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If We Were Human...

Summary:
A fierce argument leaves Alice torn and deeply upset. When Jasper is trying to cheer Alice up after they make up, Alice imagines their lives if they were human...


Notes:


1. Prologue

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1407   Review this Chapter

"Leave me alone, Jasper!" I screamed. Jasper was following me wherever I went.

"Just tell me what's wrong." Jasper murmured, laying his hands on my face and kissing me. I pulled away. I broke into a run, even though I knew Jasper would catch up. He knew what was wrong. He had gone for another human, when he went to see Carlisle in the hospital. That wasn't the problem, as I helped Jasper through it. The problem was that I had seen it happen, and warned Jasper not to go without at least hunting. He ignored me and said he would be fine, and didn't let me go with him. Carlisle had to tackle Jasper out of the hospital, and took him home. When Carlisle told me what had happened I was hurt at how Jasper ignored my warning, then tried to kill someone with his thirst. I walked away, wanting to be alone, but he wouldn't leave me.

"Stop following me like a lost puppy, Jazz." I added, my screams of fury getting higher and fiercer. Jasper was ignoring me now.

"Let me have some time alone!" I snarled, storming downstairs. Carlisle stood up, watching. Jasper's innocent face turned angry.

"Don't tell me that, when all you do is tag at my heels twenty four hours a day, seven days a week!" he spat at me. Carlisle came over.

"What's going on." his calm voice only aggravated my temper.

"Tell Jasper to leave me ALONE!!!" I shrieked at him.

"You never leave me alone, no matter how much I tell you to!" Jasper yelled back. Carlisle laid a hand on our shoulders.

"Calm down, both of you." he murmured. "Jasper, let Alice have a little time on her own."

Jasper growled, shaking with rage.

"I care for you. I want to stay with you because I care, but you throw it back at me." Jasper's eyes were narrow slits.

"You care? Really? Is the definition of caring ignoring me when I clearly warn you not to go to the hospital to see Carlisle?" My anger rose over a dangerous level. Jasper didn't bother calming me down.

"I'm sorry, OK?" Jasper growled. "I was wrong. Why don't you feed your arrogance? I. Was. Wrong." he slowly pronounced the last three words. Rage built up inside me and overwhelmed me, and I allowed loud growls to escape from my chest as I slapped Jasper hard across his perfect face. The sound echoed throughout the house. Esme and Rosalie stood up from the couch, and in sync with Carlisle, their mouths fell open. Jasper gasped as my hand slammed into his cheek. I ran upstairs, stifling my sobs of frustration. I heard Jasper follow me.

"Alice..." he murmured, but Carlisle held him back.

"Leave her be." Carlisle breathed. I got up to mine and Jasper's room, and slammed the door so hard it could have splintered. I curled up on the old, worn couch we had owned since we moved in. My anger turned to deep guilt. I rewound the scene in my head. I had hit Jasper. I had hit my soul mate. He wouldn't want anything to do with me. He didn't love me anymore. I put my head in my hands and wept. I knew Jasper could hear me crying, as I could hear him arguing with Carlisle.

"Leave her to calm down. She needs time alone." Carlisle advised. He was wrong, as the thing I longed for most at that moment was for Jasper to wrap his arms around me and kiss me, then whisper in my ear.

"It's OK. I forgive you. I'm sorry too." I heard him say in my imagination. I knew he would never say it, and I was too afraid to look into the future to see what he would do.

"She's upset Carlisle. Listen." Jasper said sharply. There was a moment of silence.

I looked up. He wanted to see me, but maybe it was to say goodbye. All these insane thoughts were running through my mind, making me believe them even though I knew they were wrong.

“I’m so sorry, Jazz.” I whimpered to myself. “Please don’t leave me. Please.”

Jasper’s footsteps got louder and faster. He came into our room to find me curled up on the couch, crying. He sat beside me and lifted me onto his knee.

“I’m sorry Jasper, but I understand. Find someone who will never hurt you.” I wailed. “I’m not good enough for you. You don’t deserve a manipulative, annoying vampire like me. I don’t care how much it will hurt me, but I’m telling you to leave me. Find someone good enough for you.” I was getting so much I was almost screaming. Jasper looked alarmed. He laid his hand on my face. I was hysterical.

“Alice? Alice, stop. Calm down.” He tried to sooth me. I had started screaming then.

“I’m sorry! Leave me!” I was shrieking over and over. I could feel Jasper calming me down, but my screams didn’t ease. I didn't know what was happening, but I couldn't ask.

“I won’t leave you Alice, I love you. Please stop. What’s wrong?” Jasper begged, looking on the brink of crying with worry. Carlisle approached.

“What happened?” he spoke loudly over my high pitched shrieks that would burst a human’s ears.

“Alice started screaming for no reason. She was telling me to leave her and to find someone else. She won’t stop, no matter how much I calm her.” Jasper explained, hugging me to his chest. I clutched to him as he hushed me unsuccessfully. I was desperate to stop, but I couldn’t. He stroked my hair. I let invisible, unreal tears trickle down my cheeks.

“She’s in hysterics. I told you she needed time alone.” Carlisle told Jasper.

“This isn’t the time for ‘I told you so’s Carlisle!” Jasper snarled. He looked at me.

“Alice, snap out of it. Calm down. I’m here, I love you and I will never, ever leave you. Stop screaming.” Jasper said firmly. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to so badly, but I simply couldn’t.

“You need to slap her, Jasper.” Carlisle said. Jasper’s desperate expression turned pained.

“I can’t. I can’t hurt my Alice.” He insisted. Carlisle shook his head.

“She hit you. It will be quits.” He chuckled.

“It’s not a laughing moment.” Jasper hissed. He leaned towards me.

“I’m so, so sorry.” He murmured in my ear. He raised his hand and struck me across the face, cutting my screams short. My cheek was hurting a little now, but I didn’t care. I snuggled into Jasper, sobbing.

“I’m sorry.” I murmured. Jasper hushed me, stroking my cheek where he hit me, his skin soft against mine. When Carlisle left the room, Jasper started crying too.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again, you scared me to death.” He whispered.

“I’m so sorry, for everything. I mean it. Find someone who will love you and never hurt you. It’s for your own good.” I murmured.

“Oh Alice,” Jasper laughed. “Don’t be silly. I deserved that slap. I should have listened to you. I’m sorry. I was stupid.” Jasper hugged me tight. I kissed him gently. Jasper kissed me from my neck to my forehead.

“I’m not good enough for you. I don’t deserve to have someone as loving, caring and beautiful as you when I hit them.” I wept.

“Ah. I hit you too, we’re even.” Jasper smiled. I giggled. “Alice, we’re not humans. We don’t fall out of love and move on. I’m stuck with you for eternity.” He rolled his eyes. “Great.”

Jasper laughed. I shoved him playfully.

“Jazz,” I asked. “What if we were humans? Would we split? Would we ever have kids?”

Jasper blinked, and kissed my hair.

“I don’t know. I’ve never thought of myself as a father. I don’t think I’d want children.”

I sighed.

“I would, a little girl.” I smiled dreamily, creating an image of my child in my head. Jasper looked awkward, but stroked my hair. Then he smiled.

“She would look like you, with your pixie face and big eyes.” Jasper kissed me.

"What colour do you think my eyes used to be?" I asked. Jasper looked deeply into my eyes lovingly, then smiled.

"A deep blue. My eyes were green." he closed his eyes. I guessed he was imagining me with blue eyes.

"But your eyes are beautiful as they are, a pretty gold that no human can compare to." he sighed happily. I smiled and stroked his cheek where I hit him.

"I love you." I closed my eyes and let Jasper hug me tight.