A B.A. in BS
Dear Edward, I have finally gotten over you No, that won’t work. Dear Edward, It’s been 3 years now. You never returned. At least you could keep ½ of your promise; I never saw you again, but the whole thing about life being as if you never existed is a large heaping load of horse sh— GAH! How do you tell your high school sweetheart, the man you stole your heart never to return it, the man who obsessed over keeping you safe, the man who left you broken in a forest because he did not love you anymore…how do you tell him that that you are finally over him and moving on, kinda-sorta. How do you tell him if he’s moved away with his family and you have no way to contact him? You write his sister’s husband, that’s how! What happens if Edward really never returned and Bella went on with her life? What happens if she was able to get over Edward, leave Forks, go to college, and make a life of her own? Would his heart break if he knew she was over him and could surive without him? Would she ever see him again? What about is family-could she really live with out her best friend, forever? What about the wolves? Jake? And oh, dear....what about Victoria?? This story takes place after Edward left. Bella was too much "into" herself (her depression was too strong) that she never did any of the extreme sports, never jumped off the cliff therefore leaving on reason for Alice to come back or for them to go to Volterra. This should be interesting. (BTW the title essentially means ABachelor of Arts inBull Sh--) FAIR WARNING: THERE IS SOME OOC ACTIVITY (Out Of Character) Also, there's some senuality coming up so be prepared :-) I have this "book" finished and the second "book" started and hopefully finished by the end of my holiday vacation. Thank you for allowing me creative license with what's in my head which will soon be on "paper".This Story is rated ADULT for language, future fight scenes, and sensuality. I just wrote a scene in one of the chapters that warranted a change in rating, sorry.Updat: this book is finished-on to the next!
You guys rock and I hope you'll fogive my months-long absence. School owned me for a while. I have a total of 23 chapters in this book and two more "books" after this. I hope you all enjoy!
16. Chapter 16
Rating 5/5 Word Count 4490 Review this Chapter
I stood up and looked down at Edward then started pacing the width of the room and he stood up and watched me concerned. I stopped in front of him and looked up.
“Because I’m not about to lose my family again and because I’m not letting you walk out on me again,” I sighed loudly realizing I had partially let the vampire out of the coffin, “I’m going to stick around, but there are ground rules that you will follow and a few things you need to understand. We are not back together. We are not picking up where we left off before you took off. You will not touch me as it’s officially forbidden or until I give some indication otherwise. If you do, I’ll sic Emmett on you.”
“Actually Bella, I would love to have that honor.”
“Fine, I’ll sic Alice on you. You will not watch me from a far or a.k.a. stalk me. You will not enter my room without my permission unless absolutely necessary. You will also not come through my window unless I tell you otherwise, if I ever tell you otherwise or absolutely necessary. Again, violation of these rules will result in an Alice attack.
I will be friendly with you. I will be civil with you, but you do not have my trust at least not when it comes to my heart. And for that reason and that reason alone, a romantic relationship between us is not possible right now. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who I can’t trust. I’m not saying that we will never be able to be in a relationship again. I’m not saying it will remain off the table, but I can’t do it now,” I said as my voice started to soften. “I would be lying if I said that I never thought about the “what ifs” or of having you back in my life or having a future with you, but right now I can’t trust you. You will have to work your vampire ass off to earn it back. And even then, I can’t say we’ll be able to be together.”
He nodded to let me know he understood and agreed to my terms.
“SHH! She’s not done,” I heard Alice whisper to someone. How did she know that? I didn’t even know what else I was going to say.
“If you, at any point in the future, want me as more than just a friend in your life, you have to grow the hell up. You have stop acting as if you are perpetually stuck as an immature seventeen-year old. You are over one hundred years old for Christ’s sake, Edward. You have over one hundred years of experiences. You have your experiences and the ones from other people’s heads and I know you have learned from them, so please learn from ours. You have people in your life that are here to give you advice and help you, so use them!
