A B.A. in BS
Dear Edward, I have finally gotten over you No, that won’t work. Dear Edward, It’s been 3 years now. You never returned. At least you could keep ½ of your promise; I never saw you again, but the whole thing about life being as if you never existed is a large heaping load of horse sh— GAH! How do you tell your high school sweetheart, the man you stole your heart never to return it, the man who obsessed over keeping you safe, the man who left you broken in a forest because he did not love you anymore…how do you tell him that that you are finally over him and moving on, kinda-sorta. How do you tell him if he’s moved away with his family and you have no way to contact him? You write his sister’s husband, that’s how! What happens if Edward really never returned and Bella went on with her life? What happens if she was able to get over Edward, leave Forks, go to college, and make a life of her own? Would his heart break if he knew she was over him and could surive without him? Would she ever see him again? What about is family-could she really live with out her best friend, forever? What about the wolves? Jake? And oh, dear....what about Victoria?? This story takes place after Edward left. Bella was too much "into" herself (her depression was too strong) that she never did any of the extreme sports, never jumped off the cliff therefore leaving on reason for Alice to come back or for them to go to Volterra. This should be interesting. (BTW the title essentially means ABachelor of Arts inBull Sh--) FAIR WARNING: THERE IS SOME OOC ACTIVITY (Out Of Character) Also, there's some senuality coming up so be prepared :-) I have this "book" finished and the second "book" started and hopefully finished by the end of my holiday vacation. Thank you for allowing me creative license with what's in my head which will soon be on "paper".This Story is rated ADULT for language, future fight scenes, and sensuality. I just wrote a scene in one of the chapters that warranted a change in rating, sorry.Updat: this book is finished-on to the next!
You guys rock and I hope you'll fogive my months-long absence. School owned me for a while. I have a total of 23 chapters in this book and two more "books" after this. I hope you all enjoy!
7. Chapter 7
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2893 Review this Chapter
I left the Visual Arts Center and felt the urge to start skipping. Yes, me-Bella the klutz wanted to skip...in public! I to re-thought that one. I walked back into my dorm, up the stairs and into my room. I flopped on the bed and sighed loudly. I was so happy to have Esme back in my life and to know that the family was ok, even if I wasn’t all that confident that our secret would last. I did not put much thought or attention to Edward-I couldn’t. I just knew he was not here and I did not have to worry about him. That started a new thread of thoughts.
Was I really over him like I wrote? I needed that closure, but wasn’t the point of closure not having to send a letter like that or having to declare that “I’m over you”? Wasn’t closure just about moving on and leaving all the drama behind? Maybe I wasn’t over him. Maybe loving him meant never getting over him. Maybe it meant holding onto a small fraction of him in my heart and mind for the rest of my mind and learning to deal with that. I had survived him leaving. I lived through it and the world did not end. I would survive life without him. And that’s ok. A part of him would always be with me because there’s only one time in your life that you can ever experience such a deep and penetrating love that infiltrates every aspect of your life.
How would he feel if I now wanted to continue a relationship with his family, but not with him? After all, they are my family too. Which reminded me; I need to keep an eye out for the others. I knew I could trust Esme to keep my secret and not think about me around him, not that he was here, but what if he came to visit? It’s not that I don’t trust the rest of the family-they are vampires after all and have some of the strongest minds, but I just didn’t want to be “out” yet. I knew that Esme would respect that to the nth degree.
Ugh, I had half an hour until class and thought I should get something to eat and head out. I bought a turkey sandwich at the union and went to Creative Writing. After class, I settled in to do a bit of studying and reading until about 5 when I returned to the union for dinner. After my pizza, I decided to take a walk around campus. It is so beautiful here; the buildings stout with old world architecture, flowers blossoming all over the campus, trees providing homes to singing birds and shade in the quad and courtyard. It is so majestic. I can see why Esme is teaching here-it’s perfect for her. It encompasses her personality perfectly.
I took a seat under a large walnut tree and leaned back after pulling out my journal. We were required to write a short story a week in Creative Writing I. It had to be at least a page long and the first one was due next class. I pulled my favorite pen out of my bag and started to write.
She was medium height with reddish brown hair and brown eyes. She was not modelesque by any means, but beautiful nonetheless. One glimpse at her would illustrate that fact. She had a very comfortable style about her. Casual, nothing flashy. She laid in a large meadow filled with purple, pink, and yellow wildflowers. Their fragrance filled the air and hung there as if taunting you to come in further.
It was night and her pale skin was illuminated by the moon ever-so-slightly. She was dressed a white v-neck shirt and khaki-colored cargo pants with white socks. Her black hiking boots and backpack lay near a tree to her right. She lay in the middle of the meadow on her back looking at the stars and moon. Her legs were crossed at her ankles, her fingers intertwined across her stomach. She was alone minus the creatures that hid and lived in the trees of the dense forest that surrounded her and the meadow.
