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Forbidden to Remember

Summary:
Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; my life after Edward Cullen.Forbidden to remember; my life after the accident. Bella happily immerses herself in her hallucinations of Edward until her lack of concentration results in her riding off a cliff. Three weeks later she finds herself in hospital with amnesia. Bella can't remember who she is, who her friends are, why she looks so ill or who this Edward Cullen guy is. All she can recall is her life starting after her regaining consciousness in hospital three weeks after the accident. She knows Charlie is hiding something about her old life, but what she can't put her finger on... B/J and B/E. A story about destiny: Will a change of events affect Bella's final decision of who she should choose? 21.06.11 CHAPTER 12 "CONFLICT" IS UP!! I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, I CAME ON TODAY TO SEE WHAT WAS TAKING SO LONG TO VALIDATE AND NOT ONLY HAD THE CHAPTER GONE THROUGH, IT WAS MISSING THE STORY TEXT -.-" I AM SO SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ~ SparklyCullen


Notes:
Edward gets his wish; Bella living her life like he had never existed. But when he drops in to find Bella happy with Jacob, should he walk away or make his presence known? Will Bella ever regain her memory?


14. Recollection

Rating 5/5   Word Count 3029   Review this Chapter

B.P.O.V.

I woke up tangled in my bed sheets after another restless night. I got up and got dressed before going down stairs for breakfast. As I entered the kitchen, Charlie jumped and screwed something up in his hand.

“What’s that?” I asked as I got out a bowl and began to get myself some cereal.

“Nothing, Bells.” I looked up in surprise. He looked uncomfortable and was trying to hide something behind his back. I leaned to look around him and he tried to discreetly follow suit.

“What are you hiding, Dad?” I asked frowning. Charlie swallowed and thrust whatever was in his fist into his trouser pocket before handing me my photo album.

“I was, um, you left it on the stairs. I thought I’d have a look through – sorry, Bells.”

“What have you got in your hand?” Charlie glanced at his watch nervously and made for the door with surprising speed.

“I’m late for work, Bella, I’ll see you when you get back from Jacob’s.” He left me standing in stunned surprise. I looked at my album and flicked through the pages half heartedly before looking after Charlie confusedly.

Closing the book of photographs I didn’t remember, I sighed and shoved it on the top of the bookcase in the living room hoping it would bother Charlie less if it was out of sight. An unnatural shiver shook my spine. I whirled around, my heart pounding. Something or someone was watching me.

“Jacob?” I called into the empty house, not expecting an answer, but hoping the familiar husky growl would assure me nothing else considered me prey. Silence echoed back. I stepped forward, another shudder rocking my body as I strained my ears for what I could not hear.

I flinched as the doorbell sounded clearly, feeling stupid as I moved forward to answer the door. It was probably Charlie. He’d forgotten his lunch and had tried to get my attention through the window before turning to the door. It wasn’t until I was opening the door that it occurred to me that I hadn’t heard any warning of Charlie’s re-entrance.

I looked up at the guest, still expecting Charlie with his thinning hair and middle age spread, and my cheeks flooded with heat.

“Good morning, Bella.” Edward Cullen smiled, quietly amused about something.

“H-h-hi,” I managed in return, running my right hand quickly through my hair trying to remember if I’d brushed it this morning. Had I brushed my teeth? Was I dressed? Tell me I wasn’t still in the old holey pyjamas I had found when I’d come back from the hospital and was reluctant to chuck because they were so comfy. “Erm, would you like to come in?”

“Please.” Edward stepped inside and shut the door almost silently behind himself, as I dived into the kitchen to check my reflection in the oven door. I almost sagged in relief – I was dressed with my hair tamed accordingly. “I was just passing by and I wondered if you would like a lift to school this morning?”

I thought about it quickly. Admittedly I hadn’t known him very long: everyone else I had known before even if I didn’t particularly know them that well now. Despite this, something inside told me that, although I didn’t know much about him, I knew him better than myself even if there felt like there was a big void in my knowledge of him. I wanted to go with him more than anything I could remember, so I quickly accepted.

Edward drifted casually into the living room, browsing the books on the shelves. Feeling slightly awkward, I voiced my curiosity as to where he had been so early this morning.

“My friend was in a bit of trouble last night,” Edward answered indifferently, reaching up and pulling something down.

“How is she?”

Edward looked up and smiled at me, making my heart thud desperately as his butterscotch eyes danced contentedly. “She is radiant, particularly the latter half of this morning. She seems much better, even if her condition isn’t quite what it was, but I believe it’s only a matter of time.”

I tried to swallow the lump of jealousy that had risen in my throat to little effect. “That’s great,” I managed to mumble weakly, turning quietly to pull a cereal bar from the cupboard in case skipping breakfast proved to be a bad idea later in the day.

“What’s this?” I looked back round to see Edward flicking through my photo album.

“It’s photos of friends and stuff from last year,” I shrugged, still trying to recover from the obvious affection Edward held for his so called ‘friend’.

In the reflection of the kitchen window, I saw Edward frown deeply, flicking through the pages as though he was searching for something he expected to be in between the pages. “There are some photos missing?”

