Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Newport Living

A little different from your average Twilight story- Jasper Whitlock has recently moved in with his cousin, Edward Cullen after his mom dies from cancer. He meets neighbor, bad girl, Bella Swan, & her older brother, Emmett, & Shortly after he meets, Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie Hale & Bella's best friend, famous actress, Alice Brandon. Join them as they deal with being students at an elite Prep school, alcoholic parents, acting gigs, make ups, breakups, and a lot more... Think The O.C meets Twilight. We promise, it's a lot better than the summary makes it seem. Pictures for the story can be found here:
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=100001037472823&ref=profile Rated M: for underage drinking, language, possible lemons, and drug use.

This story has ideas from both Twilight, and the show The O.C, we tried to mix humor, drama, and romance to appeal to everyone, we also tried to make it a little different from your usual fanfiction... it doesn't start out canon couples, but we have plans on making sure it ends up that way. Disclaimer:: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight & the writers/producers of the O.C own anything we may have borrowed from them =]

11. BellaMonster

Rating 0/5   Word Count 7109   Review this Chapter

Edwards POV

"Come on Jasper, wake up, Alice will be here soon to take us to breakfast." I said as I shoved the sleeping form typically known during his waking hours as Jasper on his bed.

"I'm up, gimme five minutes and I'll be ready to go." Jasper said shooting up off the bed. I guess breakfast is the magic word to wake his sorry ass up in the mornings, usually it takes forever.

As promised, Jasper was ready to go before Alice got here, which was sort of amazing to me.

"Dani's for breakfast?" Alice suggested coming through the pool house door without knocking. I recall what it was like to be able to just come in without first knocking and waiting at least three minutes before entering. Yes, my previous experience had traumatized me slightly, but I was dealing with it.

"Sure let's go." I replied, following Alice and Jasper out the door to the car.

The whole trip no one talked about last night. I wasn't sure if we were all in shock, or just wanted to put it behind us, and never speak of it again, I was good with it either way.

"How's Bella this morning?" I asked, as we sat around a corner table eating our breakfast at Dani's, hoping Alice would know.

"I don't know, I haven't checked on her yet. She was pretty hammered last night, so I figure she's still asleep." Alice replied, finishing her pancakes.

"We should check on her." Jasper suggested.

"Good idea, why don't we get some French Toast for her to go? It used to be her favorite." I added and got up to go place the order at the counter.

"Add extra bacon, she'll need the grease!" Alice shouted to me as I placed the order with Marge, our favorite waitress.

After we finished breakfast and paid, we made our way back to Bella's house.

"Is Emmett home?" Jasper asked nervously as we pulled up the drive.

"Rose took him to 'calm down,' which means they should be gone for a few hours and he should come back really happy." Alice answered with a giggle.

Oh, so that's what you do for Emmett when you piss him off, good to know. I would have to remember that later.

We walked up to the front door, it was locked, but luckily, Alice had a key and unlocked the door and we headed up to Bella's room. It had been years since I had been up here, it had definitely changed, instead of the neon pink walls with some fairy princess design all over them, the walls were now dark blue with white trim, and had posters of bands, barely clothed guys, and crazy art randomly around, and she had clothes everywhere. Bella was not the little girl I grew up with anymore.

"Morning sunshine!" Alice yelled as she jumped into bed beside the now awake and grouchy Bella.

"Listen here Rainbow Brite, not all of us like waking up to your bony ass bouncing on our beds." Bella grumbled angrily as she sank deeper into her blanket cocoon.

"Come on Bella get up, you need to eat something." Alice said shaking the bed and the Bellamonster again.

"Fuck off." Bella replied, such a morning person.

"Come on Bella, it'll help soak up the alcohol." Jasper suggested.

"No." came from deep within the Bellamonsters cocoon.

"Well I guess I'll just throw this plate of French Toast and bacon away." I said and put on my sad pouty face, even though she couldn't see it.

"Fine Cullen, give me the damn food and I'll try to eat some of it." Bella relented as she finally emerged from her nest of blankets and sat against her headboard. Her waist length brown hair was a mess, it looked almost like a lions mane, and her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying all night.

I handed her the take out box and she opened it with a smile, clearly happy I remembered her favorite.

"What are we going to do about Emmett?" Jasper asked as he plopped down on the bed next to her.

