Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Forbidden to Remember

Summary:
Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; my life after Edward Cullen.Forbidden to remember; my life after the accident. Bella happily immerses herself in her hallucinations of Edward until her lack of concentration results in her riding off a cliff. Three weeks later she finds herself in hospital with amnesia. Bella can't remember who she is, who her friends are, why she looks so ill or who this Edward Cullen guy is. All she can recall is her life starting after her regaining consciousness in hospital three weeks after the accident. She knows Charlie is hiding something about her old life, but what she can't put her finger on... B/J and B/E. A story about destiny: Will a change of events affect Bella's final decision of who she should choose? 21.06.11 CHAPTER 12 "CONFLICT" IS UP!! I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, I CAME ON TODAY TO SEE WHAT WAS TAKING SO LONG TO VALIDATE AND NOT ONLY HAD THE CHAPTER GONE THROUGH, IT WAS MISSING THE STORY TEXT -.-" I AM SO SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ~ SparklyCullen


Notes:
Edward gets his wish; Bella living her life like he had never existed. But when he drops in to find Bella happy with Jacob, should he walk away or make his presence known? Will Bella ever regain her memory?


6. Alone

Rating 3/5   Word Count 3569   Review this Chapter

“Bye, Mike,” I called out of the open window as Mike groaned out of the car and began to stagger to his front door. If I was honest with myself, I didn’t believe it was only the sickness bug that was bothering him. Jake’s arm was like an exothermic scarf around my shoulders. The cool night air blowing through the window was refreshing as it blew over my face and through my hair. It felt so good sitting here that I could only feel pity, rather than guilt, for Mike having to be with Jake and I as we officially became a couple.

Charlie shook his head, smiling as Jake walked me to my door, his arm around my waist and mine around his.

“Took you long enough,” commented Charlie, before moving back into the lounge so as to give us some privacy. I smiled, embarrassed yet insanely pleased of my requited love of Jake.

“Goodnight, Jacob,” I beamed, embracing his warm body.

“Goodnight, Bells,” he whispered, into my hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll be there as soon as humanly possible,” I promised. When he didn’t answer, I looked up. Jake was looking down at me softly. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he said pecking me on the lips and stepping back, a strange expression on his face. “I just feel a little... weird.”

“So do I.” I smiled, but he actually looked a little ill. “Do you want me to drive you back?”

“I’ll be fine,” he tried to lie weakly, but I could see through his disguise.

“Jake-” I started to offer again but his shape began to shimmer. “Jake?”

“I’m fine!” he roared. I jumped back, startled and frightened by his outburst.

“Jacob?” I whispered, but he jerked his head.

“I’m going. See you tomorrow. Love you, Bella.” With that he turned on his heel and forced himself into the rabbit and sped off without another word.

“Love you too, Jacob. Drive safe.”

“Bella?” Charlie was by the front door, peering out confusedly. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, my voice shaking as I tried to comprehend what had just happened.

Charlie stepped outside and noticed the car had gone for the first time. “Where’s he gone? I thought I just heard him yell?”

“He did.” I began to walk to the end of the drive and peered down the road where Jake had just disappeared down.

“What was wrong with him to make him get so angry?”

“I don’t know, Dad,” I confessed, wiping my weeping eyes on my sleeve inconspicuously. “I only offered him a lift back because he said he didn’t feel well. Then he started yelling at me and he drove off.”

Charlie followed suit, examining the road with me. He turned his head to look down the other way and realised I was crying. “Don’t cry, kid, I’m sure he’s fine.” He reached out hesitantly and awkwardly patted my shoulder. “Why don’t you phone him later? Then the two of you can talk this through.”

I nodded, too choked up to argue. I turned and trudged inside. I heard Charlie’s heavy feet creeping further into the road to review the street again before he too retired to the house.

I sat cross-legged on the sofa, waiting for enough time to pass for Jake to make it home. My eye lids began to droop heavily. It had been a long and eventful day and I was exhausted. I tried to move to a less comfy position, but the sofa was too soft and soothing.

I meant to open my eyes to see how much time had passed, but I realised my eyes were already open. I was lying across a smooth dark stone that glittered in the bright sunshine. Looking around I took in the natural beauty surrounding me. A sparkling, clear stream swept gently over the grey pebbles nearby. Magnificent bronze fish swam with the current, reminding me of hair blowing in the wind. The emerald green grass was long and silky however the butterscotch petals of the scattered wildflowers hid the ground unless I parted them with my hands.

