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Testing the Waters (Revised)

Summary:
It has been a little over a year since Edward has left and Bella has MOVED on, or so she thinks. She is running from any form of true love, and running to any available guy. This means even pushing away Jacob. But after a shocking turn of events, Bella is forced to come to terms with the fact the Edward is gone and she is not over him. Based on Katy Perry's song "Thinking of You" BXJ BXOC BXE No smut or lemons, but it is insinuated.


Notes:
How do I get better Once I've had the best You said there's Tons of fish in the water So the waters I will test He kissed my lips I taste your mouth He pulled me in  I was disgusted with myself Cause when I'm with Him I'm thinking of you What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes "Thinking of You" By Katy Perry Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story since Stephenie Meyers made them. I also do not own the lyrics to "Thinking of You". They belong to Katy Perry.


3. He pulled me in I was disgusted with myself

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It felt like an entirely different lifetime the last time I was in this hospital. When he was there, when I cared so deeply about …

“Hmm” I sighed. I couldn't do this to myself. I couldn't focus on the pointless past. I sucked in a deep breath and went through the automatic doors. The waiting room was filled with the pack even their imprints were there. Billy and Sue were there too. But Jacob was missing from this picture of utter embarrassment.

At once they all looked at me. I suddenly felt extremely self conscious. The way they looked at me. SO much judgment in one glance that I almost ran out the door. Instead my new outer confidence took over.

“Hey everyone.” I said nervously all my bravado slipping away. “How's Charlie?” Immediately, Sue came up and gave me a hug.

“Bella! We thought you would get here too late!”

“Too late?” I repeated slowly. I couldn't believe that I almost didn't come because of stupid Rodney, or whatever his name was.

“He's having emergency surgery, Bella.” She continued cautiously. “They are trying to be optimistic, but it doesn't look good.” Her voice cracked in the last line. Her emotions gave way and she started to cry.

I hadn't seen Sue since I left, but I felt oddly moved to comfort her. Inside I was withering in pain. Charlie was in the hospital and it didn't look good. I repeated that phrase over and over in my head. I wanted to run. I wanted to get out of this Pandora's box of memories that the hospital was creating for me. I needed comfort. I needed something...someone...anyone...

“I need to see him,” I said in a small ancient Bella voice. I pushed past the various looks of disgust, anger, resentment, and the worst – pity from the various pack members. I hurried down the hall trying not to fall over anything. Of course my luck ran out and I tripped over my own feet I fell in a heap right next to the absolute last person I wanted to see.

“Bella?” His resonance voice rang perfectly clear. My eyes were level with his thick knees at this point. His way too warm and comforting hands picked me up and stared into my eyes. My cold heart melted as I stared into his warm brown eyes. So many emotions flitted into his eyes at the moment. He settled on relief and wrapped his arms around me in a huge bear hug.

I couldn't handle his love. Not right now. This was the last thing I needed. Or maybe it was the very thing I needed, but the last thing I wanted.

“Let go of me,” I said in a dark voice.

His arms dropped from me immediately.

“Bells, I just -”

I cut him off. “Where's Charlie?” I asked acidly gripping on my last thread of dignity.

“He's in room 216,” he responded in a flat voice. I couldn't let myself think of what emotion he was feeling right then. I just needed to see Charlie.

“Okay, thanks.”

I marched off desperately trying to clear my head. Ugh. This hospital was suddenly too big. I could feel his presence behind me.

“Why are you following me? Don't you have somewhere else to be?” I knew my attitude was unnecessary, but I didn't know how to react except for anger.

“I'm exactly where I need to be.” he said in a way to sure voice.

How could I be so cruel after everything he had done for me? I quickly dismissed the thought and kept pushing forward. The numbers were getting larger and I finally found his wing- Intensive Care Unit. The sign read way to clearly. I immediately knew how grave the situation was.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

The scene was so wrong. It should have been entirely flipped flopped. I should have been laying in the hospital bed with Charlie anxiously leaning over me. I gasped and grabbed onto the bed's railing.

“Dad?” I asked in a shaky voice. This pale frail man could not be my father. No, I was in the wrong room. However, Jacob's sigh confirmed the truth.

“He hasn't woken up since the surgery. It was a few hours ago...” he trailed off. I could feel his hand slowly creeping to my shoulder.

“Please Jacob. Not now.” Not ever I thought. I couldn't stand being in there. I ran out. I kept running until I found a door to escape to. I crumpled to the floor of the stairwell heaving from the pain. Jacob slowly sat down next to me. I couldn't help it. I leaned into him and started sobbing.

He stroked my hair and held me. I don't know how long we sat like this, but suddenly I realized what I was doing and pulled away.

“What? How are you feeling?” He asked anxiously.

“Like crap.” I had to answer him honestly. Jacob knew me too well for me to lie.

“ I can't stand it. I can't be here...” I can't be here with you I thought.

“Bells,” not that nickname,” this is exactly where you need to be right now. Right here with Charlie. With your family, with me...” he trailed off. I looked up to see him looking down at his hands. I couldn't take this. I had to set him straight. Could I really be that harsh after he had just comforted me. I couldn't...

“Jacob...I...it's just that...” And then before I could say anymore his lips were instantly on mine. How I had dreamed so badly for this moment, but I couldn't let this happen again. I was NOT THAT GIRL anymore. Not the girl who would fall hopelessly for a boy. No I had to stop this at once.

“Jacob,” I said against his ever moving soft lips,” JACOB!” I shrieked. That stopped him. He looked up alert and quivering.

“What happened?!” He demanded.

“I can't do THIS!”my voice raising on the last word. “I can't be here with you!” I shot out the words like a dagger in his heart. I could see that he felt every single word. His face drew into a blank hard line.

“Then leave.” He said in the most terrifying voice.

“Fine!” I jumped up and ran down the stairs to the exit. I kept running. Running to my car. Running away from every memory I had tried to repress over the last few years. I jumped in my car, threw it into reverse, and drove away. Fast.