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Forbidden to Remember

Summary:
Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; my life after Edward Cullen.Forbidden to remember; my life after the accident. Bella happily immerses herself in her hallucinations of Edward until her lack of concentration results in her riding off a cliff. Three weeks later she finds herself in hospital with amnesia. Bella can't remember who she is, who her friends are, why she looks so ill or who this Edward Cullen guy is. All she can recall is her life starting after her regaining consciousness in hospital three weeks after the accident. She knows Charlie is hiding something about her old life, but what she can't put her finger on... B/J and B/E. A story about destiny: Will a change of events affect Bella's final decision of who she should choose? 21.06.11 CHAPTER 12 "CONFLICT" IS UP!! I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, I CAME ON TODAY TO SEE WHAT WAS TAKING SO LONG TO VALIDATE AND NOT ONLY HAD THE CHAPTER GONE THROUGH, IT WAS MISSING THE STORY TEXT -.-" I AM SO SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ~ SparklyCullen


Notes:
Edward gets his wish; Bella living her life like he had never existed. But when he drops in to find Bella happy with Jacob, should he walk away or make his presence known? Will Bella ever regain her memory?


12. Conflict

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I found myself in wonderland. Everything was two, three times its usual size. I surveyed my surroundings with awe as I slowly trailed through the trees. Rainbows of leaves were beginning to drift down from above. I caught one in my right hand and admired its beauty. It had a rich auburn colour with a metallic shade of bronze with flecks of butterscotch. I smiled and squeezed it, listening for the crackle as the leaf broke up in my hand. Instead a sparkling silver liquid poured out from between my fingers and splattered onto the mossy grass. I choked back a silent scream of surprise as the puddle began to boil and increase in volume. As it began to change, I began to flee. Within seconds the familiar wonderland had morphed with the leaf. It was dark, alien leaving me vulnerably lost and confused. I couldn’t remember any of this. I began throwing my head in different directions, trying desperately to find something of the bright land I had been in seconds before.

Bella.” I started and searched for the insanely well-known voice. “Bella.”

“Who are you?” I whispered. The wind began to pick up with my panic and throw my brown curls into the air. The grass licked my ankles, like caressing fingers causing me to jump back.

Bella.” I flung myself around and stumbled. “Who are you?” I cried out into the silence. My breathing began to pick up, my muscles tensing uncomfortably. I hurriedly restarted my run, darting between the trees clumsily. The branches scratched my arms, whipping my alarmed body as I tried to escape the familiar unknown.

Bella.”

“Who are you?” I screamed. The voice was getting closer. I tried to boost my pace but instead I tripped over a tree root and fell back into a thick bed of stifling ferns.

Bella, where are you?

“I’m here!” I thrashed my head around, looking deeper into the forest. Someone had screamed from the trees. The voice was female and sounded panicked, distant, distressed. “Edward, I’m here!”

Bella...”

“Help me, Edward! Please!”

I began to move into the trees, slowly at first before curiosity triggered an increase in speed. The deeper I got, the less light made it through the canopy. Within seconds I was staggering blindly, my hands outstretched searching for something recognisable.

Bella...

“Edward!”

Bella...” Tears began to leak from my sightless eyes, as I struggled against the darkness.

“Edward! Edward!” The voice was sobbing too. I struggled harder but the air was like thickening, beginning to freeze around me. Something caught my foot and pulled me down. Before I could hit the ground something wrapped around my ribs. It felt cold and solid and as it raised me back to my feet, I could see the shadow of Edward Cullen’s face. Before I could thank him, his lips parted and blew a soft, sweet-scented breeze into my face.

Bella, where are you?

I frowned, confused. “I’m here.”

Bella, where are you?” he repeated, his forehead creasing unhappily.

“I’m here, Edward,” I repeated with more conviction, giving him a little wave.

Bella,” he whispered. “Wherefore art thou, Bella.

I jolted awake and fell out of bed in the process.

“Hey, hey.” Jacob’s warm, soft dark arms caught me and pulled me upright, holding me tightly as I wept. “Shh, what’s wrong?”

