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Eric Yorkie, The Van Helsing of Forks

Vampires have come to Forks, and only one person can possibly stop them. That would be me. I am Eric Yorkie, the Van Helsing of Forks. The True Adventures of a Vampire Hunter. A Twilight AU JokesonJane made this awesome banner

I don't own Twilight.

5. Chapter 5 Where Games Are Played

Rating 5/5   Word Count 3177   Review this Chapter

Head games are not uncommon with these creatures. Just hold on to what you know what is true. -From The Diary of a Vampire Hunter by Eric Yorkie


It's Thursday, and I have to really drag my ass to get to school. I must have woken up a thousand times last night−I was either choking on the necklace getting caught around my neck, or I'd rolled over onto the crucifix dangling from it, and it'd poked me painfully in the chest. When I get up in the morning, I can see white spots on the crucifix that indicate where a couple of the thorns of Jesus' crown snapped off and He's missing the front part of His left foot. I inspected my skin to see if any of them were embedded in my skin, but I find the tiny silver-painted plaster pieces in between my sheets and save them on my dresser to glue back on later.

This is really half-assed, and I know it is. I check the computer to see if there's a response from Vampire Hunters Inc., but there's nothing. I have to get through this day relying on my own resources. I look in the mirror, trying to psyche myself up. "Vampires are no match for me," I tell my reflection. "I was born to triumph over evil." I have my best superhero face on.

A sixteen-year-old kid stares back at me, daring me to take myself seriously. "Because I'm good enough and I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." Thank you, Stuart Smalley. I turn away, sighing, and head down to breakfast.

It's movie day in history class. Emmett is in his usual seat, two desks to my right, but I try to ignore him as Mr. Devin starts up a movie called Beckett, some drama about an English king. The room is dark except for the images on the TV screen, but I can hardly watch the film as I'm too busy glancing over at Emmett, wondering what he and his family are going to do. We're about fifteen minutes into the film, and I see Emmett is just kind of fooling with a compass that you'd use for math, the metal kind with a sharp point at one end and a pencil on the other, the ones used to draw circles with. He's balancing it on one end as he watches the movie, but then he catches my eye. I can't look away as he plucks the pencil out of it, then wraps his big meaty fist around the compass and squeezes it. He glances around slyly, making sure no one else is watching, then with a smile opens his fist so I can see the steel compass is now just a shiny ball of metal.

He grins widely at me before I look away. Fucking vampire show-off. I slip my hand inside my shirt and bring out the crucifix I have in there. Everyone else in the class is either into the movie or asleep with their head on their desk. Surreptitiously, I show it to Emmett. Don't fuck with me, bloodsucker.

Emmett's head falls onto his arms on the desk. It's only after a few seconds that I realize his shoulders are shaking with laughter. Well, that's not what I expected, but if the crucifix renders them disabled in anyway, then that's a plus, I suppose.

I let myself dream for a moment. I'm standing in the school yard, my hands on my hips and the crucifix flashing in the sun. Around me, the Cullens are strewn on the ground, helpless with laughter. Bella, Angela and a dozen other girls run up to me, all dressed like Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. "Oh, Eric!" they exclaim, pressing themselves against me. "We knew you were right all along!"

Mr. Devin comes up behind me. "Everything okay, Mr. Yorkie?"

I slip the crucifix back under my collar. "Just fine." Emmett's shoulders are still shaking silently. A few minutes later when I glance back over at Emmett, he's carefully straightening the compass back out, running the metal legs through his fingers.

When class is over, I jump out of my seat like a jack-in-the-box and beat it out of the room. I'm already in my seat in Advanced Algebra when Bella walks in, and through the door I can see Edward turn away. He's been escorting her to class like he's got to chaperone her in the halls. Now that she's been primed, he doesn't want anyone carving into his territory. Or should I say fucking around with his territory?

Bella slides into the seat in front of me and starts fiddling with her notebook. She's got her hair in a ponytail today. No bite marks on her neck, at least. I wonder where they are. Perhaps on her chest or her thigh? That's where I'd go, anyway.

"Bella," I whisper.

She turns around. "Hey, Eric. What's up?"

"So, you've been getting pretty close to Edward, huh?" I look in her eyes, wondering how much she knows about the Cullens, but she appears absolutely clueless. Would she believe me if I told her? I still need proof, or no one will believe me.

"Well, I…" she stammers and blushes. "He's really a nice guy when you get to know him."

"Bella." I have to try to warn her, even if it does mean the end of my social life. The way things are headed, I may never get laid, anyway. "You don't know anything about him. Be careful."

She looks at me with a strange light in her eyes. "Why? It's not…" She pauses for a beat before continuing. "It's not like he's a monster or anything." This makes her start giggling insanely. She's cackling to herself like a madman gloating over a secret cache of diamonds. She as turns around as Mr. Varner calls to the class to order.

