Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Equilibrium

Summary:
"They were my fucking down fall." A portrayal of a different Mike's thoughts. One-shot. OOC. AU.


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 3.5/5   Word Count 1752   Review this Chapter

Equilibrium

I

- Michael Newton

Loved by idiots, hated by all.

That's what my gravestone will say. They might even throw in a pathetic Jr. just to give the illusion that I had a functioning relationship with my father. It makes me want to laugh, or throw up. Possibly both at the same time.

II

I'm that boy. You know that kid you despised and envied at high school? The one that's the captain of the football team, the one that doesn't have to do shit to fit in? Yeah, that's me. Mike fucking Newton. Make room for mister golden boy.

I'm not an idiot, I can see through them fucking all.

I

Karen thinks I'm practically in love with Forks High, she accepted the version of me that fucking suited her motherly priorities the best. I spent forever trying to explain, but she wouldn't listen. My mom tends to pull this crap, my father's leaving was no surprise to her.

II

I… I put up with Forks. It's effortless. I cannot think of any other reasons for why I wouldn't change my life, I am too much of a lazy fucker to do so. When life gives you lemons, you eat them. Or cook them, or hang over them with a knife, eying them like you're a fucking rapist. Whatever, I'm no Marta Stewart .I don't know what to do with lemons.

I

Our house is normal sized, my mom doesn't make big bucks, but it doesn't matter.

I never see her in that god forsaken house.

II

I walk the halls of the high school seeing it in their eyes every fucking single day of my mundane life. They all loathe me. Either because they want my crappy life, or because I once fucked them. They all stab me with their stares every day, and yet I wasn't dead. It's when I realized this that I stopped caring. I stopped caring about their fucking retarded thoughts.

"Oooh, is Mike dating Jessica now?"

"I thought he was with that other girl, what's her name again?

I

It's like she hides from me.

Who hides from their own son?

And what the fuck would you do that for?

The rarities of times when I see my mother, is at work. Yes, I work in the family business. I want to make Karen smile.

II

It all stopped mattering when I just gave the fuck up.

Isabella Swan's arrival was the event that changed all that. The holy turning point where I tried. I fucking tried to change.

The new girl was pretty. She had the type of hair you wanted to run your fingers through, the kind of face that'd you like to look up at you, the type of mouth you wanted wrapped around your cock while she gave you the most amazing once in a life time blowjob. I can still picture it. I'm not going to lie, I wanted to have my way with her.

She awakened something in me.

I saw her, and I wanted to get to know. For fuck's sake, I was being nice to the girl. I was making effort. She made me work, and at first I kind of liked it. The fucking masochist I am, I followed her around spite the clear rejection her eyes showed me.

I

I'm never in the receiving end of her smile.

Fucking mothers.

What brilliant bastard was it that gave mothers their power? Someone should shoot her, cause it's most probably a her. No man in his right mind would give his mother this kind of power over him.

No fucking way.

II

I never curse. Never ever out loud. I think my mom would have kicked my ass if she ever heard me making use of "the devils vocabulary". I snort myself half to death every time I hear this.

But, I recall uttering a low "fuck" the first time Isabella, I'm sorry, Bella, stared into my eyes. It was a clear case of deer in headlight situation, and I couldn't fucking fathom were this girl came from, or more importantly, where she had been. Her eyes made me want to die. In a good way, of course. In that second, I knew I had to have Bella Swan. I just fucking had to.

The gods were smiling down at me; she was the reason they wanted me in Forks.

What else could explain it all?

I

I especially remember one of my conversations with Karen.

"So, how's school?" My head almost unhinged when she broke the unrelenting silence. She was fucking making effort? I was floored. She went along with her business, like she wasn't doing anything out of our beloved routine, mopping the floor before closing the store.

"It's good." I think my voice squeaked and cracked all at the same time. I was nervous, what fucked up relationship we had. My palms even got sweaty.

"Still dating that…what's-her-face?" she vainly tried searching for the name.

"Linda. And no, we broke up."

"Ah, good to know. You still play for the football team?" She was killing me.

"Yes." I couldn't tell if she noticed the strain in my voice.