“Bad dream,” I sniffled, trying to ignore the yearning my heart made for the dream set of arms. It was stupid. I had known Edward two days, and anyway I belonged to Jacob, my boyfriend, who had imprinted on me. Jake had explained the concept of imprinting to me weeks ago, and to me it was just proof that we were soul mates.

Jacob squeezed me gently and lay me down. “No one’s been in here have they, Bella?”

I shuffled down into my duvet, trying to work out the reason for concern in his strained answer. “No, I don’t think so unless Charlie came in for something...?”

Jake’s black eyes appraised the room unhappily. “Yeah, maybe that’s it,” he answered half heartedly. He sighed and smiled at me before his warm lips pressed reassuringly against mine. “Go back to sleep. I’m on patrol tonight.”

I groaned discontentedly. “You should get some sleep too, Jacob. You work too hard; I’ll be fine for one night.”

Jacob chuckled darkly. “I’m not going to take my chances,” he muttered ominously. “Go to sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow after school. I’ll be outside around the house if you need me.”

“Mm,” I answered, drifting into sleep again.

J.P.O.V.

As a wolf I sped to the Swan’s home. The rest of the pack was debating about what to do next now the Cullen’s were back. It meant we wouldn’t be able to cross over their territory if we crossed the red head, it meant we had limits but most of all, it meant they would probably try to win Bella back over to their side.

I snarled instinctively at the thought of that leach coming back for the scraps of the girl he had once held in his arms. He had singlehandedly destroyed and abandoned her. After the accident had Charlie sworn Edward would have no part in her life ever again, and that under no circumstances was she to be reminded of him. I had backed him up but life was difficult now. Trying to rationally explain to her why she couldn’t talk to the parasites without an argument was difficult, but trying to protect her from them without letting on would be even more challenging.

I changed back into human form and pulled on my shorts without breaking my run. I hopped straight up into the tree and pulled myself in. As I reached for the window, I noticed it was open. Frowning I pulled myself in and gagged. A sickly sweet stench barrelled into my lungs, trying to make me retch. I dived back to the window, trying to breathe in fresh air, but it clung to the window frame. I turned slowly, my eyes warily scanning the room for disturbance. Bella was fidgeting violently in her sleep like she always did, her ankles exposed from under the duvet. The only difference was the pile of her school books that were on the floor had been shifted slightly to the left, but Bella could have moved those herself earlier in the day.

“I’m here!” I turned sharply to see Bella roll off the bed. I jumped to catch her and as I pulled her up she wept into my shoulder.

“Hey, hey,” I murmured as I held her against me. “Shh, what’s wrong?”

She sniffled, hesitating that moment too long. “Bad dream,” she muttered as I gave her a squeeze and lay her back down on her bed.

“No one’s been in here have they, Bella?” I asked, trying to be indifferent as she made herself comfortable.

“No, I don’t think so unless Charlie came in for something...?”

“Yeah, maybe that’s it,” I said checking the room for any hidden leaches, before kissing her longer than was necessary just in case he was watching. “Go back to sleep. I’m on patrol tonight.”

“Get some sleep, Jacob,” she groaned. “You work too hard; I’ll be fine for one night.”

“I’m not going to take my chances,” I laughed quietly, straining my ears for any information but heard nothing. “Go to sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow after school. I’ll be outside around the house if you need me.”

She sighed and I watched her until her breathing deepened as she fell into a slumber before standing up gently and climbing out of the window. The glass rattled as I slid it down.

“Come out, parasite, I know you’re out there,” I growled through gritted teeth as I forced myself not to make the change. I listened but heard nothing. “Leech!” Still no answer. “Keep away from my girlfriend, do you understand? Else I’ll come and rip you and your coven to shreds! She’s better off without you!” Grudgingly I changed into a wolf and began patrol. No bloodsucker was going to make his way past me tonight.

B.P.O.V.

I walked into English chewing my lip nervously. When my eyes fell on the empty chair beside mine I breathed a sigh of relief. I had another few minutes to remind myself of my promise to Jacob to keep away from the new student. Phew.