An unnatural flash of silver caught my eye. For a second I saw a silver car parked between the trees, but when I blinked I realised it was the rusty Rabbit from Jake’s garage. I sat up, looking for Jacob but to my disappointment the only company I had was a russet wolf next to me. Primarily I thought it was growling at me. I felt my muscles tense to run but then I noticed it seemed to be snoring - literally. I shook my head, laughing quietly to myself, relaxed as I was when I had first awoken in the meadow.

The wolf woke. I watched it yawn and stretch loudly, feeling perfectly at ease as it’s joints cracked. It turned it’s black eyes on me sleepily and grinned goofily. It began to lope closer but as I reached out to stroke it’s thick luscious fur, it whined and pulled back. It’s black nose was wrinkled in distaste and it’s eyes tightened distastefully.

“What is it?” I asked the wolf quietly.

“A complication...” I blinked. I had expected the wolf’s voice to be husky but it sounded unnaturally smooth, like the eroded pebbles. “I shouldn’t have brought you here, I’m sorry.”

I realised the wolf had been growling audibly underneath the reply. It wasn’t the wolf speaking to me. I span on the spot, but there was no sign of anyone behind me to have owned the voice. As I rotated back slowly, the grass and leaves settled, like a gust of wind had blown them suddenly before I had turned. My eyes fell on the wolf. His relaxed nature had evaporated. He lunged for my throat and as I fell back, I noticed my skin sparkled like it was embedded with miniscule diamonds...

I gasped as I suddenly dropped back into reality. Light was glowing through the thin cloth curtains as it does when the sunrise is obscured by the rain clouds permanently hovering over Forks. My duvet slipped off my body and onto the carpet. I had fallen asleep on the living room sofa and Charlie had covered me with my duvet before he presumably retired to his own bed.

I staggered sleepily out of the living room and grabbed the phone in the kitchen. As it rung, I noticed the oven clock read six-thirty: as unsurprised as I was that there was no answer so early in the morning, disappointment and fresh concern began to gnaw my insides. I checked the answer machine and there was nothing.

I tried phoning again at seven, then quarter to eight, then every ten minutes after that. When Charlie came down at ten past ten, he found me sitting on the floor, the phone in my hand as I willed it to ring.

“Jake not phoned?” asked Charlie, inserting a couple of slices of white bread into the toaster and pushed down the button. I simply shook my head. Charlie looked at me and sighed. “If he hasn’t phoned by lunch, we’ll go down, alright?”

“It’s fine, Dad, really.” I was trying to reassure myself more than Charlie. “Jake can sleep through anything. I’m going down later anyway so you can go fishing or watch the sports channel...”

I felt Charlie’s eyes on me so I stood up and replaced the phone, pretending to be indifferent as I trudged upstairs to change out of my creased clothes.

At eleven that morning, I understood what Jake had meant by how slow my truck was. I wanted to push it faster so I could spend the extra time with him, but it whined until I took pity and relaxed the force on the accelerator.

I turned in and drove down the track. As I cut the engine, I realised something was missing from the usual picture. Jacob wasn’t waiting for me. It was strange: usually in rain as heavy as this he had an umbrella up and ready to go. I hopped out of the truck trying to shake off the uneasiness that was threatening my composure and jogged up to the house. Billy opened the door before I made it to the top of the stairs.

“Bella.”

“Hey, Billy, how are you?” I beamed as I made it to the door. Just knowing I was seconds away from Jacob had me glowing inside.

“Jacob isn’t here,” said Billy bluntly.

His words knocked me for a second but I quickly gathered myself. “Isn’t he?”

“No.”

I blinked, bewildered by the blocked statements. “Well, where is he? Should I call back later?”

“No. Jacob doesn’t want to see you anymore.”

I blinked again as a cold trickling feeling, starting at my hairline, began to run down the back of my neck. “Pardon?”

“Jacob doesn’t want to see you anymore.”

I gasped in a breath while Billy stared at me unrelentingly. “Why not?” I whispered.

“He’s moved on.”

“I tried to phone-”

“I know.”

“Why didn’t anyone answer?” My voice was taking a tone of begging but Billy did not react.

“Jacob doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore.”

Why?” Billy frowned unhappily, watching my cheeks. I drew the back of my hand over the area that had attracted his attention and it came away wet. Realising I was crying just made me sob harder.

“I’m sorry, Bella.” Billy rolled back and made to shut the door.

I still didn’t know who I was before I lost my memory, but I knew that pushing against a crippled man as he shut me out of his home was not something I did. As Billy exerted more force and my hand began to slip, I pushed my foot between the door frame and the door.