And don’t you DARE make unilateral decisions for other people’s lives. It is flat out selfish and had you talked to me before you just up and left, we probably could have avoided the pain and heartache and lies. We probably wouldn’t be having this discussion right now because we’d still be together and happy. I get that you thought you had my best interests at heart, but you were wrong and devastatingly so. You know it. Consider this an opportunity to earn a second chance; to earn my trust back and to mature in the process. And if for some reason you are unable to do that, you should be forewarned that you are stuck with me in your life because I am a part of their life,” I finished and pointed to my family.
I felt freer, lighter even. I thought I had said everything I needed or wanted to say for so long. It felt good. He knew how I felt, how he left me, that he still had an opportunity to get me back only because there was a part of me that loved him so much that I couldn’t let go and I could not go through the rest of my life wondering what if or having that regret plague me. There was one last thing that everyone needed to hear and I hoped that they would understand. I motioned for Edward to sit down so I could address everyone.
“In a few weeks, I go back to Forks to spend Christmas with Charlie. I hope you will understand that I have to keep this from him. He might shoot you if he knew you were back in my life. Except Alice-he always loved Alice,” I chuckled to add some humor to the end of a very serious conversation.
Edward sat on the edge of his seat smiling at me no doubt happy that he was not completely shunned from my life. I was mesmerized by his smile. Damn it he was dazzling me.
“Stop smiling at me like that,” I crooned playfully.
“You know exactly why,” I said and took a step closer to him. Were we flirting?
“Thank you, Bella,” Esme said putting an abrupt end to our flirt session, “that was very gracious and mature of you.”
“If everyone will excuse us,” Alice said now standing my by side and taking my hand, “it’s girl time.”
Suddenly I was being dragged up the stairs and into my bedroom. I took a seat in the center of the bed, Esme at the foot, Alice at the head, and Rose on my desk chair. I wondered if Alice had planned this after she saw our conversation, or after Edward and I started to flirt.
“Bella, I am so proud of you! You were so brave to speak so honestly and frankly in front of all of us. The amount of courage it took to confront him and put all your feelings out like is very admirable.”
“Esme, I just said what I felt. I don’t think it was admirable at all.”
“It was about time that someone took Edward down a few rungs,” said Rose proudly, “that was amazing, sis.”
“Bella, you have no idea what effect that had on him. You were so strong! And he’s totally re-evaluating every one of his actions toward you. I swear you are the only person on Earth that could change a vampire. The choices he’s making are a totally one-eighty from what he was going to do. I mean, Esme and Carlisle’s conversation had an effect on him, but what you said hit him deep.”
“Esme,” I started, “what exactly did you say to him, if I can be so bold to ask?”
She gave us a quick rundown of their conversation. They told him that he was wrong to make decisions for me and they would no longer support him in decisions that were detrimental to others, especially when it came to me. She told him they loved him very much, but that his behavior and decisions were wrong. They also really tore into him about lying to me and leaving me the way he did. She apologized to me about leaving, again, and said we are all family and now I would have a vote and be involved in all family decisions. I thought that was very big and generous of them.
She went on to say that he stopped defending his actions because he, she thought, started to realize how wrong they were. I took solace in that because maybe there was some hope, but how much I couldn’t say. Alice insisted we finish the day with makeovers and her new favorite game “Let’s Dress the Human”. I humored her. We were all about to go downstairs so I could eat when I told Alice and Esme to go ahead because I needed a moment with Rose.
“Rose, you hated me back in Forks. You gave me dirty looks, you sneered at me-you scared the hell out of me. Why all of a sudden do you like me or at least not hate me? Why the change in your attitude?”
“It’s actually quite simple, Bella. I never hated you. I didn’t like the choices you were making. I know you saw our….lifestyle as a positive thing and as something you wanted to be a part of. I couldn’t understand why you would want to choose this life for yourself. Then your birthday happened and things changed dramatically and my eyes opened. We left Forks and our family was not the same. I rarely saw Edward, Alice was despondent and Jasper never left her side. He radiated guilt until the day you forgave him. Esme was so sad and Carlisle had trouble comforting her. I had never seen her like that. Emmett, my oaf of a loving husband wasn’t himself. Do you know he didn’t play a practical joke or kid around for almost two years?
