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Scars Of A Torn heart

Summary:
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The Cullens are in Australia when a new influenza out brake strikes. Carlisle asked Edward to help him with a patient that has been through so much in her life; and will change Edward forever. The trauma of slavery affected Isabella greatly but can Edward be able to help her, not only in her battle with the influenza but also the battle that goes on in her mind? What will happen to the two lonely souls? Will they find happiness? Will they find Love? Or will they force each other apart because of their pasts? And will they finally find their Happy Ending? Edward/Bella


Notes:
its my first Fanfic. so be kind. i don't own any of the twilight charters SM owns all.


15. Chapter15: Without her

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Chapter15: Without her

The way that I felt it seemed that decades had passed with each agonizing moment taking years to go past but I knew better. It had been four months twelve day seven hours forty five minutes and twenty seconds...twenty two seconds and counting.

My family were all really worried telling me that I should hunt more often. So just to get out of the house I went hunting alone. As I had told them and so they kept their distance doing what they usually do.

As I ran I changed cores and headed into town. I just had to do something and this sounded the best. It was not at all logical I just wanted...well I don't really know what I wanted but I did it anyway because I did not know what else to do and did not know who to turn to so that is why I found myself here.

I thought that I would never go to such a place in my existence again; for I am nothing but a soulless demon and not fit for such a place as this and yet here I am kneeling at one of the smooth varnished wooden pews of the little church. I looked up to the wooden cross that was place at the front of the church. I set my elbows on the pew in front of me and clasped my hands together, bowing my head.

I spoke barely above a whisper. "I...I don't really know how to do this but I just have to do something and somehow this seemed to be the best thing that I could think of...

"I don't know what to do any more. All I ever think about was that moment when she left. So many times I have craved to find her but I must keep her wishes and stay away but I don't think I have the strength to not follow her." I bowed my head further.

"Every thing just feels wrong...So very wrong without her... When I was with her every thing was perfect...Well it felt perfect but I guess I was wrong...I can't get her out of my head. It's all my fault...if I made her hunt earlier then she would not have slipped...she would not have felt responsible...if I kept my feelings to myself then...then she would have never had been put into a situation where she tried to feel love for me...she would have stayed...she would have stayed." My body started to quiver.

I just felt like I wanted to shout and blame God for everything. Blame Him for letting her get enslaved in the first place then letting her get sick then having to end up in a hospital were a vampire would be caring for ther and then realising his in love with her. I wanted to blame Him for the pain she felt, to blame Him for having a bunch of humans in the area where we were hunting and letting one of them cut themselves drawing us in. I wanted to blame God for every thing.

I wanted to shout and yell...but I know that bad things happen to good people. It's no one's fault it's just what happens sometimes and B...Bella just happen to be someone who has bad things happen to her- a lot of bad things happen to her. This is just the world we live in; it's not fair, it never is and there's nothing that I could ever do about it. You can simply look at my family to know that life has never been fair.

Carlisle was turned into something that his father hunted and despised and something his father made he himself hunt.

Esme was beaten by her human husband and then ran away once she found out that she was pregnant, not wanting her child to grow up in an abusive environment, then a few days after the child being born died of a lung infection. She had nothing to live for any more.

Rosalie was raped by her fiancé and his friends and then when she was turned she lost the one thing that she wanted to have...a child and all her dreams came crashing down.

Emmet was attacked by a bear and almost was killed even though he does not care anymore- being such an easy going person that he is.

Jasper was taken away from his human life when simply trying to help someone. Then forced into a war and world that he never knew existed and in the end took a great toll on him.

And Alice had every memory stripped from her of human past and only finding later that she was placed in an acclaim for the visions that she had as a human because the other humans did not understand them.

My family knows how unfair this cruel world can be; though in the end they were lucky in finding their mates. In finding a family that they can rely on no matter what would happen- they would be there for you.

Even if you feel like there is nothing left for you and there is no one to turn to. They will always be there for you even if you don't know it at the time.

I only have my family now like I had before I met Bella but I will never be whole, never be the same again. I will always crave her presents and I know that I can never get over her. I will always remember the last moments before she turned away and left asking me to not follow her- to not go and find her again. I will always remember the one last kiss that she gave me. How her soft lips felt as the lightly touched my forehead in a last good bye. I will always remember the two lions that rose up from the ground pinning me to the muddy forest floor. I will remember the last look before the lions disappeared into the ground once again. The look on their stone faces was one that on real animal could ever create- such a type of representation of such anguish and pure pain as shown of these creatures' faces giving a perfect interpretation of the way I felt reflecting the agony that I endured.

Here, in this small little church, I thought of something. What if the stone beasts were not reflecting my pain but hers? Could she really have felt something towards me? But how can I think such a thing for I am not worthy of such a perfect angle like Bella, No that was not possible; it can't be. She can't love me can she?

Suddenly I heard thoughts that had just entered the church. I looked up to see a young girl not yet out of her teens; she would have been about sixteen or seventeen. She had tears streaming down her lightly tanned face. Her eyes were piercing blue and it was as if with one look she could see right through you into your soul. She a long mousy blond hair that came down to her waist; she would have been extremely thin if not for the large bulge that came from her stomach. She looked very fragile like you could snap her in half with just a touch.

