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Behind These Hazel Eyes

Elizabeth is a normal teenage girl, who's living her normal life. Except that she is anything but normal. Her best friends are a vampire, Edward Cullen, and a werewolf, Jacob Black. But that is just the beginning. Her past is so dark, that even Death itself fears her. Although she often tried to kill herself, she never succeeded. And that is because she has a dark secret. A secret from her past, that nobody knows about. She has been killed before. Barely injured physically, but literally killed inside. If it weren't enough, one member of the Cullen family has something to do with it, one member, that later on, she will grow very fond of. When time will come, she will discover who he is, but will their love be strong enough to keep her from taking her revenge? Jasper/OC, Very OOC, slightly AU, rated for dark themes, violence, swearing

WARNING: This is a story that contains violence along with bad language and future lemons, so if you're not comfortable with any of this, you shouldn't be reading the story. Rated M for a reason, not suitable for younger readers. In this fanfiction self-injury will be mentioned a lot, and depicted graphically a few times, just in case any readers are sensitive to the subject. The first few chapters take place before Bella's appearance with 35 years, and then, the next chapters take place after Breaking Dawn with 35 years. But, the first chapters take place in 2000 and Bella only appears in 2035. Also, there are a few things I'd like to change in Twilight. When Jacob first appears in Twilight, he is already a werewolf, so there is no Bella's Jacob or Sam's Jacob, we have an only one Jacob. In Breaking Dawn, Jacob never imprints in Renesmee. Elizabeth is Jacob's imprint.

1. What She Wants

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The White Demon is an odd creature. You hardly get to see it, and when you do, you don't even recognize it.

It genuinely gives you these dark feelings, as though you want to cry or kill somebody. It also has this aura that calls to you and you automatically desire to be near it.

But you are totally screwed if you give in to this desire. The White Demon is dangerous to everyone. Humans, animals, even creatures such as vampires or werewolves. With its beauty, it can send you straight to hell.

I told him this numerous times, but whenever I did, my love would only smile and say softly: "A White Demon is an Angel that has chosen the wrong path. And I made you choose that, so I really am not in any danger."

I think he's right. If I am not in danger having a family with him and trying to love him as much as possible, then neither is he. Those thoughts, along with my husband and our kids are the things that keep me fighting every day.

Because, I know that if I can't have my Happy Ever After or whatever fate has planned for me, I have this. And I think I've been through enough to get what I have today.

So why would I suffer more, for I don't even know what, when I am perfectly fine living my life as it is now?

Chapter 1: What She Wants

"Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results."
George S. Patton

"I want to die, Edward. I'm not happy. Deal with it," I said as my vampire friend angrily grabbed my shoulders. I was angry, too. This was one thing I truly wanted, and he, being a stubborn son of a bitch, refused to let me do it. I was seriously reconsidering our friendship.

He growled. "Elizabeth, you are not going to die any time soon, as far as I'm concerned."

I smiled a sad smile. "What are you going to do to stop me? Yes, you are my friend, but this is my decision and you cannot change it." I looked into his black eyes. I could practically hear him reading my mind, and judging from his expression, he didn't like what he found.

"I won't let you hurt yourself." His grip tightened on my shoulders, and I tried to get away from his touch, but he didn't release me.

I let out a humorless laugh. "Why is that you never let me do anything I want?" I questioned. "Ever since I've known you, we've done everything you wanted, but when I ever asked for something, I was the stupid little human. Well, it's over now." I took one step back, and he released my shoulders. "One way or another, I will get what I want, and you can't do anything to stop me." With that, I left. In that moment, I was the one who left him back there, angry and confused, like he's done with me so many times before.

I heard him yell after me, "You know this will kill Jacob, too!" Like that could do anything to change my mind. I didn't fucking care if I'd kill every human in the Earth with doing that, not to say how much I cared if I killed Jacob. I could either kill or save two people. No big deal. No one will miss me anyway. I got in my car, and knew exactly where my next stop will be.

La Push.

To my other friend, who is a werewolf. I don't know, I seem to have a thing with these mythical creatures.

In a few minutes I was at La Push, and Jacob came out to greet me with a huge grin plastered on his face. As I watched him and as he came closer, I found myself smiling, too. He was cute when he was grinning like an idiot which happened all the time I was around him, but his contagious happiness didn't make me forget all the thoughts that were flying through my head. And it didn't make me forget the real reason I was here.