My heart hammered as I stared at the classroom door, waiting for the moment where he was going to step out of the rare day of sunshine, his bronze hair shining, and make my life difficult. Even when Mr Mason began the lesson I couldn’t draw my eyes away, my eyes kept glancing up so often that Mike turned to sourly tell me that the Cullen’s went camping whenever the weather was nice and that Edward probably wasn’t in. This confused me. How did he know so much about a guy who had only been in Forks a few days?

I shook it off and tried to look on the bright side: I didn’t have to worry about making a compromise between staying friends with Edward but keeping my word to Jake for the whole weekend. My stomach twisted sickeningly. Three days was an awful long time: too long yet too short. Too short because I didn’t want to turn my back on someone who had done nothing against me, or anybody else for that matter, but too long because I wanted to get it over and done with and I had been strangely excited for today. The last bit made no sense what so ever.

I swallowed the lump that had risen in my throat and tried to listen to Mr Mason but my mind kept drifting and wondering about why Edward wasn’t here. It didn’t look like they were going anywhere last night. Edward didn’t tell me he wasn’t going to be in school today. I thought I remembered him telling me he’d see me in school today, but maybe I had made that up.

Eventually the bell went. I sighed and miserably gathered up my things. Mike left without me, probably in revenge of me talking to Edward the past few days but I found that I couldn’t gather sufficient energy to care.

I walked out towards my next lesson when there was a loud ripping noise. I looked around in time to see everything in my bag splatter into a puddle that came with the renewed rain. I groaned miserably and began to pick everything up. A pair of white hands handed me the pieces of paper that had scattered out of reach.

“Thank you,” I said looking up. My heart spluttered and my books almost tumbled back out of my arms. Edward’s bronze hair was like the sun shining through the cloud cover that had suddenly developed in the space of an hour. Edward’s hands swept down and steadied my load until I was standing again.

“My pleasure, Bella.” Edward smiled kindly and Jake’s words flooded back. Avoid them at all costs: for me? I stared into Edward’s butterscotch irises and somehow, without thinking about it, my decision was made. I couldn’t avoid him. I just couldn’t, even for Jacob. I had never been a sucker for good looks, but something about Edward enveloped my mind and infiltrated everything including what I felt for Jacob.

Edward frowned and I mentally shook myself and looked away. What was I going to do with all of my books? My bag was useless now.

“Let me help you,” Edward offered, relieving me of my burden. I tried to argue but he ignored me, so I grudgingly admitted defeat.

“Where were you this morning?” I asked, trying to keep the regret out of my voice as we walked alongside each other to our next class.

“I slept in,” he answered smoothly, a sad little smirk on his lips. “I was up quite late last night visiting my friend.”

“Is she any better?” Edward looked up to the sky and sighed, looking into my eyes.

“I think so,” he smiled sadly. “I hope so. I’m not sure. She could go either way.”

“Either way?”

Edward stopped and I stopped too without thinking. His eyes were a burning sea of gold that churned as though fighting some inward battle. He sucked in a breath, hesitating. “I don’t know how she is, but I intend to find out soon.”

“Oh,” I said, trying to ignore the envy that threatened to blind me. He was so obviously smitten by this ex-girlfriend that my heart dropped so hard I felt sick. “You never said what was wrong with her. Carlisle’s a doctor isn’t he? Is there nothing he can do?”

Edward was silent for a long moment. I waited for his answer, but bottled it. “I’m sorry, I should mind my own business,” I apologised quickly, blushing as I condemned my question mentally. “You don’t have to talk about her if you don’t want to. It’s obvious she meant a lot to you and obviously you’ve tried everything you can-”

“It’s alright, Bella,” he chuckled quietly. I shut my mouth, afraid of making the situation worse with my blabbering. “I had thought of asking Carlisle to take a look at her records, but I’m not sure if she would appreciate it.” His bereaved butterscotch eyes stupefied me where I stood: it was just the two of us in our bubble. “I... I had no reason to leave her and from what I’ve heard I’m not welcome in her life any longer. I’m public enemy number one to her, her friends and family, but I deserve that. I should have known better than to try to exist without her.”

