Though I took comfort in knowing I wouldn't have to mention him again. Soon.
The rest of the meeting was painfully hard. I had to spill everything about Edward, the way he would gently stroke my cheek and listen to my heart beating when we'd lay together or the way he'd press his lips to my forehead. Everything except, him and his family's secret.
I tumbled out of the office in a daze of fresh pain. I could here him , Edward that is, begging me not to erase him pleadingly in my head. It's not real. I kept on telling myself until I was sat under a scanner, where the technicians were about to create a memory map of Edward. There scanner was enormous. Engulfing all of my head from the cot I was led on. Suddenly I found all the items from my bags being thrust under my nose. Diary entries read out. Objects relentlessly canalized, and all the while I was only allowed to react mentally.
At the end of my three hour stay in the clinic, Dr Mierzwiak informed me things had had gone very well and by the morning I should not remember Edward if everything carried on the positive track. I smiled simply in response and left Lacuna with a feeling like I'd just made a horrible mistake.
When I got back to Forks it was dark, I guessed this as an acceptable time to got to bed. Charlie wasn't in so I wouldn't have to explain the waterfall of tears at my eyes; The sleeping pill Lacuna had prescribed me or the way I went straight to bed. I Only had time to think about all the items I'd taken to the clinic and how were probably being burned at this minute. The pill took affect quicker than I thought possible and when I collapsed onto my bed, only vaguely aware Charlie was away on a two-day fishing trip.
I love you Edward. I won't remember you in the morning....It'll be as if you never did exist.
Horrified screams, breaks squealing, Edward smacking me full on in the chest.
“Bella? Are you alright?” his voice was low and frantic in my ear. I was being held against his chest tightly and then all too soon everything went black. Edward was gone and so was my fleeting happiness.
“Edward?” I called out through the inky darkness. I heard his ghostly chuckle and one hand extent to me in a come hither motion. I followed it blindly, tripping over until I landed flat on my face. I groaned and rolled over only to be blinded by sunlight. I stared up, with a bemused eyebrow quirked at a canopy of jade green leaves.
“Do I scare you Bells?” I glanced across, at Edward. He looked sad with his butterscotch eyes large and a downward tug to his lips. I rolled over onto my stomach and put my hand to his lips hesitantly. Giving my own little smile I pushed to corners of his mouth up.
“No, Edward, never. I'm sorry though,” I said thoughtfully, tracing his parted lips delicately with my gentle fingers.
“What ever for?” he asked with a little chuckle, pulling me down by my wrists to rest my head on his marble chest. I smiled into his glittering skin as my heart went into over-drive. The sun poured down upon us in the perfect meadow. But I knew it would be gone soon, this memory would be erased.
“I'm erasing you,” I sighed and traced the pattern of his muscles. He stroked my hair calmly, I could almost hear the frown on his face.
“I don't blame you,” I felt a tear dribble down my cheek as he pulled me up to his face, behind his head, I could see the trees disappearing into darkness. His lips grazed mine just as the nothingness crept to his back. And then he was gone, again. I gave a frustrated yelp and mashed my fist into the ground.
“Edward?” I called out , wandering aimlessly through dense forest. Just as I tripped somebody caught me by the forearms. I looked up. My heart spluttered to a stop at the perfect face of my God like Edward. He whisked me up into his arms and then I found us spinning around the dance hall at our prom. I looked down at our feet, to see me stood on his. He grinned and pressed our foreheads together, staring right at me. I tried to look into his topaz eyes but soon my vision blurred and I knew I'd gone cross-eyed.
“Silly Bella,” he chuckled and tapped my nose.
I yelped as we started to fall back and then I felt the soft caress of the mattress beneath me. Edward was leaning over me, his large hands either side of my head.
“Don't leave me Edward, Stay,” I whispered. He put a finger to my lips.
“Gladly,” he assured me , pressing butterfly kisses down my jaw. I gasped, breathing irregularly as he traced patters down the outside of my arms. Let me keep this memory just this one.
“I love you,” kiss.
“Bella, I love you,” and then he was gone. I found myself laying on cold ice alone, staring up at the stars.
I sighed, and stood up, sliding dangerously over the ice. I looked down and found my feet covered with ice-skates. I looked up just in time to see a dark blur fly at me, it caught me by the hands and spun us around repeatedly on the ice. I gave a shrill scream of fear as my knees started to buckle, making me collide into Edwards chest. He laughed and held me so tightly I forgot to be afraid. His tantalizing smell was so close. No! Concentrate Bella!
“Edward!” he ignored me with a chuckle and dragged me over the ice gracefully, with the lithe glide of a professional skater.
“They're going to erase you!” I cried out, knocking my head against his chest. It hurt more than I expected against his concrete skin, but I didn't dare let him go in fear of slipping.
“So enjoy it,” he whispered against my neck, giving my ear a playful nudge with his teeth. Once again my heart jammed up with joy and I found my self laughing involuntary.
“Lift your arms out Bella!” he laughed gleefully, keeping his steady hold on me. I gazed at him and jerkily lifted my arms into the air. He slid one of his own hands up from my waist, bumping along my rib cage and my outstretched arm up to my fingers and entwined them with his own.
“Take me somewhere I don't belong,” he suggested and ran his nose over my jaw. The wind rushed through my hair, sending it over my shoulder as we both flew over the ice. I concentrated hard on remembering a moment where Edward hadn't been with me......... Phoenix, the sun was so hot that summer. Renee had bought so many different flavors of ice-cream, that's all we lived off the rest of the week! I felt Edward's caress disappearing, his breath fading against my skin and soon I was stretched out in my old back garden. I sat up on the sun lounger with wide eyes.
“Edward?” I called looking around wildly. I heard a joyous laugh from my right. I followed the sound and saw him in dungarees and a tattered cap. And yet he still managed to look unfairly like a model.
“I'm your gardener!” he chuckled and gave the hedge-clippers in his hand a snip to add to the affect. I scrambled over to him, falling out of the chair in my haste, and hitting the dried out grass with a soft bump. I didn't hesitate in my recovery and launched at his chest. He threw the sharp object over his shoulder. Presumably so I wouldn't find a way to impale myself on them.
“It worked,” I muttered into his chest as he enveloped me in his arms and lay back on the ground.
“Umm-hmm” he replied.
“I'm sorry,” I muttered again, feeling dreadful. Edward shook his head and twisted a strand of my hair around his finger.
“It's understandable,” he replied with that articulate tone that I longed to learn. I rubbed his glittering arm and rested my cheek against it. His skin felt wonderful in the stifling heat.
“How long?” Edward asked me gently as I nudged off his hat so I could run my fingers through the copper hair I loved so much.
“This is it,” I said sadly, and without warning he crushed my body to his. I gasped, his embrace had knocked the air from my lungs, not to mention played havoc with my pulse.
“I love you Bell,” Edward kissed the top of my head repeatedly.
“Don't go!” I tightened my grip on his torso, as long as I could feel him.
“I love you so much!” I cried out to him, too distraught for tears.
“Try to remember me,” then in whisper of wind he was gone.
The first glare he gave me, The cheeky lop-sided grin. Mood swings, kisses, presents. My lullaby, Esme, Alice, Emmett, Rosaline, Carlisle ,Jasper.....Edward. Love.
“It will be as if I never existed”