“Yes, I don’t know what happened to those,” I turned back and Edward’s face masked over to one of only slight curiosity. “They’ve been missing as long as I can remember.”

“Indeed...” muttered Edward as I gathered my school stuff. With a smart snap, he shut the book and replaced it exactly where I had put it this morning before leading me out to his silver Volvo he had parked in the cruiser’s usual spot. He held the passenger door open for me and waited until I was comfortably inside before shutting it neatly and walking around to the driver’s seat.

“Thank you for the lift, by the way,” I said to break the silence after a minute or so sitting quietly. “If, erm, you’re ever stuck, I’d be happy to return the favour.”

“Don’t worry about it, Bella,” Edward answered with a faint smile and a glance at my reddening cheeks. I had remembered as I spoke that he drove a Volvo and clearly had a lot of money. Why would anyone with that amount of money want to lift share in a rusty old pick-up truck that backfired at least three times a day? A small voice in my head whispered as Edward’s warm, butterscotch gaze met mine, that I was the personification of my battered truck – clumsy, hardly attractive and had irritating glitches like a backfiring memory – but Edward still wanted my company. My heart thudded quicker, despite the rest of my brain disagreeing with the voice. Edward’s grin expanded a little bit further as though he could hear the effect his smooth voice had on me.

“I like your jumper today,” he added offhandedly. I looked down to see I was wearing a dark blue V-neck I had found in my wardrobe and taken a liking to. “The colour flatters your skin tone enormously.”

I blushed deeper, mumbling a “thanks” and returning a comment about his deep red t-shirt that displayed his defined white arm muscles, neglecting the fact it made my legs feel like jelly. Edward did nothing but appear more satisfied, clearly very aware of the effect he had on the opposite sex, especially me.

I let my teeth start to nibble at my bottom lip as I looked out of the window to distract myself. I couldn’t help but notice that his car smelt good. It stirred something inside, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. It was like I knew the scent from somewhere... but... it wasn’t recent. The exact memory evaded me like I was grasping at smoke – I had the essence but not the matter itself almost as though it wasn’t there to be contained.

“Is something wrong, Bella?” I started. I had almost forgotten where I was. Looking around I realised we were pulled up in the school car park and Edward was regarding me with poorly disguised concern.

“No, it’s just-” I hesitated, trying to think how best to present the itch of my senses without sounding completely crazy. “Have you cleaned your car recently? Or wearing cologne?”

Edward’s eyebrows rose slightly, clearly surprised at my question. “No, Bella. Why do you ask?”

I sighed, still trying to think. “Your car... it smells really familiar but I can’t put my finger on what.”

Edward stiffened suddenly and looked at me long and hard, as though assessing something. His eyes danced slightly brighter when he looked away, finally satisfied, like he had just been told some wonderful news, but proceeded to assure me he didn’t know the source of the scent that was intriguing me.

We both got out of the Volvo, me slightly delayed due to fumbling with the seatbelt, and walked slowly up to the building. Edward walked with me to English, silent and deep in thought. I too was still trying to work out the déjà vu, but when we sat down in our seats ten minutes before the bell was due, Edward cleared his throat gently.

“Bella.” He paused as I turned to look at him. He was frowning in consideration, his bright eyes regarding me, as though trying to foretell my reaction to what he was about to say. I began to chew my lip unconsciously. He was about to tell me he hated me and that he didn’t want to be friends because being nice to someone so boring was tiresome and-

“You said, when we erm... first met.” Edward’s eyes sparkled as though chuckling at some private joke, before returning to full seriousness. “That you had been in some kind of... accident?”

My eyebrows rose in surprise: at both the topic of the conversation and that he had remembered something about me from weeks ago. I noticed Edward was waiting for permission to continue his inquiry, so I nodded, clearing my throat in case he required a verbal answer next.

“Well, I was wondering, if it isn’t prying, if you would tell me what happened?” His butterscotch eyes were filling my mind, melting my senses like they were chocolate left out in the sun.

I broke eye contact and looked at the table where my hands were fiddling with a broken thumbnail so I could think. Edward didn’t say anything, giving me time to decide if I wanted to recount the event or not.

“I don’t know what happened,” I started slowly, not looking up. “But I’ve been told that I hadn’t been well. No one wants to talk to me about it really, but my dad has said that after I started hanging around with Jacob - my erm...” I cringed. Why was I so embarrassed to admit to this perfect man next to me that I had been in a relationship? “Ex-best friend now, I guess – I had been getting a lot better. Jake told me that one day I came down with a couple of old bikes that were worth more as scrap metal and asked him to fix them up and that I’d pay for it all no questions asked.” Edward had sat perfectly still throughout, listening intently, but now his relaxed hands had formed a tight fist and when I looked up at his face, his jaw was clenched and there was an inhuman distress in his eyes. I hesitated, unsure if I should carry on, backtracking mentally for an idea of what could have upset him so viciously.

“And then?” asked Edward calmly in his smooth, velvety voice with no more expression than if he was asking what the next track was on a CD. I dropped my eyes back to my hands.