“You don’t deserve to be hated,” I commented honestly before I could stop myself.

“No?” asked Edward in the closest I had ever heard him come to sarcasm.

“No.” I stared back at him so he could see my sincerity. “No, you’re too... good, to be worthy of being disliked. You aren’t the villain: you’re the superhero who made a mistake. If she doesn’t forgive you, she’s the bad guy.”

Edward laughed under his breath. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“You obviously still love her... the way you talk about her...” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “I don’t mean to be rude, but she’s an idiot if she doesn’t take you back.”

Edward gave me a little sad smile and I looked away. He held open the door for our lesson and I took my seat, not acknowledging today’ topic or anything that was happening around me. He still loved her. Why did knowing this twist my stomach and want to wring my tear ducts dry? I had Jacob! I was meant to be with Jacob, he’d imprinted on me: we were soul mates, we belonged together.

“Do you have a bag at home for you to use until you can buy another?” Edward asked quietly, cutting into my traumatic stressing.

“I’ll find something I guess,” I said miserably, hating the idea of having to find an affordable bag that was as practical and robust as the other had been. “I might go to the supermarket on my way home: they might have one there.”

“You know, my sister Alice is very fashion conscious,” he began, appraising my reaction. “She has literally hundreds of bags of all different styles and sizes but she only uses them once or twice before she discards them. Sometimes she has a clear out and they go to a charity store, and I think she has a load waiting to go next week. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you wanted some?”

I chewed my lip. I was out of pocket at the moment – I’d been replaced at work because I’d had the accident at the height of the season, and they simply didn’t have time to train me up again and there were other things like my college fund and books I’d been saving up for. And anyway, Charlie was working and Jake was busy with the pack so it wasn’t like I was going to be missed.

“Could I?” I asked feeling guilty already.

“Of course, Bella!” Edward smiled. “You’re always welcome and besides, my family like to support those in need.” He took gave the ripped flaps a light hearted tug and I found myself laughing with him.

For the second time in two days I found myself in the incredibly modern house. Edward led me upstairs, telling me his parents were out camping with his siblings. He had stayed behind because of homework and Alice had chosen to stay with him.

“When’s Alice starting school, then?” I asked as he led me down the carpeted corridor to a white door on the left. He pushed the doors open, and stood aside politely to let me through first.

“She’s filled in all of the necessary forms; we’re simply waiting for her to feel ready to begin school again.”

“Why doesn’t she feel-?” I interrupted myself with a large gasp. I’d just entered what felt like a warehouse of a wardrobe. Clothes masked the walls, dressed the entire room, yet didn’t clutter it. The room was in harmony with the storage, it felt comfortable and loved, light and open. Jessica and Angela would be in heaven here. I couldn’t summon any excitement for the extensive wardrobe, but I was impressed none the less. How much money did they have?

Edward pulled a large box from one of the higher shelves and set it on a small table by the door. The way the table seemed to sink deeper into the plush carpet, I would have assumed it was much too heavy for anybody to lift down with such ease and grace, but I dismissed the thought as Edward pulled out a small black messenger bag from the pile and passed it to me. I opened it doubtfully, assuming it was too small to fit a lesson’s worth of work, let alone a day’s worth, but Edward quickly emptied all of my books into it in one fluid motion. My mouth dropped in shock as he lifted the bag onto my shoulder and stepped back.

“What do you think?” he asked appraising my face. “It should be good quality and it’s hardly been used. I believe it would be rather robust, but should it break I’m sure we can find you another.”

I swallowed my shock. “This is perfect, thank you!” I exclaimed. Edward pulled out a few choice handbags and another small rucksack and handed them to me, promising they wouldn’t be missed and Alice would be glad to know they were of use. I thanked him profusely but he shrugged it off like he hadn’t just saved me an hour or so trip to the supermarket and $40 that was better spent elsewhere.

