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Newport Living

A little different from your average Twilight story- Jasper Whitlock has recently moved in with his cousin, Edward Cullen after his mom dies from cancer. He meets neighbor, bad girl, Bella Swan, & her older brother, Emmett, & Shortly after he meets, Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie Hale & Bella's best friend, famous actress, Alice Brandon. Join them as they deal with being students at an elite Prep school, alcoholic parents, acting gigs, make ups, breakups, and a lot more... Think The O.C meets Twilight. We promise, it's a lot better than the summary makes it seem. Pictures for the story can be found here:
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=100001037472823&ref=profile Rated M: for underage drinking, language, possible lemons, and drug use.

This story has ideas from both Twilight, and the show The O.C, we tried to mix humor, drama, and romance to appeal to everyone, we also tried to make it a little different from your usual fanfiction... it doesn't start out canon couples, but we have plans on making sure it ends up that way. Disclaimer:: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight & the writers/producers of the O.C own anything we may have borrowed from them =]

5. Wonky Boobs

Rating 0/5   Word Count 5150   Review this Chapter


"Jasper, did you get the video from Alice of Bella's drinking contest last night?" Edward asked and he was really risking his life because I was not awake yet and waking me up with stupid questions put one's life in more danger than normal.

"Uh... no, fuck, maybe, let me find my phone and check." I said stumbling out of bed searching my room.

Normally I would have at least made threats against Edward's life for waking me up, if not have actually attacked him, but he was talking about Bella so that made it better. I rummaged through the pants I had worn yesterday and found my phone. Sure enough, I had a video message from Alice and even a text message from Bella waiting for me. I started the video and was shocked to see Bella, looking hot in that dress she had tried on when we all went shopping, going shot for shot with some big dude who was at least two fifty maybe closer to three bills. I watched and heard Alice cheer her on while a crowd started to gather around them. The more they drank the larger the crowd grew in size so the louder the volume increased as well. There was a point where she stumbled in her heels, I'll never understand why girls wore heels when drinking, and fell back against the wall, where I thought she would have lost, but she kept going, and I was stunned to see the big dude puke into the trash can in front of them before Bella.

Damn, not only could that girl drink but she seemed to do it for fun. I would have to remember that piece of information for future use.

"Wow, I mean, I knew Bella was a party girl, but that is pretty damn impressive, even for her." Edward said.

"You're telling me, that feat of alcohol induction would be impressive for anyone but seeing it performed by such a tiny girl just makes it that much better." I replied trying to find some clothes. Since my cousin had me awake we might as well get this day rolling.

"Well she is Renee's daughter and I swear that woman lives off alcohol not oxygen." Edward said as he fiddled with the stereo, no doubt looking for more of his poppy punk favorites.

"So Bella's mom is a lush?" I asked, realizing while I had gotten to know Bella I really didn't know her family.

"A lush would be downplaying the extent of her drinking. I tend to think Renee has very little blood in her alcohol stream if you know what I mean." Edward replied and gave me a kind of sad look.

"That has to be fucked up having the town drunk for a mom..." I said without really thinking about it.

"Actually, Renee isn't even the town drunk. Honestly, I would maybe place her in one of the top five spots, but I think town drunk honors belong to Heidi Mallory." Edward said while finally settling on a song on the stereo I recall him playing a lot recently.

"Who is that?" I asked, not really sure why but I was intrigued now.

"Heidi Mallory is married to the great plastic surgeon Scott Mallory. Dr. Mallory is known for his perfect boob jobs and for sleeping with practically all of his patients. He fucks around and she drinks and fucks anything available." Edward explained to me.

"That's sad." I said finally finished getting dressed. I grabbed my phone and started checking my text from Bella. It must have been before the drinking game or Bella was some phenomenal drunk texter, because it was witty and snarky just like Bella, and had perfect spelling.

"No, sad is Lauren Mallory, their daughter. Imagine having a famous plastic surgeon father and being stuck in high school with wonky boobs." Edward said with a smirk.

"What the fuck are wonky boobs dude?" I asked. Now we were talking about boobs so my interest was even more piqued than normal, wonky or not.