"What do you mean? There's something we need to do about Emmett?" Bella asked, confused, as she took a small bite of french toast.

"Well, last night Emmett said we need to take a break, but his 'need' sounded an awful like a 'have to.'" Jasper explained.

"Ugh, Emmett." Bella sighed, looking sad.

"Bella, if that isn't what you want, say something and we'll talk to Emmett and explain things." I said trying to make her happy again.

"I just don't want to break up the group, we all have fun together." Bella whined, yes whined, like a small child. It was almost cute, okay, it was cute, especially when she pouted out her lip.

"I have an idea." Alice said with a wicked smile.

This was either going to be very good or very bad, which, I wasn't sure of yet.



I had the best idea! I mean, granted, I always had the best ideas. But I was pretty sure this one took the gold metal of all of my ideas, ever.

"Why am I suddenly worried?" Bella grumbled, pushing her food around the container. Yeah, after the liquor store's worth of alcohol she not only drank, but threw up, I don't think anyone would want to eat. My stomach hurt just thinking about it.

"You guys have so little faith in me, it's kind of depressing." I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest, "but anyways, do you want to hear my idea, or not?"

"Yes Alice, tell us." Jasper said, winking at me. Oh, he was sexy when he winked, all the more reason why my idea was perfect.

"Fake Dating." I said simply, and looked at the three of their faces to see confusion on all of them. Ugh, was it really that hard to keep up with me? God. "Emmett said you two need a break, right?" I asked, and they nodded, so I continued, slowly, so they could understand of course. "Well, me and Jasper just won't come around for a few days, at least while Emmett and Rose are here, and you two-" I pointed at Edward and Bella, "need to hang out, a lot in front of them, and then in a few days, me and Jasper will come back around so they'll see, and we'll pretend in front of them that Jasper and I are dating, and you and Edward are dating." I explained, watching as they took in the information.

"Alice, what are you-" Edward began.

"Yeah, I don't think Em will buy that..." Bella replied after a second.

Jesus Christ those two. They were meant to be, and the only two who didn't know it was them. They had been meant to be for their entire lives, it's like they were made for each other and fate made sure they lived next door to each other. They were handed their soul mates, unlike most of the rest of the world, and both of them were too blind to see it.

And, I had also kind of known since the second I saw Jasper at the Cullen's barbeque that he was my soul mate, but Bella was my best friend, and she was into him, and she needed to get away from Jake, so I didn't stand in her way, and I definitely didn't hold it against her, because I knew it wouldn't last. Jasper and I were meant to be, and Bella and Edward were meant to be. This fake dating was going to help everyone see that they had been with the wrong person.

I just hoped it didn't backfire on me.

"Let's give it a shot." Jasper said, shrugging, "what could it hurt?"

"As long as Emmett doesn't find out, I don't like lying to him." Bella admitted, playing with her swollen tongue, her food forgotten.

"Edward?" I asked, all of us focusing our attention on him.

"All right, as long as Emmett doesn't kick my ass." Edward agreed, with a frown.



So, I got to hang out with Alice alone for a few days to establish our fake relationship while Edward got to deal with Bella and all of her drama-rama. Sounds like I was getting the better end of the deal.

Don't get me wrong, I really liked Bella, but sometimes she was extra strength crazy and came with a brother who could rip me apart with his bare hands, I was concerned, no, I was downright scared. I mean Bella gets drunk, and Bella strips, yet Jasper gets yelled at for it, bullshit, complete and utter bullshit.

I cared for Bella, really, but the girl needed help and I was not in the right place in my life to give her the help she needed, but maybe Edward could. He was like a middle aged man already, maybe he could straighten her out while she loosens him up. Yeah, I think those two spending more time together would be a good thing, for both of them.

"So... we're just going to swap boys?" Bella asked seemingly trying to catch up with Alice.

"Yeah, it's simple. You and Jasper took a break, and since Jasper and I conveniently aren't around for a few days, you decided you liked Edward better, vice versa for Jazzy and I." Alice explained, slowly. I wasn't sure if she was trying to talk down to Bella since she was clearly hungover, or just trying to slow her own mouth to a speed which normal humans could understand.

I liked it when she called me Jazz or Jazzy, it was cute.

"This is so not going to help the rumors about us and our swinging lifestyle at school." Bella groaned.

