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Undying Love

When Edward left in New Moon, Bella finds out she's pregnant. But carrying a vampire's baby isn't going to be easy! What will she do? Will she survive? Will she ever see Edward again? SM Pregnancy Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


21. Chapter 21

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As I slid down onto the floor, I felt something I hadn't felt in such a long time. It was a feeling I didn't know I had anymore.

I felt...human.

Not physically though. No, I felt more immortal than I had in the past month with my strength back, more monster-like. It was hard to ignore the fact that I could crush anything, purely by accident.

I felt human emotionally. I didn't realise vampires could feel fragile. I thought that was impossible. And yet, I felt like if anyone said anything, or if there was a single sound, I would shatter into a million pieces.

Every emotion that I had ever felt seemed to run through me at once, all blending together, but yet all separate at the same time.

Happiness, sadness, anxiousness and dread ran through me, seeming to crush everything that was inside me. But one emotion especially seemed to be the strongest, and it ran through every dead vain in my body and seemed to engulf me. Relief.

Relief seemed odd in this situation, but it was also the best feeling to have at this time. It seemed to trigger some sense of hope.

My Bella was alive, that fact was true, and I clung to that like it was the last thing on this earth.

Carlisle's thoughts were sympathetic as I heard the sound of him standing up from his chair. He walked over and crouched in front of me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I didn't look up.

"Edward," Carlisle's tone was trying to get my attention, but it was also soft. He noticed how fragile I was at the moment.

I lifted my head a fraction and met his gaze. He looked...aged, exhausted. It scared me to see Carlisle like that. He was always the head of the family, the rock. To see him distraught like this weakened my optimism.

"Tell me she's going to be okay. Please." I was begging. The hope I had was the only thing keeping me going. I never wanted it to fade away.

"I can't make any promises, son," Carlisle began, making my dead heart sink to the bottom of my stomach. "But what I can tell you is that her heart is stronger than it was. It's a good sign, and one that shouldn't be ignored."

Her heart was stronger. I knew that. That was what gave me the hope.

Carlisle released my shoulder and stood. He walked over towards the still, too still body of my love. I stood too, and walked towards Bella.

I looked down at her and saw that Carlisle had cleaned all the blood and draped a blanket over her. I could hear the slight intake of breath as she breathed in and out, in and out. The sound of her heart ringed through my ears. It was a melody I could listen to forever.

She was too still, though. If she was changing into a vampire she would be crying, screaming, begging for us to kill her. Not just lying there. I winced.

"How much venom is in her?" I asked, gently brushing the hair out of her face with my hand. I expected a reaction from her heart, a slightly increased pace. No response.

"Enough. I hope. The good news is the venom reached her heart in time," Carlisle answered.

His thoughts went back to Bella, covered in blood, dying. He remembered biting her and injecting her with the venom she needed. I winced again, hoping to remove the images from my mind. Carlisle apologised in thought.

"She's so still though. There must be something wrong." I hated being so pessimistic.

"Or something right, son," Carlisle offered. "She has a lot of morphine in her system, too."

"She must be in agony." My voice broke at the end. To think she was in pain caused me pain. She didn't have to go through this. It was entirely my fault.

"We don't know that for sure. Like I said, she has a lot of morphine in her. We don't know what effect that will have on her change."

As I watched her, I noticed slight differences about her from the past few minutes I had been here. Her features were slightly sharper, her skin slightly paler. A human wouldn't have noticed this, only my vampire senses could detect the slight differences.

I battled with myself. All the signs of her changing were there, only she wasn't moving.

"She's going to be okay." I spoke only to myself. If I told myself enough times, hopefully I would believe it.

Carlisle placed a hand back on my shoulder. "She seems stable. I'll leave you two alone. Call for me if anything changes." With that, he left the room after gently stroking Bella's cheek. Bella was like a daughter to Carlisle. I knew that.

I sat in the chair placed next to Bella and took one of her hands in both of mine, gently rubbing them. Usually she would respond by gently squeezing my hand, but she didn't.

I knew my life would never be the same after this, and neither would hers, and that saddened me the most. She shouldn't have had to do any of this. I should have died in 1918 like I was meant to. Not taking away the life of the most beautiful, kind, wonderful girl on this earth.

Most people change kind of slowly. They're who they are and then after a while, they're someone else. But some people know the exact moment where their lives changed. They saw the person they were going to marry or the look in their baby's eyes the first time he smiled.

For some people, it's not the good things in life that made them change. It's something they've gone through that makes everything they look at from that moment on seem very different from how it had always been.

I knew the exact moment I had changed. It was when I met Bella for the first time and I have not been the same since, but in a good way. She helped me to see that life was worth living.

But she was going to change today. Her whole life was going change. Nothing she knew would ever be the same again.

I didn't take my eyes off of her. I didn't even blink. I didn't need to. Any sign of movement from her, I wanted to see it. I ignored the thoughts of my family downstairs.

I didn't know how much time had passed. It could have been seconds, it could have been hours, it could have been days for all I knew but after that time there was a knock at the door. I didn't move or say anything.

"Edward?" It was Alice's voice as she opened the door. I heard the sound of the door gently shutting. She walked over and stood next to me.