I pulled up back home and let myself inside the house. Charlie wasn’t home yet. I dropped my bag at the bottom of the stairs and hurried to the kitchen to prepare Charlie’s dinner. I turned on the oven and slipped in a fish I’d left to marinade overnight and began to scrub up a baking potato. I slit the knife across the skin in a large X and pierced the bottom with a few dutiful stabs. Glancing up at the clock I realised Charlie would be back in half an hour, so I put the potato inside the microwave and set it for ten minutes. That done I wiped my hands on a tea towel lying by the stove and stooped to take my new bag upstairs.

“Bella.” I stiffened as the air solidified around me. The voice was cold with a forced calm. I didn’t need to turn around to know that the speaker’s jaw was locked, that his nose was scrunched up like a wolf snarling for the attack. That his eyes were black pits of burning fury and his rustic russet hands were clenched so tightly they were almost white.

“Jacob.” I tried to make it sound clear, confident and unrepentant, but it came out a terrified whisper that oozed regret and foreboding.

The house was still, silent. I didn’t move a muscle but to close my eyes and listen for any warning he was approaching me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hear him but the panicked pumping of blood in my ears drowned everything out anyway.

“Where have you been?” I flinched and automatically swivelled round as though someone had just fired a gun, although the warm breath that had moved my hair was soft and barely audible. Brown met black and then dropped to my hands. The white crescent scar glowed brighter than I’d ever seen it in the dim twilight of the house. I took a deep breath and looked up to his smooth mask of a face that the whole pack had mastered so carefully.

“I went to a friend’s house,” I replied. The words came out raspy so I tried to delicately clear my throat.

“And got a new six hundred dollar Prada bag on your way did you?” I gasped involuntary and hushed the cursing as the black language formed on my lips. I glanced at the bag beside me and back up again, my lips pressed together tightly. I would need to have a word with Edward tomorrow.

It must have only been a minute that we stood there. Jake’s form shivered slightly, but he closed his eyes and took deep breaths. As his outline reformed, his voice returned dead pan.

“Where have you been, Bella?” He repeated. I couldn’t find my voice to reply so he answered for me. “I thought I told you the Cullens were a bad crowd? I thought you promised me you’d avoid them?” I shivered with guilt, but my defiance arose from the ashes like it had last time.

“Jacob, I know you don’t like them-” Understatement, I thought to myself. “-but they’re good people! You can’t control everything I do!”

“Bella, they’re dangerous-

“Where’s your proof? You haven’t even met them!”

“I don’t need to!”

“What is your problem?” I realised I was shouting at the same moment I noticed Jacob was looking shifty. “Are you hiding something from me?” I asked quietly. He didn’t answer. “Jake-”

“You know what, you’re right, Bella.” Jacob glared at me. “If you want to take them back, fine! But we can’t be friends.”

“What?” I gaped. I had never seen Jacob so serious and so old. A wolf howled ominously outside.

“I need to go.”

“Jacob! Wait!” I rushed after him but he outran me easily as I stumbled out of the front door. I ran back inside and grabbed the phone pad to scrawl Charlie a message that I was with Jake and that I’d be back soon. I grabbed my battered purse from my new school bag, worrying temporarily about its value, before slamming out of the house and starting my truck. He was not escaping me.

I rattled over the border and swung perilously into the Black’s drive. I jumped out and raced up to the door where Billy was waiting with a grave look on his face.

“Jacob’s down on the beach,” he growled in his deep voice. I turned to run back down to my truck, but his warm wizened hand wrapped around my wrist with surprising strength. Our eyes met and I was instantly entranced like one looking into the eyes of a python. “Is being friends with the Cullens really worth this, Bella?”

I tried to look away but I couldn’t. I hesitated but he understood what I couldn’t say. “Come inside a minute.” I looked longingly at my truck, deliberating, but Billy was already rolling inside, leaving me no choice but to follow him.

Billy gestured to one of the worn armchairs – Jacob’s favourite – and remained silent until I’d sat down.