"Think about a set of boobs with cockeyed nipples." Edward said as his pulled his arms into the sleeves of his shirt and demonstrated what he was talking about. He pointed his right index finger acting as his fake wonky boobed nipple far to the left. His fake nipple was looking directly as his fake left boob nipple almost. His left wonky boobed nipple was point up almost straight up to his chin.

I could not help busting up laughing. Not only at Edwards display but the thoughts of this poor wonky boobed girl actually walking around like that. "Fuck, that is some wonky boobage dude." I replied after the laughter from his visual aid died down. I admit it the visual really helped understand the situation but also made it that much funnier.

"Now imagine being embarrassed by that because your dad, who does over a dozen boob jobs a week, thinks yours are just fine." Edward said in the middle of a laughing fit of his own.

"Eww her dad has seen her boobs?" was all I could think to ask. I don't know why but that just seemed so wrong to me on a few different levels.

"Well he had to examine them before he could consider surgery. Rumor has it he didn't even touch them though, so no need to call Dateline on him or anything. Lauren's are one of rare Newport boobs he has not touched." Edward explained, it was still creepy.

"Your mom hasn't been a patient of his has she?" I questioned now concerned for my aunt.

"Dude, we are not talking about my mom's lady parts. That is so fucked up. She is your aunt you fucking pervert. You don't need to be thinking about her like that." Edward spat and looked pretty damn pissed off at me.

"Calm down Gossip Girl, I'm just hoping my aunt hasn't been molested by Dr Giggles. So any other defunct classmates I should know about?" I asked hoping I had defused Edward's anger.

"Let's head to Dani's for breakfast and I will fill you in on the rest" Edward replied and took off towards his car.



I yawned, stretching out in bed, reaching for Emmett, but when I realized he wasn't next to me, I opened my eyes. He always slept later than me, especially after a night like we had last night. I sat up, and saw that he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, mumbling something about how he's a failure.

"Em, baby?" I asked, wrapping the sheets around myself as I slid to the side of the bed next to him, "what's wrong?"

he sighed, looking at me, kissing my forehead as he handed me my phone, there was a message from Alice pulled up on the screen. "You know I never look through your phone, it was just going off all night, I couldn't take it anymore, so I was going to shut it off, but then I saw it was from Alice, so I figured you wouldn't mind, she was probably just checking in anyways, right?" he said, shaking his head. "Nope. Look at it." he sighed, and I wasn't mad at him, first of all I wasn't hiding anything from him, and second of all Emmett wasn't the jealous type, he would have never went through my phone otherwise.

"What is it?" I asked, now worried.

"A video." he replied simply, I sighed, wondering what the hell our two delinquents could possibly be up to now. I hit the play button, and had to suppress my excitement. It was Bella, looking fucking sexy as hell, (though I could see why Emmett would not be happier about her outfit.) going shot for shot with Felix, from Breaking Dawn! I loved Breaking Dawn, almost as much as I loved Emmett. I also had to fight back my laughter when Bella completely schooled him. I could hear Alice's drunk ass in the background talking with someone I didn't recognize. God knows what the two of them got themselves into after this video was shot.

"Emmett..." I trailed off, rubbing his back reassuringly, "it's not THAT bad..."

He looked at me like I had sprouted an extra head. "Not that bad Rosie?" he asked, "Not that bad?" he stood up, flailing his arms around, "My baby sister, and your cousin, are in some unfamiliar city, at an unfamiliar bar, with dudes they don't even fucking know. Bella is dressed like a skank, her tits were practically hanging out!" he said angrily, "Having a drinking contest with some grimy looking dirt bag, probably so his buddies can bring her home, and wait till she's passed out so they can do all kinda of fucked up things to her... and god knows how drunk Alice was, she was at least smart enough not to be caught on camera."


"She hates Renee!" he cut me off, his face was tomato red with anger, "But she's turning out to be just fucking like her. All I do is for her, everything I do is for that girl! Everything!" he repeated, and sighed, obviously angry with himself.