"I can see her, Edward, and she's becoming clearer as time goes on." Alice showed me visions she had had in the past hour or so of Bella. Bella was running in the woods, her skin shining in the light. She looked...happy. It made me smile slightly. "Your son, though," she sighed, "I can't see him at all! I've never come across a vampire-human hybrid before. It's extremely frustrating."

I almost laughed a little at how annoyed Alice was. Almost.

"She's going to be okay...?" I murmured.

"She's going to be perfect! Stop worrying!" She placed her tiny hand on my shoulder.

She looked happy. That's what I concentrated on. Maybe she wouldn't hate me for sentencing her to this life.

Alice's next thoughts confused me. Although in any other situation it would have been normal, for her anyway, but this time it confused me. Fashion.

"Alice, what are you-" I started, but didn't finish. Alice had fled the room. I didn't try to keep up with her thoughts as she ran along the halls.

She returned seconds later with some red material hanging over her tiny arm.

"Well, we can't have her wrapped in that awful blanket much longer."

A low growl rumbled in my chest. I looked up and glared at Alice.

"Bella might be lying here in agony and you're worried what she's wearing?!" I snarled.

Alice leaned back on her heels slightly but did not step back. Embarrassed by my outburst, I looked down again and put my head in my hands. I closed my eyes and exhaled sharply. It wasn't Alice's fault. I shouldn't take my anger out on her.

"I'm sorry, Alice. Please forgive my rudeness," I apologised.

"It's okay. I know how worried you must be, but really, she'll be fine. I can see her, Edward, really I can."

"I just don't want her to be in pain," I moaned into my hands. "If she is, I would take it for her if I could."

I moved my face up so I could see Bella. Still no change, not even a single movement. No visible pain etched on her features. In fact, she looked peaceful. Her eyes were gently closed and her lips were slightly parted. She was looking paler as the minutes passed and her features were sharper. She was beautiful, not that she ever wasn't.

Alice gently laid the red dress on a space next to Bella on the table. She turned and looked at me. "I'm sure when Bella wakes up she'll want to be wearing something more...suitable. Go and see your son, Edward. He's very special."

Of course he was special, he was more than that. He was Bella's son, my son. Our son. His pure existence was supposed to be impossible. At this time, though, I didn't want to leave Bella.

"I can't leave her," I stated. "Not now."

"Edward, she'll be fine. Trust me. Please, go and see your son."

I struggled mentally with myself. Of course I wanted to see my son, of course I did. He was my son! I supposed Bella would be okay for a few minutes. Who knew if she even knew that I was here or not? I slowly stood, kissing Bella's forehead as I rose.

"Be careful," I said to Alice as I turned for the door.

I ran down the stairs and into the living room where all the family was gathered around the sofa, apart from Alice, of course. Their thoughts overwhelmed me all at once. Before I was blocking them out, but now they all mixed around my mind. They were all about my son, of course, but only questions. Endless questions about him, but not many answers.

I could see the top of Rosalie's head as she was sitting on the couch, bending her head over. The rest of them gathered around her. Rosalie was holding a small bundle in her arms.

Hearing my approach, Carlisle turned his head towards me. He smiled at me as he gestured with his hands for me to join them.

Everyone else's heads turned to look at me except for Rosalie who kept her eyes fixed on the precious child in her arms. Everyone had small smiles on their faces.

He's beautiful Edward, and very gifted.

You and Bella both show an equal amount in him.

He's unique, exceptionally so.

My family slightly moved out a little to let me have a better look. Rosalie shifted herself so I could see him more clearly.

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion when I saw him. He looked the same, but something wasn't right. He wasn't the same size baby I had seen just yesterday. He looked bigger, more like a month old baby than a baby of only day.

Carlisle, noticing my hesitation, gently put his hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

"He grows faster than most, even in shorter amounts of time."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"He's a day old, Carlisle!"

"I know, son, I know. I'm monitoring him and seeing how quickly his growth spurts are. It's too early to tell yet."

Suddenly, my son put his hand on Rosalie's neck. She gasped and her face became blank for a second.

Is that my daddy?

It was the same voice I had heard from Bella's stomach, so I knew at once it was my son communicating through thought. What surprised me though, was Rosalie's reaction.

"Yes, that's him." She patted his little hand.

I stepped back slightly in shock. Had the child spoken? But I had not seen his lips move? No, his lips hadn't moved and it was still his thought voice. He didn't know what he sounded like yet. So how did Rosalie know how to answer him?

"Your son seems to have a special gift, too," Carlisle spoke, sensing my confusion. "He can communicate his thoughts to us by touch. It seems to be the opposite of your gift." He chuckled a bit at the end.

He had a power and, although he was half human, it didn't seem to affect the efficiency of the gift. I gave a slight smile. He was indeed very special.

Rosalie stood, cradling him awkwardly as he squirmed in her arms trying to reach for me.

I instinctively held my arms out to him and lifted him out of Rosalie's. Holding him was a natural thing to do. I didn't think twice about it.

He looked up at me again with his adult-like gaze again. His green eyes pierced into mine, and again it was like looking into the past.

