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Scars Of A Torn heart

Summary:
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The Cullens are in Australia when a new influenza out brake strikes. Carlisle asked Edward to help him with a patient that has been through so much in her life; and will change Edward forever. The trauma of slavery affected Isabella greatly but can Edward be able to help her, not only in her battle with the influenza but also the battle that goes on in her mind? What will happen to the two lonely souls? Will they find happiness? Will they find Love? Or will they force each other apart because of their pasts? And will they finally find their Happy Ending? Edward/Bella


Notes:
its my first Fanfic. so be kind. i don't own any of the twilight charters SM owns all.


10. Chapter 10:Told Secrets

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Chapter 10: Told Secrets

Once again we went to our special place to get away from the others. We would watch the sun rise or sun set witch ever we happened to stay and see I silence then we would talk.

These times we could talk about anything, the past, the present or even the future and what it might hold but today as the sun rose we sat in perfect silence then Bella turned to me, "Edward what happens when we die?"

"I don't know,"

"You think you don't have a soul," it was not a question but a statement. "I hear it all the time. Not just from you but also from Carlisle too. He doubts himself over whether he should have changed you or not. He blames himself because of your loneliness and your pain."

"I know but I cannot tell him to stop worrying about me because he would not listen..."

"But what makes you think that you don't have a soul?"

"How can I have a soul when I am a monster? We are built to kill; everything about us is to attract our pry to kill them. We gave up our souls when we were changed."

"So from what you think you took away my soul?"

"Yes. It was one of the hardest things that I had to do. I played god with your life and your soul and you knew this all along and yet here you are sitting beside me; my best friend."

"I don't blame you for what you did and I never will. You're a wonderful, compassionate and honest person, your loving and caring, you would stand up for those who could not. How could you be a monster?"

"You're describing Carlisle not me."

"Well you don't see yourself very clearly do you?"

"I could say the same about you as well."

"You could but I was a monster before I even entered this life. I don't deserve my soul."

"But you do. They did terrible things to you. They tried to brake you but you held on strong"

"For a time then I broke down and bended to my masters will. I was weak and even though I am a vampire now I am still weak. Useless"

"That's not true. You are not weak or useless that's just what they called you."

"But it's true Edward. It was not the beatings that broke me it was when they took my virginity and stripped me of my one and only gift that I had to offer... the thing that I care about most... they took it away from me and I can never get it back."

"You have so much to offer but you just don't see it."

"And what would that be Edward?" Bella said looking at me.

"You're smart..."

"No I'm not," she mumbled interrupting me at the beginning of my rant.

"Don't interrupt because you are smart and you are loving and kind, you are brave and strong, you're a wonderful person, you're funny and happy, you're compassionate and you put others before yourself and you're beautiful inside and out."

"That's not me you're describing, that's your family."

"You are my family. You are a Cullen and whether you think you're those things or not it does not matter because it is true. You've been reading my mind and there are no lies that I have spoken."

"Or you just believe you own lies."

"You ask anyone and I am sure they would say the same."

"Not if they knew me when I was a slave..." she murmured.

"I don't believe that."

"You only said the good things about me. What about the bad... that I am a murder, a lire, a thief, and I can be uncaring and I can be unloving as I slaughtered every one that my master said too; now that in my book was not smart I was like a sheep just following orders aimlessly, now was I compassionate in those times Edward?"

"We all do wrong Bella, we all sin. There is no one that is perfect. Not even Carlisle. We can't change the past but we can change the future. We can become a better person no matter what we have done in the past. We all do things that we regret and things that we are not proud of but we can change; we just have to move on and not do it again."

"But how can I move on when I remember everything. All the nameless faces that I have killed, and the people that are still there; all the women that through all the bad were the only good in my life at the time."

"Are they the ones that told you the stories?"

"Yes when the master was away it was a lot more relaxed we would do our chores so the guard men did not hurt anyone then we would sit down the older ladies would tell us stories of mythical creatures and stories of old. Some of the guards would come and listen to the ladies but it was only the nice ones. Not all of them were cruel. The old ladies would be the ones that when one of the guards beat us or even the master they would fix us back up again. They were the mothers that we did not have any more."

"They seem like good people."

"Yeah they were. They tort me how to speak their language; It seemed life was just that little bit easier and then in return I tort them English, to read and write... that sort of thing,"

"You must have helped them a lot,"

"I did what I could but sometimes it's not good enough."

"Even if it was a little it was still better than nothing."

"Yeah I guess."

"See told you were a good person," I said smiling as she rolled her eyes at me.

"What ever," she said smiling at me

It went on like that for a time little comments thrown at each other but then we sobered falling into comfortable silence not speaking just looking around at the beautiful landscape that was Australia.

"Why can't I be like everybody else? Why do I have to be different?"

"Everything happens for a reason and sometimes those reasons elude us for a time."

"But why do things happen that can bring people to braking point?"

"Life is not perfect and no one can really know what the future might bring not even Alice knows of sure, not even you do."

"So the future is an 'only God knows' thing?"

"Yeah I guess it is"

We went quiet for a time then Bella asked, "Do you believe that there is a God?"

"Yes I do. Just look around you how can something such as this amazing and full of brilliants be an accident. We ourselves are that of the impossible and yet here we are."

"You don't think that you have a soul but you think that there is a god? Is that not just kind of unfair."

"I guess but how can we have souls we had our human life and when that was over we were brought into this life."

"Would not God have mercy on his own creation since we had no choice but to be this way?"

"Maybe he does. But I may know the minds of humans I how ever do not know the mind of God. But I guess in some way God cares and loves us in his own way."

"But how can he? After all that I have done? I'm a monster. Why would something like that care for me? I'm nothing."

"You're not a monster Bella and you are not nothing. You think to lowly of you self. You listen to me now and you listen to me good Bella. You mean the world to me and our family. I can't think of how life would be if I had not met you. You have brought the missing piece of our family and made it whole; really whole. You made me whole Bella and I did not even know that I was missing a piece of myself and when I met you everything just came together. You are not nothing Bella you are everything. I... I love you Bella more than that of just a sister or a friend. I love you."

I sat there, tense. I did not know what she was going to say for she had blocked her thoughts. I was shocked with myself I had told her that I was in love with her. That one secret that I kept to myself: hiding all my desires under the surface but now she knew every thing and I had no idea what she was going to say. I felt fear for the first time since I thought that I was not going to stop feeding from her that I would not stop before I killed her; I feared of what she would say. I gazed into her beautiful yet so human brown eyes as I waited for her to answer.