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Living is just too hard

Edward leaves bella for a second time.


1. once more lifeless

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1962   Review this Chapter

I stared straight ahead, my pulse and heart were surprisingly calm, even though what I was thinking about would end my life, but I knew I couldn’t go on like this, once more a lifeless husk since he had left me. It was just so unfair.

Tears trailed down my face as I watched the stormy waters below me, I was standing on a cliff in La Push, the highest one up and the rockiest below, I was strangely empty, nothing but pain filling me up and even that was beginning to fade.

I shuddered as lighting struck the trees in almost perfect order, one after the other, dropping to the ground, flames devouring the green leaves and brown bark.

I watched the flames and saw a figure emerging from them.

I watched as the red headed menace walked up to me.

I watched as she laughed.

“Don’t think you’re getting away that easily, nope, jumping is just the cowards way out” Victoria laughed evilly and I knew that she really was here to kill me.

I smiled tiredly, I was already resigned to my fate, and I didn’t care anymore. Part of me wanted to laugh at the confusion on her face, part of me wanted to scream at the malice in her eyes.

So in the end, I did neither, I just stared at her, waiting for her to kill me.

She grinned suddenly, nodding.

“I see, you’re dead inside already, am I right?” she cocked her head to one side, watching me, I didn’t answer, just stared at her. “I thought so, so maybe the bigger torture would be to make you live with that numbness forever.” she laughed

I frowned, wondering what she was talking about. I shuddered as the rain dripped from my nose and ears, running faster as lightning scorched the ground around us. Yet I still didn’t flinch. I just glared emptily at the flames, I turned my back and felt her come up behind me, I felt her bite my neck but as I waited for the pain, waited for ages, it just didn’t seem to come, I felt an odd prickling in my neck, spreading slowly to my shoulders, then to my arms and hands, moving down my torso and my legs. I felt myself collapse on the floor as the venom spread through me but I never felt the pain, I was still numb, but soon the tingling began to fade and something else took over. And I could feel again, it was so weird, I could feel more then a human should, but then, as I opened my eyes I realised three days had past and I was no longer human.

I was pretty much dead.

I looked at the sky, no longer stormy, but not sunny, cloudy over the clearing we were in although I knew we weren’t in La Push.

I sat up, looking around again, Victoria was no where to be seen and I realised she had left me,

“Cow” I muttered, surprised when my voice came out musical and beautiful. I glanced down and saw a mirror on the floor. My eye brows rose and I looked around, guessing that although she had left me, she had wanted me to see what I looked like.

I looked into it and felt like I should gasp with surprise but I just rolled my eyes. Which were shaped beautifully, my eyes were an ice blue, I just smirked, I felt so different, more…I don’t know, mean. It was the only way I could have described it. I felt like I should care but I didn’t.

My eyelashes were longer and darker, my skin paler then before. My lips were full and deep crimson.

My hair was shiny, perfect locks falling down my back, to my waist, darkened from brown into black. I’d gotten slim, not loosing anymore weight because as a human I had refused to eat anything anyway. So I was slim, curves in the proper places. I’d shrank an inch or so from as far as I could see. I was still wearing the black jeans laced up at the side; I’d gotten them from a Goth shop.

Yep, when Edward left I’d gone Goth. I was also wearing black leather boots and a black sleeveless top with red lighting flashing across it. They were surprisingly clean.

I scratched my head and stood up, carelessly throwing the mirror over the cliff edge. Yeah, I’d definitely grown a brand new temper. I looked around the clearing, little Vicky wasn’t back yet. Well, if she thought I’d be lost then she was sorely mistaken. I smiled and ran off into the forest. Running was so exhilarating, it made me smile and feel content, so, so happy. I hunted the first deer I could, draining it dry.

So sue me, I wasn’t mean enough to eat humans. Who cares? I stretched my new lean body and smiled, well fed and content. I was wondering what to do with the deer’s body, staring hard at it, I reached out my hand to touch it and suddenly, a streak of black and blue fire flew from my finger tips and enveloped the body. I blinked and then grinned.

“Cool!” I smiled happily. The smile faltering slightly as I wished Edward and the rest of the Cullen’s could be there with me. The pain was still there but I realised I was building a wall in my mind, like a fire wall, keeping the pain away. I contemplated this for a second then shrugged my shoulders and walked out of the meadow.

As I left the meadow where the deer still burned with black, blue fire, I heard a low growling from behind me. I froze as a sweet smell filled my nostrils, I turned and expected to see another vampire. So I was surprised when I saw Jacob there, looking staggered. I smiled at him. He blinked, staring at me.