I gently rocked him, side to side. A small smile played on his lips making perfect little dimples in his rose petal cheeks.

Seeing him smile seemed to have a domino effect on everyone in the room, including me. Everyone was grinning from ear to ear.

How could I have wanted to kill him? I cringed even at the thought of it. Bella, Rosalie and everyone was right. He wasn't a curse, he was a gift.

"Thank you." I said softly looking up and quickly scanning the room before my eyes landed again on the child in my arms. "I could not have harmed him. Thank you for stopping me."

Rosalie gently stroked his little head, "He is very special indeed. We all love E.J. very much."

E.J.? They had a nickname for him already? But Bella hadn't named him.

"E.J.?" I asked, confused.

"Yes. Edward Junior." Rosalie shrugged.

"It's Bella's right to name him!"

"Exactly. Alice had a vision of what Bella would name him. Bella's going to call him Edward Junior," Rosalie told me as if it was obvious.

Edward Junior? Bella was naming him after me? My father was an Edward, too. She was keeping the tradition. I was now Edward Senior. I smiled at the thought of being a senior at seventeen.

I looked down again at the child in my arms and just stood there watching him, letting time pass.

The rest of my family scattered around the room, sitting down on the couches, looking out the window. Only Rosalie stood by my side as I cradled little E.J.

The thoughts of E.J. were scattered. They were mostly pictures, memories of my family. But the one of Bella, covered in blood, dying, made me cringe. But of course, that was the only way he knew her.

When I heard the sound, my heart broke. The sound went through me almost making me drop to the floor at the same time. Before anyone had a chance to move I placed E.J. in Rosalie's arms as I ran up the stairs as fast as I could.

I followed the sounds of Bella's screams echoing from Carlisle's office.

As I entered the room, Bella was laying on the table with Alice pinning her down by her arms. Bella's legs kicked at the table under her. Bella was obviously stronger since there were dents being imprinted into the work surface.

My heart completely dropped into my stomach as I saw her in pain.

She felt it! She felt the awful burn that was changing her into one of the immortals.

"Alice, what happened?!" I demanded, rushing over to stroke Bella's face and hoping to calm her. Bella was now wearing the red dress that Alice had obviously dressed her in.

"I don't know!" She shrieked. "Her path changed, she made a decision of some sort. I had a vision of this then suddenly she started screaming!"

Carlisle entered the room a few seconds after me and sent Alice out due to her panicking. He took the tops of Bella's arms and held them to her sides.

"Edward, hold down her legs!" he shouted at me. I quickly ran over to the other side of the table and did so. It shocked me, how strong she was. I had to really use force to keep her from thrashing about.

Bella was still screaming blood-curdling screams and had her eyes squeezed shut. No tears were running down her face though. She was too late in the change to cry.

"Bella!" Carlisle commanded. She gasped and opened her eyes. Her stare was unfocused and looking at nothing. Her eyes were bloodshot, extremely so and the colour of her eyes was turning a bright red. The eyes of a newborn.

Screams still escaped her throat but she was trying to say a word in-between them. A mantra she repeated to say which made me feel sick every time I heard it.

"Burning...!" she gasped, another scream catching in her throat.

I knew what she was feeling. It was my strongest human memory. The pain, it was...unbearable. To think...to know...she was going through it. It made me hate my existence even more for making her suffer this way.

It seems the morphine has worn off. Hopefully, it helped for the beginning, Carlisle thought sadly.

"Bella, I know it hurts and it's difficult but I need you to try and calm yourself," Carlisle said. She could easily injure herself, or us, he thought.

We waited for her to try and stop, but she didn't. She continued to scream and thrash about on the table. I had to use more force to keep her legs from moving. It hurt to see her in so much pain.

"Edward, talk to her. Hopefully she'll listen to you."

Carlisle and I quickly swapped where we were holding her down. In the millisecond that she was not being held down she kicked at the table underneath her and made a crack in it.

I grabbed hold of both of her wrists and pinned them to the table by her sides.

"Bella, love," I said soothingly, hoping to put her at some ease, "I know you're in pain- no that doesn't even cover it, but you need to try and stop struggling. Otherwise you're going to hurt yourself more."

"It's burning! Please, stop the fire!" she screamed again. Her eyes darted around the room, but didn't settle on anything.

Her words tore at my heart, leaving it in shreds.

"I know, love, I know. Please, just try."

Bella suddenly scrunched up her eyes in concentration, and became still on the table. She sobbed tearless sobs and let out a scream every other second.

She's using less strength, Carlisle informed me by thought.

Carlisle released her legs and they stayed fixed to the table. She was obviously putting pressure on the table as little cracks appeared on the surface. At least she wasn't going to hurt herself more.

I let go of her arms and they, too, stayed where they were.

I gently stroked her face and leant down to kiss her cheek. I sat on the edge of the table and pulled her into my arms. She buried her face into my chest to smother her cries.

I sat and held her for the last time with warm blood in her veins, which was now cooling.

She truly was going to be different. She would find herself eventually but for the near future she would be different.

I've learned to do so many things since I met Bella, even over the past few days, but the hardest thing you'll ever learn is how to say goodbye.