A B.A. in BS
Dear Edward, I have finally gotten over you No, that won’t work. Dear Edward, It’s been 3 years now. You never returned. At least you could keep ½ of your promise; I never saw you again, but the whole thing about life being as if you never existed is a large heaping load of horse sh— GAH! How do you tell your high school sweetheart, the man you stole your heart never to return it, the man who obsessed over keeping you safe, the man who left you broken in a forest because he did not love you anymore…how do you tell him that that you are finally over him and moving on, kinda-sorta. How do you tell him if he’s moved away with his family and you have no way to contact him? You write his sister’s husband, that’s how! What happens if Edward really never returned and Bella went on with her life? What happens if she was able to get over Edward, leave Forks, go to college, and make a life of her own? Would his heart break if he knew she was over him and could surive without him? Would she ever see him again? What about is family-could she really live with out her best friend, forever? What about the wolves? Jake? And oh, dear....what about Victoria?? This story takes place after Edward left. Bella was too much "into" herself (her depression was too strong) that she never did any of the extreme sports, never jumped off the cliff therefore leaving on reason for Alice to come back or for them to go to Volterra. This should be interesting. (BTW the title essentially means ABachelor of Arts inBull Sh--) FAIR WARNING: THERE IS SOME OOC ACTIVITY (Out Of Character) Also, there's some senuality coming up so be prepared :-) I have this "book" finished and the second "book" started and hopefully finished by the end of my holiday vacation. Thank you for allowing me creative license with what's in my head which will soon be on "paper".This Story is rated ADULT for language, future fight scenes, and sensuality. I just wrote a scene in one of the chapters that warranted a change in rating, sorry.Updat: this book is finished-on to the next!
You guys rock and I hope you'll fogive my months-long absence. School owned me for a while. I have a total of 23 chapters in this book and two more "books" after this. I hope you all enjoy!
14. Chapter 14
Rating 5/5 Word Count 4535 Review this Chapter
I pivoted a 180 on my heels and there he was, sitting in my window sill.
“I didn’t invite you in.”
“That’s a slayer fallacy.” He smiled, crookedly and stepped through my window. I melted like butter. “I don’t need permission to enter your room.”
“The HELL you don’t!” I searched the realms of my mind to figure out what I could say to get him out of my room. It was obvious I could not make him leave by my force alone. I finally occurred to me. I started fidgeting through my purse by the side of my bed and found it. I pulled out my phone and started to press speed dial 4. He stepped closer to me. My resolve started to wane.
“Calling the cops?” He chuckled.
“No,” I sneered, “I’m calling your mother.”
Before I realized it, the phone was out of my hand and shut and tossed lightly onto my desk. I was pissed.
“I’m not a fragile human anymore!” That came out of left field.
“Then what exactly are you?”
“I’m a…a..a…I’m a cougar?” Oh, that didn’t come out right at all. I searched for the recesses of my mind for a fierce strong animal and I come up with cougar? And why was I trying to prove anything to him in the first place?
“So, you’re a cougar? Does that mean you’re dating innocent, young 17 year olds?”
“You don’t have room to talk old man.” I backed away from him in disgust, more with myself than him. Why could I not think when around him? I turned around and looked at my door. I knew if I tried to run away, he was faster and would be able to catch me before I even got another step closer. I could feel the mood darken.
“Bella, do you hate me? I would totally understand if you do. I’ll never bother you again. I won’t be able to stay away, I cannot stay away from you anymore, but I’ll stay far enough away to not be intrusive.”
I started to get nauseous and pissed. I turned on my heels and gave him the death glare, but he was staring at the floor.
“And what, make it as if you never existed? Is it your self-sacrificing nature that’s supposed to make it all ok? Because apparently you left for me-to make me safe. Well that sure the well backfired on your ass because I wasn’t safe! You misogynistic pig! I have a choice! I have a say in my own life! I make my decisions. You CANNOT just solely make a decision on my behalf without consulting me first. YOU cannot control my life. YOU cannot make MY decisions for me. That may have been the way things were in YOUR day, but that’s not the way the world is now. You respect other’s decisions and wants by not just making decisions for them or for “their” benefit! You in the least consult them! But you didn’t do that! Relationships are 50/50 not 100% of whatever Edwards wants!” I was talking so fast and angrily that I was almost hyperventilating. I knew I had to get it all out at once. I may not have had the courage to do it again, even though it wasn’t really courage, but anger that forced it all out this time. I continued.