"first of all Emmett, how Bella acts, is not your fault, you're right, you do everything for her, she doesn't think about how she acts, and how it will affect anyone else, even herself." I told him, trying to calm him down. "and, if it makes you feel any better, Alice has been to Geisha before, which is where they are in this video, and that guy Bella out drank, he's in the band, so they aren't strangers." I explained, hoping it would make him feel a little bit better.

"You're telling me you're okay with this?" he asked.

I shrugged, "you're jumping to conclusions babe, I doubt anything horrible happened to the girls."

"i thought they were just going for a video shoot?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What did you expect them to do? Sit inside playing checkers all night?" I asked, sighing. Sometimes the daddy dearest act got old. He needed to loosen up a little bit, even though Bella did need a lot of structure in her life, but he was her brother, he was supposed to be her partner in crime, and protect her from boys, he wasn't supposed to be her father.

"i don't know Rose!" he exclaimed, grabbing clothes from his closet, putting them on angrily.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked, standing, letting the sheets drop, hoping that would lure him to stay.

"I need to go talk to Carlisle." he said, throwing a t-shirt on quickly. "you can stay here, I'll be back soon." he walked over and gave me a quick kiss and before I could even formulate what to say, he was out the door.

Dr. hotass Cullen was really starting to be a giant thorn in my relationship. He was lucky he was so hot.

I grabbed my clothes and slid them on and grabbed my phone, dialing Alice to give them a heads up.



Ugh. I felt like death. Worse than death. I felt like death warmed over. And to make matters worse, I couldn't remember a thing past meeting Breaking Dawn at the bar. I groaned when my iPhone text messaging sound went off, again, I had been trying to ignore it, but it continued to pierce through my skull.

"Ughh, what do you people want from me?" I asked out loud, the shower was running so I knew I was safe from Alice and her damn morning perkiness for at least a little while longer. I grabbed my phone and saw that I had three missed calls from Emmett, which probably meant I was in trouble for something. Two texts from Jasper, one text from Lauren Mallory, another from Jessica Stanley, and three more from Jake.

What the hell did they all want?

I began opening the texts.

You must be a phenomenal drunk texter -Jasper

Let me know when you girls are home safe. -Jasper

You out drank Felix from Breaking Dawn?! And I thought my mom was Bad xoxoxo Laur

Wow, obviously Renee passed down some things to you. Lylas Jess

Dirty slut. .Jake

Didn't think I'd find out? .Jake

Not only do you look like a whore, but I always knew you were an alchy. .Jake

I didn't bother responding to any of them, aside from the second one from Jasper, because I had no clue what the hell any of them were talking about. I groaned, knowing I would have to wait for Alice to tell me what stupid thing I did, and how the hell everyone knew about it before I did.

"Ohhh, Drunkella is awake!" Alice chided as she emerged from the bathroom, dressed in all black, her hair pin straight.

"Okay Bride of Dracula, can you tell me what the fuck happened last night? And why it feels like an elephant is sitting on my brain? And why the hell everyone is texting me about being a drunk?" I asked, sitting up slowly, if I moved fast it would hurt.

"You really don't remember anything?" she asked, quirking her eyebrow at me as she took a seat next to me on the bed. I shook my head as I tried to recall anything, but it just hurt to think. "Oh boy." she sighed.

"Was it that bad?" I asked, worried now.

"Well, Ro called me, warning me because Emmett is on a warpath."

"Details, now."

"Well, last night, you challenged Felix to an 'I can drink more than you' contest. And you guys did something like thirteen shots. After that you kicked off your heels and danced on the bar with him, and then after the bouncers had to carry you out to the bands car, all you kept talking about was a Jasperbomb, god knows what the hell that means, and as soon as we got back to the room you passed out... taking the entire bed might I add." she explained.

"I outdrank him... really?" I asked, surprised at my drinking abilities.

"Check your purse, you won his lucky flask." she informed me. I looked around the room for my black Fendi bag, and literally crawled over to it. And sure enough, after digging around for a minute, I found a shiny silver flask. Luckily, it was full. And the only way to cure a hangover is to keep drinking right? I unscrewed the top and took a long swig. Oh Felix liked tequila it seemed.