Bella, you had an irreversible effect on our family that I knew would last they rest of our lives. I stopped trying to figure out why you would choose a lifestyle like this for yourself and started looking at what your absence did to our family. You had to be some kind of amazing woman if Edward fell in love with you after one hundred years. I looked beyond what I saw in you and tried to see what they saw. That changed my opinion of you. I saw the pure friendship you gave to Alice, the way you adored Esme and Carlisle and how you filled a void for her.
I became aware of the happiness and light you brought to Emmett and realized that Jasper gravitated toward you and Edward because you made each other so happy and that’s all he wanted to feel. He would stay closer to Edward than you for safety, but he was still drawn to your mood when you were with us. Then there was Edward. I thought for decades he was destined to be alone until he met you. He was so different after you two met. Once I finally realized everything, I started to appreciate you for the sheer joy you brought to my family.
When we reunited I came to the decision that if you wanted to choose this life, so be it, but only if you stayed with our family. I think everyone would agree with me when I say we would be willing to take as much of you as you would be willing to give and in whatever form you gave it.”
“Rose, I always thought you hated me. I thought you hated me because I was putting you in danger. I thought I was too tempting and putting your lifestyle in jeopardy. Remember that first time at the house?”
“I do,” she chuckled, “and it was wrong for me to act in that manner. I was actually jealous of you.”
“HUH,” I asked dumbfounded.
“You see, I had always been, let’s say popular, with men as a human and even more so when I was changed. I expected Edward to want me as every human man did, but he didn’t. That pissed me off. Then here you come, what I thought was a mere simple, pretty, human and he was head over heels for you. It set something off inside me and it was wrong. I’m sorry for the way I treated you, Bella.”
“Ok, you know what? Enough with the apologies today,” I laughed, “I appreciate your candor and being honest with me. You have no idea how much it means to me.”
“You have no idea how much you mean to this family.”
“Not as much as you all mean to me,” I smiled. Suddenly she was crushing me in an Emmett-esque hug, but not long enough to cutoff my air supply and render me unconscious.
“We should get downstairs before Alice comes up here.”
The boys had decided to run up to the Canadian border to hunt and would be gone most of the night so we finished our girlie night and the girls even stayed in my room. I woke up with a bird’s nest of hair and bad breath and there sat three impeccably dressed and put together women. That just was not right.
Esme made me pancakes for breakfast and we laughed at the pictures Alice took on her camera last night. After a long bath and taking about an hour to myself to get ready, I strode down the stairs ready to go back to my dorm room. Alice offered to drive me back before Edward could and I was thankful. He did walk me to the car to open and close my door. His goodbye was simple and short-which made me very comfortable.
Alice helped me prepare for finals which started that next week. I had a week of classes left before two study days then finals. Due to my finals schedule, I didn’t get a chance to go back to the house, but I did see Esme in class, Rose, Emmett and I met for lunch between classes a couple of times, and Alice almost didn’t leave my side and helped me study. After finals were over, I called up to the house. It was the day before I was to leave to go back to Forks to spend the holiday with Charlie.
Carlisle told me to have a safe trip and enjoy my time in Forks. Esme asked me to hurry home because she would miss cooking for me. I suggested she cook anyway and make Emmett eat it. He told me only if I went hunting with him. That wasn’t going to happen. While on the phone with Esme, we also decided to have a belated Christmas celebration when I returned. I decided I would shop for them once I got settled in back in Forks.
Emmett stole the phone from Esme and asked me to bring him Rudolph back because he was hungry for Reindeer. I told him no, because the only way I would do it was if he would eat Rudolph’s nose so his stomach would light up and he couldn’t do that because he’s skin was too thick, but not as thick as his head was. He replied something to the extent of if I only knew and then yelled “ow” as I guessed someone hit him. He handed the phone to Rose who said she couldn’t wait for me to get back. Edward told me to have a great time back home and to be careful. Then he got ballsy.
“Bella, you know that lake behind the house? Well, it’s totally frozen solid and I was wondering if you would like to go ice skating with me when you get back? With your Permission I can hold your hand to steady you and you know you’ll be safe.”