“Please, Billy,” I pleaded, my voice breaking and growing thick. “What did I do?”

Billy’s black eyes regarded my face and looked away. He looked ashamed of what he was about to say. “You’re not the same Bella anymore. It’s destroying him. He was hoping last night would bring back the old you, but you’ve gone. He doesn’t like who you have become.”

I stood frozen in the grey drizzle as the colour faded from the world. I felt my sun had imploded, leaving me cold and lost in the dark. Billy stared at me as though expecting me to start screaming or force entry, but I uselessly slid my foot out of the way with a mumbled apology for interrupting his morning.

“I’m sorry, Bella,” murmured Billy as he clicked the door shut in my face.

I stood in the rain trying to come to terms as to what had happened. Water began to dribble consistently off my face and into my clothes. Slowly I turned and walked awkwardly back to my truck, my limbs stiff like I had been encased in ice. I climbed in but it took me a lifetime to turn the key and another generation for me to remember how to drive. As I pushed down the handbrake and turned the truck around, I noticed the curtains twitch. I numbly acknowledged Billy had been watching me, but I couldn’t gather the energy to care.

I was paying the price for being reckless, even though that wasn’t me anymore.

I felt lost and alone as I drove home. I wished I could turn back time and stop myself climbing onto the wretched bike. I had now lost Jacob along with my memory. I had never been resentful of my amnesia: it had simply made the early days awkward as I talked to people who knew me, or rather, knew the old me. Now I was devastated over the loss of something I knew now that I had never had...

I parked the truck outside Charlie’s house. I couldn’t find the strength to get out. I didn’t see Charlie come to the window. I didn’t hear him call out to me. I noticed him only when he came out and opened the door of my truck.

“Bella?” His face was scrunched up with worry. “Billy called.”

“Can you get my chair, Dad?” I whispered hoarsely. “I need it.”

Charlie reached out for me and helped me out. I leaned on him heavily as my legs refused to take my weight. He seated me on the sofa and rushed off to fetch my chair, leaving me to brood.

I was going to become the old Bella, whoever she was and however different she was to me. It was all I had to get Jake back.

I knocked on the Black’s front door, but there was no answer. It had been three days since I had been told to leave and not come back and everyone had avoided my questions about who I used to be right before the accident. Jessica had informed me, rather rudely, that I was weird. Apparently I had gone to the cinema with her and acted like a freak outside a pub. That was all the information she would give me: it seemed that I had seriously offended her.

The only information I knew was reliable was my riding motorcycles. I had also seen the bikes in Jake’s shed, and been told the whole eBay thing was bull to keep Charlie happy. So it was in La Push I had turned in order to find out how I should act if I wanted to be with Jacob.

After five minutes of unresponsive silence, I walked away from the front door and marched down to the garage. I wanted to wait for an invitation, but that was the so called “new” me that Jake loathed. I had decided to be the opposite of who I was and hopefully discover my natural personality along the way.

I pulled back the cloth hanging over them and started to pull my bike free. A twig snapped outside the tin shed. I panicked, causing me to stumble back in shock. The bike began to topple and I dived in to keep it upright. I gasped loudly as my left leg became pinned under the machine. I tried to lift it off me, but it was so heavy. The lack of circulation began to produce the sensation of pins and needles as I struggled.

A shadow filled the doorway and I began to babble apologies despite my resolve to be everything I was not.

“I’m sorry! I just came for my bike! There was nobody in and I wanted it now. I know it was wrong, but please, can you help me?”

“Bella?” The shadow stepped forward until the light from a skylight caught his face.

I gasped in relief as tears spurted in my eyes. “Jake? Oh, Jacob! Help me, please!”

I wept as Jake lifted the bike with ease and waited for me to move away before setting it upright again.

“Jacob! I’m sorry, I wanted my bike. I’ve missed you so much-” I looked at his face and the temporary smile disappeared like he had slapped me. “Jacob?”

His jaw was set and hostility rolled off him. His beautiful black hair was cropped short. His hands were clenched into fists at his side and he was simply wearing a pair of cargo cut-offs even though it was particularly chilly that day. As he spoke, he glared at a spot by my left ear.

“Bella, go home.” I began to object but he interrupted me. “Go home and don’t come back.”

“I’m sorry, Jacob!” I gushed, trying to apologise before he could cut me off. “I’m trying! Believe me!”

Jake frowned menacingly. “What?”