'I lost him...I can't believe I lost him...and now I have nowhere to go... I can't go home they would just throw me out again and I can't live with that...'

She looked over to me and stopped abruptly. "Sorry I'll leave..." she said as she was about to turn away.

"No. A church is not just a place for one it's a place for all."

"Thanks." 'he looks so sad.' She sat down on the pew next to me, "I'm Lara. Lara White"

"I'm Edward Cullen." We sat in silence then I asked, "Are you ok?" Okay so it was a stupid question to be asking a girl who was defiantly NOT all right as shown by the tears streaming down her sad face.

"No," she said truthfully, "My boyfriend...he...he was k...killed in a car accident..." She started sobbing at that. I held my breath to stop from attacking her even though the burning in my through was just a dull ac compared to the hole that was ripped into my chest that she left when she went away. I patted the girl, Lara on the back then she moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around me and sobbed so I wrapped my arms around her to simply comfort the girl.

"I'm sorry for you loss..." I said quietly to her.

"We were going to get marred when I turn eighteen...we ran away together when we found out that I was pregnant and I did not want to abort the baby but we could not let our parents know...so we ran away. We both got jobs to get some income...for the baby.

"But last week he got in a car accident and...they couldn't...save him. I have nowhere to go because I can't go home. My parents would be ashamed of me..." She pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself.

"How do you know?"

"Well if your daughter came home after running away and came back pregnant what would you do?"

"Hypothetically saying I would not be ashamed of my daughter. I would be disappointed that she got her self pregnant when I would have thought that I brought her up better. I would help her though. We all make mistakes and we can't change the past. We can only try and make the future better."

"You talk like it's from experience."

"I've made my fair of mistakes and things that I regret and one of the regrets is why I'm here."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I fell in love with my best friend and we got together. I thought that she loved me like I loved her but...she made some mistakes and we grew apart. She was taking it really hard and she told me that she never loved me...but now I'm just not so sure. She does not think very highly of herself and she doesn't want to hurt my family or me. So she left..."

"Do you think she loves you?"

"I think I'm starting to think that she just might..."

"Then go after her. If there is a chance of getting her back then get her back and fight...fight with all that you have before you can't get her back at all. Before she gone completely and you want every get her back."

"Thank you," I said looking down at her, "you should go home. You won't know if your parents accept what has happened if you don't go home."

"I don't know...I don't want to go alone...could you go with me? I know we only just met and all. It's just that I feel like you understand and well you're the only friend in the world that I have at the moment..." she said looking down at her hands.

"All right; I help you." I was about to pick up my phone and get Alice to bring the car but I heard Alice's thoughts.

'I thought you might need your car. It's out front. I'm glad that you're finally doing something and helping someone out is quite nice of you'

I could hear the smile in her thoughts as she ran back home.

I got up from the pew and looked down to the seated girl how unknowingly just might have saved me a lot of long lasting pain and said, "So where about is it that you need me to take you?"

"They live in Clarence town it's just south of Dungog. Do you know the way? "

"Yeah I know the way all right; come on," I said beckoning her to follow me out of the church. She picked up her duffle bag and then followed me out.

We walked out and to my Audi A7 and got in. I drove all the way to Clarence town mostly in comfortable silence but sometimes we would start a conversation.

I really don't know why I agreed to take this Lara White home with only knowing her not even an hour but it just seemed the right thing to do. Anything could happen to a young girl of the streets and being pregnant makes her even more vulnerable.

I drove to the house that Lara said was her parents and pulled into the drive way. I heard the thoughts inside the house as they moved around and there was movement of the curtains.

'Who's out there? I've never seen that car before...'

'Are we having guests? David didn't tell me about having any guests though...'

On the way to Clarence town Lara told me a pit about her parents David and Rachel White just as I told her a very small part about my family so this must mean that the White's still lived here.

"I'll help you out, "I said getting out of the car and opening her door for her and helping Lara out. The moment I closed the car door Mrs White was running out to greet her long lost daughter.

"Lara! Lara your back!" Mrs. White had tears running down her face as she hugged her daughter.

"Mum! I've missed you."

Then Mr. White came out he saw his daughters pregnant form and then saw me standing of to the side leaning against my car and getting the wrong idea.

"I'm sorry mum I should not have ran away but I was scared. I didn't want to lose the baby but you and dad would not have approved and I was afraid that you both would reject me."

"Lara who is this?" Mr. White said looking over to me. 'if he is not the father and she got pregnant when she was here then who is he?'

"This is Edward. He convinced me to come home...I met him at a church after..." Lara was trying to keep it together. "Sam passed away in...a car accident..." she choked out and cried into her mother's shoulder.

"Sam Anderson? I'm so sorry honey but you could have told us you know. We would not have been happy about the choices that you've made but we would much rather you be here with us..."

Mr. White came over to me, "thank you for bringing my girl home."

"There is no need to thank me sir. Lara helped me realise something too," he looked at me with question in his eyes and thoughts but was not going to push the subject, "I should be going."

"Bye Edward I hope you find her and get her back," Lara said to me while clinging onto her mother for support.

I opened my car door and got in and drove all the way back home. Leavening my car and then once more running into the Australian bush land to hunt. Then when I got home my eyes showing that I had hunted I walked into the living room where everyone was spread out some were in the room and said, "I'm going to find her."