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Forbidden to Remember

Summary:
Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; my life after Edward Cullen.Forbidden to remember; my life after the accident. Bella happily immerses herself in her hallucinations of Edward until her lack of concentration results in her riding off a cliff. Three weeks later she finds herself in hospital with amnesia. Bella can't remember who she is, who her friends are, why she looks so ill or who this Edward Cullen guy is. All she can recall is her life starting after her regaining consciousness in hospital three weeks after the accident. She knows Charlie is hiding something about her old life, but what she can't put her finger on... B/J and B/E. A story about destiny: Will a change of events affect Bella's final decision of who she should choose? 21.06.11 CHAPTER 12 "CONFLICT" IS UP!! I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, I CAME ON TODAY TO SEE WHAT WAS TAKING SO LONG TO VALIDATE AND NOT ONLY HAD THE CHAPTER GONE THROUGH, IT WAS MISSING THE STORY TEXT -.-" I AM SO SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ~ SparklyCullen


Notes:
Edward gets his wish; Bella living her life like he had never existed. But when he drops in to find Bella happy with Jacob, should he walk away or make his presence known? Will Bella ever regain her memory?


5. Jacob

Rating 3/5   Word Count 4341   Review this Chapter

My routine built up immediately from that first day. I would get up and have breakfast as Charlie left for work every morning. I’d return upstairs and get changed before grabbing my bag and driving to school in Billy’s restored rusty red truck. I’d get to school and immediately find myself in the company of my friends Angela, Mike, Eric, Tyler and a few others I was still trying to recall the names of. Jessica and Lauren always kept their distance, standing at the edge of the group, glaring jealously at me as everyone battled for my attention. I didn’t know what made me so popular and I wished I could tell Lauren and Jessica that I didn’t want to be noticed. I’d rather be where there were, part of events but not the centre of everyone’s thoughts. I wanted to be out of the way.

Mike would escort me to English and then every other lesson I had that day. I’d go to lunch and everyone would hurry for the seats nearest me. I’d struggle through the rest of the day, create fresh bruises for myself and my peers in gym then escape to Jacob’s.

Jacob was like my safe haven. I could relax and be myself. More than anything I understood who I was: I was boring old Bella who had no memory of a previous life. I wasn’t plagued with mental questions about who I was supposed to be or why everyone took such an interest. Jake never made me feel uncomfortable. He was always aware of what I was doing and how I felt that day, but not overpoweringly so. He always smiled and laughed and made me feel at home and his father did the same. Billy never questioned anything, just grinned and nodded in immediate, unquestionable understanding.

My least favourite thing was fitting in my homework around time with Jake as well as feeling guilty that he was missing out on extra study time because of me. Quite quickly we decided to do our homework together. We would spread ourselves out; one on the kitchen table, one on the floor, or both on the floor or both on the bed. We would chat about school, our dad’s, what we were going to do together at the weekend. We’d ask questions aloud, help one another or shrug and laugh at our ignorance of maths, chemistry and Spanish.

Whatever we did, we did it together. Wherever we were, we were together. Whenever you wanted to find one, the other would be there - assuming of course it wasn’t the middle of the night or during school. Charlie noticed this pretty quick. His reaction was strange. It was as though he was really proud that Jake and I were such good friends, but there was always a sense of wariness and worry beneath the happiness, like he was dreading something or watching a tragedy as it began to spin out of control. I tried to shrug off the paranoia, but it always felt like I was missing something.

One night, as I arrived home later than usual from Jacob’s, Charlie was waiting for me with a large margarita pizza in the middle of the kitchen table.

“Sorry I’m late home, Dad,” I apologised as I got a glass out of the cupboard and poured myself a drink of water. “Jake’s on about going hiking this weekend and we were planning our route.” I didn’t mention that it was originally my idea. The vision of the bikes and the meadow hadn’t left me alone since the night I dreamed of them, and when I passed the turning in my truck whilst driving to another scrap yard to look for the last few pieces for Jacob’s Rabbit it was all too much. We had stopped on the way back to find it exactly like I’d dreamed. I pointed out the general direction we had ridden to Jake and it was the birth of another potential pastime. Jake had bought a map last night, and we agreed it was going to be done this Sunday and perhaps every Sunday after that depending on how much fun we had. It seemed like a long shot, especially with my lack of coordination, but it was bugging me. It would be pleasant to remove one mystery from my life.

“Its fine Bella,” Charlie assured me as he opened the greasy cardboard box and pulled out a stringy slice for himself. He took a big bite and ate in silence for a few minutes as I sat down with my drink and followed suit. As I started my second slice and he his third, Charlie began to speak cautiously.

