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New Moon: Edward's version

Have you ever wondered what happened to Edward after he left Bella in the forest? What was he thinking when he searched her room for physical proof he exists? How did the other Cullen's react? Were Edward and Bella the only sufferer's of the break up? Here are some answers....

Alright, here is what I think happened and I'm pretty proud of what I've written so please review!! I don't feel this is going anywhere anymore, so I've ticked the completeed box and that's the end of that. HOWEVER if you are desperate for this to be finished, leave me a review and I'll see what I can do, because I know how much it sucks if you're enjoying something and it never gets finished. Lots of love, SparklyCullen xxx

2. Grief

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If I was human, I would have collapsed from grief, be weeping so hard I surely would’ve starved or died of dehydration, but then again, if I was human, I wouldn’t have had to leave. If I was human, I would have died in hospital with my mother in 1918. The way it should have been...

As it happened, I could not will myself from the basement where I had retreated to, curled up against the crumbling plaster of the wall on the bare, grimy concrete floor. I chose this destination because of its lack of light and desolate destination. I did not need the reminder of what I was, with light visually reminding me I was unworthy of her, and I also did not need the reminder that my actions that were to improve her life were taking their toll on the rest of my family. I rarely fed, being too grief-stricken to summon the spirit of hunting, and when I did feed, I packed myself so full of animal blood that I would lie by the corpses for several days, until I was drained enough to move or one of my family aided me back to the house. I would try to starve the vampire out of me, but Carlisle’s past proves I would simply lose self control before the torment of my useless existence would end.

“Edward?” I didn’t turn my head or acknowledge Esme at all, instead continuing to mourn silently. I knew my actions worried her immensely, but I couldn’t do anything to reassure her, I was too miserable. She sat a couple of feet, remembering the last time Emmett tried to cheer me up. Everybody had kept their distance since then.

“Edward, Carlisle and I are going hunting, would you like to join us?” she asked wearily, motherly concern creasing her marble forehead. She had decided if I went with them, we would go in search for a troublesome pack of mountain lions. I ignored her, bowing my head in my hands. I heard her begin to cry dryly, knowing she was trying to stifle herself and her thoughts. He doesn’t need more reasons to worry, Esme thought as she vainly attempted to muffle her sobs with her hand. He doesn’t need to know how you’re feeling when he is missing Bella so.

I sighed in anguish and stood up. Esme gazed up at me in hope and confusion.

“No, thank you, Esme,” I said mournfully. “I’m going to organise my thoughts and plan a route, and then I’ll leave.” Esme nodded sadly, and began to cry harder. I turned and left her in the kitchen, knowing I could not take any more suffering than what I was experiencing.

“Carlisle?” I mumbled as I descended the stairs. He met me at the foot of the staircase, his own face full of regret.

“Are you leaving us again?” asked Carlisle quietly. I nodded and exited the house, walking down to the drive. I sat in the middle of the dirt, cross-legged, holding my head in my hands. I could hear Esme sobbing freely now, whilst Carlisle hushed her. I could see he was cradling her whilst she wept no tears.

“Shh,” murmured Carlisle into her hair. “It’s going to be alright.”

“How?” She howled into his shirt. “How can this ever be alright? He hates himself, Carlisle. He comes home and tortures himself more. I would tell him to stay away if it helped his self-loathing, but I can’t, Carlisle, I just can’t do that!”

“I know,” he replied hugging her closer. “It’s difficult for him, and it’s difficult for you at the moment with the family being split up, but it’s for the best. Perhaps he may forgive himself after he finds Victoria, but until then we have to be strong.”

I groaned in torment. What was Bella doing now? Where was she? How was she? Who was she with? I knew I would never let myself find out. She was probably safe with her human friends, enjoying herself. I began to moan, agony ripping through my chest, shredding my insides. Did she miss me? I hoped she did and did not. I wanted her to move on, but I wanted to know she hadn’t forgotten me, or dismissed me from her thoughts.

I felt guilty for putting Esme through this, especially when I was the only one out of her adopted children who had yet to have his own house away from the main house of the moment. Alice had left in search of her past and Jasper had fled to Alaska to escape the consequences of his lack of control at Bella’s party. Esme thought she had it bad, but I knew Jasper felt terrible. Not only did he carry the knowledge that I wouldn’t have left Forks if it was not for his actions, but he also experienced the suffocating desolation and throbbing ache that I could not escape when he came within range. I was so tortured, if it were not for Victoria’s threat to Bella, I would not move from where I froze for the rest of eternity.