“Edward, that’s very sweet, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”
“I understand,” he said without any disappointment in his voice, “but the offer is on the table when you are ready. If you aren’t ready until after the lake has thawed, we can always go fishing. I’m sure Charlie would get a kick out of hearing about his daughter fishing.”
“Only if you promise to fish with an actual fishing pole and not by jumping in the lake and catching them bare-handed,” I chuckled. And there was no way I was going to tell Charlie I went fishing. He’d ask with whom and then the whole world would blow up with my luck.
“I promise. Just give me the word and I’ll plan it all. I’ll even get you an inflatable water ring for you in case you go overboard. ”
“Hey! That’s funny, Edward! But thank you. Thank you for not pushing this.”
“Take as much time as you need. I am not going anywhere without you.”
“I want to believe that.”
“I will prove it to you.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
Then I heard a struggle with the phone between Edward and Alice and she won.
“Ok, enough date planning sis. There’s something I need to talk to you about regarding Charlie.”
“What is it Alice? What did you see?”
“Well, what didn’t I see with you changing your mind and running through seventeen scenarios?! I mean jeez Bella, make a choice.”
“Crap, you saw that?”
“Yes. Do you want the best case scenario?”
“I don’t know.”
“Trust in the family psychic. Your best bet is to tell him only about me. He knows you and I were close and it would be most plausible for us to meet up at school…that or Carlisle at the hospital and you with an injury.”
“Really? I thought it was the maid in the library with the candlestick.”
“Hahaha. Charlie will be the most understanding if it’s me you reveal. He really didn’t know Emmett or Rose or Jazz. He wouldn’t really care about Carlisle or Esme, other than worrying about you being in the hospital, but you absolutely can’t tell him about Edward. At least not yet.”
“I already figured that much out.”
“Why were you thinking about telling him about us anyway?”
“Aside from wanting to be honest with him? I started packing last night and realized that almost everything I was taking was from you. Unless there was an invasion of the body snatchers, Charlie would wonder what the hell happened to me. I could have chalked it up to the fact that I was at an Ivy League school, but I don’t think he would have bought that. He would have thought something was up. So I thought about revealing that I had found you guys again and couldn’t make a decision on how to handle it. Then I decided against it.”
“You’re taking your designer clothes from me home to actually wear in Forks?!”
“Alice, focus, please.”
“Oh, sorry. Trust in the family psychic. If you tell him that we are in contact again, he’ll understand and actually be happy for you, but concerned too. Just be careful how you word how we ran into each other and where the rest of the family is, specifically Edward. The wrong phrasing may set him off.”
“I’ll come up with some ideas on the flight out and you can text or e-mail me which ones your crystal ball says will be ok.”
“You got it. I’ll be there at 11:45 to pick you up and take you to the airport. I still think you should let us charter you a jet.”
“You absolutely not, Alice! I already bought the ticket in October and I’m not letting it go to waste.”
“We could reimburse you if it’s really that important to you. And since you’re family, our money is your money.”
“Alice, I’m perfectly happy taking financial responsibility of myself and how I get home for Christmas, ok?”
“Fine, but you know I’ll find a way to make you change your mind.”
“Bella, you really are stubborn, but I love you anyway.”
“I love you, too, Alice. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
After I ended our call, I returned to my packing and grabbed the bag of toiletries to stuff into my suitcase. Alice was now supplying me with organic shampoo, conditioner, lotion, and bodywash on a regular basis. I had left non-organic ones back at Charlie’s house, but was so accustomed to the scent and change the organic ones did to my skin and hair I had to take them with me.
I packed my carry-on bag with my laptop, a textbook for next semester’s Western Civilizations class that I picked up after registering for classes last month, and my mp3 player. I called Charlie to confirm what time he had to pick me up and told him I’d see him soon.
My last duty before going to bed was to call mom. She and Phil went on a second honeymoon to Puerto Viarta. She was on Christmas Break from her school district until the beginning of January and baseball wasn’t in season, so Phil was free. It was actually his present to her when he was offered a lucrative scouting and coaching job with a minor league team down there. They were really happy and that’s all I could ever want for them.