"Damn that is gross Bells." Alice sighed, rolling her eyes at me.

"That doesn't answer my question though..." I trailed off, "how does everyone from home know?"

"Well, I took a video of the drinking contest and sent it to Rose, had I known Emmett would look at it, I wouldn't have done that... I did send it to Edward and Jasper, but I swear Bells, those were the only three. I don't know how everyone else knows." she admitted,

I sighed, today was not going to be a fun day.

After I decided I would be able to take a shower without drowning myself, I took one, and was extremely grateful to sober Bella for packing my favorite, most comfortable pair of juicy sweat pants, and an old hoodie of Emmett's. Once we were all packed up and ready to go, we made our way out of the room and down to the lobby, what was waiting for us though, was not anything I had expected.

The entire lobby was filled with paparazzi, and as soon as they saw us they rushed over, flashing pictures, and rolling their video cameras, all asking questions about me and Felix at once, asking if we were dating and when the wedding was.

"what the hell?" I hissed at Alice, as we tried pushing our way through, she was smart, she had oversized sunglasses, and had worn her hood over her head, it covered a majority of her face. Before she was able to answer, one of the paps shoved a magazine in front of me, and what was the cover. Two pictures, one of me and Felix clanking together shots, and the other of me and Alec dancing. The headline read "The new Breaking Dawn shared girlfriend." Awesome. Now they had documentation of what a drunken slut I was.

Renee and Emmett were going to freak out.

After we pushed our way through the mob of reputation ruiners, we made a run for it to Alice's Porsche, thank god for automatic starters.

"Well, you surely have surpassed me on the popularity level." Alice joked as she burned rubber getting out of the parking garage.

"It's only because you don't do anything scandalous." I informed her, taking another swig of the flask. "Those guys girlfriends are going to hate me."

"Not to mention, Emmett, Jasper, and everyone in school." Alice pointed out, sometimes I wondered how we were best friends.

"Ugh. Emmett." I groaned, slapping my hand over my face and leaning back into the headrest. Going home was the last thing I wanted to do.


Edwards POV

"My god, that French toast was delicious!" Jasper exclaimed as we exited Dani's.

"Yeah, everything I have tried there so far has been excellent." I replied. I was really glad Jasper enjoyed Dani's as much as the girls and I did.

"That reminds me, can we stop off at the grocery store on the way home? Your parents are killing me with all their health food. I need some Pizza rolls and Bagel Bites something fierce." Jasper said as his eyes glossed over. No doubt dreaming of eating all the junk food he desired. Stupid parents and there health food diets, denying me the junk food a growing teenager needs to develop.

"What are Pizza Rolls?" I asked knowing I would probably catch hell from my cousin over this.

"You have to be fucking kidding me cuz, you've never had Pizza Rolls before?" Jasper asked now snapped out of his junk food daydream.

"If they aren't made with whole grains, flax seeds, or are not one hundred percent organic, then no I have never had them." I explained.

"Why are your parents so into health foods anyways?" Jasper asked.

"Well... with Dad being a oncologist he see's how introducing too many toxins and such into your body can effect it. Mom just hopped on the band wagon and went along with it, so now everything in the house is organic and tastes horrible, but it is good for you." I said with a grimace.

"I'm sorry dude, that sucks donkey balls." Jasper replied.

"Sadly I think I would rather try eating donkey balls instead of more faux-turkey tofu shit. I mean, at least it would be real meat from an animal." I said and was really only half joking. Okay maybe a little less than half joking, more like a quarter joking.

"Dude that's just gross!" Jasper exclaimed, grabbing his stomach and doubled over laughing. I'm glad my painful diet amuses him.

"Sorry dude, but you try eating mung beans for the past few years and see how demented you turn out!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, I think all that health food has rotted your brain." Jasper replied. "So let's hit the grocery store and stock up on junk food. We'll tell your parents it's for me and we will supplement your diet to that of an almost normal teenage boy in no time cuz." I liked that idea. The parents were giving Jasper more freedom from our diet since he wasn't used to it, so they wouldn't protest him having junk food in the house and I could just buy my own and claim it all as his. My cousin was an evil genius and I really loved him for it at that moment.