“He rebuilt the engines, sorted the brakes, cleaned them up and re painted them so that they were as good as new – better than new. As an enthusiastic mechanic he has worked on all sorts of vehicles – he’s even built a Volkswagon Rabbit from scratch! – so there was no doubt these bikes were going to run perfect. We took them out to this stretch of land for a trial run – well it was supposed to be a trial run, but Jake has since confessed he ran them before just to make sure they ran alright – and he showed me how to ride one.” I swallowed, cheeks radiating with embarrassment of admitting my stupidity. “And then I was riding it down this stretch of land, and Jacob said it was like I was on a different planet, not fully aware of what was happening, and he yelled at me to brake because I had passed the end of the track without any reaction. It was then that I had started swerving and the bike hit a boulder and then...” I sighed. “I went over the edge of the cliff and smacked my head on one of the ledges. Jacob called for help and about three and a half weeks later I came round in the hospital with no recollection of anything.”

I looked up at Edward again. His nostrils were flared and he was staring straight ahead, but the glare in his eyes was like he was trying to burn a hole through the white board at the front of the room. His whole body was tensed and a couple of other students that had walked in were giving him nervous glances. Mike was stood ten foot away from his seat, unable to move further forward as he watched Edward with wide frightened eyes.

“Edward,” I muttered, trying not to draw any more attention (if that was longer possible). I cleared my throat and tried again. “Edward, are you ok?” I touched his arm to give him a gentle shake back to the present, but as soon as my hand came into contact with his skin I gasped and retrieved it. It wasn’t the unusual chill that had taken me by surprise but the shock of electricity that coursed straight through the bone of my finger, jolting my knuckles and shattering my whole arm with its power.

It was then that Edward finally turned around to look at me, concern diluting the ocean of regret and hatred that had been most prominent before. “I’m fine,” he said quickly, his eyes focusing on my left hand which I was clutching with my right. Fortunately he didn’t question my absurd reaction, but when his faintly frustrated eyes x-rayed mine, I felt he didn’t need an audible answer.

“I’m sorry for making you repeat the event, Bella, forgive me.” I started to dismiss it, but he caught me hostage with his gaze once more. “May I intrude with just one more question?”

“Anything,” I heard myself breathe almost inaudibly, but somehow Edward caught the invitation and carried on.

“You say you don’t remember anything from before...” I nodded and Edward’s lips thinned slightly. “Is this amnesia temporary?”

“They don’t know,” I admitted. “It’s been months since the accident and there has been no change. Everything I can remember is from the day I woke in the hospital without any idea who or where I was.” It was like a fire that had been dwindling for the past 10 minutes had finally extinguished completely in Edward. He nodded in understanding.

“That must be very hard for you and your loved ones,” he commented gently.

“It was initially, but everything’s settled down now,” I replied, heart warming that finally somebody understood what had happened rather than getting frustrated with me and assuming it was for attention (such as a girl with short blonde hair called Lauren). “I can’t miss what I never knew I had.”

After a pause, Edward nodded once. Before anything else could be said, the last bell rang and Mr Mason entered the room to begin the lesson.

At lunch Jessica pulled me aside to demand what was happening between me and Edward since she had seen he had given me a lift to school that morning. I tried to tell her we were just friends but she was having none of it.

“Look, Bella, I know you’ve been through a hard time recently and I completely understand and everything but he is not a good guy. Does Jake know how close you and Cullen are?”

I cringed. “We broke up last night-”

“Over this?” Jessica’s eyes were wide at the aspect of fresh gossip.

“No,” I said, wishing she would leave me alone. “It’s private. Edward and I are just friends; he gave me a lift this morning because he was passing by my house. That’s it. Really.”

Jessica deflated disappointedly and flounced off, leaving me on my own in the corridor. I began walking to lunch when I heard my phone buzz in my bag.

IM SORRY FOR NOT SAYING BEFORE

MEET ME IN LA PUSH AND

I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.

JAKE

XXXX

I sighed and text back:

SORRY, GOT LIFT WITH FRIEND TODAY.

MAYBE WHEN CHARLIE’S FISHING

DONT EXPECT IT TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

B.

After collecting a tray of food, I looked around for where Mike and Angela were sitting when I noticed Edward was sat alone on a separate table. His food was untouched and it looked like he was brooding at one of the roof tiles above the window.

My feet led me to his table like they were used to the path. “Is anyone sitting here?” I asked quietly, scared of distressing him further.

Edward looked up at me and shook his head. “No, I was just finishing anyway.” He started to get up when I heard my voice speak for me.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

Edward looked up at me again, this time bewilderment overruling the careful mask he had been wearing all morning. “I beg your pardon?”

“When I told you about the bikes...” I felt so stupid standing in the crowded cafeteria where I could feel the couple hundred pairs of eyes boring into my back. “It upset you. I didn’t know.”

Edward gave a low chuckle, no longer making as to move away. “It’s fine, Bella. I didn’t fully comprehend what you had been through and it took me by surprise, that’s all.” I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling the extra room that had vacated in my lungs. “Would you like to sit with me?”