The Power of Love
Exactly how strong is the bond that Edward and Bella share? Join Bella and Edward as they embark on a journey where their love is challenged. Watch as Bella and Edwards' roads cross and divide. Can they each handle their mistakes? Will Edward abandon Bella or will their love survive the hardships life has to offer? This is set right after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon and begins with Bella in a deep depression.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in this story. This story is written for fun. I am an enthusiast and a fanatic of the lovely Stephenie Meyers. Also please be patient. This story is already written. The first 5 chapters are short; they are glimpses that help set up the story. As the story progressed it seems that the chapters get longer and longer. Also this story is told from various points of view. Each view will be posted to avoid confusion.
13. When it gets a hold of you
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Love is a strange thing.
One moment life is a dull and boring world. The next thing you know you are a vampire running just as fast you can to find your one true love. Love is tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel, rich like cream. The power of love is strong and sudden and sometimes cruel.
As I search for my one true love I find a companion worth more than his weight in gold.
Here I am staring at him. He looks at me with devotion in his eyes. Yet, I know this is wrong. I need to be with my Edward; even if he no longer wants me.
As much as I didn't want to believe those words that came from Edward's mouth, I knew that I had to confront him and find out if this is really what he wanted. An eternity without Edward would mean that I could no longer be. But I couldn't let myself go there now. I wouldn't allow my pandora's box of stuffed emotions to open. Concealed they should remain until I tire of them being put away. As I thought about pushing away the yearning sensation, a burning in my belly began. My fingertips curled and my teeth clenched as the thought of losing Edward forever flickered through my mind. I would do anything for him.
Love, when it gets a hold of you, it causes you to do the unimaginable.
As I snapped out of my daze, I reached out for Jacob's face and stroked his shiny black hair with right hand. I let my finger tips gently slide down his cheek barely touching his bronzed skin. There was sadness in his eyes. Wetness threatened to brim over his long dark lashes. But instead, his hands gently caressed my arms and then my shoulders in an upward motion meeting my hands.
This was going to be hard.
Jacob had been journeying with me since Sam left 2 months ago. He cautiously helped me steer clear of the towns and areas populated with humans. We had traveled down to Jacksonville and the surrounding area only to find no sign of Edward. I couldn't wait in such densely packed in areas. We were going to do one last check through town, careful not to disturb my mother and new step-father right after I fed.
It never seemed to satiate my thirst.
"Jake, we have to... Ummm I need to tell you something. Promise you won't get mad?"
I had told him that I needed him then. I had distinctly depicted a dark drawing of what depression was causing me to decompensate when he found me that day in the woods with Sam. I had begged him to stay. I really hadn't given him another choice. Yet, as time went on I grew more confident in myself and more curious in my abilities. I honestly didn't feel free around Jake. He was my guardian and protector but other times I felt that he was my parole officer. I wasn't allowed to really hunt and enjoy killing my food. However when it came to strictly our friendship another matter ensued.
Jacob wanted more.
I had set a distinct boundary with him yet some times that line grew fuzzy. That line that at times I was so tempted to cross, (like right now) was so damn difficult to ignore.
I was a vampire.
He a werewolf.
We were never meant to be together.
Which is why there is now constant discord between Jacob and me. He wanted me to be who I was not. I am a hunter an avid killer and he was a "protector". He wanted me to give up the Cullen ways. He didn't understand that some of the activities I wished to engage in were simply impulse, ingrained and instinctive?
Of all people, he should understand.
Of course, we had a few close calls where I had "lost my mind". Unable to control myself with ravenous hunger, my eyes chocolate orbs, my teeth snapping at anything within range; it was Jake who pinned me down until reality or reason would return to me. He took care of me that was for sure. However, he didn't accept that I needed more. He wouldn't let me grow into that which was my nature to be.
But something was off. There was something more. I longed for more. I was not sure what. But the rage and yearning combined inside of me threatening to come out in fireballs of wrath. I pushed those feelings together and slowly dismissed them from myself. I directed this longing to Edward. It seemed easier and I felt in control. I am not really sure where I was pushing this ball of emotions to, however I felt that if Edward knew, everything would be alright.
Jacob was a true friend who patiently waited by my side, wondering, questioning if we could ever be while we searched for my one true love, Edward.
"What is it Bella?" He questioned. Waiting with a worried look smeared across his face.