“There is only one part of my life I can’t control and beyond all my common sense, comprehension, and my absolute better judgment, and beyond anyone else’s understanding who has been around since you left….(long pause)….,” I took a very deep and long breath and softened my voice, “it’s the part that refuses to hate you. It’s the part that refuses to stop loving you, the deepest, truest part of my soul that forgave you for leaving me almost the minute you left because I loved you so much. And after everything, after all that, it’s the part that yearns to be back in your arms; the arms of the only man I have ever, the only man I will ever love in my existence.” Why had I just said that?
He started to walk toward me and I put my hand out in front of me making a fist. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I couldn’t look at him because I knew the moment I did, I would be running into his arms.
“No, Edward. Please, just go. I know you won’t ‘leave leave’, but I don’t want to see you right now.” He stopped walking to pick my fist up and slowly pull out my fingers straight. He kissed every one of them then the top of my hand. My willpower started to soften, but I kept my resolve. He turned my hand over and sniffed my wrist. He inhaled it for a long few seconds taking it all in. He kissed the top of my hand again and slowly lowered it to it rested at my side.
“I’ll go. I’ll do anything you want, love.” I willed my feet to not move the two steps into his arms.
“You’re visibly upset. Alice is nearby, she saw what was going to happen when she came home and followed me. Please don’t blame her for not being able to tell you sooner. Do you need her?” Still looking at the floor I nodded in affirmation. It didn’t feel like I was nodding, but he caught the slightest movement of my head.
“Alice,” He called and she came through the window as he started to slip out next to her.
“You know where I’ll be if you need me,” he said and it sounded like he said it while looking at Alice, but I knew it was directed to me. I knew he would be close by, watching and waiting, but I didn’t care. As quickly as he slipped the rest of the way out the window, my sister was wrapping her arms around me as I started to collapse to the floor. I could feel myself shaking in her stone arms. As she was consoling me, while tears of immense confusion bled from my eyes, I couldn’t help but think how grateful I was to have her there.
I woke up to Alice holding me and stroking my hair like only a best friend or greatest sister in the world would do.
“What? You…you don’t want me to be here?” I jolted up out of her arms and looked at her.
“No no no no no. Alice, that’s not what I meant. I was just hoping that…that last night was some sort of dream or nightmare concoction made up by my psychotic subconscious. Apparently, I’m wrong and I’m not really all that crazy.”
“I’m sorry Bella. I wish I would have seen it sooner, but he was gone before I could do anything and I was not about to leave him alone with you knowing you’d rip him apart.”
“Yes, the fragile human ripping into the super-strong vampire. That’s rich.”
“You know what I mean,” she chuckled, “and from what I heard last night, you really let him have it. Whoever said that vampires don’t change was lying. He grew a new set of balls to show up here like that last night Bella.” I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at her candor.
“Alice, I …I don’t know what to do.” I sat cross-legged in the center of my bed facing her while she sat at the head. “I’m not the same person I was when I was when I met him and I don’t know if want anything to do with him.” At least in that moment my mind didn’t. My heart on the other hand was another story.
“Bella, are you saying that because it is what you believe or what you want to believe? I know there are obvious reasons you have doubts or you don’t believe this is right. But consider that this maddening type of love that you’ve experienced with Edward is the type of love that all vampires experience when we meet our mates. It encompasses our lives and our hearts are changed forever. Life can’t exist without them; you would do anything to keep that person happy and alive, metaphorically speaking of course. You would sacrifice your life for theirs knowing that when you left this world you did everything you could to ensure their happiness. I’m not trying to force you into a decision, Bella. Whatever you decide I will support and will be at your side, but I swear it’s like you were destined to be one of us.”
“Is there something you need to tell me?” I thought she had had a vision of me being changed and running through some field in a dress sparkling or something.
“No, Bella. That’s not what I mean. To experience love as intense as this, as intense as we do, a love as intense as you and Edward had, you’d have to be a vampire. I don’t think any human would truly understand it.”
