Forbidden to Remember
Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; my life after Edward Cullen.Forbidden to remember; my life after the accident. Bella happily immerses herself in her hallucinations of Edward until her lack of concentration results in her riding off a cliff. Three weeks later she finds herself in hospital with amnesia. Bella can't remember who she is, who her friends are, why she looks so ill or who this Edward Cullen guy is. All she can recall is her life starting after her regaining consciousness in hospital three weeks after the accident. She knows Charlie is hiding something about her old life, but what she can't put her finger on... B/J and B/E. A story about destiny: Will a change of events affect Bella's final decision of who she should choose? 21.06.11 CHAPTER 12 "CONFLICT" IS UP!! I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, I CAME ON TODAY TO SEE WHAT WAS TAKING SO LONG TO VALIDATE AND NOT ONLY HAD THE CHAPTER GONE THROUGH, IT WAS MISSING THE STORY TEXT -.-" I AM SO SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ~ SparklyCullen
Edward gets his wish; Bella living her life like he had never existed. But when he drops in to find Bella happy with Jacob, should he walk away or make his presence known? Will Bella ever regain her memory?
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“But you imprinted on me! We were together forever, Jake! We were made for each other!” I knew I was yelling but I couldn’t stop. It was like someone was using my mouth to project the rush of unrelenting thoughts. There was one thought my mouth was conscious enough not to pronounce, but that didn’t stop the certainty, the foundation of my future, from crumbling.
“Jake,” I moaned tearfully as I felt the warm droplets saturate my hair. “Jake!”
He remained silent but his chest heaved as he wept with me.
“Jacob hasn’t imprinted on anybody,” Sam murmured. I could hear he was trying to take away some of my pain, but he didn’t need to say that if he hadn’t, he never would. That one day Jacob would see her, whoever she was, and suddenly I wouldn’t matter. It would upset him but gravity would pull him away from me, leaving me cold while my Sun brightened someone else’s life. She would eclipse me while to Jacob it would just be like a new moon, starting again with somebody else.
I pushed him away blindly and made to leave the beach but he grasped my wrist in his warm fist. “I love you so much, Bells,” he croaked, his black eyes sparkling like the sea behind him. “I really do.”
“But what happens when you do imprint?” I looked up at him through my tears. His face was heartbroken. “Am I going to be another Leah?”
“No!” Jacob growled, grasping me to his chest. “I couldn’t do that to you, Bella, I couldn’t!”
“It’s not how you feel now, but when you see her!” I sobbed. “You’ll see her and suddenly your life will be about her! I thought we were soul mates, Jacob! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried to imprint on you, I really did, Bella!” Jake was devastated but we both knew the damage was done. Imprinting was not a choice.
I pushed him away and made to run to my truck, but typically I tripped over thin air and face planted the sand. Warm hands pulled me effortlessly on to my feet. The sand granules irritated my eyes even more, but I pushed Jacob away anyway. I heard Sam talking as he pulled Jacob back away from me, and Jared suddenly put his arm around me and took me away from the beach.
As Jared lifted me into the passenger seat of my truck and asked for my keys, I looked back to the beach in between rubbing my eyes ferociously. A black wolf was nudging a forlorn russet one into the trees and out of sight.
The truck was silent until Jared pulled up outside Charlie’s house. I tried to thank him thickly, but not much came out except for a few hiccups.
“No problem, Bella,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.” I shrugged as though it didn’t matter, as I fumbled for the handle. “I know it’s been a long night and that now is probably not the time, but can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked quickly. I looked back and nodded, too choked up to speak. I rubbed my aggravated eyes and wiped my cheeks before looking waiting for him to speak.
“I know Jacob might not be your favourite person at the moment,” Jared began. “But you realise no one has any control over imprinting?”
“Of course I do,” I replied, not mentioning that a deep part of me was secretly thrilled he hadn’t imprinted.
Jared nodded. “That wasn’t what I needed to say though. Sam asked me to remind you to try and avoid the leach- I mean the Cullens.” Jared glanced around sheepishly, appraising my confused response, before carrying on in a rush. “They’re not to be trusted.”
“Not to be trusted?” I repeated, a smouldering fur building up. “What is it with everyone’s grudge against them?”
“I can’t explain,” Jared’s face was screwed up regretfully. “Literally, but it’s not jealousy that Jacob has against them. They’ve hurt you before and we’re just trying to stop it happening again. Please, for us, for your friends and for Charlie.”
I shook my head, knowing that I couldn’t even pretend to consent when my life was upside down. Jared’s face fell. “I can’t,” I told him, fresh sobs breaking free from my chest. “I’m sorry. Thanks for driving me home, Jared. Maybe I’ll see you soon.”
He sighed, looking straight ahead onto the road. “Bye Bella. Drop by again soon. Sam said Emily’s always at home if you need to talk.”
I jumped out of the truck and rushed for the door, ignoring the cruiser parked on the front lawn.
“Bella?” Charlie came into the hall, his face drawn and aged beyond what I’d seen it. Under the clear worry, there was a flicker of terror behind his eyes. “Billy called and explained everything.”
I stifled a sob, waiting for the Cullen rant again, but it didn’t come. From what I picked out of Charlie’s worried talk, Billy had told him Jake felt our relationship had gotten too serious too soon and that we’d broken up. I hiccupped and stole away to my room, which I was sure relieved Charlie slightly. Charlie and tears obviously didn’t go too well together.