"Oh Jake, I have always appreciated your company. You have been a great friend and I am a horrible person."
"Bella! No you aren't. What is it? Tell me what has you so worked up these past few days."The look of concern grew immensely on Jacob's face.
"You have done nothing wrong, Jacob. It's just that I think it is time that we go our separate ways." I couldn't believe I was telling him to leave. My Jacob. My only true friend. Something was wrong, as I pondered the silliness of this whole situation, shrugging off that horrid premonition.
"I am eternally grateful for your loyalty. It's just that I feel that I am so close to finding Edward and I want to be alone when I finally find him." I diverted my gaze away from his eyes.
"Oh, I see" Jacob bowed his head down and looked away. Tears brimmed his eyes and shiver ran down his spine. He took two steps back from me ever so cautiously.
"I need you too Bella. You told me that you couldn't do this alone and now all you want is for me to leave. This doesn't sound like you at all. Are you sure this is what you want?" With some hesitation in his voice, Jake took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. If only he knew. There was so much that I wanted. He just couldn't know.
"Jake, all I want is for everything to work out. You know that I want Edward. Please don't make this difficult for me." I begged.
"Fine, but I don't know what you see in him. Love is blind if you ask me. You let a man who is a monster tell you that you are no good, that you are not worth it. And then you fall in a deep depression. He left you alone, without any protection. Now you can't wait to go running back in his arms. Bella, I don't understand. What if he says he doesn't want you?"
I simply stared at him without any response.
The blind devotion that he claimed I had, was real. I would do anything for Edward. I just couldn't admit it to Jacob or even declare it as truth to myself. I am not sure what I was willing to admit to myself these days. For the most part, I hid everything that so much as hinted to be an emotion from the world and from myself. I stuffed it in a little box within my soul for some other day when I would be able to handle the strength behind that emotion. What Jacob said, stung. But it rang with honesty. I was blindly running to him and for what.
What if he did leave me for good? What if he turned me away and dismissed me as gentleman-like as possible?
Could I handle it?
I would be alone. Without Edward and without Jacob to support me.
But why was I pushing him away? I didn't understand it. For the first time I knew I just wanted to be alone, without Jake. But why? What motivated me to embrace my fear.
Love is blind.
Finally I gathered up the courage to say what it is I thought I couldn't even agree to believe, "Jacob, you know, you're right. I have no idea what he'll say or do. I do know that I have to confront him and ask him why it is he said that to me. I don't believe it is true. Maybe I simply don't want to accept that he no longer loves me. I don't know. It's just I have to release those emotions and you being there, here really doesn't help."
With pain in his voice Jacob took hold of me and said, "And I will release you from all of your torment, stir up trouble that you can't ignore, and I'll tell the world, I'll tell them a story, tell a story to the world, about a girl...about you Bella."
"I heard that once in a movie. I thought it would be an appropriate description of the conflicted emotions I feel."
"Please don't be mad. Jake, I want us to always be friends." I said in the most apologetic tone.
And with that Jacob turned around and disappeared. I looked ahead at the road before me and followed it with blind devotion.
I folded up the hurt and pushed away the guilt that tugged and threatened to eat my insides. I placed the emotions in a lock box within me in order to conceal their power for a more useful day.
I love Jacob.
Hunger is worse.
After walking for 9 days, I neared the edge of the dark woods. I had hardly hunted in days. I guess I had been devastated by the scene that had happened almost 2 weeks ago with Jacob. I had been so overwhelmed with guilt that I stumbled around the tall grasses and swamplands of Florida. I was ecstatic when I found shelter in a small cluster of woods. I never returned to Jacksonville for fear that I would find nothing.
What a horrible feeling.
I had once again pulled those feelings out of the box locked in my heart. What I had refused to feel came knocking me down all over again. Grief, overwhelming fear of being alone, of never feeling what he made me feel when we were together. It didn't matter anymore. I slowed my pace ready to fall apart on the floor of the forest when it hit me.