Christ. Maybe she does know and doesn't care. Maybe she's so deep into the vampire spell that she's become a kind of sexual Renfield to Edward's Dracula. I'm betting their relationship has sunk to depths of sexual depravity that would leave potential readers gasping with the unlikelihood of it all. There's nothing I can do to help her except get rid of the vampire whose spell she is under. I'm hoping it will work like in The Lost Boys-kill the leader and everybody is saved.

I get an out from having to go to gym, using my photographer/reporter card. I tell Mr. Agney we need some action shots for the upcoming edition of the newspaper, and he gives me a pass. This enables me to watch gym from way up on the bleachers, taking shots of the volleyball action down below. Coach Clapp is down there, as is Jasper, doing his "Olympic Champion forced into high school" bit with the volleyball. George Yee clambers up onto the bleachers behind me, so I turn to discuss the front page when a volleyball comes whistling out of nowhere and hits me smack in the back of the head.

I drop the camera and stumble down a couple steps. On the floor, kids are laughing while Jasper is smiling and shrugging his shoulders.

"Sorry!" Jasper yells. Yeah, right. He fucking planned that shot. I am really starting to hate vampires.

At lunch, it's the same; Edward and Bella sit in their own little bubble, talking quietly and intensely while we prey animals sit around the table like pigs at the trough, waiting for something to happen. The other Cullens sit off in their own little goth-o-sphere, playing with their food and watching the rest of us with preternaturally gleaming eyes.

Preternaturally. That's Anne Rice's favorite word for vampires. I've been trying to read up on classic vamp literature, hoping to find some clues on how to get rid of them, but it hasn't helped. I still don't understand what preternaturally even means. With Lestat, you could always sneak up on him during the day when he was sleeping, but these vamps don't seem to have to sleep at all. They're here in school during the day, at least the cloudy days, and I've seen them shopping and at the movies in Port Angeles at night.

Mike is especially bitter about the Cullen-Swan connection, and he doesn't care who knows it. It's more than a little awkward with Jessica sitting there, pretending like it doesn't matter. "That is wrong," he says, throwing his fork down and glaring at the table where Edward and Bella sit. "So fucking wrong."

"I know," Jessica agrees with him. "What can he possibly see in her?"

"She's probably just after his money," Mike says, leaning back in his chair.

"Or his car," Ben interjects.

"Or his hair," Jessica grumbles.

"Or his body," Lauren adds. We all stop and look at her, but she just shrugs and keeps eating her Jello.

"Maybe he's a nice guy after all," Angela pipes up. Mike, Ben and I look at each other dumbfounded before breaking into laughter.

I peek over at the Cullen/Hale table. They're all talking pretty seriously, glancing first at Edward and Bella, then toward me every so often. I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I would love to know what they're saying. I wish I had some cool spy-like equipment. Then it occurs to me−shit! Maybe I do.

Well, I don't, but there is a small digital recorder we have for the newspaper. If I could hide it somewhere, maybe I could capture what they're saying. A plan is formed, and I head over to George Yee's table to convince him to lend me the recorder.

Lunch is pretty much done, and the cafeteria has emptied out before I convince Yee to let me have it. He's such a prissy dickhead sometimes. He tell me to come by the A/V room after the last class to pick it up, so I head out the double doors to head towards Biology.

Shit! Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper are just on the other side of the doors, and their conversation stops immediately as I exit the cafeteria. I walk by them with my head down, trying to think of nothing but bunnies and rainbows, because what if they all can read my thoughts? As I pass them, I hear this low growl coming from one of them, and when I glance back over my shoulder, they're all staring at me with those creepy, yellow eyes, like some kind of Children of the Corn freak show. Well, crucifix or no crucifix, I wing it down the corridor. Just before I turn the corner, I hear Emmett call in a high voice, "Run, Forrest, run!" I look over my shoulder to see Rosalie slapping Emmett on the arm while the rest of them laugh.

I really fucking hate vampires.

I cut biology. I'm not going to take a chance that Edward overhears any stray thoughts about the plan I have to catch them on tape, hopefully saying something incriminating. I could catch them planning their next bloody raid or even just discussing the latest flavor they got from the blood bank. Maybe they're having all kinds of kinky sex with each other. Nah, that would be too unlikely. They're vampires, not perverts, right?

I hang out in the computer lab, then in the boys' room until the end of the day, and then go see George to get the digital recorder before swinging onto my bus.

I arrive home, drop my books off, and head out to meet my brother Danny's bus. We live in South Forks, and our house is about a half mile down a mostly dirt road from 101, so someone always meets Danny at his stop.

The yellow doors of the school bus open. "Howdy, Eric," the driver calls, as the traffic behind him stops.

"Hey, Mr. Chon," I call back as Danny comes down the bus steps.

"Eric!" Danny's face lights up into a big grin when he sees me. He has the round face symptomatic of Down Syndrome, but it's like my dad says, when he smiles, the sun comes out. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me like he hasn't seen me in two weeks, never mind we had breakfast together this morning. For all him being a pain in the ass sometimes, he really is the world's sweetest kid.

"Hey, buddy, how was your day?" I ask with my arm around his shoulders as the bus pulls away. and we start back toward home. He doesn't even reach my shoulder; his disability keeps him short.

