Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away
It's been almost two years since Edward left Bella. He's married to Tanya, She's married to Jacob. Throughout those two years she had a baby, but finally Edward realizes he can't live without her. What will Tanya and Jake think? Will the baby be a target?
1. One Year, Seven Months
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 2435 Review this Chapter
I was there when we said Forever and Always...
You didn't mean it baby.
It’s been almost nine months since the love of my life, Edward Cullen, left me. And when he left, he left me with the greatest gift he could ever give me, even if he doesn’t love me anymore.
Now, I stood in my bedroom in Charlie, my father’s house. I stood, rocking a newborn Ethan Scott Swan Cullen. As I looked at the newborn baby boy in my arms, he reminded me of his father, that it was painful. But of course I love him, more than I have anyone else. He's my life. I kissed his soft tuft of bronze hair, then his perfect button nose that he inherited from his father. He stirred and woke, but did not cry, instead looking up at the full moon outside my bedroom window. I swayed from side to side, submerged in my memories, that pierced my heart.
I gazed up at the moon. I wondered where Edward was at this moment, what he was thinking. Was he looking at the moon at the same moment I am now? And most importantly, will he ever get to know this miracle we created?
Just thinking of Edward makes me sob, thinking of what could've been. I had ruined all that, I wasn't good enough, but I prayed every night, that he not reject his son, his own flesh and blood. I prayed that whenever Edward would think I'd be somewhere in his heart, that I wouldn't just be a fling, because that would never bring him back to me or his son. Our son deserved nothing but love. It wouldn't be fair to him.
"I love you, Sunshine, you won't ever hate me would you? You won't leave me? I know you don't know your daddy right now, but I promise that we'll find him someday. I know your daddy would love you, you're so perfect. You're are all that I could ask for and more--my gift from heaven..."
I looked down at Ethan, locking gazes with my premature son. I remembered those rough months while carrying him. The depression that overcame my soul. The time at the hospital when I cried, desperately praying that my own carelessness and selfishness didn’t kill my son. It was like a dark storm cloud had threatened to rain on my parade of dark, dead memories. That is until I saw Ethan’s innocent face. He brightened up my life—he is my personal sunshine. My sunshine. My son. My perfect little Edward. My only reminder that what we had was real.
Ethan started cooing then and at that same moment, I realized that he is my life, my everything. Tears made their way down my cheeks as I counted his tiny toes and fingers again. Ten tiny toes. Ten tiny fingers. He’s perfect.
I cried for hours that night, just holding Ethan in my arms, watching him sleep as time passed. Seconds, minutes, hours. God, I prayed. Please don’t take my sunshine away.
--End of flashback--
It has been one year, seven months, two weeks, three days and thirty seven minutes since I left my Love. It is the biggest regret of my life. I can’t get through one day, one hour, one minute, without thinking of her. Bella. I did it for her—so that she wouldn’t live in constant danger, so she could live a normal human life. My family and I brought so much danger, just because she chose to be with me, and I could not allow it. I am a monster. She is an angel sent to me from heaven, but I couldn’t do that to her. I love he, I still do—always will. If I died like I was supposed to in 1918, she would already be with someone healthy for her, perhaps Michael Newton.
“Eddie, honey, come over here,” Tanya called. I rolled my eyes at my “wife”. I don’t love her, I never did. Jasper could feel it, Esme could see it, and Alice saw my future disappear in indecision. Everyone know it, but Tanya, my “wife” was completely in the dark, oblivious. It was kind of funny at first, considering that she is a vampire and should possess extra abilities, but now, it’s just plain stupid. She didn’t know that every moment I was away from Bella, I was counting, every minute, every second. She didn’t know that I was fighting to break the walls of my restraint to go and see my first and only love and beg her to take me back. For all I knew—and that’s a lot considering I can read minds—Tanya had no idea that I still think of Bella, that every time I said that I was going hunting alone in Appalachia, that I was going to Forks to watch Bella sleep at night. Tanya thought that Bella and I just had a fling, thinking that we weren’t meant to be. As if Tanya and I were!
I yearned for Bella’s touch. I yearned for Bella’s kiss—her love, her forgiveness. I just want her back.
“Eddie, where are you?!” Tanya yelled impatiently. I don’t even recall why I married her. I think if it was possible, I may have been drugged, ha! But what am I kidding, I’m a vampire. All I remember was Rosalie demanding that I get my life together and well I ‘did’.
Tanya thought that I actually love her. I never kissed her back, never embraced her on my own will, never made love to her. That was only Bella’s. I gave her the only thing that no one could ever have and I’m keeping my vow that my body would only belong to her.
I quickly got up and left once I heard the retreating stomping of an angry housewife. I got into my Aston Martin and decided to take another, “hunting trip”.
I can honestly say, you’ve been on my mind,
Since I woke up today, up today.
I look at your photograph, all the time,
These memories come back to life,
And I don’t mind.
God, I detest Miley Cyrus. I was about to turn off the radio, but the next lyrics really hit me hard.
I remember when we kissed,
I still feel it on my lips.
The time that you danced with me,
With no music playing.
I remember those simple things.
I remember till I cry.
But the one thing I wish I’d forget.
The memory I wanna forget,
I’ve got to see her, I’ve got to see my angel. I can’t bear it any longer, if I’m married to Tanya—it’ll kill me. I’ll see her soon—it’s only a matter of time.
I woke up this morning
And played are song
And through my tears, I sang along…
It has been one year, seven months, two weeks, and three days since Edward Cullen left me. In that one year, I managed to get married to Jacob Black, my best friend since we were children and have a child. I love him, Jacob. But there is no comparison. I mean how much simpler can my life get? I’m married to a werewolf, but madly in love with a vampire.