“So, Bells.” I looked up at him as I chewed my pizza. “How’re your friends at school?”

“Fine,” I answered.

“Good.” Charlie took another quiet mouthful of food. “How’s Jacob?”

“Jake’s fine.” I found myself smiling subconsciously. “He’s almost finished the Rabbit now; just the finer details as well as some luxuries. He’s been working on it for a few years, but only in short bursts because Billy didn’t want him working on a new car when they had the truck, but since I got it instead he’s been much freer to build what he wants. Did you know he rebuilt the engine in my truck? Originally it struggled to do thirty, but Jake managed to raise its limitations slightly though the speed still isn’t good enough for him. It does me though.”

“Yeah, I did,” said Charlie, trying to conceal his pleasure. “What have your other friends been up to?”

His question staggered me for a moment. What did they do out of school? I sat at the table everyday at lunch, but I was always planning ahead for what Jake and I would do that night, or lost in thought about what we had done the night before. I struggled slightly before I hazarded a guess.

“Well...” I started vaguely. “Angela’s dating Ben so they usually go out Saturdays, but Angela’s always babysitting her brothers and sisters on Sunday so Ben goes around hers.”

“And Mike?” prompted Charlie.

“Uh, he’s usually working up at his parents’ store.”

“Oh,” said Charlie, as if he was interested. “When was the last time you spent time with them out of school? Maybe you could meet up sometime.”

I was surprised by Charlie’s sudden interest in my social life as I had learnt over the past few weeks he kept to himself like I did. This unexplained interest dumbfounded me and this must have come across in my facial expression.

“I’m just worried you and Jake spend too much time together y’know?” Charlie stood with his dirty mug and plate and walked to the sink. “I mean, what if you guys fall out or something? Who’re you going to turn to?”

“I’d find someone,” I said defensively. “And why would Jake and I fall out? Do you know something I don’t?”

“No, it’s just-” Charlie hesitated. “Well, I’ve seen people who’ve broken up with their...their friends after spending every waking hour with them and it... it wasn’t pretty, Bells, honestly. Just promise me you’ll hang around with some of your other friends now and again, yeah?”

“Sure,” I mumbled, standing slowly and gradually clearing the table.

“You’re a good girl, Bells.” With that Charlie retired to watch ESPN as I washed the dishes and took out the garbage. I deliberated what Charlie was hiding from me. I believed him about the Jacob thing but there was an undercurrent to his words as he spoke about seeing other people after they’d fallen out with their friends. I wondered what I was missing, but Charlie seemed really beat up about it, so it was with a quiet resolution to organise an outing that I went to school the following morning. Fortunately, Mike had a similar idea.

“Want to come to the cinema, Bella?” asked Mike innocently as I looked up from my plate of pasta at lunch. We were sat at our usual table with the dozen people I was beginning to remember the names of in the middle of the cramped cafeteria.

“When?” I asked, sifting through my mental diary, trying to see if I was busy any day. I couldn’t think of any particular special occasion, except seeing Jake after school.

“Saturday?” suggested Mike, his whole face brightening up having recognized I hadn’t declined immediately.

“Sure.” I nodded to myself, scheming. “Hey, guys?” Tyler, Eric, Angela, Ben, Katie, Lauren and Jessica all looked up. “Want to go see a movie on Saturday?”

Mike’s euphoria deflated instantly as everyone started chatting excitedly, discussing different preferences of films currently showing. I didn’t particularly feel guilty; Charlie wanted me to see more of my friends out of school and this was pretty much all of my friends on one outing. Unfortunately I couldn’t summon the enthusiasm everybody had because I knew I was going to have to sacrifice seeing Jake. I knew he’d forgive me soon enough, but I just wished Charlie hadn’t bothered with last night’s talk. I was going to feel guilty on betraying either Jake or Charlie whichever decision I made. I sighed disappointed.

“Um, Bella?”

“Yes?”

Mike seemed slightly upset and disgruntled as he leaned over the table to talk to me quietly. “Um, I was thinking of just us two, you know? On a, well, on a-”

“Oh,” I winced awkwardly trying to cut him off before he said what I didn’t want to hear. “Sorry, Mike, but everyone seems pretty excited now. Maybe another time...” I tried to think of a compromise. “Why don’t you choose what we see?”

His face sparked a weak sense of hope. “How about Love Spelled Backwards is Love? That’s supposed to be pretty good-”

“Aw, Mike, it looks crap!” groaned Tyler loudly causing Mike and I to start. Fortunately for Mike, his elbow didn’t land directly in his bolognaise. I wish I could’ve said the same for myself...