She kept her head focused on the stars. Although she was focused on the world above, she was slightly distracted. It was almost as if she was anticipating someone or something to show up and ruin her moment of solace. But would it really be an interruption? Would she consider his interruption to be such a distraction? Or would it be a welcome one?
There, one page. I could check that off the to-do list when I got back to my room. I never really expected to sit out here and do homework, but as we learned in class; whenever you feel the need to write, do it. I inhaled deeply and laid my head back on the tree.
I began to wonder how my letter would go over with the family. I should tell Esme about it. Maybe I should ask for it back. If he never gets it, then he never knows I’m over him…but…if I get it back and it never gets to him, wouldn’t that make me one large step closer to independence? I would hate to upset anyone, except him maybe. Him, really? God, why can’t I even say his name?! I haven’t seen him in years and I can’t say his damn name. I have to stop acting like a child.
I opened my mouth to speak, “His name is…”
“Edward.” It came from a voice behind me.
I dropped everything and looked behind me slowly. And there stood….a chunky freshman who was apparently calling for someone across the courtyard. I can’t believe I almost peed my pants and felt very stupid. I picked up my things and headed back to the dorm. I felt safer, and less exposed inside.
I dropped my things off in my room and grabbed my toiletry bag and walked down to the communal bathrooms. I stood in the shower for about 20 minutes just letting the hot water run down my back. One of the best things about college-the hot water won’t run out after 20 minutes and no one complains that they have to pay the water or the gas bill. I slipped into my robe and headed back to my room when the electric flashed. Great.
I jogged back to my room in an attempt to get dressed and in bed before the power went completely out. Although I was successful, I slowly came to realize that if the electric went out, so did the a/c. And about 2 seconds later, the lights were gone. Fabulous. I didn’t even know it was supposed to storm tonight. That’s what I get for being distracted all day. I started to open my window and had a flashback.
It was high school, just after I got to Forks. I had woken up from a dream where it felt like I was being watched. I saw someone looking over me and had to do a double-take to see if it was real, and initially I thought it wasn’t. Only later I found out it was. And it was all because I left a window unattended. It just wasn’t possible. I was not going to let it happen again. He was not here and only one person that was even remotely close to him knew where I was. I unlatched the window again and opened it wide. It was right over my bed and I feel the coolness of the air enter my room. I slipped under the sheets and adjusted my pillow. I reached over to the nightstand and set the alarm on my phone that was thankfully fully charged. I drifted off to sleep.
I found myself in a hazy dream swimming in emotions and temperatures. Suddenly I felt something cool graze my cheek and sat straight up in bed as if I had been electrified. I glanced around the room quickly only to find a strong, cool storm wind blowing through my room. I was losing it. I closed my window slightly and drifted back to sleep. It was going to be a long night.
(Flash back a couple of hours to Esme and Alice in the car)
I looked to Jasper who had a look of consternation on his face. “What is it son?”
“It could be nothing, maybe residual angst from the conversation before, but just before the girls left to go shopping I felt immense hurt and grief coming from Alice and anxiety and fear from Esme. Esme was also pushing out confidence. I don’t get it. It doesn’t fit. And right now you are emanating confusion, concern, and hope. Carlisle, what’s going on?”
I could not bear to see that look on her face.
“Alice, I assure you. All is well. I can’t give you any details specifically, but I can say that everything is fine. SHE is fine and it was a chance meeting. I hope you can understand that I made an assurance of sorts and I fully intend to keep it,” I said as I touched her arm and she pulled it back from me quickly.
“No. No. No. NO. No, I can’t understand it Esme. I can’t! I left Forks because he needed us to. Because Edward was so convinced that it was in her best interests and it would keep her alive and safe. I don’t doubt that it did, but he also forced me NOT to look for her, NOT to communicate with her and NOT to be her best friend. I lost my best friend! My sister! I don’t want to do anything or be anywhere without her! She was supposed to be a member of our family. I SAW IT! And now you somehow come into contact with her and I have to be ok with it!? How is that fair? I know she misses me because I miss her. I can’t just sit idly by while you have some sort of contact- HOLD ON! That’s why you burnt your clothes! So her scent would not tip any of us off. Isn’t it? Isn’t that the reason?”
“Alice, I’m sorry, but she’s my daughter too and if you had asked me not to reveal certain things, I would oblige you as much as I am her. If she wants to, if she is ready, it is her choice and she knows that she can ask me how to contact you or have you contact her. But I will not make that choice for her. She is a smart, beautiful, and independent young woman who is capable of making her own decisions. I only wish your brother would have realized that from the beginning. But I cannot and will not make her decisions and I will not take her choices from her. She controls her life, not us.”
