Lost and Found in Him
When Renesmee learns the truth about Jacob, she doesn't know how to handle it. She runs away, and goes all around the world, trying to find out who she is. She has always felt like she never fit in anywhere, and never really knew who she truely was. Will Jacob be able to convince her to come home and be with him? Or will she stay away forever?
1. Chapter 1
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This is my first fanfic. I must tell you that i do not own the characters in this story, just the story line. I must thank Stephenie Meyer for my inspiration.
Some of the events between Jacob and Renesmee in this story are accounts from my life.
Chapter 1: a nearly broken heart
I hadnt slept in about three days. I was too stressed. This was the longest Jacob and I had gone without talking. It was truely killing me. We have had fights before, but not like this one. He wouldnt answer my calls or texts or anything.
I had just been dumped by my boyfriend Peter, who i had been dating for three months and I really liked him. Peter started questioning me about my past relationship with Jacob and why it didnt work out. I told him what i had told everyone. It was none of his business. It was between me and Jacob. I was still to hurt over it to talk about it. But still, even after our breakup we remained friends just as we had promised we would if we were to break up. When I got into my first fight with Peter, it was over Jacob.
He wanted me to tell him about our relationship, and refused to. He insitited it was because I was trying to hide the fact that I still loved Jacob. But I wasnt. I had admitted it to Peter that I still had feelings for Jacob. I always will. What me and Jacob have is really hard to find. Its one of those loves you read about in the papers about a couple that had been together for fifty years. But for the first ten years of my life, that love never prosferred past being best and I finally decided to give it a try. It only lasted about three months before we got into a fight because of my father not liking us being together. It wasnt until a year later that I started dating Peter. He never understood Jacob and I. When I needed to cry, jacob was there to hold me and wipe my tears away. When I needed a good laugh, Jacob was their in a heart beat to make me smile. Jacob was there for me through everything. Now that I need him more then ever, he has decided to turn his back on me and not turn around.
My unlce Emmet always seemed to be there for me when i needed a guy to talk to about guys. Even though I knew it was football game time for him, I went to the living room and asked him if we could talk. He was always glad to turn his game off to talk to me.
"Hey Uncle Em.. Can we talk?" i asked as i sat next to him on the couch.
he turned his game off and looked at me."Sure kiddo. Whats on your mind?"
"Well, Jacob and I got into a fight. He asked me what happened with Peter and I wouldnt tell him. I only see it fair that if i didnt tell Peter what happened between Jake and I that i shouldnt tell Jake what happened between Peter and i. Jake didnt agree though and now he wont talk to me." I said.
"I feel the same as you Nessie, but if Jake really does love you, he will come around."
"But we have never gone one day without talking. Its really hard on me." I sighed as i looked down.
"Ness, im sure its not easy on him. I can tell by the way he looks at you, He really does love you. Give him a day or so.. He will call."
"Thanks Uncle Em." I said as i hugged him.
"Actually, Give him about an hour. I just had a vision of you really happy for about two seconds and then you disappeared." My Aunt Alice sang as she ran down the stairs.
"Really?" I asked.
"No since when i have lied to you about my visions? Now, go get dressed, he will be here soon to apolozige."
And with that i was running back to the cottage to change. I made there and my mom was sitting on couch wathcing t.v. I said hello and then quickly went to my room to change. After trying on at least three outfits, I settled on my favorite shorts and my simple plan band tee with my low top purple converse. Aunt Alice was right. It was not to much longer when i heard Jacob come through the french doors in my room that led outside.
When I stepped out of my bathroom, Jacob was laying down on my bed with his feet dangling off the side and his arms crossed behind his head. I carefully took my place beside him and laid my head upon his chest. He quickly wrapped on arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "My Nessie. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me? This last three days have been hell for me. Sam put me on patrol for twice as long, Seth and his annoying thoughts would not shut up, i dropped my cell phone in a puddle of water. This was the first chance ive gotten to come see you. Im terribly sorry."
"No, Jake im sorry. I shouldnt have exploded on you the other day abou-"he cut me off by placing a finger to my mouth. "No need to apologize. I thought a lot about what you said.. And your right. but Nessie, you must see my side. I dont just love you, im in love with you and i wanted to know what happened with Peter because i wanted to make you werent hurt to bad."
I couldnt hold it in anymore. The honest truth.. I felt like Peter had broken me into a million little pieces and laughed at me. Finding out he cheated on me with Lulu killed me. I raised my palm to his cheek to show him what i saw the day i caught Peter and Lulu together.