“Then don’t come,” hinted Mike heavily before Eric joined in with the complaints. I noticed Jessica and Lauren had both returned to their lunches like nothing had happened as I wiped my elbow with a napkin. If they hadn’t been stabbing their food so aggressively I would’ve thought they hadn’t heard.

After school as I drove down to the Black’s, I contemplated what Jake would do on his night free from me. I hadn’t thought about it before: since the accident we had been inseparable with the exception of my mornings working down at the Newton’s. As I pulled up in the light drizzle, Jake rose from the porch steps where he had been waiting and strode to me as I climbed out.

“Hey Jake,” I laughed, hugging him tightly. “How are you?”

“Great, you?”

“Fine,” I answered evasively. I accepted that if I got it out of the way now I wouldn’t have to be so tense for the rest of the evening. “Um, Jake?”

“Yeah?” Jake looked down at me, his face bright with happiness.

“Um, I’m going to the cinema with the cafeteria crowd this Saturday...” Jake’s face fell immediately. Disappointment drowned the power of his sun and I found my mouth forming words I did not intend to say to keep my star alive. “And I was wondering if you wanted to come?”

Jake’s face brightened. “Really? Even with all your friends?”

I rolled my eyes, grinning at my instinctual idea. “Jake, I only agreed to go because Charlie was kicking up a fuss about seeing other people. You’re my friend too and I’d much rather spend the night with you.”

“So let’s ditch,” winked Jake.

I sighed. “Sorry, I promised Charlie.” Another stroke of genius hit me. “Why don’t you bring Quil? Then you have the excuse that you spent time with your friends that night too?”

“Sounds good,” grinned Jake and I smiled with him. Suddenly the night did not seem so foreboding of boredom. Saturday night might actually be fun, something I hadn’t been expecting before Jake was involved.

As Saturday night rolled around, I found myself sitting in a clean house with my homework finished and checked twice over. Jake had told me not to come down today unless it was a life or death situation. Grudgingly I had remained at home and cleared up the mess that had been building up every time I visited Jake, but I was now bored and inexplicably missing Jacob immensely. I kept reminding myself that I had spoken to him already that day, but it had no emotional effect.

I scrubbed the kitchen counter down again and started checking the cupboards for any out of date food when the doorbell rang. I sighed looking at the ground from the worn wooden kitchen chair I was balanced on. I prepared myself to jump before bottling it and slowly lowering myself, first bending my knees then shifting my right foot forward and off the edge of the chair. I stumbled off and collided into the kitchen sink as I heard the front door creak open and a familiar husky voice call through: “As the home of Chief of Police, shouldn’t this be locked to prevent a burglary?”

“Jake!” I cried, rushing excitedly into the hall where Jake was grinning proudly his hands behind his back. I ran into him, embracing him tightly. I noticed he only hugged me back with one arm. “What have you been up to today?”

He laughed. “I’ve been in the garage, finishing off the Rabbit.”

I pulled away, looking around him and out of the door. Outside the house was parked the familiar car. “It’s finished?” I gasped.

“Yep,” grinned Jake. “Seats, belts, radio.” He winked. “We need to do your radio sometime. I can’t believe you clawed it out of the dashboard!”

“Neither can I,” I grinned embarrassed. “Maybe we’ll never know why I did it... Perhaps it wasn’t even me!”

“You wish!” Jake teased.

“Will you drive tonight?” I asked, a feeling of pride in Jake’s achievement. “In the car you built yourself from scratch?”

“Sure,” smiled Jake. He hesitated for a moment before pulling his arm from behind his back and offering me a heart shaped box of candy. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Bella.”

“What?” I blinked. “It’s Valentine’s Day?”

Jake rolled his eyes in mock disbelief. “Yes, today is the day of Saint Valentine. Does that mean that as my valentine, you have forgotten to buy me a fifty-cent box of candy?”

I blushed and glanced back to the kitchen. “Well... yes but if you just hold on two seconds I’ll make it up to you!”

Jake chuckled and closed the front door behind him as I dashed into the kitchen, searching for a gift. I hadn’t been to the supermarket recently so our food supplies were running low. Charlie and I seemed to lack a proper sweet tooth so we never had much candy in. I dived up the stairs whilst Jake called out teasing comments about how his heart was breaking. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

Upstairs I started raiding through the bin bag I had looked through when I first arrived home when I came across something very interesting. I lifted the paper to my eyes and smiled.