Oh sweet, succulent blood. An aroma so enticing, enchanting. The ecstasy that began to creep throughout my body tingled like tiny electric spiders, climbing all about my torso and then spreading out to my extremities. The sensations that began to arise within me, filled me with an agonizing anticipation for an irresistible elixir. I felt my eyes glaze over, probably dark with black greed. I didn't think twice as reason snuck out the back door. My lips curled up in excitement as my bright white teeth peeked out at the world. I perked up and crept in a catlike fashion. I reached the town in a flaming flash. The scent was overwhelming. I caught a quick glimpse of what had seduced my attention. An endearing child playing in the shadows of her backyard swing set next to an inground pool. She had pigtails that reached down her back and blue overalls. She couldn't have been a day over 7. She was missing half of her teeth as she giggled and laughed, shrieking happily in her the comfort of her home. She smelled so sweet. Reason had completely stepped out the door. Nothing more could be more important. I began to circle the little blonde's backyard when she came out.
Oh glorious goddess!
A red headed curly beauty burst out of the lit up home. Her hair was as long as her daughter's only in fell in long layers, lightly feathering her backside. The style was somewhere in between curly and straight. Her hair full of body , wave and wonder glistened healthily in the setting sun.
She called to her daughter, "Angelica! It's time for your bath. Come inside, it's already dark out.". Her perfect body leaned forward from the porch door, hesitating then finally deciding to produce a foot. She wore tie die flip-flops and black long summery dress. Her dark red halter top accentuated her breast line and slimmed her already thin waist. Her hair was wildly flopping in the wind. She drew one arm up and gently pushed her hair out of her face. The setting sun caused her skin to sparkle with color ever o slightly.
"Coming Mommy! Just one more minute." The little girl yelled while beaming the most obnoxious and adorable smile ever.
The hunger that ravished my throat scratched at the inside of my esophagus screaming for salvation. A wild thirsty shiver ran up my spine. A crazy look loomed over my darkened eyes. I lusted deeply for the red headed beauty. Long forgotten was her babe. I dreamt of ruby red blood soaking my insides, my palette, my tongue and the back of my throat. The unimaginable was about to occur and there was no one to save.
When it gets a hold of you... it is absolutely undeniable. An unquenchable thirst. A power so unmeasurable possibly even incomparable to love. When it gets a hold of you, the thirst, there is no controlling it.
I closed my eyes as every ounce of sanity left, decidedly to walk out on me for my dirty thoughts. I re-opened my dark eyes, invigorated by the lovely euphoric being in front of me.
I knew what I was about to do would change me forever. I had once read a line that seemed to suit this situation. I was definitely all alone. But what can I say?
Sometimes you have to be a high riding bitch to survive. Sometimes, being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.
Hungry and wild with thirst I appeared before the woman and smiled. She appeared shocked yet not afraid. She confidently began to interject and inquire of my presence. A grin so despicably evil began to sit upon my face. The woman took one glance at me and a scream began to pierce her throat. I took her her head in my hands, stroking her hair in a gentle manner. One hand I pulled up and rested it under her chin pulling it up ever so slightly, exposing the vein in her neck. I leaned in as she shut her mouth and kissed her lips. Her eyes fluttered open , confused. I leaned in again and inhaled the sweet scent of her skin. My nose rested on her eyes and then caressed its way down towards her lips. I drew in once more and gave in despite all previously conceived notions. I bent over and gave her my bitter sweet, deadly kiss. I touched her with my ice cold hands and breathed in her scent as I parted my ruby red lips. And let my teeth shine in the twilight. She began to gasp however the sound caught in the back of her throat. And a quiet raspy moan replaced it. I pierced her skin and allowed the blood to coarse through my veins. I felt her heartbeat weaken and then finally cease to exist. Her body went limp in my arms and I quickly brought her to the house. Her child left alone, in the dark with noone. "Mommy", she looked lost without her mother.
What had I done?
The monster within me roared as I unleashed the evil growing within. When the darkness gets a hold of you... a seductive power begins to grow. Being an immortal with a longing for blood that is so natural courses through my existence and what is left of my soul. When the monster gets a hold of me, there is no turning back.
Will I do this again? Will Edward ever accept me now? Will Jacob have to kill me?
My mind was swarming with possibilities. Who knows. How nerve wrecking. But why bother, when it gets a hold of you... you're addicted.
- My Insanity
- The return
- Giving Up
- New Consciousness
- First Encounters
- Trudging Along
- Spiraling Down
- Save the Vampire
- A Little Support Please...
- In Agony
- Jake & Me
- When it gets a hold of you
- Jacob's return
- Alice's Vision
- The Hunt
- Bella's visions
- A final decision
- Words of Wisdom
- Tickling My Brain
- Impending Doom Part I
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- 25 Jul 07
- 23 Sep 07
- In Progress