The pain of losing
What if Bella hadn't jumped off the cliff because Jacob had stopped talking to her sooner, and because of that she hadn't gone to his house and had a lot of free time to waste sitting on the beach? What if Edward was the one that needed to save her?
1. Chapter 1
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Edward’s Point of View
I closed my eyes trying to get the voices out of my head. There was only one voice I would want to hear inside or outside my head. But even though I can’t hear her inside my head, I will never hear her outside or inside at all because I, showing the monster I am, left her. Bella, my Bella, had the pain of a thousand people in her eyes when I said I didn’t love her anymore. My Bel- Stop that Edward! She is not your Bella. You left her. She is better off without you threatening her life every day and you know it. Do I? I asked myself. Is she? Or is she as miserable as I am? Could she be as crazy with pain as I am? Could I run back to her and she would accept me and- STOP! I left and that’s what’s best for her. But I let my mind drift to what would happen if I was wrong and she wanted me back as much as I wanted her. I pictured myself running back to her and fixing her life, her fixing mine, making her smile and laugh again, seeing her blush again. We could get married and live together forever and I could change her and- NO! NO! NO! I scream in my head. SHE IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU! YOU’RE A MONSTER AND IF YOU GO BACK TO BELLA YOU WILL KILL HER!!!
Just then I see Alice’s thoughts. A vision, of Bella! She is lying on the floor, her skin almost as pail as ours. She whispers good-bye Edward and shuts her beautiful brown eyes. Almost as if she still- and then Alice sees all the bottles of pills empty on the floor. Some with her name, left over from last spring, many, though, with Charlie’s name. Bella’s going to commit suicide! NO!
“EDWARD! GO SAVE HER!” Alice screamed. And that’s when I start to run.
I ran towards Forks cursing my name the whole way there. I yelled at myself. How could you leave her? She is not better without you! Looks she’s going to die if you’re not there! You have to save her! I screamed at myself. She wouldn’t be deciding to do this if you hadn’t told her you didn’t love her. She would be in your arms, maybe even blushing, and you could be telling her how much you love her. She wouldn’t be thinking that you don’t love her, nor would she be planning suicide! I try to block out my thoughts by picturing her blush and her brown eyes and I thought of the happy times we had. The times when she was in the forest with me, when I heard her tell me she loved me, first when she was sleep talking and then when she woke up, her sleep talking in general, the times we had has at school. Then I realized that if I am even a moment too soon, she will die thinking I never truly love her and I would lose the one thing that made my life complete and I would be filled with the pain of losing her