I had just been excused from fifth period to use the restroom. When i turned down the hall I saw Lulu and Peter kissing. I just walked by them, acting as if i saw nothing. Lulu quickly pushed Peter off of her and apologized. "No need for sorries, Lulu, hes not my boyfriend, so go for it." I said as i showed them both i didnt care, but only i knew i went to the restroom and cried for the rest of the period.
Jacob understood my pain i felt through what i showed him, and he held me while i cried on his chest. He kissed my hair and he said he would make it better if i just gave him the chance. I thought about it for quite some time while i sobbed in his arms. After an hour, I looked up at Jacob. He had always been there for me, and i knew he always would be no matter what. And at the moment.. I wanted him to be there for me more then just a friend would be ther for me, so i reached up and kissed the lips that i hadnt touched in nearly a year and lost myself in the kiss.
I also lost my train of thought when i heard my dad slam the door to my bedroom open and shout, "Get off of her now!" Jacob jumped off my bed and i was so scared of what my dad would do to him. He has always hated anyone I dated, and he and Jacob didnt relly get along before this. All I could think about was Dad hurting him and how upset i would be. My dad started charging towards Jacob and i sceamed out to him to stop, and when his hand made contact with Jacobs throat I ran at him trying to pull him off. It wasnt working for me. I screamed louder and my father turned his head to face me. Seeing the hurt on my face, he quickly dropped Jacob and said, "We will talk later." I guess Jacob said something to him in his head because my dad quickly tensed up again and said, "Listen hear mongrel, If you even think about telling.." he quickly stopped in mid-sentence and walked off. I looked at Jacob. He came to lay a gentle kiss on my lips and said he would see me in an hour before running out of the house.
While waiting for the hour to end so i could see Jacob, I couldnt stop walking around. It took Uncle Jasper forever to finally calm me down. He even started laughing and said that it had never taken him so long to calm someone down. He asked to see me in his and Aunt Alice's room for a minute to talk.
He sat on the bed and motioned me over to sit beside him. He looked like he was really serious, but the first comment he made showed me he wasnt as serious as i was expecting him to be.
"So Edward didnt take to nicely to Jacob planting one on you did he?" he laughed. "Man its about time he did. I thought the boy was never going to come around the first time you dated, let alone this time. He just keeps proving me wrong, he never has your aunt guessing though. Every time she sees you disappear she can tell your going to be with him. I would have to say it just makes her so happy when she sees you and him together. Your fathers really the only one who isnt so kin to the idea. Hell, Esme even told him the other day that whatever his intentions with you were she didnt care as long as it didnt envolve hurting you." I couldnt help from laughing at that one either. "But Nessie, You gotta be careful. You gave Alice a heartattack, well if it were possible you wouldve. When she saw him push you down on the bed today and then you disappear, she got upset. And you know how your dad is. Every time she has a vision he pressures her until she tells him. Your just lucky he really does only want to talk to him."
"Uncle Jazz, Do you think things will be okay? I mean, yeah we have our fights, jake and i, but do you think we will work out?" I asked.
I guess he could feel how upset i was because he answered with love and worryiness in his eyes, even though he didnt try to alter my mood. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen? Are you really doubting the feelings this boy has for you? Cant you see the way he looks at you?"
"Well, yes, but every time he looks at me differently. Im just scared he will find someone else." I said and I looked down.
This is why i always loved my talks with Uncle Jasper. I mean i always loved talking to my other aunts and uncle Em, but with uncle Jasper, he could feel the way i did and it helped him to answer me based on my feelings. He looked at me and said, "Well shit." Uncle Jasper only cussed when he was mad or didnt know whatelse to say. "Your dad's gonna be back soon, and if he reads our minds and knows what ive told you, he will set fire to both of us." We both laughed. "Look her little miss Renesmee, You should never doubt Jacobs feelings for you, I can feel them when hes with you, and i feel yours too, but i never try to alter them unless i feel something more is about to happen, same with Rose and Emmett and Alice, Your parents, Carlisle, even Esme. But you should never underestimate Jacob. He's a good guy for you, and ive been waiting very patiently for when you would take him back. Im proud you did. But lets change the subject before your father kills us."
When Edward had made himself clear that i was to keep the secret of my imprinting on Nessie from her for just a little longer, we went back to the main house. He ran home but i ran a bit slower to think about everything. He asked me to wait until her birthday next year, but i couldnt wait that long, and hell, whats one year? Why cant i tell her now? I understand him not wanting me to tell her and then her deciding about her and i based on that, but i mean come on! Shes sixteen, physically and emotionally. So shes tecnically only six, but shes more mature, more beautiful, more smart, more understanding, more wise, and more older then a six year old.