"To Costco sir." I said. We got in the Volvo and I hauled ass to the grocery store. It was like I was being called by all the junk food I'd been denied for so long and I couldn't help being drawn to the store faster and faster. Once inside we grabbed and cart and headed straight to the aisle with chips and cookies.

"These Edward, are Cheetos. They are a heavenly food passed down from God himself to us mere mortals to enjoy, the only downside is after eating a bunch your hands will glow almost toxic orange in color. But it's a small price to pay for the bounty that are Cheetos." Jasper explained throwing three bags into the cart.

"Dude, I know where Cheetos are, I'm not a freakin caveman. I've just have been denied the proper diet for a growing teenager for the past few years." I replied.

"I am just messing with you man, chill." Jasper joked, laughing at himself again.

"Hi Edward, who is your friend here?" I heard the shrill harpy like voice of Jessica Stanley ask from the other end of the aisle.

To say Jessica and I were not friends would be like saying Gargamel was not friends with the Smurfs. We didn't talk, hang out, or typically even acknowledge each other existed. I preferred it that way with most people honestly. When you go to a fancy prep school, your classmates are all douche bags and bitches, all looking to either make a name for themselves to get into the college of their choice or they are lazy fucks who just want to coast by on mom and pops money without contributing anything productive to society in general. Jessica Stanley was somehow in both those groups.

"Hey Jessica." I said shortly hoping she was just leave.

"So Edward, once again, who is your friend here?" She asked again eyeing Jasper up and down like he was something for her to eat. Which she probably hadn't eaten in several days.

"This is my cousin Jasper" I replied not sure what else to say.

"So Jasper are you just here visiting for the summer?" Jessica asked sticking her hand out. I was not sure if she wanted Jasper to shake it or hold it. Hell, she was such a silly bitch she probably wanted him to put a engagement ring on it or something equally as stupid.

"No, I'm living with the Cullen's and will be starting school here in the fall." Jasper answered shaking her hand once and dropping it. He seemed as leery of her as I was, and he had just met her. Good boy.

"Oh, we will have to get together and you know, hang out soon or something." Jessica said and I could tell she was coming on to my cousin, a blind man could tell. While Jasper and I had never talked specifics, I knew he was far from a virgin and honestly if he wanted to plow that field, I'd let him. I would inform him that said field was plowed regularly by what could be considered a jailhouse work crew several times a week, but that's his choice to make. I was going to let him handle Jessica and just keep my mouth shut.

"No thanks, I prefer to just hang out with Edward and his friends." Jasper answered her and I could see the hurt look on Jessica's face and I felt sorry for her for about a second until she spoke again of course.

"Edward has friends?" Jessica asked in astonishment.

"Yeah, I'm sure you know Bella Swan and Alice Brandon. We have been hanging out since I got here." Jasper replied.

"You're friends with Drunkella and Alice?" Jessica asked as she turned toward me laughing.

"Yes." was all I replied, not wanting to have a discussion over my relationship to Alice or Bella.

"Anyways Jessica, we have to finish shopping. But I'm sure we will see you around school." Jasper said and tried making an exit.

"Oh I am sure I'll be seeing you around before school starts Jasper." Jessica replied and tried to exit with what I am guessing was a sexy sway to her hips, but just made it looks like her joints did not function properly.

"Dude! you could have helped me out there, but no, you leave me to fend for myself. Thanks for throwing me to the freaking wolves' cuz." Jasper said as he navigated the cart towards the frozen food section.

"You seemed to handle Jessica just fine on your own and it clearly wasn't me she was interested in talking to." I replied. Just as we arrived at the frozen food section and started loading the cart with all the junk foody goodness that could be had. I was alarmed when I heard the voice I had been dreading from behind me.

"What are you fags doing here?" Jake bellowed towards us. His cronies Embry and Paul were loading down their cart with beer across the aisle.




