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Bella is a soft girl. She's convinced after experiences that men are evil, that good for nothing, and that she'll never find love. At a party she meets a man that will change her outlook on life forever and treat her with everything she deserves.
Hey, this is Kerry. I recently looked over my old stories and cringed a bit. So I decided to try something new. And complete the damn story this time. :p. Rated Adult for loving, and of course language.
1. Chapter 1: Chicken Wiskey Throw Up, Yum
Word Count 1254
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So, its Christmas again.
Another year drinking by the fire alone, unless you count my cat. He’s a good buddy of mine. Single kitty cat. An amazing companion.
Truly, I wouldn’t have it any other way, It would be nice to find someone before my 24th birthday and be able to share this “wonderful” time of the year, but I was over it. Ever since the Jacob failure I haven’t been able to find someone as wonderful as him.
But I’m over it.
ANYWAYS the important part is that tomorrow night I will be having a swell time going to my mothers house and wearing an ugly dress I don’t even want to, and get all dolled up just so that my mother can set me up on another date.
But really I had no choice.
Making things even more swell for me is the fact that my best friend Alice was coming over to get me dolled up, always bringing Mushroom Ravioli for pre dinner feast and then getting my fat ass “pretty”.
GEE sounds pretty fun to me. Doesn’t it?!
Nope, and I will end up throwing a fit, and the little munchkin will end up kicking me in the shin to make me cooperate because that’s really the only place she can reach, because she is so short and I will cry from the 4‘10 girls surprising strength inflicted on my poor body (not really) .
Then I will have the joy of going to this Christmas party where my mother will set me up with other chubby singles, while everyone comments on how I have such a “beautiful face, so sad that you have that chubby baby fat” or “you could be a plus sized model” or something stupid like that.
I have three words Suck My Dick.
This is my life.
Oh gee, it will be so much fucking fun!
So, now I’m sitting here contemplating calling up Alice on her date just to piss her off and drunk rant to her like there is no tomorrow! But I’ve decided, no the hell thanks because she’ll give me hell manana.
So I settled for Rosalie, her and Edward were having a good time at another fitness guru’s party.
Why the hell not? The phone rang three times when she finally answered.
“Hello?” She answered sweetly.
“Well, hola there Rosachee.” I said in my most annoying voice.
“Bella, hun, stop being weird.” She said in a sweet tone.
So I pulled out the greatest trick I had in the bag, one that pissed her off every time. See, Rose acts as if she is religious. And in no way am I questioning if she is or not, but she likes- for her fitness company, to act like the sweetest woman alive until she is alone. Then turning into one of my bestest frands, cursing up a storm and drinking like there is no tomorrow.
“OH JESUS, SAVE MY SOUL! THERES A DEMON INSIDE ME ROSE, I NEED YOUR HELP. FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK MEEEEE MY BIG PENIS NEEDS ATTENTION!!!” I screamed into the phone, pretty much letting everyone at the party hear what was on my mind.
I could practically hear her cringe into the phone. Then I heard her apologizing, and then her high heels clanking against floor. Then a door closing.
“Bella, you might as well kill yourself now because when I get home I’m going to slowly cut off your said “penis” and make you gag on it. Then I will kill you slowly. So I suggest that killing yourself would make things a whole lot easier on yourself asshole.” I smirked, there was my best friend. “Though I am your best drinking buddy, and that was kind of funny…” She breathed. “Dammit Bella, you got me off track and not mad. Ok, just because this little stunt was kind of funny you are going to pay. You’ve been warned. Now I’m going to go back to the party and save my sorry ass. See you at 3 asshole.” She said in her bitchy way, that only a few people saw.
“byeeeeee” I slurred and laughed, then clumsily hung up the phone and landing with a crash on the ground in front of the couch I was laying on. I watched It fall as I took another swig of whiskey.
And that was the last thing I remembered.
15 hours later
I opened my eyes groggily taking in my surroundings.
Where am I? This isn’t my bed!
I felt a cold surface under me, and I wiped my eyes as I attempted to look around. I saw a microwave, and a stove, the light streaming through the windows of my apartment,, and a sink… god dammit.
I was actually laying on the kitchen counter. And I did not smell good, at all.
Actually I smelled a bit like throw up and whiskey and chicken.
What the hell is in my hair?
Yeah I definitely had pieces of chicken. I didn’t even want to begin to wonder what the hell was in my hair, so I slowly but surely got up from the couch and walked to my bathroom stepping over the bottles of whisky and empty bottles of chardonnay, my wine of choice.
I took two advil and stepped into the steaming hot shower making sure to wash the nasty shit in my hair out.
I groaned as I realized that it being 2 o’clock in the afternoon I only had an hour to clean up the house and get ready for Alice and Rosalie to come over for some torture.
After shampooing my hair numerous times I got out of the shower and cleaned up.
It was amazing the number of chardonnay bottles empty and beer cans laying around the house.
Then I went into the kitchen to clean up the nastiest part of the job , procrastinating cleaning the counter in fear of finding out what exactly was on my head this morning.
I groaned when I finished the rest of the kitchen and saw that all that had to be cleaned up was the nasty residue on the counter. I walked over to the granite and washed the greasy chicken smelling sauce gagging a bit while doing so.
Then, the nastiest part, there was a fucking trail of grease going outside of my kitchen. I followed the trail of grease to behind my couch, cringing and having the feeling that I would not like this.
When I looked behind my couch I saw maybe the nastiest site I had ever seen in my life.
Yepppp that’s definitely chicken whiskey throw up. I thought to myself throwing up a bit in my mouth at the sight.
I closed my eyes and turned away, there was no way in hell that I would be cleaning that shit up so I ran away from the couch before I threw up ONTOP of the throw up and called the cleaners.
I knew I was being redonkulous but I truly and sincerely didn’t give a shit. So I pushed the disgusting picture out of my mind and sat on my love seat.
This would be the last time for the night that I would be alone so I was soaking it up.
Only fifteen minutes until Rose and Alice arrives.