II

A grabbed her books once or twice, wanting to carry her books to class. The girl wouldn't have that. She was different. I'd fucking stare my eyes out every time she was in the vicinity, thinking up ridiculous thing to say to her and generally being a creepy ass motherfucker. I even made her a mix-tape, but decided on burying the bastard under my bed when I realized the stupidity. I was being beyond lame; I couldn't help it.

You know those teenage hormones…

I was a mess.

I

I often wonder what Karen does when she's not home. I fucking live with the woman, and there's no sight of her at home.

What does she spend her time doing?

What the hell is so important?

Could it even be that important?

It certainly seems more important than me. She shouldn't have had me, given me away perhaps. It's not like she wanted me in the first place. I was an accident, a misfortune, bad luck had hit my mother and I know she feels this way.

I am such a fucking pansy-assed emo.

II

Bella got different. She sat with that bastard Cullen in Biology, for some reason she got all jumpy on me. On everyone, actually. Then Cullen left for a week. It was bizarre. I thought nothing more of it, but when Cullen returned – things got, get this, fucking more strange.

She looked like she'd piss herself from embarrassment when he returned, gave him longing stares when he wasn't looking and looked she might drool when looking at him; she basically turned into my horny ass.

She wanted him. Edward Cullen. I cursed his name several times a day.

I

Nevertheless, I don't want to disappoint Karen. I never curse in front of her, not just because she'd give me the ass kicking of my life, but because I always long for her smile. Sometimes when I voluntarily made coffee, or mopped the floor for her, I'd see a hint of that damn smile.

But, it's never fully there.

So I try, I try my best. Always.

I do my homework, I clean the house, I stay out of trouble and I care for her when she needs me.

As much I usually don't give a shit, it's different with her.

II

I remember asking myself why, why she'd want to be with him. In fact, I still ask myself the same question. Why the fuck would Isabella Swan fall in love with Edward Cullen? The question never leaves me, like that itch on your body you just can reach.

The boy was utter shit and bullshit. I saw it in him.

As if to make matters worse, he looked at me as if he wanted to kill me. I'm totally serious.

His eyes were full of disgust when they rarely gazed at me.

So what if I lusted after his girlfriend?

So what if I wanted to do unmentionable things to her?

How on fucking earth would he know this?

And I'm sure that only if he knew this, would he look at me like he did.

Fucking crazy asshole. I kept clear of him.

I

I also often wonder if other teenagers have these kinds of problems. Or if they lead happy-go-lucky lives. I mean, is it just me? Probably not, right? It gives me a kind of twisted consolation to know that. I know, I'm not just a masochist. I just have to be a fucking sadist, too. Damn.

Just sign up Michael Newton for weird.

II

Do you want to know the worst part about Edward Cullen? I tried to befriend him when he first moved to Forks.

Yeah. I thought he looked like a fucking nice guy. I was wrong.

The asshole ignored me like I was nothing but beneath him. It was awful.

Imagine going up to a guy, and if you're anything like me; start bantering your ass off about inconsequential shit. Guess what happens next. Yeah, he fucking sees through you, like you're nothing but air, making you look like a total fool for approaching him.

I hated every piece of Edward Cullen.

I

One day, I realize something – she isn't going to change. Ever.

My father had left her for the same reasons that were now my fucking down fall.

I'm not even sure if I would blame the poor guy.

II

I don't understand, nor will I ever comprehend what the hell Bella was thinking. She picked fucking Cullen over me. I'm not saying I'm that fucking special, but at least I was nice to the girl. Jesus. Cullen basically threw Bella away before later deciding he wanted her. What a jackass.

I tried the same thing with her.

I'm not going to lie.

I ignored Bella for a week. I didn't fucking work. She didn't come running to me, telling how wrong she had been. No, she stayed with the bastard.

She even looked a little relieved when I didn't come to chat her up anymore.

Fucking fuck.

I

I think I'm giving up on my mother. What else am I going to do?

II

Why am I so easily hated? Fucking tell me, you! I want my answers.

Okay, I'll tell you.

It's because girls are cruel.