"Hey Jake, wow buying more beer, I'm sure you guys definitely need that." Edward replied and I could not tell if he was being friendly or sarcastic. Sometimes it was hard to figure out my cousin and his mood swings.

"Shut up, Eddie, and just so you and your butt ranger cousin know they don't sell anal grease here, this a good family store." Jake said and his pals behind him cracked up laughing almost right on cue.

Jake was a big guy, but he was an asshole, and after his hurtful words to Bella I was looking for any excuse I could find to beat the shit out of him and he was working on giving me the perfect one right now.

"So let me get this straight, my cousin and I together are gay. But you are flanked with a dude basically on each arm and you are the straight one? No wonder Bella dumped your ass, you're a fucking moron." I said hoping to piss him off.

"Fuck you Casper, don't worry about Bella. After she has her fill of those guys in LA and you boys she will be back on my dick in no time." Jake said with a smug look on his face, I was fucking itching to knock it off. I was clenching and unclenching my fists together in my hoodie pocket to keep my rage under control.

"I doubt that Jake, but I would be glad to pass that info on to her brother, Emmett and of course Rose. I know they are such big fans of yours they will be dying to hear that news." Edward added, I really didn't think he had the balls to say something like that to Jake.

"Don't make me turn you into my bitch, Eddie." Jake snapped coldly at my cousin. I had enough of this shit. Time to provoke this fucker, if he throws the first punch it is less of a hassle to explain to the cops why I beat him within an inch of his life. Plus a black eye or a busted nose makes it seem a little more convincing.

"If we are gay then why do you want to fuck Edward, Jake? I mean are your buddies back there not satisfying all of your needs? I mean sure Edward is kind of pretty for a guy and all but I don't think he is your type Jake, see Edward likes to fuck girls. Not roided up guys who aren't ready to come screaming out of the closet." I said and plastered my best shit eating grin on my face. There, that should do it.

"Motherfucker!" Jake roared and hauled off and hit me. Jake could throw a solid punch, I would give him that, but by that point I didn't care. I was pissed and I wanted to hurt this fucker, bad. Sure, my eye would be black tomorrow, but he would look worse, much worse. I landed two shots to Jake's face, missing his eye but landing a solid palm strike across the bridge of his nose. I didn't think I broke it but it would hurt like a son of a bitch and that was good enough.

Just then, Thing One and Thing Two made a move to join me and I was concerned. Jake would be hard enough to handle by himself but adding those two into the mix would make it almost impossible. "Back off guys, this bitch is mine!" Jake yelled to them and lunged at me again.

I would like to be able to tell you I was faster than him and knew exactly what he was going to throw at me and was able to counter it, but I can't read minds. Jake's meaty paw connected with my left cheek and it hurt like a motherfucker. I corrected my stance and launched a knee to his mid-section and followed it with a left cross. He took the bait and blocked the hook and tried to move so that my knee missed his stomach. I was able to land the knee to his ribs and launched a quick palm strike with my right hand to his temple. Jake actually staggered back and god, did he have a hard head.

Suddenly we were grabbed by store employees from behind. "Get out of the store now! before I call the cops." one of them said to all of us.

"This shit ain't over!" Jake yelled as he was escorted out.

Edward was trying to talk to the guy who I assumed was a manager into letting us pay for our groceries before we were on our way. Damn kid and his junk food kick. I don't know if they needed the sales or figured since Jake and his pack left that everything would be better, but he let Edward pay while I waited outside.

"Where the hell did you learn to fight like that Jasper?" Edward asked pushing the cart with our bounty of junk food towards the car.

"Mom put me in self defense classes a few years ago. It ended up teaching me mixed martial arts and has came in handy a few times like today." I replied.

"That was some real Karate Kid shit in there dude!" Edward exclaimed kind of excited.

"Yeah some was kung fu not karate." I answered.

"No, I meant the new kid in town getting into a fight with the town asshole that happens to have dated the girl he likes." Edward said like I should know what he was talking about.

"Yeah, sure ,whatever you say Mr. Miyagi." I said and slumped back in my seat, the adrenaline finally wearing off leaving my feeling very tired.