I turned the shower on cold; it had been too warm in my truck with Jared expelling so much heat in the small cabin. I showered and dried myself before dressing in the comfiest pyjamas I could find. The wolf jumper went under my bed and the dream catcher behind the rocking chair before I dove under the covers and cried myself to sleep.
I moved swiftly down the pavement, checking the area for wolves. The dog had yelled after me the night before to show he knew I’d snuck in there, and I felt the need to be cautious. Who knew what traps they had lain down to get me. The scent of wolf came from her truck and disappeared into the trees. Seemingly, he hadn’t stayed the night.
I swept around to Bella’s bedroom window and made to open the window and allow myself entry, but stopped myself to listen. I looked through, feeling like a disgusting Peeping Tom, but my fear was confirmed. She was weeping heavily.
I jumped down silently and leaned against the house, waiting for her sobs to fade into sleep, yearning to comfort her. I ignored the sound of Charlie picking up the phone, until I heard him speak. Immediately I opened myself to his mind.
“Oh, hi Phil. Is Renée there? It’s Charlie.”
“Hey Charlie, yeah I’ll just get her for you.” He called for his wife faintly before returning to the receiver. “She’s coming now. How’s Bella? She remembered anything yet? Renée was going to come up to see her but I’ve got another big game and she wants to see it – you know how she is.”
“Yeah.” I did until she packed up and left. Maybe I never understood her and that was part of the problem. Would it have worked if I understood her like Phil did? Who are you kidding, Charlie, she’s gone and you’ve got to move on. “She seems to remember everything we tell her – she’s like a sponge! - but she hasn’t remembered anything on her own accord.” Charlie cleared his throat gruffly. Renée could be heard fussing until Phil handed over the receiver.
“Hey Charlie, how’s Bella?”
Oh God what do I say? “She’s got some of her memory back, but that’s not why I’m phoning.”
“What’s happened? Is she alright?” What if I’m wrong and she doesn’t go all depressed like she did? Last time you could tell she wasn’t right as soon as you looked at her even though you couldn’t put your finger on what, whereas now she’s just crying like a normal teenager with a broken heart. What’s she going to do for you anyway? She has a new life and you’re just an unwelcome reminder of a blip in her adolescence.
“Bella broke up with her boyfriend, Jacob Black, today and she seems pretty beat up about it,” Charlie rattled quickly to get it off his chest, aware he was speaking more than he usually said in a day. “Maybe I’m overreacting, but last time it was too much and I don’t want her to go down the same road. I was thinking maybe she could come on holiday with you for a few weeks until she cheers up? I worry that I left it too late to do anything last time and that’s why it went so bad. Do you think you could help me organise that?” Why isn’t she replyi ng? “Renée?”
Upstairs Bella’s crying and quieted to broken but deep breathing as she fell asleep. So she’d broken up with the dog?
I didn’t move towards Bella’s room yet – I could sense Charlie would check on her before retiring himself. Irritation flooded him when Renée apologised for missing what he’d said.
“Charlie? I’m sorry, I’ve got to go – the cooker’s caught fire again! You know what my cooking’s like. I’ll phone you back ASAP.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Charlie replied in a flat voice. “I’m off to bed anyway, I’ll have Bella email you tomorrow. Night Renée.” Charlie hung up, muttering about her irresponsibility, but wishing dully that he was in Phil’s place.
I listened as the stairs groaned under his weight and pushed open Bella’s door to peer in. But could I give up on Bella? Charlie reflected for a long minute. He concluded that her depression just evened everything out. In Charlie’s mind he didn’t deserve a daughter like Bella. I wished I could correct him, but he moved alone to his own bedroom praying mentally that it didn’t total to what it had last time.
I almost staggered with the weight of Charlie’s memory of “last time”.
As I pulled myself through Bella’s window and settled in her rocking chair I bitterly reviewed what I had overheard as I became consumed with self-loathing.
My angel had starved herself. She had lost all of her friends and isolated herself from the world without displaying any emotion or upset at its loss. I was disgusted with myself for abandoning her and provoking potentially disastrous consequences, but faintly comforted and incredulous that she could feel anything close to how I felt about her. Had I not been in exactly the same state without my Juliet? I could not thank God enough for keeping my mortal angel alive when she clearly could not care either way.
But despite her poor health following my departure, she had rediscovered life after her motorcycle accident. I had selfishly imposed myself when I could no longer benefit her. I was unnecessary beyond the removal of the danger the dog posed to her existence, but I was too selfish not to test her affections one last time to see if I could be forgiven, especially as there was no guarantee all the danger had been removed, after all, a fresh wolf was much more unstable than an experienced one, and if he was upset by the break up too...
I shuddered heavily and looked up and my sleeping angel, drinking in her smooth ivory skin, the melted chocolate swirls on her pillow, the pump of wine in her neck. Charlie had said she hadn’t remembered anything of her own accord, and after my recent observations of her close friends and Charlie’s reaction to my return to Forks, I gathered perhaps she did not remember who I was and who she was to me.
My amber eyes slipped from her face and fell on the floorboard I had lifted so many months ago. My eyes flicked back, an internal debate raging between my head and heart.
“Edward,” she sighed, her brow twitching slightly in discontent. “I’m here... lost... I’m... help me, Edward...”
And with that, my decision was made.