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Edward Cullen: Duality

Summary:
Edward has some choices to make.


Notes:
This is my personal interpretation of Edward's story. Because I know that it is a relatively revolutionary interpretation, I will answer all comments personally, provided I have the time.


1. Waiting Game.

Rating 0/5   Word Count 544   Review this Chapter

Today was a big day for Edward Cullen. Not big in the sense of a child's first day of school, or an insecure jewish boy's Bar Mitzvah, of course, but relevant to him just the same. Today was the day Edward was having the work done. It was something suggested to him by Bella initially,but that he chose to go through with for his own reasons. He was sick of the names, for one, and for another, it only cost him a small bit of his enormous fortune. Fortune, in this sentence, of course, refers to "penis". They went back to his barn days, these insecurities. Awkward tumbles in the hay with Jasper, both of them attempting to find a hole, but neither having the bloodflow to do anything with it. It made him feel cheap. Used. A shade of what he truly was. "But what was that?", he often found himself questioning, "Am I a man, or simply a bloodless freak, like Bella told me? Initially, I thought those were pet names but..." The moments came back in flashes. Dreams became nightmares. Hours of spermicidal lubricants. Bella, trying first with her body, and then with her mouth before moving to other more unconventional means, such as a high pressure suction hose, or a vacuum. None of it worked, however. He went through nights, no, weeks, of insecurity. Crippling insecurity, not so much in the sense of actually physically crippling him, as he was a vampire of course, but doing a very similar thing to his self esteem. He woke up in the night screaming to God, the Devil, Oprah Winfrey - any sort of deity, or representation that could help. So, it almost seemed like a miracle when Bella finally turned and, after hours of not being able to help, just said it: "YOU KNOW EDWARD, I BET OUR SEX LIFE WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU WERE A FUCKING WOMAN!" A WOMAN! That was the solution to all of his problems! As a woman, he and Jasper wouldn't have had any issues, and would have been able to consummate their love the old fashioned way (or new fashioned way, technically, as it would involve large amounts of surgery). As a woman, he never needed to suffer Bella's endless mockery again. As a woman, he would be complete...even if to get there he needed to, very literally, lose a part of himself. The clock struck 5 as he waited. The clock struck six, as five minutes went by. As the clock struck seven, he realized maybe the clock wasn't the best way to waste time in waiting for his appointment, and read a magazine instead. "Gender roles in America" he read, with a laugh. Ha! These boys, forced into construction working jobs, or to work as lumberjacks. These girls, forced to do makeup, and read cosmological magazines. It sickened him, because Edward had never felt accepted in either of these groups. Then again, how could he have? He was a man without a mission. Or, sperm, as the case may be. He sparkled in the sunlight, like a merry-go-round at prince's house, and had the strength of ten men everywhere but where it counted. How could EDWARD ever be happy as a man?