“Last year you came to Forks to live with your dad,” Billy began, his soprano voice holding the room like it did at council meetings. “Charlie was over the moon, but you were less so. You had never hidden the fact you despised this place and that you preferred the warm and dry and that this was the last place on Earth you would go if you felt there was any alternative.

“But you settled in pretty well and made some good friends, including Jacob. But last September after you’re birthday you fell ill and became really depressed. Charlie did everything to try and help you, but you lost contact with all of your friends in school. The only person who got through to you was Jacob and he was there for you every day without fail.”

Billy paused to let me think about what he had just said. “Jacob doesn’t like the Cullens, and I must admit I’m not most keen on them either. From what Jacob told me they turned up last week whereas He’s been there for you dutifully since before you can remember and always looked out for you. All he asks is that you avoid them because he has a bad feeling about them. It bothers him: do you think you could give him a break and trust him on this?”

I squirmed slightly to begin with, but I settled down and considered what Billy had just said. It did seem reasonable because after all Billy was right. I had a boyfriend and a best friend who had been there for me and I was about to ditch him for a stranger who had walked into my life days ago?

Billy watched me with a straight face as I stood up with new resolve.

“I’m going down to the beach.” Billy nodded once and rolled towards the fridge.

“See you again soon, Bella.”

I drove calmly down to the beach and parked up. I pulled my parka from under the passenger seat and got out. The sky was a contrast to this morning’s blue sky. It was black and thunder could be heard overhead, but I battled against the winds down to where I could see Jacob sitting on a huge piece of driftwood.

I staggered as the heavy wind blew against me. Through my hair that was being whipped around my head, I saw Sam and Jared talking together a few feet away from where Jake was sat, but I ignored them both as I moved over to Jake. He was seething, glaring out murderously into the raging waves that crashed into each other before reaching the beach. The surf swept up to his toes and quickly retreated further away than it had before.

I cleared my throat loudly. Jacob’s head twitched but pointedly ignored me. “Jacob,” I almost yelled to be heard over the waves, even though I knew his hearing was much more developed than my own. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t reply. “I love you, you know that right?”

He looked at me then: his black eyes searched my face, and after what seemed like an age, seemed satisfied my confession was genuine. He lifted up his arm, and I immediately cuddled up beside him, wrapping my arms around his muscled waist and leaning my head against his naked chest with my face turned up to the sky.

When he didn’t say anything I continued. “I went to see Billy,” I told him, drawing soft circles on his back with my fingertips. Still nothing. “He told me how it was before the accident.” This caused him to stiffen. I looked at him curiously, but caught only a flicker of distress before it returned to the mask. “When I was ill in September you were the only one who stayed by me, even when I got depressed. I love you so much, but now I need to make other friends too.”

“It’s not about that,” he growled, his black eyes fuming.

“Then what’s your problem, Jacob?” I stared into his eyes willing to understand. “You don’t need to be jealous!”

“Don’t I?” he asked through gritted teeth, looking out into the sea.

I laughed, kissing his biceps to keep him calm. “Of course not! We’re destined to be together, Jacob: that’s why you imprinted on me. We were made for the other and no one’s going to change that!”

Jacob frowned, his eyes flickering to me long enough to see that the anger had turned to guilt. “What?” I asked still laughing, my hands rubbing his torso to tempt him to explain.

“You didn’t tell her, Jacob?” asked Sam in his calming voice. I started and looked over at the solemn mask that was Sam’s face.

“How could I?” Jake snapped, pulling me closer.

“What’s going on?” I asked, looking back to Jacob for enlightenment but he ignored me. My heart chilled. “What’s happened? Jacob, tell me!”

Again he ignored me sending cold slivers of ice into my heart. Everyone but Jake watched me like one would watch a fly in its dying moments while it tossed and turned trying to keep itself alive.

“Bella,” said Sam, his voice saturated with regret. “Jacob hasn’t imprinted on you.”

Silence rang in my ears. “What? Of course he has!” I laughed, pulling myself closer to Jake, who finally responded by following suit but for once his warm arms were void of comfort. “Haven’t you, Jacob?”

He didn’t respond. “Jacob?”