"Oh well, they'll get over it, besides who we date is our business, not theirs." Edward replied.

"What are we going to do about the physical stuff?" I asked.

"What physical Jazz? It's not like you have to pass a physical to date." Alice answered, giggling.

I rolled my eyes, smirking, "No I meant like kissing and stuff, isn't that going to be weird?" I asked my question in a different context trying to explain my concern better.



This fake dating stuff might actually be a good idea. I mean, I've been having trouble figuring out which boy I liked more, and acting like we're dating could help me decide who I like more. Or, it was just going to make my life even more complicated, it could go either way at this point. But, I had nothing else to lose, literally. Everyone at school thought we were swinging, everyone had seen me almost naked last night, and I'm pretty sure I threw up my intestines last night while I cried into the toilet, my dignity was flushed down it as well.

"Well, I mean, we'd only have to do that in front of Rose and Emmett, and it'd not like you can get hot and heavy, especially in front of Emmett." Alice pointed out, she had a good point. Everyone seemed to nod in agreement. Em would freak and someone would likely lose a testicle.

"Plus, it's not like Cullen and I haven't kissed before." my fucking dumb, hung over, still sort of drunk ass said, before I could stop it. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

"What?" Jasper asked, he and Alice looked between the two of us.

"When?" she asked, mirroring Jasper's shock but with a funny look in her eyes.

"Ugh, well, he tried kissing me when we were six, but I slugged him it was gross, but then again when we were like twelve, nothing serious." I backtracked, "and you've all seen me naked as of last night, no big deal now." I threw in, hoping to distract them.

"Why did you never tell me?!" Alice whined, and I was a little pissed my diversion didn't work, but relieved because she seemed more upset about missing out on the details than the fact that I had kissed the guy she was dating, although, he had seen me almost naked, she couldn't get mad at a kiss.

"Because, there wasn't even any tongue." Edward told her.

"Really?" I asked, "I thought there was?"

"There might have been some church tongue." He admitted,

"Yeah, maybe a little bit of church tongue." I agreed, giggling.

"What the heck is church tongue?" Jasper and Alice asked in stereo, confused. Clearly they had never heard of it before.

"Church tongue is like a wedding day kiss, where you open your mouth and your tongues touch but they don't wrestle for dominance or enter your partners mouth." I explained and Cullen nodded, see- he got me. Dumb and Dumber still looked confused.

Before I could explain further or perhaps demonstrate with Cullen, Emmett burst through the door, his face going through a few different emotions before finally settling on anger.

"Jazzhands!" he seethed, eyeing Jasper. "What are you doing here? I thought I made myself clear last night. You two need a break, this doesn't look like a break to me damnit."


Edwards POV

Bella was now my pretend date, and we could kiss without hurting or pissing off Jasper or Alice.

Best. Fucking. Day. Ever.

Then Emmett came in and looking like he was going to castrate my cousin. "Em calm down." Bella said slowly, as she got up from her bed, and clearly not showing any signs of fear or weakness, much like you do with wild animals, good tactic.

"Like hell I'll calm down B, I told his ass and he did-" Em barked before Bella put her hand over his mouth to shut him up. Emmett looked only slightly more shocked then pissed. Bad move B, don't put your hand that close to the animals mouth, you're liable to lose a finger.

"Jazz, who did you come here to visit?" Bella asked and gave Jasper the look that said he better answer right or she would castrate him. Poor Jasper's junk, it seemed the Swan family had put a hit out on it today.

"Uhh Alice." Jasper replied and Bella looked at him like she wanted to give him a treat for being such a good boy.

"And why are you here Cullen?" Bella asked.

"To see you, B." I replied and honestly wasn't lying.

"See Em, no need to kill, maim, or dismember anyone here. Jasper is visiting Alice and Cullen is visiting me." Bella shot at Em with more sass then I would have, he still looked pissed.

"Bullshit, you guys are just fucking with me. Are you telling me since last night Jasper is now with Alice and your wth Edward?" Emmett asked, clearly seeing through our façade; damn, it was fun while it lasted.

But instead of answering, Bella walked right over to me, grabbed my face in both hands and gave me a deep kiss. It was nice, with just a little church tongue. Yep, definitely best day ever.

