Forbidden to Remember
Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; my life after Edward Cullen.Forbidden to remember; my life after the accident. Bella happily immerses herself in her hallucinations of Edward until her lack of concentration results in her riding off a cliff. Three weeks later she finds herself in hospital with amnesia. Bella can't remember who she is, who her friends are, why she looks so ill or who this Edward Cullen guy is. All she can recall is her life starting after her regaining consciousness in hospital three weeks after the accident. She knows Charlie is hiding something about her old life, but what she can't put her finger on... B/J and B/E. A story about destiny: Will a change of events affect Bella's final decision of who she should choose? 21.06.11 CHAPTER 12 "CONFLICT" IS UP!! I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, I CAME ON TODAY TO SEE WHAT WAS TAKING SO LONG TO VALIDATE AND NOT ONLY HAD THE CHAPTER GONE THROUGH, IT WAS MISSING THE STORY TEXT -.-" I AM SO SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ~ SparklyCullen
Edward gets his wish; Bella living her life like he had never existed. But when he drops in to find Bella happy with Jacob, should he walk away or make his presence known? Will Bella ever regain her memory?
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I came to school in a wheelchair the next day. I’d done well; it had been almost three weeks since my last use, but every step I took sucked the majority of my energy as the aching pain grated through my joints. If it was possible to move around without it, I would have, anything to avoid extra attention, but it was either the chair or crawling. Admittedly I’d remain more inconspicuous crawling, but Charlie wanted me to get some use out of it.
“Need help with that?” I looked up to see Mike smiling reservedly. He seemed to have humbled since meeting Jake; perhaps my unvoiced preference was obvious.
“Sure,” I sighed, relieved I wouldn’t have to haul myself up the winding slope to main reception. As Mike pushed me along, I looked around, listening to Mike as he talked me through the latest releases in the cinema, hinting next time we should leave Jake at home. Some people are hard to dissuade even if I hinted that if Jake and I were inseparable before, they had obviously not seen us after we started dating.
Something suddenly caught my eye. I thought I could see a man standing near the edge of the forest next to the car park, his auburn hair burning in the dawn light, and as the sun escaped from behind a cloud and lit the woodland, I swore I saw rainbows escaping from between the trees. It was like a magpie had made its nest there and a shard of mirrored glass had caught the sun. As the sunlight muted behind yet another grey cloud, the boy was gone. I shook my head, trying to clear it.
“Something wrong, Bella?” asked Mike with concern.
“I just thought I saw something in the trees,” I admitted, turning my head to face forward again.
“Wasn’t a wolf was it?” His tone became more interested. “I hear there’s been another sighting not far from here-”
“No, no, it was nothing like that,” I said hastily. I felt guilty for almost exposing my new friends and Jacob previous to my knowledge, and believed it was my duty to intercept any awareness early on.
“Oh,” Mike sighed disappointed, turning me around to pull me up the steps.
“Here you are, Mike,” I offered, climbing out of the chair. He tried to argue but I was already ascending the stairs, grasping the handrail fiercely in case my legs gave out. Mike quickly pulled the empty wheelchair up the steps and ushered me back in. I sighed. I had a feeling he as enjoying this more than he should.
We made our way to English, Mike chattering about a new movie that was coming out the following day, making suggestions that maybe we should go together without anyone else. It was going to be a long day.
Jake was waiting for me as I walked up to my truck. I had given up on the wheelchair at first break and had tossed it (with some help from Tyler, Eric and Mike who were all too eager to help) back into the bed. His face split into the most beautiful grin I’d ever seen as I made my way to him and a similar smile mirrored across my face.
“Hi, Jacob,” I said as I hugged his warm body around the middle. “Any progress?”
“Not yet,” he grumbled playfully, picking me up and whirling me round. “Mm I can’t wait till you graduate; it’ll make life so much better. I won’t have to wait everyday for you to get out of school.”
“You should be in school too, Jacob,” I told him sternly before pecking his lips. “Not chasing vampires up and down the U.S. of A.”
“F.Y.I.,” argued Jake playfully as we climbed into my truck. “We were in Canada last night actually.”
“Jake, I wish you’d get some sleep,” I sighed as I started the engine and pulled out. “You look so tired all the time.”
“I’m fine,” he lied, wrapping his warm arm around me. “I don’t want to miss out when we get hold of the bloodsucker. I almost missed out on the other one ‘cause I was driving you home-”
“So dump me till you get her if she’s so much more important,” I said mischievously.
“I couldn’t do that, you mean too much to me,” said Jacob lowering his head to my neck. “And anyway, some other bloodsucker we don’t know about might sneak in and bite you.” I frowned at his serious tone until I felt his teeth sink into my flesh. I yelled out, trying to keep the car driving straight.
“Jacob!” I cried, slapping his leg.
Jake pulled his head up laughing. “Calm down, Bella. I’m a wolf, not a leech.”
“So you say,” I grumbled, but chuckling in spite of myself. “Don’t do that while I’m driving, Jake. You could have killed us both!”