When I called I caught them as they were sitting down to a late dinner but mom insisted on talking with me. I told her that grades weren’t out until next week so I didn’t know exactly how I had done, but I felt good about most of my classes. She asked about Charlie and any friends I had made here. I told her I met some really amazing people who treat me like family and she was thrilled. She was also happy that Charlie was doing well in Forks and told me to tell him “Merry Christmas”. She told me I seemed really happy and she was proud of me and the woman I had grown to be. I told her she was being sappy and she needed to get back to her honeymoon. We said I love you and I promised I would call her on Christmas.
I set out an outfit for tomorrow’s flight; a pair of black leggings, black booties, a sky blue tunic with a thin black belt and a white long-sleeved sweater. I thought Alice would approve, plus it was comfortable enough for that long flight. I set my alarm and went to bed.
The next morning, I was dressed, fully packed and waiting on Alice. At exactly 11:45 she was knocking on my door. She assessed my outfit and approved. I grabbed my carry-on and she grabbed my rolling suitcase and loaded into Esme’s Mercedes. Apparently there was an incident between Alice’s Porsche, Emmett, Jazz, and Edward. Each time she tried to go into the details she would grunt and grind her teeth, so I let that subject go.
After the car was loaded and we on the highway, she handed me a bag of “goodies” as she called them. There were a bunch of fashion magazines for me to read on the plane. She told me I would get frustrated and bored with my textbook so she wanted me to have something else to read. Sneaky little pixie.
She dropped me off at the airport and helped me check-in for my flight at which time I found up I had miraculously been upgraded to first class. I couldn’t complain after learning the entire coach section was booked and First Class was essentially empty. Alice walked me to security and gave me a hug. She watched the TSA representative search me and my bag and as I emerged on the other side of the metal detectors she blew me a kiss and waved.
I found my terminal and pre-boarding had already begun. A few moments later an announcement for my row came over the intercom. I boarded the flight and got situated. While waiting for the plane to take off, I humored Alice and started to thumb through the magazines. An envelope fell out of the magazine and I immediately recognized the handwriting. I told him I wasn’t ready. The envelope had only my first name on it and I angrily ripped it open. It was a single sheet of thick ivory paper folded in half with gold trim.
I’ll miss you, Bella. Be safe and hurry back to us.
I had a hard time being mad or upset with him when he wasn’t being an ass. It wasn’t suggestive, forceful, or overbearing. It was sweet and thoughtful. Most women would have relished the man they lov—were interested in doing something like that. I closed it and tried to smooth out the envelope so it could protect the letter. It was smoothed the best it could be and placed safely in between the screen and keyboard of my laptop. I knew at least that way it wouldn’t get bent or ruined. Damn it, Alice! That’s exactly why she gave me the magazines. Just as I came to that realization and was zipping up my carry-on, my phone began to vibrate in the front pocket. It was a text from Alice.
Sorry, Bella. I had to do it. Please, don’t be mad at me. You know you love your little helper fairy.
I wrote her back.
Alice, I’m not mad at you. But watch it or you’ll be a de-winged little helper fairy when I get back.
After I was done with my phone, I turned it off and the announcement for us to prepare for takeoff came on as the safety demonstration started. Once we were in the air, the stewardess came by with a pillow and blanket for me along with a set of free headphones for the in-flight movie: Wolfman. Jake would have enjoyed it. I thought it was silly. She also brought around some warm Snickerdoodles and hot cocoa. I could get used to first class.
When I finally landed in Seattle, I grabbed my baggage and waited around for Charlie to show up. We had agreed to meet there. The voice I heard was not one I was expecting.
I turned around to find Jake running toward me.
“Hey, Jake! What are you doing here?”
“Charlie got an emergency call right before he was leaving to come get you. Bad accident on the highway; someone was speeding and hit some black ice.”
“Is everyone ok?”
“I think so. Charlie thought everyone should be ok, but it was a four car accident and he wanted to make sure, so he stayed behind. He said he’s really sorry and offered to cook dinner to make it up to you. I asked him which pizza place he wanted me to call. God, Bells, it’s so good to finally see you,” he said enveloping me into hug, “but damn you stink,” he jerked back as those words rode a wave of anger out of his mouth. “Bella, what the hell’s going on?”
- His Heroine
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