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Cold Nights Warm Days

Summary:
This story takes place after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon. Bella goes through everything with Jacob, She does go cliff diving alone and gets saved by Jake but Alice never had her vision. 2 years after she finds a way to Edward. But is that what she really wants? Does she still love him or does someone else occupy her heart now?


Notes:
Bella/Jacob Rated NC-17 for future chapters Points of view will alternate as necessary Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


1. Chapter 1 Stranger in the Night

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BPOV

I looked out the window again for the 5th time tonight. It was still pitch black.

Not even the moon to shine down on me tonight.

I sighed as I stared out wishing he would come to me like he used to. But I knew he wasn’t real… He promised

Just like he never existed…

Those words have echoed in my heart every single night for 2 years.

As I sat at my window reminiscing, I saw movement by the tree. Instantly I froze and tried to get a better look. I couldn’t help the little piece of hope that still tugged at my broken heart. But the movement seized and I realize it was just a cat wondering around. I cried. I couldn’t help holding on to that hope. It’s all I have left.

Ha, maybe I turned masochistic too. Yes I love the pain it brings me to remember his stupid chaste kisses.

I knew I was completely crazy now. I was hysterically laughing and crying at the same time. If only Jake was here. He always knew how to brighten up my mood. I missed him but I couldn’t go crying back to him. I couldn’t bear to see myself hurt him again. Maybe I was as bad as Edward. Just as he left me, I left Jake. For the same reason too, I don’t love Jake just as Edward doesn’t love me. I couldn’t allow Jake to keep believing that I would one day love him when I knew perfectly that I still loved Edward.

“My Edward,” I whispered to the night.

As if he could hear my pleas.

I closed my eyes to recall my memories of him. That was the closest I could ever get to him now.

I pretended he was here looking into my eyes. Showing me how much he loved me. I would stand up and go into his waiting arms, tripping with the carpet on the way. I chuckled at the known fact.

He would reach out and catch me in his arms gently pulling me close to him. Our lips would meet and I would melt into him.

I opened my eyes I knew I had to stop. It was beginning to be too much and already the pain was beginning to affect me. I hugged my body tightly trying to keep it together. By now the hole in my heart felt as if it belonged there. I couldn’t even remember what it was like to feel normal, if there is such a thing as normal.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. I hardly ever slept now. And when I did sleep it was just nightmare after nightmare. I learned to control my screams at night but Charlie still came by my room to check on me.

I stood up to get my pillow and brought it back onto my desk. I sat down and lowered my head onto the pillow where I could look out into the night. I couldn’t sleep in my bed tonight. The memory of him laying beside me on the bed still haunts me. Normally I’d lie down on the floor now but tonight I wanted to look out into the dark night.

I closed my eyes and resumed to my fantasies of him. I wondered what it would feel like to make love, to feel his hard cold body pressing into mine, to feel his urgent kisses. No more soft tender kisses but rough and demanding. He wouldn’t give me that even if he was here but I could dream right? I missed him terribly. Terribly isn’t even the right word. There isn’t a word to describe how much I missed him.

It’s been two fucking years too many. So long, that his image is just a blur now in my imagination. I thought I’d never forget his face but as time goes by my imperfect memory gets worse. I do still remember but I think he was just too out of this world for me to completely grasp his image in my memory. Not even a picture could ever do him justice. His beautiful face was nothing more than a shadow now. Even in my most passionate dreams. He’s eyes were the only thing I would never forget. The way he looked at me. No one could ever match that intensity.

I sat there thinking of his amazing eyes when I heard it. A rush of wind flew passed me. Not just any wind but cold wind. I instantly froze. My heart failed to catch the reaction. It went by beating normally but I was out of breath. I tried to breathe evenly and it seemed to be working. I didn’t dare open my eyes. I knew it could simply be the power of my imagination. So I stayed calm. It probably was just the wind anyway. I relaxed at the thought.

And then it was all just too real, his smell. I could smell Him. I’d recognize that smell anywhere. It had to be him, only him.