“Aw, shucks, you’re just saying that,” winked Jacob pretending to be bashful, but shuffling away slightly regardless. “Hey,” he said, looking out of the window. “Pull up that exit there, Bells. I want to show you something.”
I followed his instructions off the road and up to what appeared to be a trail. “Oh, no,” I argued. “No, I’m not hiking, Jacob.”
“It’s alright, I know where I’m going,” said Jake, rolling his eyes as he got out.
“We’re following the trail I hope!”
"Nope, we’re going that away.” Jake pointed into a random collection of trees.
I gaped. “Seriously? Jake it’s nearly twilight; can’t we do this another time?”
“Yeah, I guess we could...” Jake hung his head as he traipsed sadly back to the car, his hands in his pockets sullenly.
“Oh, for God’s sake, quit it with puppy eyes!” I grabbed his hand and after a moment of hesitation, dragged him into the trees. “It’s your fault if I break my leg!”
“Then climb up, Madame.” Jake winked, holding his arms out behind him, a clear gesture he was offering a piggy back.
“Merci beaucoup, monsieur,” I laughed, hopping up with a little help from a dead tree stump. I wrapped my legs around Jake’s waist and my arms around his neck, kissing his muscular shoulders as we began to move into the dense woods.
Jake travelled at a light jog, allowing me to have a look around. It felt familiar somehow but I couldn’t place my finger on why. We talked and kissed until I could see light through the trees. Jacob set me down lightly and took my hand, guiding me towards the glow.
“What do you think, Bells?” grinned Jake as I gasped.
The meadow was a perfect circle like someone had uprooted any trees that interrupted the smooth curve of the circumference. It was overgrown but that made it feel more natural than if the grass had been cut.
“Jake, this place is like magic,” I stated, kissing him again as I took in the wild beauty.
“I thought you would like it,” Jake grinned, kissing me back and pulling me into the ferns.
An hour or so later, I had to drag Jacob into the forest because it was getting late. He invited me to jump on his back again and I did so. As we moved through the trees, I thought I saw a bronze haired boy watching us from between the leaves but before I could focus on his face, he was out of sight.
Jake snorted. “Disgusting vampires,” he growled, pulling my arms and legs tighter around his torso. “The stench is all around here.”
“The female’s around here?” I asked worriedly, quickly scanning the nearby trees, expecting to see a pair of red eyes looming out of the darkness.
“Naw, it must be the guy with the dreadlocks who we took down a couple of weeks ago,” grumbled Jake. “But all the same he freaking stinks!”
“What do the vampires smell like?” I asked curiously.
Jake scrunched up his nose. “They’re sickly sweet and kind of icy – it stings my nose like crazy.”
“Aw, Jacob,” I stroked his face gently, poking his nose. “Maybe you should give it up.”
Jake chuckled. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”
“I want you to be safe, Jake. What would my life be like without you?” Jake turned his face as far to the left as it would go so I could kiss him lightly. “You were there from the beginning. We are perfect for each other. What am I supposed to do without my big bad wolf?”
Jake chuckled. “You won’t ever have to go without me, Bella. We’ll be together till we’re old and grey and ramming people’s ankles in our wheelchairs: Scout’s honour!”
I laughed and kissed his neck. “I love you, Jacob.”
“I love you too, Bella,” he replied sincerely as he opened my truck door and sat me in the passenger’s seat.
“So let me drive,” I hinted.
“You almost killed us on the way here remember?” teased Jacob.
“Because of you, hypocrite: you could have opened a main artery and drained me dry!”
We teased each other playfully until we arrived at Charlie’s and parted ways as Sam had begun to howl for Jacob’s company. When I stepped inside, Charlie was laid back in front of the TV.
“Late home aren’t you?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the screen.
“Jake wanted to show me this meadow by the path on the highway,” I told him, going into the kitchen for a drink and some leftover pizza that was sitting on the side. “It was a couple of hours walk in and out but it was worth it.”
“Where’s this meadow,” yawned Charlie while I plated up my dinner and sat down.
“In the middle of the forest somewhere,” I told him, taking a bite.
“Forest?” Charlie’s tone sobered. “Bella, there are bears around killing hikers!”
I shifted uncomfortably, torn between keeping him in the dark and telling him that the accused were trying to save the hikers, but the latter would have aroused suspicion and Charlie would never be able to accept there were vampires in the world. “I know but Jacob’s able to look after us both-”
“It’s not that I doubt him, Bella,” sighed Charlie looking tired and old. “But the hikers know what to do when a bear attacks and you two don’t, and even with the experience they’re disappearing like invisible books! I don’t want to have to be looking for your bodies in the woods, alright? Promise me you won’t go there again.”
I sighed, but Charlie wasn’t going to let it drop. “Sure sure,” I said, finishing my pizza and washing up after myself.