I'm not sure how long the kiss lasted, but when it ended Bella had her hands in my hair and mine where on either side of her hips. I counted myself lucky that she seemed to have brushed her teeth after puking because all I could taste was maple syrup.

"Happy now Em?" she asked while planting her hands over mine on her hips.

"Sure, sure B, tell you what. We have some half lunch, half dinner thing with Renee next Sunday. Bring your new boyfriend, if you guys are still 'together,' " he used finger quotes for together, "in a week. I'm sure she would love to meet him." Emmett replied with a smug grin.

"What? Renee? Why? She already knows Cullen." Bella huffed, anger replacing her once happy features.

"Yeah well, you two love birds are going, unless that means you're lying?" He said, looking between us, clearly still not buying it, and when no one responded, he smirked and walked out.

Lunch with Renee? Oh, fuck.



I really couldn't stand Renee. Hated that lush with a passion, and I'm pretty sure she knew it, whenever she was in Newport I avoided her like the walking STD that she was. That alone was one of the huge reasons I had always helped Em out with Bella, she would never turn into that, over my dead body.

My parents had been alcoholics, which is why I chose to come live with Alice, and my aunt and uncle. And it was also the reason why I rarely drank. And the main reason I avoided the horrible woman that my beloved Emmett and Bella had to call their mother. Actually they typically referred to her as Renee until she got pissed then they would begrudgingly call her Mom.

Going to this lunch was not something I wanted to do, but, I loved Emmett, with every fiber of my being, and he wanted me to be there, so I'd be there. And apparently Edward Cullen was was coming, because he and Bella had been "dating" for a little over a week now, instead of her and Jasper, and him and Alice. I'm not sure how much I believed it, Emmett definitely didn't, but we were waiting it out to see where they were going with it.

I looked over at Emmett, who was sitting next to me in the driver's seat, drumming on the steering wheel, which made me smile, he was so adorable. He pulled into a parking spot and parked the car, turning to face me.

"Thanks for coming Rosie, I know you don't like my mom, you're the best." he grinned and grabbed the collar of my shirt, and pulled me forward, kissing me softly. "I love you." he murmured against my lips, and I couldn't help but smile.

"All right you porn freaks, get a room." Bella's familiar voice shouted, we pulled apart and I turned to see her standing next to the jeep, with her hands on her hip, looking very nice in a purple summer dress, and her hair was straightened, and she had heels on, Edward was standing next to her looking nervous as hell.

"Don't throw up, kiddo." I told him, laughing.

"Yeah, don't do that man, I actually want to eat, this place is amazing!" Emmett said, excitedly, As we hopped out of the jeep, I pulled Bella into a hug, and she smelled a little like alcohol, but not as strongly as I would have thought.

"When is the last time you talked to Renee?" I asked Edward as the four of us walked into the restaurant, Bella and Emmett were holding hands, she hated Renee, it was his way of letting her know he was there for her, it seemed to relax her a little bit.

"Uh... maybe when I was like, ten." He said, looking worried, "is this going to be bad?" he asked.

I snorted, "Just hold on tight, baby." I warned him as the host led us over to a table in the back, where Renee sat, all over some old looking man, and not old like her, old like Grandpa Hale. Oh fuck.

"My babies are here!" She cooed, standing up, catching her foot on the leg of the chair and stumbling a little, but she caught herself and quickly grabbed the table so she didn't fall. Fucking train wreck.

"Hi mom." Emmett said as he hugged her, but pulled away quickly, taking his seat.

"Hi Rosa." She smiled fakely at me. Bitch.

"It's Rosalie." I corrected her, as nicely as I could, and smiled at her as I took the seat next to Emmett, but left two seats open next to him, so Bella could sit with him.

"Isabella! Baby, you look so nice! Although, you could have worn that Dolce and Gabanna dress I had delivered to the house last week, which is what I why I had sent it in the first place, but I suppose this will do." she drunkenly slurred as she tried to pull Bella in for a hug, but Bella wasn't having it, and jumped back next to Edward.

"Renee, you remember Cullen, right?" she asked, grabbing his hand. Renee looked at him blankly like she was trying to place him. "God!" Bella sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose tightly. "Our neighbor, Carlisle and Esme's ONLY son."

"Of course I remember him Bella, don't be ridiculous." she fanned Bella off, "My how you've grown dear." she placed her hand on Edward's chest, and he immediately tensed up.

