Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Realizations

Summary:
"It was only a matter of time - and not much of it - before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that" -Edward Cullen
Copyright Stephenie Meyer. New Moon, Chapter 23 What if Edward hadn't been able to resist? If he did indeed show up and beg Bella for forgiveness? This is Edward's side of my story, Visitor. It doesn't really matter which one you read first. Realizations Banner


Notes:
*timidly offers EPOV, hoping readers will be forgiving* Okay, so it's been waay too long. I feel really bad for that... I hope it's worth the wait.


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1371   Review this Chapter

I learned the hard way that six and a half months is too long to not be alive. I spent most of that time curled up in a useless lump in old abandoned warehouses across the Americas, wallowing in my lonely, heartbroken misery. Despite the excuses I used last September, there is no distraction from this pain. Even tracking the worthless piece of filth that is Victoria wasn’t enough to keep me from my self-pity. That little excursion lasted maybe a week, before I gave up and went back to my helpless – I could hardly even call it an existence. All the doing nothing gave me entirely too much free time to think. Mostly about my angel, though I did spare a few thoughts for my family. I stayed with them for about a week after the “break-up”. And I know each couple tried to hide their romance from me, but without – her, and knowing each mind the way only I can, it soon grew unbearable to be surrounded by such powerful love, and I left, much to Esme’s dismay. She was already so broken by me not staying with-well, in Forks anyways, and when I left it was the icing on the proverbial cake. Cowardice prevented me from going home and facing them, so I spent my seemingly endless time alone, thinking about my B- no, not my Bella anymore. I gave up the right to think of her that way in September on the despicable day I left. She belonged to someone else now. I cringed to think of her in the arms of the vile Newton boy, but any recollection she might have of our time together was likely all but forgotten in the crevices of her mysterious mind.

I’d been contemplating my misery in an alley in Rio when I was distracted by a hearty laugh. Normally, I ignored the sounds of civilisation passing by, but there was a note of happiness and pure joy in this particular laugh that made me look up. I watched dully as a young man walked down the street, hand in hand with a petite young woman of around eighteen. The man’s appearance had absolutely no effect on me, but the girl had magnificent mahogany hair cascading down her back. She had just said something to her friend, and he was thoroughly enjoying himself in her company. I was forced to recall, with unfortunately perfect clarity, how I felt beside Bella, the feelings of joy and completeness that coursed through me upon taking her slender hand. I doubled over in pain, and in an effort to stop myself from screaming, clamped my teeth together tightly. It only partially worked, and I ended up letting out a guttural moan. The couple, whom I had blissfully forgotten about, started walking faster, so as to pass the haunted, sad man in the shadows. But I was beyond caring about their curious, horrified glances. All I could think about was her beautiful face, her precious smile, those oh so perfect lips... The things I would do to taste those lips again... As I slid down the wall, I realized that I would never get past this. I’d been telling myself that I could eventually escape the pain, but experiencing this agony, even 26 weeks later, made me finally give over to my selfish side. I had to see Bella, conscience be damned! I found myself hoping she had come to realize that I had lied in the forest. I knew she had originally believed every word of that blasphemous last conversation. Seeing the pain in her eyes very near killed me, and my resolve had shaken violently. I knew I could never pretend to be happy without her at my side, but I thought maybe I could at least deal with it, for her sake. But that idea was long gone now. I had to go back to Forks to see her. I picked myself up and ran at my fastest human pace to the airport.

Thankfully, I got onto a flight with relative ease. However I found myself wishing that I’d stopped to hunt before I left Brazil. Being jammed in a crowded plane for hours on end was not an easy task, and I counted the seconds until I landed in Houston and drained several opossums during the crossover. The taste was funny, but it didn't make much of a difference - I’d be home soon enough, and real hunting could wait for later, now that the immediate urge was held at bay. The crossover in Seattle was brutal. How I restrained myself from just getting off and running all the way was beyond me, but I didn’t question it. I knew I had to see my family first and get my car – I was hoping beyond hope that Bella would be willing to come back to Alaska with me, at least for a little bit. But I couldn’t very well run all the way to Denali with the fragile Bella on my back. Though truly, it was a stretch to believe she might even be able to forgive me, never mind leave her home for me. I was a selfish monster who didn’t deserve her unwavering kindness. I really had no right to expect an angel such as herself to take me back. The only shred of hope I had was to count on her beautifully selfless heart to accept my apologies, and declarations of love and gratitude.

Finally, I landed in Juneau. I felt oddly better, knowing every passing second brought me closer to meeting my own personal heaven. As I ran, I listened for the tones of my family. Slowly, I began to hear an excited buzzing – Alice must have shared my plans. As I began to distinguish individual voices, I looked across the plain to see the door of the distant Denali mansion burst open, and two slender figures sped towards me. My mother reached me first, with Alice a split second behind her. Engulfed in caramel hair, I timidly hugged her back. Her thoughts were nothing but ecstatic.

Oh Edward, I’m so happy you came back! The house has been so lonely without your beautiful playing, and the Cullens aren’t complete until... Well welcome home, dear.

Alice was next.

Finally! I get my favourite sister back! Oh, yeah, I missed you too. I rolled my eyes at her and grinned. Visions of Port Angeles and a reluctant Bella flashed through her head. I gave her a look.

“Not so fast, Alice. I need to go back first and -”

Make sure she forgives you, blah blah blah, Alice interrupted. You and I both know she will. I get to take her as soon as you’re done, got it?

“Okay, I’ll give you that. As long as she -"

Don’t start, Edward. She missed me too much, she has to agree -

“Okay, okay, I give!” I agreed. I knew I had to let her have her fun, after all it was my fault she hadn’t seen Bella in over half a year.

She tackled me and hugged me, and I ruffled her flyaway hair affectionately. As she let go, she warned me, I haven’t told them you’re going back, yet, just so you’re aware. Only Jazz and I know.

I grimaced, and muttered, “Thanks so much, pixie.” I suppose I did deserve having to face the music. I abandoned them for months, and kept them from Bella for even longer. Although I suppose in Rosalie’s case, it was more of a welcome break. Speaking of the family, when Alice backed off, I noticed they were all gathered around me. I looked to all their faces – from Emmett’s wide grin to Rosalie’s reluctant smile.

Carlisle broke the silence first. “I missed you, son. We all did.” He clapped me on the back, and I embraced him.

Jasper’s thoughts told me he wanted to speak to me in private, before I returned to Bella. Alice, seeing what he wanted to say, let go of his hand, and ushered the other four back towards the house