And even though she was sixteen and everything, i understand why Edward wants me to wait to tell her to see how she really feels, and the only reason i havent told her yet is because i do agree with Edward on wanting to see if she feels the same way about me as i feel about her.
When i made it back to the house Edward and Bella where sitting in the piano room and Edward was playing Bellas lyllaby. I looked around the living room to find Emmett watching a football game(as usuall) and Rosalie painting her nails. Alice and Jasper were in their room and Carlisle and Esme where hunting. I figured Nessie was in her room, but I wasnt for sure if I should go up there or not. I thought Edward was paying attention to Bella and the song, but i guess not because i heard him say "Go."
I walked up the steps and knocked on her door to wait for her to come answer it but instead she said come in. I walked in to find her sitting on her bed with a ton of pictures. They were of all the family. I would never understand why she was always taking pictures and walking around with her cam corder but she did.
"Oh my, do you remember that day?" She asked me as she laughed at the photo.
In the picture, Quil and Embry were in the background fighting overr a muffin, Sam was sitting behind me with Emily on his lap with their little one, Sally(they got the idea for the name from Bella and how she combined names to come up with Renesmee, so they combined sam and emily.. Sally.) On the left side was Paul and Leah laughing at Claires hair do. Seth was holding Claire. Then, their in the middle of the happy looking Picture was Nessie and I. Nessie was smiling real big and i was shoving a muffin in her face.
"Of course i remember that day. I came and picked you up and we went to Sam and Emily's for some of her world famous steaks and muffins and mashed potatoes and then went to a bon fire on the beach. You fell asleep that night with your head on my lap and a smile on your face. When i was caring you back to the rabbit you rolled your head to my shoulder and kissed my neck and whispered that you loved me and then fell asleep again." I said looking at her.
"And you got so mad at me when i woke up for falling asleep again before you could say it back and you made me stay awake with you for three days straight because you didnt want to miss one second with me." she laughed. I had only seen her smile that wide, that bright, and that happy a very little.
I took that moment to push her bronzed bangs behind her ear and hold my hand there to caress her cheek with my thumb. I could spend forever looking into those big brown eyes. And if she wouldnt have reached over to kiss me, i would have. Not that i minded at all.
She moved her hand behind my neck and tangled her tiny little fingers in my hair and whispered against my lips, "I love you." and before giving me time to respond she pulled my hair very gently. She knew that drove me crazy. "I love you, too" i said. She gently pulled my hair again and I gently pushed her down on the bed and she playfully rolled over on me, putting herself on top. I licked her bottom lip and she gently bit my bottom lip and i moaned. She seemed to like that because she opened her mouth and our tongues met, slowly dancing in her mouth. I moved my right hand down the side of her body, forming around her curves. I started at her shoulder and went down to her hip and back up. I moved my left hand down across her stomach and under her shirt and massaged her back. She unlocked her arms from around my neck and pulled her hands down my sides and slid them gracefully under my shirt and began pulling it off of me. I leaned up and broke the kiss long enough for her pull it off, and then we went back to where we left off. I broke the kiss to put my lips on her ear and playfully bite it. She moaned softly in my ear and suddenly my hips bulcked up towards her, causing yet another moan to escape from both of us.
I looked up at her and said we should stop. She sat up on the bed and fixed her shirt and i put mine back on and we went back to looking at pictures. I bet we looked at pictures for hours before finally falling asleep on her bed. When I woke up the sun shine was coming through her french doors and Nessie was still asleep. I couldnt move without waking her. She had her arm around me and her head on my chest. She looked so cute when she slept. I guess Edward heard me because i heard him say "When she wakes up come downstairs, Your food is on the stove." low so it wouldnt wake her.
It was about five minutes before she woke up. She stretched and then looked up at me. I kissed her forehead and said, "Goodmorning Sunshine."
She smiled and asked, "What time is it?"
"A little after seven. Breakfast is on the stove waiting for us." she smiled real big and kissed me before pulling me off the bed and dragging me down to the kitchen. I couldnt help but laugh. She looked at me confused. "I take your hungry?" i said with a laugh.
"Ha! More like starving. But the food is cold." she frowned.
I walked over towards her and wrapped my arms around her waist. "Well I guess we will just have to go find us a good kill then huh?" I said.
She kissed me and said, "Ill raise you there." and before i knew it she was running out the door.
Chapter 1 in a book is always the har dest for me to write, because it gives an insite to what the rest of the book will hold. I decided to leave it with a cliffhanger of what will Edward and Jacob talk about? Why was Nessie so upset about her father hurting Jacob? And how will Bella react when Nessie tells her what happened? I know this isnt the best chapter so far, but i promise the next one will be very great!