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Bad Timing

"My truck’s a sensitive button on me and he just loves to press the hell out of it!" One-shot, a bad attempt at humor. Set during New Moon before Jacob's change.


1. Chapter 1

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He was at it again.

My truck’s a sensitive button on me and he just loves to press the hell out of it!

I glared at the road ahead, knuckles white as I gripped the steering wheel in a stiff armed grip. My soon-to-be-deceased best friend lounged easily in the passenger seat, shoveling down a bag of chips that were supposed to be part of tonight’s dinner—That is the last time I’ll ever let him tag along with me to the grocery—as he put the smack-down on my truck. My poor old defenseless truck that never did anything to anybody was being endlessly mocked by an over grown egotist-puppy!

“All I’m saying, Bells, is if I was you,” he crammed another fist full of chips in his mouth, then continued in a muffled garble, “I’d already crashed it into a tree, set it on fire and danced around it, then collected the insurance money on it, an’ bought a new one by now.”

I tried to push the image of a Jacob in all his shirtless glory dolled up in war paint dancing around the burning vehicle.

Nice. Especially sense he’d put on quite a bit of muscle here lately.

Bad girl, Ms. Bella Swan! It doesn’t matter if he looks sexy in war paint; he’s still ragging on your baby!

I gave my head a good shake to cast out the images and steady my resolve.

“Well, Jake,” I retorted with a petty huff because my pride was still smarting, “insurance fraud tends to be frowned upon. Besides—Don’t wipe you’re greasy ass fingers all on my seat!” I swatted at his chest flimsily, much to his amusement.

“Okay, okay, Bells. Geez, I won’t tarnish you’re priceless duct taped seat covers.” Jake said sarcastically, finishing wiping his hands on his tattered jeans, a wide Jacob-grin on his face.

I glared at him, “Maybe I should roll this thing in to a tree with you locked inside.”

“Cool!” He piped up loudly, giving me a start, adding in, “And maybe it’ll blow up on impact in a big, fiery explosion like in the movies. I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang.”
I struggled to suppressing a smile at his antics but it still wormed it’s was across my face like it always did. I shook my head again and stared more intently out the windshield, “You’re hopeless.”

“Yeah, but you love me,” Head said breezily, eyes shining and an easily going smile.

I rolled my eyes as we pulled into my drive way. I shifted it into park and kill the engine, deciding to put on a show for him, “See! My truck’s just fine, gets you from point A to point B just fine. It’s a great ol’ truck!” I smack the dash one good time for emphasis. As I did the glove department’s door broke off, papers and duct tape and god knows what else all flying out to make a mess.

Jake let out a belly laugh, reaching under the seat for the silver tape that roll under there, “Now that’s just bad timing, Bells.”

I felt like eating the steering wheel.