“Understand it,” I scoffed. I was on my feet next to my bed, arms crossed. “Alice I don’t understand it! I don’t understand what he did, why he left, let alone the love we had!”
“Bella, think about it. He hurt like you did when he left. I won’t try to equate your pains to each other, but think about how much he loved you, how much it would have hurt him to leave you, and how both of those made the pain so unbearable that he left his family. He left because he thought you would be safer without us.”
“Alice! That’s the difference between him and me. I wouldn’t have just up and left. I would have talked to him about it; about my concerns, my fears, and my worries about the other being in danger.” I was now standing up and pacing my room again. “Or, in a perfect world, I would have just changed him. I wouldn’t have just led him into the forest, told him I didn’t love him or want him anymore and then walk away as if he was just some pet I had no emotional ties to that he could drop off at the pound!. I wouldn’t have left him alone standing in the forest broken, alone, and disconnected from the world. I wouldn’t have left him like that! I was alone Alice-ALONE! I was so lost, literally. I tried to follow him through the forest. I knew he was faster than me, but I wasn’t thinking rationally. I tripped over a tree, naturally, and collapsed on the on the forest floor.”
I collapsed onto the floor next to my bed. My hands were interlocked over my head as they propped up my head and my elbows rested on my knees. Alice remained still.
“I just couldn’t get up. I’m not sure if I even tried, but I knew I couldn’t. I cradled my legs into my chest and just cried. I laid there on the floor and cried. At some point, I had fallen asleep amidst the tears and pain. Sam Uley found me and brought me back to Charlie. What if Victoria had chosen that moment to show up? Did he not think about that? ”
I looked up at Alice and her eyes were bulging out of their sockets. “Sam Uley? The wolves? He told you he didn’t want you? He had the audacity to tell you he didn’t love you? And then left you in the forest with a bunch of wolves?” She clenched her fists and growled while the corners of her lips curled up.
“Alice, you may have something against them, but I owe them my life, twice.”
“I realize that and we will be eternally grateful to them for that,” (that I was totally not expecting,) “but Bella I am so sorry. We should have never left. I didn’t know- none of us did-that he left you like that. It’s irreprehensible!” She grabbed my shoulders and looked deeply into me, “are you going to be ok here by yourself for a little while?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.” She blanked for a few moments and was back.
“You’ll be fine, take a shower, eat something, and Rose and I will be back in two hours.” I nodded as she stood up and slipped off the bed. She gave me a long embrace. She pulled back and I looked into her eyes seeing much pain and anger. She was blinking so fast I would have thought she was trying to hold back tears.
“Alice, wait, why. Where are you going?”
“I have a brother to kill.” My window flew open and she was gone. I never even saw her leave.
After Alice came in to be with Bella, I took a seat on one of the benches outside the entrance to her dorm. There was no reason to be further away from her. I listened to the love of my existence cry and yell and scream while my sister cursed my name in her head. Alice had the mouth of a sailor. As soon as Alice knew how I left Bella, as soon as I knew that leaving her put her in more danger than staying with her did, I knew I had to everything necessary to make what I did up to her. Even if she didn’t want me anymore and we did not end up together, I would spend a lifetime or eternity making it up to her. And then I thought about what I had done to her and subsequently put her parents through. I was immediately ashamed of my behavior.
Alice was telling Bella to get something to eat and she’d be back in 2 hours so I took off for home. I was no longer going to hold any secrets from my family. I wanted everything out in the open and I didn’t want to have to repeat myself, so I called Carlisle and asked him to call a family meeting. No more secrets. It was time to have it out. Plus, I knew how upset Alice was with me and as confident as I am in my speed and strength, I knew she would try to physically hurt me and I wasn’t about to be left alone in a room with her. I made it back to the house and found everyone, minus Alice, sitting at the oak dining room table.
What did you do now you idiot? -Rose
Man, what’s going on, bro? -Emmett
You know my wife is going to kill you right? Jasper smirked at me and threw a wave of calm and humor at me.
“I know, Jazz. Death by designer scarf maybe? Or perhaps a Blahnik heel to the head?”
“HA! Like she thinks you’d be worth that type of effort. What did you did Edward?” Rose was always the logical one.