"Great!" he says with his usual enthusiasm. "I made you something."

"You made something for me?" I ask as he stops to pull his backpack off his shoulders. He sets it on the ground and digs through the papers.

"Here." He hands me a slightly crumpled paper. "I wanted to give it to you 'cause of the other ones I ruined."

"Oh, thanks, Danny." I turn the paper right-side up and almost burst out laughing. It's a crayon drawing of an extremely buxom woman. She's got wild black hair.

"It's a vampire queen," Danny says, laughing. "See the fangs?"

Now that I do look close, I see a couple of small triangles where her mouth would be. "Well, that's very good. Thanks."

Danny covers his mouth, and he lets loose with a goofy chuckle. "Mr. Tristan says that I must like girls a lot."

Considering that the breasts on this queen are twice as big as she is, I have a feeling he must be right. "Well, I can see why," I say, and we both laugh.

He picks up his backpack and slips it back on while I carefully fold my drawing.

"Can we take the shortcut home?" Danny asks. "Please?"

I hesitate. It's not really a shortcut−in fact it's a bit longer−but it takes you through the woods rather than just along our extended driveway.

"Please?" he asks again.

"Sure, why not?" I agree. Mom won't be home for a while; we've got time.

We head off on the footpath. The clouds have broken, and it's actually a nice day. The sun pours through the branches of the trees and lights up the dense parts of these woods. Danny continues to tell me about his day; he loves his teachers. I follow behind him, letting him set the pace. We come to a fork in the trail.

"That way," I say, pointing right.

Danny stops. "Where does that go?" he wonders.

"It goes by what's left of Grandpa's old house." It's really just a foundation now. It burned down in the big forest fire over fifty years ago.

"Can we go see?" Danny asks, his eyes round.

"Uh, okay." Mom keeps him on a pretty short leash; he doesn't get much chance to go exploring. But I'm his big brother, I should be showing him this stuff.

We head off down the path. "Grandpa used to live there when he was a boy," I tell Danny. "A big fire started in the park, and the fire started coming this way, so they made everybody leave."

"Mom won't let me play with matches."

"Because of fire, that's right." I help him step over the log in the path. "The fire came and their whole house burned. Their neighbors', too."

"Did it burn our house?"

"No, silly. Our house wasn't built yet. But Grandpa said it burnt all his toys, and the only thing he had left was a truck he'd taken with him."

He thinks this over as we keep walking. "Grandpa must have been sad."

That's Danny for you. He's just the best. There's a purity and simplicity in the way he sees the world that just slays me. Sometimes that innocence is something I wish I still had. I step forward and put my arm around his shoulders as we continue walking. "I bet he was, buddy. I bet he was."

We come to the place where the house once was. All that's left is a rectangular stone wall surrounding an indentation in the earth that's filled with leaves. The remains of a chimney lay in a jumble of stones. This was once a house; now all that's left is an outline of the foundation.

I walk up to the stone wall. "This is it."

"Where?" he asks.

"See the wall going around? The house was on top of that."

"And the house burned down?"

"Yep." I wave my arm at the woods around us. "All of the trees and bushes around here, too. But it was a long time ago, so they've all grown back."

Danny is appropriately awed and walks around the foundation.

"Careful, now," I caution him. "Not too close." That's all I need is for him to fall in.

There's a flash of red in the nearby brush, and I step closer to look. It's a scrap of fabric, and as I poke at it, I can see it looks like part of a sleeve and collar of a tee shirt. I lift my head and notice there're scraps of clothing all around here, hanging off the bushes and tree branches. There's even what looks like pieces of tighty-whities, like somebody cut up everything they were wearing into shreds. Or even exploded out of their clothing. Weird.

I turn away from it. I have enough weird in my life right now, thank you very much.

"Where does that go?" Danny asks, pointing to a path heading north.

"It goes by the caves at Deer Ridge." There's a rock outcropping with some very cool caves. The guys and I used to go camping by them.

"I like caves," Danny says. He's never been to one that I know.

"It's kind of far, buddy," I say. "Maybe we can go some other time."

He turns around. "I'm hungry."

"Alright, come on, then." We start on the path to the house when off in the distance, there comes a long, plaintive howl.

Howling. We get coyotes around here, but that isn't any coyote. Our closest neighbor owns a Chihuahua. That ain't it either. Suddenly, I'm getting the creeps, and I hustle Danny down the path faster.

We get back to the house, and I put together a snack for Danny. I check my computer, and thank the gods, at last Vampires Hunters Inc. has answered.

Mr. Yorkie:

I will arrive on Saturday. Please have the cash ready. You should have accommodations for me.

Solomon Kane

That night in bed something wakes me up. I lay there, trying to figure out what it was that brought me out of sleep, when I hear it again, a long, drawn-out, full-chested howling. I roll so I can see out the window. Sure enough, it's a full moon. I groan and raise the covers over my head.

I wonder if Vampire Hunters, Inc. can offer me a two-for-one on werewolves.