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The pain of losing

Summary:
What if Bella hadn't jumped off the cliff because Jacob had stopped talking to her sooner, and because of that she hadn't gone to his house and had a lot of free time to waste sitting on the beach? What if Edward was the one that needed to save her?


Notes:


2. Chapter 2

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Bella’s Point of View

I am going through with this. As soon as Charlie leaves tonight, I will take all the left over pills from when James tried to kill me and some of Charlie’s heart meds and overdose to get away from this hell I call my life. I can’t live without him and if he doesn’t love me, what do I have to live for anyway? Jake was my personal sun until he stopped talking to me because of Sam Uley’s gang. He swore he doesn’t, or well didn’t, want to be a part of it, but he is, and Charlie says there’s nothing he can do about it.

“Bella? Are you sure you don’t want me to see if Jake or Billy would come, um, hang with you? Or do you want to go out and do something with some friends?”

“No,” because that would ruin my plan.

“Oh, ok. If you say so. I think you should try to get out of the house Bells. You’ve been cooped up far too long.”

“I’ll be fine Dad.”

“Ok. Bye Bells.”

“Bye Dad.” Once I hear his car drive away, I pull out a tablet and start on my three notes. One for Charlie, one for Renee, and one for him. The ones to Charlie and Renee were simple to write because they knew what this felt like, the pain of losing someone you loved. The one that took me a while was his.

Dear Edward,

You might not care for me at all anymore, but I still love you and always will. The day you left me was the worst day of my life and I never fully recovered from that. I felt that even if you don’t love want me, you still deserved something to tell you why I am leaving this earth. I have no one to turn to in this hellish life I am living in. I would turn to Alice, but she’s gone. I would turn to Jake, but he’s part of Sam’s gang and won’t speak to me. I would turn to you, but all I believed in was a lie and the worst thing that ever happened and I lied to myself by letting me stay with you for so long, even after I learned you don’t want me. I will never love anyone else but you. You took my heart with you when you left and because of that I am a person will no reason to live, because without a heart you cannot love and without love there is no reason to carry on. I love you.

Bella

Even though it had scratches through some things, like the stuff about Jake and even though he didn't love me, he wasn't the worst thing that had happened to me, I didn’t have enough time before Charlie would get home. So I sealed the letters and took them with me along with a glass of water to the bathroom where I grabbed three bottles of pills and poured half the contents of each into my hand. I whispered my farewell to my one love. I look at the pills in one hand and the glass in the other ready to end my suffering.