“Hey, Jake!” I called as I came down the stairs. “I think I’ve just out done you.”

“Really?” Jake exited the lounge and looked up to where I was leaning against the banisters fanning myself with two slips of paper. “You’ve found something more amazing than candy?”

I offered them to him and he scanned the words. He blinked in disbelief, his mouth hanging open. “Plane tickets?! To Florida? Seriously?”

“One for me and one for you,” I smiled excitedly. “They’ve almost run out so we could go soon, maybe in the next couple of weeks.”

Jake shook his head, trying to hand them back to me. “Bella, I can’t take these, seriously. I got you a box of candy.”

I rolled my eyes and stashed the tickets on the mantelpiece in the living room. “Jake, they need to be used. I would have asked you anyway, it’s just that today’s Valentine’s Day and I forgot! So take it or leave it you’re going to be coming with me.”

“Fine, you win,” grinned Jacob. “I can’t believe we’re going to Florida!” We laughed and embraced elatedly. The phone rang loud and shrill, interrupting our celebration.

“Bella?”

“Oh, hey Ben,” I answered, recognizing the voice. “How’re you?”

“I am but Angela’s got the flu so she can’t come tonight-”

“Is she alright?”

“She’s fine, but I don’t feel like coming without her, y’know?”

“Oh, right, sure.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I assured him quickly. “I hope she’s better soon and I’ll see you next week.”

“Bye, Bella.”

I hung up and Jake was leaning against the kitchen counter, opening my box of candy.

“Hey! I thought they were mine!”

Jake shrugged. “I paid for them,” he said teasingly, but offered me the open box regardless, a smile across his face. I took one and popped it into my mouth and Jake followed suit.

“Who was that?” he asked around the sweets.

“Ben. Angela’s sick with flu so she can’t come and he doesn’t want to come without her so we’re two down.”

“Never mind,” said Jake as there was a knock on the door. I playfully snatched the box from Jake’s grasp as I passed. It was Mike, looking quite cold, wet, and having noticed the box in my left hand, disgruntled.

“Oh,” he said looking put out before clearing his throat and offering me an identical heart shaped box. “Um, happy Valentine’s Day, Bella.”

“Oh, err, thanks Mike.” I accepted the box and tried to discreetly set it aside as I picked up my coat and looked back to check Jake was behind me. “Sorry, I forgot the date so I couldn’t get you anything.”

“Tough luck, hey Mike?” grinned Jacob, pulling the door shut behind us. “Shame. If you got here before me you could’ve been paid off with a weekend in Jacksonville, but first come first served I guess, isn’t it Bella?” I looked at Jacob and immediately understood he was trying to wind Mike up. I just kept my mouth shut and tried not to smile along with him.

“Huh,” grunted Mike as he walked to his Suburban.

“Mike?” He looked back swiftly, a flicker of proud hope lighting his face. “I promised I’d let Jake drive. He’s just finished building this Rabbit from scratch.” My smile stretched proudly across my face like a mother announcing her son had just flown to the moon and back.

Mike grunted again and changed direction. “Jess and Lauren are busy,” he told me as we piled into the car. “Tyler’s got flu. Eric and Katie have their one week anniversary so we only have Angela and Ben to pick up.”

“Actually Angela has flu too,” I informed him. “So Ben doesn’t feel like coming. It seems to be just us...”

“Great,” muttered Mike, his arms folded tightly across his chest, staring determinedly out of the window as I chatted to Jake. I was having so much fun with Jake that I forgot Mike was in the back until he leaned forward to turn on the radio. Mike’s gelled hair brushed my cheek, causing me to press myself into the car door in an attempt to put space between us.

“Got any good music?”

Jake reached over to the glove compartment and passed Mike a CD wordlessly. “Debussy?” scoffed Mike, putting it back and brushing my leg in the process.

I turned to Jacob. “You listen to Debussy?”

Jake flashed me grin. “Naw, but you like her don’t you?”

“Only Clair de Lune,” I answered, pulling the CD back out and reading the back of the case. “My mom played it while she was here and I fell in love with it.”

“Put it on,” offered Jake, switching the radio on. “I brought it for you anyway.” As I slid it in, Mike mumbled incoherently to himself.

I bought the tickets and we sat down in the relevant screening. The lights dimmed and the movie began. About half an hour in the couple seated in front of us began kissing. I tried to ignore it and rested my arms on the arm rest. I withdrew my right hand immediately. Mike had positioned his hand in an open claw. I realised that he had been lying low, waiting for the opportunity to hold my hand. On my other side, Jake had done the same, but his Venus flytrap was more effective. His grip was tight, but not unpleasantly so, hence I didn’t retrieve my hand. Mike noticed this and scowled, folding his arms.