"Mom, who's the guy?" Emmett asked, trying to distract Renee from trying to molest Edward, who looked scared as hell right about now. Poor kid wasn't ready for the Tsunami known as a Renee.

"Fucking drunk bitch." Bella mumbled under her breath as she sat down, pulling Edward with her.

"This is Winston, we're getting married!" she said happily, "Winnie, these are my babies, Emmett and Isabella." Winnie, really? God, he could be Renee's father, his balls were probably like raisins. I shuddered at the thought. Ew, fucking gross, go to your happy place Rosalie, just you and mini-Em. Renee seemed to have a thing for old, wrinkled, rich, and half dead. It was some obscure fetish of hers.

"Really? You're getting married again? What does this make your fifth marriage?" Bella snapped, glaring at him, poor old man.

"Oh honey, how many times do I have to tell you, that Cabana boy incident was annulled?" Renee sighed, rolling her eyes. Ugh, did I mention she was a slut?

"Mom, she does have a point..." Emmett trailed off, he was always a lot better at being around her than Bella was.

"Baby, this means I'll be home more, we can be a family again." Renee told him, as the waiter came over, thank god, and we all ordered, I looked over at Edward who looked extremely uncomfortable, poor kid, if he wanted in the Swan family, he'd better get used to this.

"So, are you going to be my new daddy?" Bella asked Winston, who looked like his eyeballs were going to pop out of his sockets.

Oh, this was just getting fun.



I laughed. I couldn't help it. Bella asking Father Time over here if he was going to be her new daddy was fucking hilarious. Bella smiled at me after I laughed. Rose and Em looked amused. Renee didn't look pleased, and Old Man Winter looked either confused or constipated, I wasn't really sure which.

The waiter came and took our order shortly after saving me from an even more awkward conversation. I would just keep my mouth shut, eat, and hold Bella's hand to keep her from murdering her mother or inducing Old Man Winter into cardiac arrest.

I ordered the Chicken Marsala, Bella got tortellini soup, claiming her tongue still hurt. I wasn't sure what Emmett ordered because it was so much food, I thought he was ordering for Rose as well, but it turns out it was all for him. How they fed his massive appetite without going broke, I would never understand.

"Winston, sir what do you do exactly?" Emmett asked trying be diplomatic. It was clear Renee's dear Winnie was having a good day if he woke up in the mornings anymore, everything else was just extra.

"Well, I made my money in the import and export business years ago, so now I just enjoy each day to its fullest." Winston replied.

"Winnie, what was it like to ride dinosaurs?" Bella asked which made me a laugh, just a little. She was clearly enjoying this way too much.

"Beg your pardon?" Winston replied.

"It's just her Tourettes acting up sir." I replied and gave Bella a look to knock it off, or at least tone it down. I didn't want her mouth to put poor Winston in the grave at the table; they hadn't even brought the entrees yet.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day my darling babies?" Renee said with a voice that reminded me of all the evil wicked witches in the Disney films. Mental note: don't take apples from Renee.

"My parents are having their anniversary party tonight and we're all going there. Dad is having dinner catered in." I answered hoping to somehow figure out a way to not have to invite Renee and Father Time, Mom would be pissed.

"Sounds lovely, too bad Winston and I have previous engagements or else we would love to join you, but Edward, please send my congratulations and love to your parents." Renee said and seemed almost sincere, almost.

I heard Bella next to me mumble something about 'must be a Matlock marathon on'. She was just mumbling her digs at Winston now, that was progress.

"Isabella, your birthday is coming up soon dear. What do you want?" Renee asked.

"A car." Bella replied shortly and gave Renee a look for using her full name, she hated it and everyone in Newport knew that. Luckily, we were saved from this awkward conversation, if it could even really be called that, when the waiter appeared with the food, thank God.

Okay Cullen, your mission is to cut the food slowly, chew even slower, and try to avoid more crazy conversations with Renee while trying to keep Bella from doing the same, yeah, good luck with that.

"Rose, when are you and Emmett going to get married and make me grand babies?" Renee asked, since she was having a liquid lunch and didn't bother eating. I guess when you got older you could condition your body to run on vodka alone.

Emmett started coughing which quickly turned into choking at Renee's question. I was mentally trying to recall how to attempt the Heimlich, when Rose, who was a shade of red I had never seen on her before, swiftly smacked Emmett on the back unclogging the stuck food.

