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I have seen the end of the world and the sky is still blue

Summary:
Jacob considers his situation with Bella. Or lack of.


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 0/5   Word Count 576   Review this Chapter

I Have Seen the End of the World and the Sky Is Still Blue

Go ahead, ask me again. Of course I loved her. No, that’s a lie. I love not loved.

But hey, what can you do? What do you do when the world crashes in, you’re left holding the world on your shoulders, yet the rest of humanity somehow does not notice and continues with their day to day activities?

I’ll tell you what you do. You flatly deny the obvious truth when asked and you put on the most painful smile and move on with your life. Or at least make it look like you’re moving on with your life. And most of the time you will be fine, and then there will be those nights… Nights when all you can do is curl up and let the savage pain have its way with you. Allow it to eat you alive.

Normally I would deny I still loved her to avoid the pitying looks as I know they are thinking I must be masochistic. I swear I’m not, but when your heart is ripped out you do need to give in sometime and cry.

Just on those nights.

Tonight is one of those nights.

Damn, I love her. And it hurts so badly. You know who I feel like? All the king’s horses and all the king’s men if they had been able to put Humpty-Dumpty together again then the freaking bird that laid Humpty-Dumpty came back and stole him.

Seriously, has anyone ever fallen in love with someone who doesn’t return that emotion? Did they string you along? Did they use you to glue themselves back together then abandon you, broken and alone? Bella has become an obsession that I risked everything for and gave up so much to be with. But now that has come to nothing but an empty hole in my chest.

The day she said that she didn’t love me was the day that my own personal world ended. I wanted so badly to touch her skin, to caress her lips with mine, to hold her hand. And now I will never have that. Yet now that I have tasted love I will not, cannot go back to how things used to be.

She is my best friend but I will never give up that tiny hope that one day she will return my love, that one day she will know that I was meant for her not that vampire, that abomination. In the long term, I know that I will never be able to love anyone the same way; I will never be able to look at a girl and not think of her.

But the funniest thing is that if I had to do it all over again, I know I would do it all the same. Because I love her. Love is blind. I never truly understood that until now.

For I have seen the end of the world and the sky is still blue, the birds still fly, flowers blooms, animals are born and people die. Without her my world is nothing. Nothing but an empty blue shell full of birds, meaningless flowers; life and death.