Grateful for the chance to explain myself, I began to talk as fast as I could manage. “Your dad told me everything and I’m – I’m sorry that I’ve changed, but please! Please, give me another chance! I don’t know who I’m supposed to be! I’ve asked my friends who I was before the accident, but they won’t – they won’t tell me anything! Charlie is always really careful about the past and my mom was in Jacksonville so she doesn’t know how I was before either! The only person who can help me is you! Jacob will you please give me a chance and tell me how to behave-”

Jacob’s menacing frown became bewildered. “What?”

“-I know you don’t like who I’ve become! And I’m sorry about that, but I can’t do anything unless someone tells me who I really am!”

Jake shook his head sadly. “I can’t do that, Bella.”

“Why not?” I demanded, wiping away the tear stains on my cheeks.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Jake growled. “For your own sake, Bella: leave the bike here, get in the truck and go home.”

“Why can’t I stay with you?” I searched his expression as it began to harden. “What’s happened to you, Jacob?”

“I’ve changed, Bella.” Jake’s statement was blunt and regretful. “I’m not the person I was.”

“Neither am I!” I argued, reaching out for him, but he stepped back, his gaze avoiding me completely. “Please, Jacob? I love you-”

“You love the old me!” he spat, glaring into my eyes. The fire was consuming him on the inside, I could see that much.

“And you love the old me!”

Jacob heaved a heavy sigh, his fists clenched as his image shivered and began to blur. “Go home.” His voice was detached as he turned his back on me and walked away.

I called after him but he didn’t reappear. I got to my feet and stumbled out of the darkness. Before I could climb into my truck, I saw a group of men. Each stood on the outskirts of the trees, an exact copy of the other. I noticed the leader of the assembly had the same bitter expression as Jacob. They watched me as I pulled out of the drive. I recognised Jake near the back of the group and my heart broke all over again.

That night I cried myself to sleep like I had done since realising Jacob’s motives behind the kiss at the cinema. Every morning I had woken up with sore, aching eyes and the next rising was no different except it wasn’t morning when I woke...

I started, my heart racing as I saw a large silhouette by my window. It’s hair was cropped and was beginning to creep towards me silently. I pulled the covers up and began to back away. I started to scream as it came to me, it’s arms outstretched like a farmer catching lambs for the slaughter. I reached the edge of my mattress and plunged into emptiness.

I flinched away from the burning hands that caught me and covered my mouth, trying to scream loader.

“Bella! Shut up! Charlie’ll hear!” whispered the silhouette harshly.

“Jacob?” I forgot to struggle and just lay still trying to make myself believe it.

“I’m sorry for how I treated you today, Bella,” Jake babbled into the quiet of the house. “I want to tell you everything – I want to tell you the truth, but I can’t!” He paused for a moment and his voice became desperate. “Bella, say something please!”

I sniffed discretely and tried to speak through the silent tears coursing down my cheeks. “But... but you don’t love me anymore. I’ve changed Jacob.”

“No!” he objected, pulling me closer. “No! I’m sorry we lied to you but they were just lies! I’m so sorry, Bella, I’m the one who’s changed-”

“It’s not me, it’s you.” I nodded, understanding he was trying to make it easier for me to move on, but I wouldn’t listen.

“Well, yes, but- you’re not safe with me anymore.”

I looked into his eyes. “Why not?” Jake’s mouth opened and closed. A faint choking sound escaped his throat, panicking me. “Jacob? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t explain,” he gasped, squeezing me tightly. “I’m sorry, Bella. Have you ever had a secret you couldn’t tell anyone?”

“No,” I whispered, stroking his distressed expression gently.

Jake shook his head. “You did,” he promised. “But you don’t need to know any more... Unless...”

“Unless what?”

Jacob watched me thoughtfully. “I wonder... maybe if you guessed what I am... maybe that would let me off the hook...”

“What are you on about, Jake?” Tiredness began to swamp me.

Jake sat me on my bed carefully and stared me in the eyes, willing me to understand. “I’m going to try to say something. Give me a minute if it doesn’t come out first time, okay?” I nodded sleepily.

“La Push folklore,” he said slowly.

“What?” I interrupted, completely lost.

Jake hushed me and continued as though trying to avoid key words. “Search google for La Push folklore. Cold ones. Hear that? La push folklore about cold-” He winced.

“About cold ones?”

Jake nodded, grateful for my cooperation. “I’m-”

When he didn’t answer, I guessed again. “You’re a cold one?”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jake, but I have no idea what you’re going on about,” I sighed. Jake’s face fell. “Can’t we see each other anyway?”

“No.”

I frowned. “Why not?”

“It’s not safe, Bella. Just please try to understand and phone me when you work it out. Love you.” He pecked me on the lips and jumped out of the window before I could object.