"Well since we have been-" Rose started before Emmett quickly kissed her which seemed to distract her and she lost her train of thought.

I would have to remember that trick, it seemed useful.

"Emmett, I didn't mean for you to start here at the table. I raise you better then that son." Renee scolded him. Which earned a snort and more mumbling from Bella.

"Sorry mom, you just got me thinking that's all." Emmett tried to cover up the fact that he just saved Renee from an ass chewing from Rose. Emmett was a hero, like a man who jumped in front of a bullet to save someone else, except he used his lips.

"Isabella, what happened to Jake dear?" Renee asked, her words really starting to slow as the amount of empty cocktail glasses in front of her increased.

"Jake was a giant asshole to me and Cullen kicked his ass, so I'm Cullen's girl now." Bella explained without really answering her question at all.

"When did you kick Jake's ass?" Emmett asked.

"At the bonfire." Bella replied before I could.

"Good job Edward." Rose said and gave me an approving nod.

"Thanks Edward." Emmett said and tilted his glass in my direction.

"How long have you two been together?" Renee asked. God, she was a question asking bitch when she was around. I guess it made sense since she had no idea what went on in her kids lives, might as well pretend to care.

"Not too long, but we have been friends since we were little Re-Mom, or don't you remember?" Bella answered.

"I just can't believe Jake was mean to you, he was such a handsome boy." Renee added ignoring Bella's question, and clearly having some kind of fantasy about the asshole since her eyes were glossing over.

Emmett looked uncomfortable. Bella looked pissed. I realized Winston had been quiet for awhile, he looked to be napping, but I was tempted to put my spoon under his nose to verify he was still breathing.

"Mommy?" Bella asked in her sweet innocent voice. Oh god, this could not be good. Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

"Yes baby." Renee replied clearly not sensing the blood in the water, or the fact that Bella was about to attack.

"When you get me a car for my birthday, can you make sure it has a big backseat so Cullen and I can get started on making you your grand babies? I mean, it is family tradition to get knocked up in the backseat, right?" Bella asked with smirk.

Emmett started choking again; poor guy would never be able to eat again. Thankfully Rose was smacking his back but he was turning red.


Renees POV

That ungrateful little bitch, after all I have done and the sacrifices I have made for her she pulls this shit with me.

"I'm sure we can find something you will love sweetie." I replied not letting Isabella know how pissed I was. Poor Jake, no wonder the poor kid snapped and was mean to her, given her attitude. I could see him not wanting to deal with her violent mood swings and not to mention the drinking. She thought I drank like a fish; well maybe she should look in the mirror sometime.

"Thank you Mommy dearest." Isabella replied with a smug look that I wanted to slap off her face, but couldn't. I had Winston to think about and I doubt he wanted to see me bitch slap my spawn, even if she did deserve it.

That made me wonder, did I have Winnie take his blood pressure medicine before we left the room? I couldn't remember, it was okay he can just take more later. I swear his medicine was so confusing to figure out as well as the hiding place for his damn Viagra. I hated those little blue pills with a passion.

"Well, we must be going. Winnie here needs a nap before we head out to the Yacht Club tonight to meet some of his oldest friends." I said while I helped Winnie sign his name to the bill and made sure to leave the cute waiter a nice tip.

I swear I heard Isabella mumble something about 'no one can be older than him' under her breath, but since it wasn't aloud I could let it pass.



Lunch with Renee was a disaster. A fucking complete disaster. I couldn't believe she was getting married, again. She was totally pulling an Anna Nicole Smith right now, Grampa W didn't have much time left, and her drunk ass would probably cause early death anyways. I almost felt bad for him, almost.

I sighed as I walked into my walk in closet to try and figure out what the heck to wear tonight for Esme and Carlisle's anniversary thing. I really wanted to drink, but I knew showing up there drunk would be fucking stupid.

I smiled as I received a text from Jasper, and quickly typed out my reply. And then ran my hands through my hair as I realized this fake dating thing so far wasn't really helping yet, they were both great, but now I just had both... which may not be a bad thing, but if after over a week I couldn't decide, nothing probably would.

"B." I heard from my room, it sounded like Edward.

"In here." I called, looking down, I was just in my bra and panties, which was fine, he'd seen everything the other night anyways.

