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Bella, My wings

Summary:
Edward POV. Purely fluff with Edwards feelings towards Bella.


Notes:
This is my first fan fiction so please be nice to me and review!. I have to apologise for my wrong spellings. I normally write Norwegian so my english is not perfect, but not even Edward is perfect, or is he?


1. Chapter 1

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1710   Review this Chapter

How do you describe an indescribable feeling? A feeling so deep, you could fall through eternity and never feel the bottom against your face. So binding, as it has been attached between two harts with an invisible braided robe, with new treads intertwined every day, hour and second. So desirable you could, breathe it, eat it, feel it, live it, but never have enough. More important than life itself. The exact feeling of true love!

“Breath Bella”, she always forgets to start breathing again after our lips have met. It is strange how a little act like that make me feel, knowing what an affect I have on her. Hear her gentle heartbeat increase as our eyes meet, see the pink blush on her skin when she realise what is happening, feel the warmth radiate form her body as our lips is only an inch apart and the overwhelming wave of emotions that fill my body as my mouth touches hers. Moving together and sharing the love we have for each other. I always dread the moment where I have to pull away. Using all my restraint to pull an all so eager Bella away, with out a doubt sharing the disappointment in her brown silky eyes.

Brown eyes. I always find myself lost in those caring eyes of hers. Feeling the warmth from the brown colour and the acceptance they share towards me. I can look into them for ours, trying to read them, always knowing that they will surprise me. Searching for a new pattern in the way they move and in the way they feel. Inside I know where the appeal come form; I can se the purest and most beautifully thing in the whole world, the whole universe, in those who small windows: I can see Bella’s soul.

”Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, what are you thinking about?” Her velvet voice breaks me away form her stare. I know what will happen as I the words slips through my lips: “Your eyes”. I can’t help smiling a little, but it fades as she reacts like I knew she would, closing her eyes. “Do not close your eyes, love. I love to read your unspoken words in them.” She opens them again, but keeps her stare locked on the floor.

“You have been quiet for a while. I hope my eyes have not been the centre of your thoughts the whole time!” I am prepared for the bright red colour which will appear on the face of my existence: “No, I only got lost in them after thinking about how much I love you. It can be as cheesy as it has to be, because it is only the truth”. God, I love the feeling the colour of red gives me.

“Nothing compared to the love I carry for you”, my favourite voice replies. “Impossible”. She knows that discussing it with me will not do anything good, so the only reply is an overwhelming cute expression of her stubbornness.

“Sleep know love, there is always time tomorrow”! “But I ..”, she starts but my lips on hers stops the rest of the words. As always, I pull away unwillingly, protecting her. Bella can not hide her disappointment. “Distract me more!”, she teases. ”You should know by now that there is nothing else I would love more, but my restraint is weak around you, so I am sorry.” No words leave Bella’s mouth, her understanding is easy to read in her eyes.

“Will you at least sing for me? The smile is back. “Of course love, anytime, anywhere, what ever you want to hear”. “You know what I want; she answers as she places her head on my chest. Oh, how incredible warm and nice it feels. ”Your Lullaby it is then”. I singing as I play with her beautiful soft hair, lost in the rhythm of her loving heart. It only takes three minutes and fifty five seconds before her breath become heavier and I know the centre of my existence is asleep. In a few ours the fun will begin.

As I wait for the talking to being, I see a note sticking out form beneath the bedside table. I know I probably should not read it, but the curiosity within me stings as knifes and I can not keep my fingers away.

The white paper leaves the floor and magically ends up in my arms. I promise it had nothing to do with to overeager hands snapping it up in vampire speed. Stupid curiosity. As I unfold it and reveal scribbles of black pen I get a feeling that it is not a good idea to continue, but are unable to stop. As I see the wet spots which has washed away some of the ink, I know it is a bad idea, but again unable to put it away. I read:

My eyes are closed, here you are

And still you are so far

You are gone,

Away,

You didn’t stay

The snow is dancing on you chin

I would love to feel your skin

But you are gone

Away

What can I say?

In my dreams you are so real,

I can not hide what I feel

Thoughts I can not destroy

Where is my boy?

Your hair is coloured with golden brown,

And your voice gives a musical sound.

This belongs to the past

Memories

Which tease

A smile from you would warm my day,

Washing all the pain away

But this belongs to the past

Memories

Where is the peace

In my dreams you are so real,

I can not hide what I feel

Thoughts I can not destroy

Where is my boy?

Your hand in mine would be like heaven,

Give anything four you twenty four seven.

But my life has disappeared

Out of sight

I have to fight

Your face brings an electric shock in me,

I want to set my feelings free

But my life has disappeared

Out of sight

my life black as night

In my dreams you are so real,

I can not hide what I feel

Thoughts I can not destroy

Where is my boy?

It is now night and I will sleep,

Whishing that dreams where to keep

But this was a long time ago

Broken heart,

Who threw the dart?

In my dreams you are so real,

I can not hide what I feel

Thoughts I can not destroy,

I need my boy!

Love – I have met

Love - no power to forget.

It is confirmed. It was a bad idea. I throw the poem away as an indescribable pain takes its place where my heart once has been. This note, this poem, these words brings my biggest regret back to the present. I left her and I knew it has hurt her, but to get it confirmed in these words and to see the tears that has been shed makes it so much more real. It burns like fire, like a fresh lava steam burning its way down my chest, leaving a big black hole. Uncountable times worse than the burn in my throat, I do not need blood in comparison to the way I need her happiness.

The water on my fire, the one thing that keeps me sane in this moment, is the unmatchable beauty of the smile that appears on her face as she starts the one thing that always distract me form my thinking. The fun has begun; the only way into Bella’s mind, through her dreams.

She says some incomprehensible words before one catches my attention: “Edward”. I love it when she says my name in her sleep. I can remember the first time I heard her say it and the feeling that rushed through me when I knew I was a part of her dream.

If I only could dream my self I knew it would by about her, because when I close my eyes she is the only thing I see and the only thing I want to see. I whish I could dream, only so that I could dream about her.

The note is forgotten. It still burns, and it will probably always be a period of regret which will stir up feelings when brought back to the surface. But I have to concentrate on the present, and of course the future. A never ending future with Bella. The idea of changing her is growing on me. Selfish as I am I need her, not for a lifetime, not for several lifetimes. No, even eternity would not be long enough. But I will settle for eternity. I am and will always be selfish.

After reading it for a second time, I manage to place the note back at the same place I found it. This time it stung, but not as hard: a needle instead of a spear. I have to learn to live with the decision I made, a decision I will use all my never ending life to undo. It will be difficult, but I can, for Bella.

“Edward, I love you”, my Bella mumbles in her sleep. “I Love you too love, brighter than the stars at night, heavier than the biggest mountain and deeper than the deepest ocean.” As I say the words I realise what Bella is to me: Bella lift me up so high, that I have to look down in order to see the sky. Bella, my wings.