After Edward left, I found comfort in being with Jake, but it wasn’t a healing remedy, more like medication—a dull, easing numbness. I couldn’t deny my past and my feelings. There was nothing that I wanted more than to be with Edward Cullen. Even through my own marriage. I wasn’t in love with Jacob. Through those months I remained in a semi-catatonic state, refusing to let my ‘husband’ into my heart and soul as I did Edward. The only person that kept me from falling head first into the pit of depression, was my ten month old son, Ethan. He is m baby boy, conceived right before my birthday about two years ago. There is no doubt who his father is, the only person I gave my body, heart and soul to, but I lied to Jake and everyone else anyway, saying that I really had no idea who Ethan’s father was. But how could hey believe me? Everything about Ethan screamed Edward! From his unruly bronze hair, to his breathtaking crooked grin, his perfect nose, to how he can take my breath away and calm me down. It was all Edward and I loved my little boy so much.
“Mummm, mmm, mmm,” my baby boy hummed trying to get my attention, as he sat up from his early afternoon nap.
“Hello, my Sunshine. How’s my baby feeling?” I cooed. Ethan crawled over to me and sat on my lap. He reached out with his tiny hand and banged on the guitar that I had on the bed. Since Edward left, I learned how to play the guitar as a way to express my deepest feelings, then to lull Ethan to sleep when he was born.
“Ethan, you want mommy to play a song?” I asked as he smiled his father’s crooked grin. I set Ethan back down on the bed and pulled the acoustic guitar into my arms, starting to strum the chords to Ethan’s favorite song.
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are gray.
You’ll never know dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
I continued humming and thought of the two brightest stars in my life, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen and Ethan Scott Swan Cullen—even though one doesn’t love me anymore. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.
I set my guitar down and settled Ethan on my lap and kissed his wavy bronze hair that started to curl. “How’s my baby, today?” I asked. Ethan started bouncing in my lap happily. “Do you want to go somewhere special today?” I asked rubbing my nose on his soft, warm, flushed cheek. He squealed adorably. “I’ll take that as a yes, Mr. Ethan Scott Swan Cu—“
“What are you talking about with my little boy?” Jake asked coming into our bedroom. He took Ethan from me and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Nothing,” I fumbled around nervously trying to get Ethan’s baby bag together and grabbing my keys and my cell phone from the end table. “Hey, I’m going to take Ethan out today. Is that okay with you?” I asked, my mind already made up. I didn’t really care what he said anyway.
“No, it’ll be fine. Quil and I are just going to hang out with Emily’s cousins.”
“Okay,” I agreed taking Ethan from Jake and swinging Ethan’s baby bag over my shoulder. “Hey, Jake, can you take my guitar into my truck?”
“Sure,” he replied, putting my guitar into its case and hauling it into my pre-historic Chevy pick-up truck as I trailed with Ethan on my hip behind him. “Is that it?” he asked.
“That’s it,” I assured him as he leaned down to kiss me. I didn’t respond, just pulled away and got Ethan into his car seat. I drove away without a look back at my ‘husband’. I drove my way down the highway for about an hour till I reached the end of the pavement. I proceeded to get my guitar and the baby bag over my shoulder before I secured Ethan in his carrier. I carried him for an hour until I reached Edward’s beautiful meadow. Although no one ever came around here in over a year—since Ethan was conceived, the meadow was as beautiful as it was then. I set the guitar case and Ethan’s baby bag on the ground. I set Ethan down next to the stuff and he plopped down next to the wild flowers.
I took a blanket from his baby bag and spread it on the grass. I lay on it and closed my eyes, imagining being with Edward again. It brought tears to my eyes, just imagining the happiness and joy that I would experience. The love and adoration that I would feel again, a mutual feeling. I heard the imaginary purr of his sports car’s engine, the whoosh of his running, his beautiful smile, his smoldering golden brown eyes, the way he used to kiss me.
I was brought back to reality to quickly and reached over to lay Ethan next to me. He was playing with his curly hair. “Sunshine,” I laughed. “What are you doing?” I asked him in awe. He never ceased to amaze me. I pulled his tiny hands from his unruly hair and kissed his palms. Once Ethan was settled lying next to me, I closed my eyes, letting the rare sunlight warm my face. I drifted back to my imagination, trying to find the everlasting love and tranquility again.
I drove for hour from Alaska to Forks, needing only to stop six times to pump some gas. Why didn’t I take my Volvo?! Stupid gas guzzling, V12, piece of… I finally reached Forks, going straight to my family’s vacant mansion. I parked my car and quickly ran to Chief Swan’s home, scaling the side, till I reached his daughter’s windowsill, expecting her to be home, even though it was the middle of a sunny Saturday afternoon. When I finally got into Bella’s room, I was disappointed to see that she wasn’t home and hasn’t been home for months. Although her scent lingered on everything, it was faint, barely noticeable if I wasn’t so attached to it. She must have moved on as I intended her to.
My knees trembled and I fell onto them, letting the tearless sobs ripple through my unchanging body. Miserably, I crawled over to the loose floorboards that I pried off months ago. Bella’s scent lingered on its contents too. It was the stuff that I hid from Bella once I promised that ‘it’ll be as if I never existed’. I looked the pictures, the c.d., the corsage I got Bella for the Junior Senior prom. It was all here, touched with nothing missing.
It was too much for me to bear, causing me to run back to the mansion. I threw myself into my car and hit the steering wheel softly, but hard enough to satisfy the anger radiating off of me and not to break it. I shoved the keys into the ignition and gunned the engine, driving unconsciously. I threw myself out of my special occasion car and flew into the one place that always calmed me.