"I just came to see i- oh god, sorry." he said turning his head, I laughed at his innocence.

"Cullen, it's fine, stop being a baby." I smirked at him when he turned back to face me. He looked really good. He had a pair of nice jeans on, and a plain black t-shirt, it looked like he had attempted to style his hair so it wasn't completely unruly, but it looked good, he looked good. "Help me find something to wear."

"Uh. I'll try." he shrugged, and plopped down on the oversized circle couch in the center of my closet.

After four different outfit changes, we both finally agreed, on a pair of black dress pants, and a white dress shirt. I walked over to the other side of my closet to find a pair of appropriate shoes, and a matching purse and the right accessories. Between Renee, Rosalie, and Alice, I had enough clothes, shoes, and accessories to open my own store, it was pretty awesome.

"So, how long have your parents been married?" I asked him as I pulled my bangs back on my head to make a little bump in the front.

"I think like 18 years or something ridiculous like that." he replied.

"Damn, I don't think Renee's ever been married longer than 18 months, other than to, you know." I said, not wanting to think about my dad and the mess of a family he left behind.

"Yeah, Renee is..." he trailed off, I could see him in the mirror looking like he was searching for the right word, which made me giggle.

"A drunken slut?" I finished for him as I straightened out the hair that had gotten a little crazy from the day. He laughed awkwardly, flashing a smile at me, making my knees feel a little bit like jello, cliché I know, give me a break. "Sorry about lunch, that was all sorts of fucked up, Emmett shouldn't have made me bring you." I apologized, genuinely feeling bad, which scared me a little. Cullen made me feel things, something I had tried to stop doing with alcohol, and guys like Jake.

"Well, we have to make him believe we're together, right?" he smiled at me, and shrugged, "Its fine B, I didn't mind, in fact it was kind of funny."

"I'm glad I entertained you." I giggled, applying eye liner, mascara, eyeshadow and a thin layer of lip gloss. I spun around to face him, "Well, do I look okay enough to be parent approved?" I asked him, holding my arms out, elbows bent, with my palms flat up in the air.

"You look amazing B, you always do." he told me, blushing a little bit. "You ready to go?" he asked, and I simply nodded, biting my lip, worried that if I moved my mouth at all, it would be to kiss him. Damn it.

"Let's go get Em and Glamazon." I said, grabbing his hand and leading him out of my closet and room. I probably didn't need to grab his hand, he obviously could have just followed me, but I was being selfish, I liked holding his hand, it made me feel, calm, relaxed, whole, something I couldn't remember ever feeling before. Cullen scared the crap out of me.

We walked down the hall to Emmett's room, I knocked twice and opened the door, he knew better than to be naked with me in the house.

"Ready?" I asked them, Rose was wearing a black skirt, and a red sleeveless blouse. She had curled her long blonde hair, and put on the right amount of makeup. Where do you think I learned? Sure as hell wasn't from Drunkella De Vil aka Renee. Rose looked awesome, she always did.

"Hold on, Should I wear jeans, or slacks?" Emmett asked, he was still in the outfit he had worn to lunch, and he was looking at Edward's jeans and T-shirt outfit, to his own, frowning. Emmett and I were definitely related, we'd rather wear jeans than dress up. Granted, I loved my department store sized closet full of clothes, but jeans were my favorite.

"You look fine." I told him, and he did, he was wearing Khaki shorts, a button up blue t-shirt, and fresh white sneakers. He looked fine.

"Yeah, that's fine, it's not a huge thing. Just us, mom and dad, Jasper and Alice." Edward told him, shrugging.

"All right, let's go then, I can't wait to eat some of Esme's homemade cooking." Emmett grinned, grabbing Rosalie's hand as we walked out of his room.

"You just had a four course meal for lunch." I mumbled, shaking my head.

"I know, but after I choked for the fifth time, I stopped eating in order to stay alive." he grumbled, clearly unhappy about dinner as well. "You look really nice by the way, Bells." he said smiling at me as we walked out the front door, making sure to lock it behind us.

"Actually, Dad's having it catered." Cullen corrected, "Sorry Em."

"It's all good, I just can't wait to eat, again." Emmett said happily.

We made our way over to Cullen's, Emmett and Rosalie disappeared into the main house, and Edward and I made our way to the pool house, where we could see Jasper and Alice talking. When we reached the door, we dropped hands, which slightly saddened me, and we walked in.