“Bella. Oh, oh god” he whispered, stepping backwards, but then he frowned and sniffed the air.

“Hi Jake” I whispered “She got me” I said, although it was pretty obvious

“Why do you smell so nice?” he asked, looking for a loophole, to say I was still human.

“Don’t know” I shrugged “you smell amazing to me”

And then we were hugging, both of us crying and I could feel tears running down my face, I was confused at that, I wiped one with my hand and looked at it. It was black. I gasped quietly. Making sure Jake didn’t notice it. I berried my head into his shoulder.

Eventually we pulled apart.

“I have to go, don’t I?” I whispered glumly

“Bells, im sorry” he whispered

“NO, don’t be sorry, you have to live your life, try your hardest to kill little Vicky for me please” I laughed slightly

“Don’t worry about that” he said darkly

“I love you Jake, you kept me sane, I love you” I whispered and then I kissed him, long and sweet. When we broke apart he whispered.

“I love you too, Bells” he smiled sadly and hugged me one last time.

Then I turned, crying silently and ran deeper into the forest, I heard a wolf’s anguished cries and howls behind me as I ran. I ran back to my house, into my bedroom, Charlie was at work, looking for me probably. I packed all my Goth clothes, all my money and then fastened the silver locket with a picture of my mum and dad in it. After I was done I jumped out of my window and ran again. By morning I was in New York.


When I got to New York I made sure I had hunted extra because I thought it would be harder since I was just turned but when I saw the humans I didn’t feel like snacking on them at all, I just felt like I normally would, a little freaked and very alone. I decided the first thing I should do was to get an apartment or find another vampire to help me. I wandered aimlessly for hours under the cloudy sky, at one point the sun came out, just for a couple of seconds but the sun shone down on me…

And nothing happened. I smiled and carried on walking.

After two more hours I realised how many stares I was drawing, ok, yeah, so I was beautiful, I was obviously going to get some stares but I kept on seeing one guy, over and over again, like he was following me, and then I realised that whenever the sun popped out, he went to hide in the shadows, staring at me, wondering why I wasn’t doing the same, I saw his eyes widen when the sun hit me directly and I didn’t go all sparkly, I grinned at him and he smiled back, I stopped and waited for the sun to go back in, then when it did, he walked out of the shadows and approached me.

“Nathaniel, but please call me Nath” he smiled at me

“Bella” I stuck my hand out and he shook it

“Maybe we could go somewhere more quiet?” he asked, I nodded and followed him into one of the many alleys. As we walked I studied him.

He had dirty blonde hair and topaz eyes, he was most definitely a hunk, absolutely gorgeous, he was wearing a leather duster and black trousers and a black t-shirt. He noticed my gaze and looked into my eyes, smiling. I smiled back as he showed me into a cosy room. It had three sofas in it, one already occupied with another teenage vampire, a male with black hair and topaz eyes, wearing a black t-shirt and black trousers, and a leather jacket. He was also amazingly gorgeous. He looked at me curiously as I looked at him.

“This is Jamie” Nath said, gesturing to the other man. I nodded.

“Bella” I said again, sitting down on one of the sofas.

“What’s your power? I can sense so much power from you” Jamie asked

“Fire” I told him, he frowned

“Show me” he ordered

“I really don’t like being told what to do” I said coldly, my voice venomous, but even as I spoke the light above Jamie’s head exploded, he dashed from the seat and stared at me. I grinned. “Ohhhh, another power” I laughed. Nath was watching me carefully but Jamie was grinning

“Please show me” he amended. I nodded. I lifter my hand and concentrated on the other sofa, the one with no one on it, I concentrated on fire, imagining heat and flames and once again, the black blue fire erupted from my finger tips and engulfed the couch. I turned back to the boys and they were staring at me. They exchanged looks and then looked back at me.

“I can feel power and potential from people and vampires, I can also sense what their life has been like, and I can see some of their worst memories” Jamie told me

“And I can create illusions” Nath smiled

“Cool” I grinned, but Nath frowned

“My illusions don’t work on you!” he said, confused, so I explained the whole, vampire powers don’t really work on me.

I looked at Jamie, who was studying me intently “I can see your memories, I see how you were changed, and I see a boy, with bronze hair” he frowned “Edward”

Of course, as soon as he said the name I felt the pain sear through me, my fire wall came crashing down and so did I, I slumped forward on the couch, hugging myself and rocking backwards and forwards. Black tear were running down my face, I saw the boys exchange another look, concerned, Nath came over to me and wrapped his arm around me. He rubbed my back.

“You want to join us?” he asked me quietly, I nodded, still crying quietly.

I started building the wall up again and Nath and Jamie learned not to say that name.