As the main characters began a long, drawn out kiss, Mike retched and ran out of the room. I stood up to follow him immediately and Jake followed closely behind, still clutching my hand.

“What the hell was that supposed to be?” Jake asked laughing mockingly as we sat outside the screen waiting for Mike to finish throwing up, his very warm arm now wrapped comfortably around my shoulders.

Love spelled backwards is Love,” I answered, laughing. “Mike chose it.”

“Mike?” Jake frowned in amused confusion. “He chose to see a romantic comedy? But he didn’t manage to sit through all the romantic stuff without throwing up!”

“Yeah.” There was a pause and I felt the need to explain. “He, erm, organised the thing but I wrecked it by inviting the cafeteria crowd.”

Jake frowned seriously now. “Wrecked what?”

I sighed in defeat, wishing I had kept my mouth shut. “He meant it to be a date, just for me and him. I’m sort of glad I mucked it up because it would’ve been awful trying to turn him down...”

“He asked you out?” repeated Jake, his fists clenching and his body beginning to vibrate. I could see his whole form shimmering in front of me like his existence was uncertain.

“Jake!” I cried, clutching his arms, trying to hold him here with me as if he was about to disappear. “Jake! Calm down! I don’t want to go out with him! I-”

“You don’t want to go out with him?” asked Jake through gritted teeth as his outline grew more determined.

“No!” I gasped, my heart thudding powerfully with adrenaline. “Of course not! Didn’t I just say I’m glad I mucked his plan up?”

“Yeah,” admitted Jake, his breath coming out in a sudden rush. “So why don’t you want to date him? Is he that ugly to you?”

“No,” I disagreed, sticking up for Mike out of politeness. “He isn’t that bad looking, it’s just he’s too much of a friend, you know? And I don’t like him any more than that. Anyway, I think Jessica has her eye on him, though I heard they’ve just overcome the awkward post-dating phase-”

“What? So you don’t date friends, huh?” asked Jake with a fake attempt of a smile. His eyes looked saddened as they stared hopelessly at his feet and I felt my own stab of pain in my heart.

“That’s not it, I just don’t like Mike that way,” I promised him. His dark eyes lifted and met mine and after a few seconds his breathing quickened.

“What about your other friends? Would you consider going out with one of them?” He shifted slightly so we were even closer than usual. I wanted to move back, the gap was too close: it was uncomfortable and too heated. I could feel my heart twisting almost painfully in my chest, my body beginning to melt with the intensity.

“I... I’d- It depends.”

“On?” I struggled to breath. Jake was so close to me, his face literally only a few inches above mine as he inclined his head.

“What does it matter anyway, Jake?” I laughed nervously, trying to hide my embarrassment as I looked away from him.

“It matters to me. You matter to me.” All I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. “I won’t give up no matter what you say, but it’d give me hope all the same.”

“Hope?” I whispered dizzily, looking back to him shyly, gripping his t-shirt tightly, pulling him closer.

“Bella...” Jake’s face slowly closed the gap and my head naturally tilted back. His burning soft lips scolded mine, but I couldn’t focus on the sensation when the sensation was pushing me towards a dizzying unconsciousness.

“Jake,” I groaned into his mouth, his right hand pulling my ribs closer to his body, his left gripping my face to his. I twisted on the seat towards him and he reacted immediately by pulling my pelvis down to sit over his own. His legs were between mine as he became everything around me. I felt nothing, saw nothing, knew nothing that wasn’t Jacob. Lost in our passion we were startled apart as a weak cough sounded behind us.

A very unhappy, pallid, sweaty faced Mike was frowning dejectedly as I tried to control my breathing. “I don’t think I can sit through the rest of the movie,” he admitted, his eyes fixed on my left hand which Jake grasped.

“It’s ok,” I said, standing. Jake stood with me, never letting the gap between us grow. “Jake, do you think you could drive us all home?”

“Sure,” beamed Jake smugly, lifting me off his knee but keeping hold of my hand. I glanced at Mike apologetically, but he was ignoring me.

“Excuse me,” Jake said to the girl behind the candy counter, pulling me to a halt. “Could I have an empty popcorn bucket, please?”

She took one look at Mike and handed it over with surprising haste. She was probably the one who would be cleaning up Mike’s vomit should he be unable to hold it in.

“Thanks,” said Jake before leading us outside into the cold night.