I looked over at Alice only to realize that she was not paying attention. She was having a vision. I pulled the car off the highway at the next exit and pulled into a parking lot.
“Alice?” I put my hand to her face and turned to see her better only to see a smile come across her face.
“Let’s go shopping, Esme. I understand and respect your decision and agree that Edward should have consulted her before he left and before we just uprooted and left.” She was too happy.
“Alice,” I said in my criticizing motherly tone, “what exactly did you see? Did you just look for Bella?” Out came her devilish-pixie wide grin.
“Alice,” I said evenly.
“I couldn’t help it. I’m still somewhat attuned to her and it didn’t take much effort. I saw her sitting in your office in 2 days as I walked in the door with a bunch of shopping bags. She was nothing less than elated to see me and in dire need of a new wardrobe.”
“So that’s why you are so eager to go shopping now,” I said matter-of-factly.
“Yes. And she won’t be mad about it either. She’ll understand that you didn’t tell me a thing and that I came to the vision all on my own. She knows better than to bet against me.”
“Alright,” I sighed as I patted her leg and turned around towards the steering wheel. I realized I had lost this battle already. “Let’s get this shopping extravaganza underway. I turned toward her again. “Did you see anything or anyone else, Alice? There’s not going to be anyone else there to make her upset is there?”
“No, Esme. It is just us 3 and we are the only 2 that will know about her for some time. Or should I say 4-Mr. Designer Clothes Burner. But he will be calling home soon. I saw that today while waiting for the ability to come home. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t miss us in come capacity.”
“Good. I miss my son and can’t wait to hear his voice again.” I was beaming, my whole family was somewhat coming back together.
“Well then, we better get a move on. He’ll be calling in exactly 3 hours and 32 minutes. Let’s get this party on the move! Floor it mom!” We both laughed heartily.
“To the mall,” I exclaimed back to her. We did our fair share of shopping and had it not been for my restraint on Alice, she would have bought out the whole mall. Most of the things she bought were for Bella, I couldn’t deny her that. There were seldom few items for our other family members and she insisted on buying me a new black pencil skirt along with three new outfits.
We got home just in time to hear Carlisle’s phone ring with Edward’s voice on the other end. Jasper rushed out with a suspicious, but loving look on his face and gave his wife a kiss and me a hug.
“Well I can see that shopping cured the women of what ailed them.” He chuckled.
“Shopping is any woman’s medicine; you should know that by now.”
“I have to ask you both; when you left, I felt some conflicting emotions coming off of you, but heard neither of you speak a word. I asked Carlisle and he said I should ask you, Esme. What was all that about?”
“Oh Jasper, that was nothing. It was Alice realizing I did nothing to stop your father from burning my clothes.”
“You must have had a real connection to that skirt,” he slyly commented. She smiled at him and then frowned at me.
“It was my favorite and some things in this world are just irreplaceable.” He chuckled and walked into the house and he grabbed the rest of Alice’s/Bella’s bags. I knew this may have pacified him for now, but old military commander that he was, he knew there was more to it. This would not be the end of this conversation.
We all spoke with Edward and updated him on classes, the new house, my teaching, Emmett wanting to try out for track and our emphatic objections, Alice’s new clothes, and Rose’s new major. Edward told us he had been exploring a couple of jungles and to my husband’s delight using his medical degree’s by helping out in poor villages in Asia, Africa, and South America. This was the first time he had ever let onto his location. He must be doing better. We all sent him our love and he sent his before ending the call.
“Alice? ALICE WHAT’S WRONG?” Jasper was shaking her vigorously trying to snap her out of her vision.
“Jasper what is it?” Carlisle flew from the table to kneel down in front of her.
“Fear. She is just pouring out waves of fear.” She blinked her eyes and suddenly came out of it.
“Alice is everything ok? What did you see?” Carlisle had her head between his hands.
“He’s coming back. He’s made the choice. He’s coming home!”
“Then why the fear? Shouldn’t you be happy” Jasper asked obviously confused. She didn’t answer. But she and Carlisle looked at me and slowly the rest of my family’s eyes turned to me.
“Esme, why is Alice fearful and why is Carlisle torn between hope and despair. And why are you elated and scared?”
I was truly conflicted. On the one hand, I was scared that if the family found out that somehow Edward would and because I had broken the promise I made to Bella and the doors that it opened for her to be hurt again, she would cut off all contact. On the other hand, the idea that my family was so close to being whole again brought me so much joy. I didn’t know if I should, or even could answer him.
- His Heroine
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