“There’s a good girl, Bells,” smiled Charlie gratefully. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
I sat watching her sleep from her mother’s old rocking chair. The moon shone brightly through her window, reflecting off her perfect pale skin. I watched hungrily, resisting the temptation to creep forward and steal a soft, insignificant kiss off her pale rose lips. Moonlight was often described to be beautiful, and so it was as it spotlighted my undeserved angel, but it was also revolting. The weak light sucked away her life. If I could not hear her heart beating solidly as it rung in my sensitive ears or see her enchanting chest lift with each breath, I would curse God for being so merciless.
I had been in her presence for fourteen hours, seventeen minutes and thirty six seconds in counting but I still lacked satisfaction. In fact I was writhing in my seat as I replayed everything in fast forward. She had moved on like I had intended her to. She had blessed another with her love, though no man could relish it like I. No man could possibly be so filled with love for a woman, especially not an insignificant human.
I wanted to rip up the continent from the rock in which it was bounded to Earth and fling it solar systems away. She was mine. Alas, I thought to myself. She was mine but I had traded her in for her safety. This is what I had wanted her to find all along.
This was what I had lied to myself about wanting. I knew I half wished she wouldn’t cope, that I could return to her unregulated love. I knew it was selfish of me but I craved her with every cell of my being.
“Who are you?” I heard her whisper, lost in her dreams. I put my head in my hands, regretting ever turning away but acknowledging this day had to come. She couldn’t stay with me. I had never done anything to deserve her. Her beauty, her scent, her intelligence and gentle touch was made for a better man than I. This was punishment from God from straying so far from his commandments and for losing my soul. As the sun began to rise behind the grey, stifling clouds I rose to my feet and moved at human speed to Bella’s window.
“I love you, Isabella Marie Swan,” I murmured too low for her to hear me even if she was awake and standing next to me. “For as long as I shall exist and beyond. You are my one and only love.” I kissed my hand softly and then gently touched her cheek, transferring my gesture of love without tempting myself to stay. I jumped out of her window and ran at my full capability away from her home to my family’s current residence. As I ran through the woods, a stench of wet dog scolded my nostrils. I snorted in distaste but simply refused to breathe until the air tasted clean again.
I walked into the living room where my family were gathered like statues in a museum. Alice had obviously told them what I had seen.
“Edward, listen to me,” whispered Alice as I turned my head away from her, unable to listen anymore. I couldn’t turn back on my word. Bella had moved on as I had meant her to. She was happy.
“She’s not safe!”
I sighed, chagrined. “Bella’s never been one-hundred percent safe, Alice,” I reminded her. “She’s a danger to herself. We left because we were putting her in more life-threatening situations than she would usually come across. She’s moved on. It’s time you did too.”
“Edward,” Alice interrupted. “I decided I would talk to her today, and do you know what I saw?”
I growled at her. How dare she decide to go against my wishes? The rules I had set to prevent us all from harming her further. The laws I was desperate to break. She ignored me, waiting for my answer. I rolled my eyes, knowing she would either show or tell me what she saw within the next minute anyway.
“If I talked to her, she wouldn’t have any idea who I was.”
I frowned and remarked with disgruntled sarcasm, mocking her in my dark mood. “What? Were you planning to talk to her in fancy dress? In a disguise of some sort?”
“No,” growled Alice offended. “No. I was planning to go up to her with nothing disguising who I am and ask her how she’s been. But the vision... No matter what I say, she won’t recognise me.” I frowned, trying to think of an excuse, but Alice continued regardless. “So instead I decided I would take Emmett with me, but again, she won’t remember. I chose to take Esme and Carlisle with me and have them talk to her as well, but she won’t know who we are!”
She stared at me. I tried to break her gaze but she spoke before I could turn away. “Edward,” she whispered. “Something’s wrong. She needs help.”
I could suddenly see Bella in front of my eyes. Her silky long brown hair blowing gently in the light summer breeze as specks of water began to drop from the above clouds. The smooth, perfect droplets caught in her hair decorating like natural diamantes. Her thin eyebrows bowed in the middle, a clear honest expression of confusion. Slowly she shakes her beautiful, delicate head and apologises, the soft skin of her cheeks blossoming a tantalizing dusty rose as she turns shyly and walks away, peeking back to see us watching her still, frowning in our own bewilderment...
My unnecessary breath caught in my throat and my mouth pulled down into a frown. “I can’t,” I growled, turning away from my sister. “I won’t return, Alice. She did what I wanted her to. She achieved the targets I set out for her and I shall not contradict my promises. I am not going back and neither are you.”
Alice tried to interrupt me, but I turned slowly and glared at her. “You saw what I was going to do to her. She was either going to become officially dead or suspended in purgatory with the rest of us. Do you honestly believe that damning her is the best thing to do?”
I waited but she did not respond aloud. Instead she replayed Bella’s confused expression in her mind with mental warnings that something wasn’t quite right. I blocked her out and ran from the house. I was going to return to my hunting for Victoria before I let myself go again.
As I escaped the area, I heard Alice sigh loudly. You win.