Edward, please excuse your families lack of respect. We are all just wondering what happened last night and why you called this meeting. Esme had the purest thoughts of them all. I was thankful for that.
“We should wait for Alice. This is a family meeting and everyone should be here.”
“You sure about that man? She really wants to kill you. I can feel her fuming and she’s still a distance away.”
“I know, I can hear her murderous rage already, but I’m not going to hold information back from you any longer.”
I heard the door open and shatter as it was flung back into the wall behind it. Thankfully, the walls were reinforced with cement between the drywall, but there was still a crack in the wall. We all turned toward the commotion. Alice was standing there in a defensive crouch and growling at me. Her lips curled up, teeth bared, fists clenched and her hair in disarray from the run home. This was going to be bad. I felt heavy waves of calm emanating from her husband behind me, but it seemed to have little effect.
“Edward, son, what happened?” The calm doctor was not so calm anymore.
EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN at the same time she thought my name she growled loudly at me then she spoke. “How the HELL could you did that to her!? DO YOU REALIZE THE DANGER YOU PUT HER IN? THE HELL YOU PUT HER THROUGH? THE PAIN SHE WENT THROUGH?”
Great. What the hell did he do to her now? I whipped around to leer at Rosalie.
“Rose, shut up.”
Alice was now inches from my face.
“YOU LEFT HER ALONE IN A FOREST OF WOLVES, EDWARD! WOLVES!!” I heard Esme gasp behind me.
“Well, obviously they did not hurt her. Our treaty stood on the principle that if we did not kill humans they would not kill us. They exist for the protection of human life. Although, I thought the shape-shifting gene had died out generations ago,” Carlisle spoke.
“That’s not the point Carlisle.” Alice seemed to be better affected by her husband’s manipulation the closer the proximity she was to him so he closed in, but she was still shaking and standing mere centimeters from my face. I could smell Bella on her and inhaled. That set her off.
Before I knew it, I was flying through the air and being pushed down onto the kitchen table which collapsed beneath me. Alice was straddling my stomach and holding me down by my throat. I didn’t resist. I thought if she got this out of her system, things might be better. Suddenly she was pulled off me by 2 sets of arms. She tried to fight back and was snarling and snapping at her husband and brother as I pushed myself up on my elbows.
Edward needs to stay away from her for his own good. If Alice doesn’t kill him, I will. I was half tempted to throw Rose in the creek and mud out back, but had other things to attend to.
Alice was struggling against her husband’s and Emmett’s arms, kicking off the floor as if to catapult herself onto me again. But she was not getting enough leverage and the boys just lifted her a few feet off the floor and all her legs did was wiggle in the air.
“I told you she wanted to kill you.”
“Would someone mind telling the parents what exactly is going on, here?” Carlisle was becoming impatient and Esme was upset about the crack in the wall, the door, the table, but was even more upset at the discord between her children. Although a quick quip about this at least not being Emmett’s fault quickly entered and left her mind.
“HE LEFT HER!”
“Alice, way to state the obvious. We already knew the idiot left her…so did we.”
“NO Rosalie, you don’t understand.” She started to calm down enough that she was placed back on the floor and Jasper was holding her body into his securely. Emmett had moved to Rose’s side as now everyone stood around the dining room since the table had been smashed.
“He left her in the forest alone. He walked off and she tried to follow him through the forest and of course fell. She couldn’t get up and one of the wolves came by and took her back to Charlie. And you know how he was able to leave her? How he escaped from her life? How he tore us away from her? BY TELLING HER HE DIDN’T LOVE HER ANYMORE! BY TELLING HER THAT HE DIDN’T WANT HER ANYMORE!”
“Oh Edward.” Esme’s voice was filled with disappointment and forgiveness.
“Edward! What the fuck were you thinking,” Rose shouted at me with Emmett’s arms wrapped around her tightly.
“I didn’t think she would believe me so easily. That she would let me go just like that. I thought she would fight more. I thought she would argue more for us and I would have to find another reason. She didn’t. She just accepted that I couldn’t love her or didn’t want her. She always thought that she didn’t belong in my world, so that’s what I told her. That’s how I got her to let go. I left a note for Charlie that he would see when he came home in case she wasn’t home by the time got there. I didn’t think that she would try to follow me or get hurt. I thought that her reaction would be to cry and get over me. I left her on the trail.” By this time was pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes closed. “She should have been able to find her way back. She wasn’t supposed to follow.”