"Hey guys!" Alice chirped, making her way over to Edward, and I made my way over to Jasper.

"Hey." I smiled up at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Hey babe." he grinned, wrapping his arms around my waist, and leaning down to kiss me. I kissed him back, ignoring the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that it was completely different then kissing Cullen.


Carlisle POV

I swear if another nurse asked me to give them a pelvic exam I was going to scream. Do these 'ladies' not have any sense of decency. I have been happily married for twenty wonderful years today to my darling wife and I was not a gynecologist, thank God!

I finally pulled into the drive and I saw Bella and Edward head into the pool house. Good maybe I had a few minutes with Esme before I needed to get changed and head downstairs, a man can only hope.

"Honey I'm home!" I shouted as I entered the house. Yes, I was a 1950's sitcom father, well not really, but I found it funny.

"Upstairs dear." my beautiful wife replied. I hastily made my way upstairs, I would like to be able to notably admit it was just to see my dear wife after another long shift at the hospital, but if I was being completely honest, I was hoping she wasn't completely dressed yet, or at all.

"Damn, you're dressed already." I said as I opened the door to find my wife looking stunning.

"Carlisle, behave! no need to be all Hot Doctor C tonight in front of the kids. I think we disturbed the boys at our last dinner." Esme said sweetly, god, she was hot. I couldn't imagine ever never wanting her and it made me happy to know that.

"Yes dear." I answered slipping back into good husband mode. Pervy Doctor C could come out later, after dinner hopefully.

I changed quickly out of my scrubs and put on some black slacks and a white button down. I wanted to look nice but also be comfortable after it all it was just our family and the Swans for dinner tonight. Alice was over here or at the Swans enough, I considered her a Swan.

I came downstairs and saw all the kids hanging out around the kitchen island.

"Caterers are setting everything up now." Edward said before I even asked.

"Good, I'm hungry." I replied.

"Here Daddy C, have an apple." Bella said and tossed me an apple from our fruit bowl on the island.

"No!" Alice said, snatching the apple from my hand. I was confused, and looking around so was everyone except Alice.

"Apples keep the doctor away, and we want Carlisle to be here." Alice explained. I didn't really understand her, but I liked her she was sweet and seemed a good fit with Edward.

"Dinner is ready!" Esme called as she stepped out of the dining room, no doubt making sure the caterers had everything just the way she wanted it, she was a perfectionist.

We all entered the dining room and once everyone sat down, I took in the room and was a bit confused. I was at one end of the table and Esme at the other. I expected to see Alice sitting by Edward and Jasper by Bella, but they seemed reversed.

"Do we need to get more chairs? or a bigger table or something?" I asked hoping someone would clue me in.

"Don't worry about it Carlisle it seems in just a few days time the kids decided to engage in some form of couple swap, so for the past week and a half, Jasper has been with Alice, and Bella's with Edward." Emmett explained, rolling his eyes, clearly not believing any of it.

"Is this true?" Esme asked, clearly just as confused as I was.

"Yes." all the kids answered at once.

"Someone care to explain this to me, beside Emmett?" I asked hoping for something to make sense of this. Sure they were kids and they did weird things. I couldn't count the "items" I had removed from teenaged orifices over the years when I was on the ER rotation at the hospital.

"I have had a crush on Bella since we were six and she hit me when I kissed her, and then again when we were twelve and she didn't hit me when I kissed her again on the Ferris wheel down by the pier. Then we drifted apart in middle school and high school but since we've been hanging around each other again, the same feelings resurfaced and we talked about it and since Jasper had a thing for Alice since they first met, and none of us were very serious, we thought we would try dating who we felt we were meant to be with." Edward said in one long breath.

"Damn! I knew you two were playing doctor in the tree house!" Emmett exclaimed. I was still confused, so Edward has always liked Bella this whole time? Esme looked pleased, I don't know if the risotto was to her liking, or she was happy with Emmett's joke, but anything that put a smile on her face couldn't be that bad.

"Ok, I think I understand, sorry to put all of you on the spot, this will take some getting used to." I apologized to our guests and family.

"High school sure has changed, huh Doctor C?" Rose asked me with a laugh.

"Yeah Rose, it sure has" I answered, chuckling.