“But she did follow you, Edward! She did! And you know who else followed her? You know who else came for her? Victoria and Laurent. But the wolves took care of them, too. They were there to protect her when you weren’t…when we weren’t,” spat Alice still enraged.
I said nothing.
“Oh, so now the all knowing Edward, the all controlling Edward, Mr. Omnipotent, has nothing to say? Edward you broke her! You broke my best friend! And now you are going to fix her! You have to!”
“Dude, what were you thinking?”
“I thought I was doing the right thing, Emmett! Could you imagine if you were the one thing in this world that was making life more dangerous for Rosalie? Would you continue to risk her life and put her in danger? I thought after enough time she would get over me. That she would move on and fall in love again, and get married and have children and die happy, when she was old and grey. And I know she’s on her path to do that. I read her letter.”
“Edward, for being over one hundred years old, you are immensely that dense and stupid? Did you hear nothing that she said last night? She is far from being over you. She still loves you, beyond all understanding. For some reason she still wants you, you asshole. ” Alice was much calmer now.
“Does she know that I left for her protection? What all has she been told?”
“We’ve explained to her that you left because you thought that it was better for her, that she would move on. But she has no idea that you lied to her.” Carlisle was putting an arm around my shoulder now. “That is for you to tell her, not us.”
“Edward, you better fix this. I will never forgive you if you don’t.” Alice was determined in her words.
“She deserves better than that, Edward. Better than that shit you pulled,” Rose commented looking right through me.
“I swear I will never forgive you and will make your life a living hell. You won’t even have to live with us and I will still make your life a living hell.” Alice’s words seethed through her clenched teeth.
“I don’t know how.”
“Edward, son, let’s go to my study and your mother and I will help you figure it out.
Edward, I know how you feel. I felt horrible about what I did to her the night of her birthday. I understood why leaving her was in her best interests and that’s why I was ok with it. But the way you did it, the method, the lies-that was wrong. When saw her again, she forgave me. That was the first thing she did-told me she forgave me and even had the courage to hug me. She is stronger than you think Edward, but she is also more giving and loving than we ever could have imagined her to be. She forgave me for almost killing her, Edward, and she doesn’t love me like she loves you.
Have hope, if she can forgive me for attempted murder, I’m certain she can forgive you for lying and the betrayal, but you have to make this right. And you can’t just make decisions “for her own good” on your own. Not without talking to her first. That was your first mistake. Mistakes happen; it was a very human thing for you to do. But that doesn’t mean it’s unforgivable or that she doesn’t love you. It’s quite the opposite, I believe. I think she loves you more now than she did when she first met you. There are traces of it when she’s here. Traces she tries to hide, but can’t because her love for you is such a natural and normal part of her life-like eating or breathing. Listen to Carlisle and Esme, heed their advice and don’t hate us for keeping this from you. It was her request and it appears that we were not the only ones hiding information. Hope brother, hope.
He shot a few waves of it-hope-toward me as if it had been a feeling I had long forgotten. Maybe it had.
“Jazz and I will head to the store and get a new front door and supplies to fix the wall. I’m really very sorry Esme.”
“I understand dear. At least it wasn’t Emmett.”
“Son, you owe me a new window. Maybe you should go with them and get on that.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I had never heard Emmett so quiet and compliant. My guess was that they were trying to give us our space.
“Rose, why don’t you come with us and we will pick out another dining room set.” Alice offered. Rosalie agreed with a nod and looked directly at me.
“Edward, you are an absolute fool. I may not agree with the Bella choosing a life that I would have not chosen for myself, but you never break a woman’s heart like that, especially my sister’s. Alice won’t be the only one making your life a living hell if you don’t fix this and make it up to her. She’s family.”
Only minutes had passed since Alice came home after me. They took off out the front door---way taking Emmett’s new SUV and Rosalie’s convertible so they would have room for the new door and glass for the window. I heard Alice telling Rose they had to be at Bella’s dorm in an hour and 50 minutes and to put a move on it. I followed my parents up the stairs into Carlisle’s study.
- His Heroine
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