Jacob gave me a big hug, but immediately frowned when he pulled back and saw my face.

"What's the matter?" he asked me.

I shrugged.

"Another fight with the leech?" The corners of his lips twitched a little as he fought back a smile. The bastard was amused.

I threw a dirty look at him.

I crossed my arms on across chest. "That, and I have something to tell you." I wasn't nervous, not really. I was feeling… I didn't know. I didn't think I was feeling anything at all. I just wanted him to know what I was about to do, so he wouldn't be caught by surprise.

He watched me curiously. "Spit it out, Lizzie."

"I want to die," I said simply.

His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "You… What? Why?"

"Because I'm fucking done. I don't think my life could ever get better. I just want to get the fuck away."

He nodded slowly as he considered my words. Then a little smile appeared on his face. "But you know if you choose this you're signing my death sentence, too?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, I'm aware of that. It's not going to stop me, though." He stroked my arm and ran a hand through his hair. He did that every time he was nervous.

Jacob moved and wrapped his arms around me. There was so much emotion in this simple gesture. I loved it when he hugged me, and I could feel his heart beat and the way his chest moved when he breathed. I could feel the radiating warmth of his skin. It was comforting. It was home. He'd always enjoyed the fact that he made me feel like that, because Edward couldn't hug me like that if he tried.

We stood like this for five minutes, and then he finally released me. Yeah, even though I loved his heat, I was sweating.

"'Kay. I guess it's time for both of us to say goodbye to this world," Jake smirked.

"When are you going to do it?" I asked, my voice lower than I intended to be.

He looked at me. "In the second your heart stops beating. My luck that your blonde leech friend would always be glad to kill me herself. I can't believe she still thinks I'm a bad influence to you." I couldn't help but chuckle. Rosalie had never liked him, but somehow had managed to tolerate him because of me.

"I suppose you're right."


I spent a few hours with the other wolves. We ate, we laughed, and we did stuff we enjoyed, and then I drove back to the Cullen house. Edward was already at my door before I could get out of the car.

Here comes another fight, I thought, and didn't even bother to try to hide my talk with Jacob.

"I don't like this," he said, crossing his arms. I walked past him, intending to ignore his little comment, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut, so I turned on my heel and faced him.

"Why do you fucking care if I fucking die or live? It's my damn life. These are my decisions. You have no-fucking-thing to say!" I was getting more and more pissed with every word.

He sighed and looked at the sky. "Elizabeth, please, language." What? He had to be joking. I stared at him like he had just grown a pair of extra heads.

"Oh, you don't like how I talk?" Yes, I'd always talked as dirty as possible, and he kept pointing it out, but it wasn't a good moment to bring it up.

"No, I don't. A beautiful young lady like you shouldn't talk so dirty." I couldn't believe my ears. Was he really that dumb? He should've got used to it by that time.

"Fuck you, Edward. I want to die, and you're choosing to care about my language?" I felt like exploding, and my voice was rising, showing my annoyance. Edward opened his mouth to protest, but I didn't give him the chance to speak. "No, don't even say anything. Just… Leave me the hell alone." With that I turned around and walked with heavy steps into the house. I didn't even bother to look around as I walked to Rosalie's room. I was too pissed to give a damn about the others.

"I'm so fucking tired of this," I mumbled, throwing myself on the bed. A few hours passed, and I found myself imagining how I'd do it. I knew exactly what would happen. And no, I wouldn't jump in front of a car. Then I would be the only one to blame for my death, but that wasn't my goal. I wanted one of them to do it – one of the perfect Cullens - so they will be ones to blame. I needed someone who thought about himself as the center of the universe, as the most perfect thing in the world. Someone, who would blame himself forever after he killed me. Someone, who wouldn't be able to stop after tasting my blood.

And that someone was Carlisle Cullen.

I didn't want to risk; I wanted to know for sure that that was the end. That's why I'd chosen him, because I was his singer, and a vampire couldn't resist the calling of their singer's blood, right? And although he'd managed to not kill me in these past few months, it was pretty difficult for him to be around me, and frankly, I'd always enjoyed that. I'd noticed he'd considered himself so perfect, just because he was a vampire who'd never killed a human and was actually helping humans. Well, dear Carlisle, you're not as perfect as you think.

And he'd be so devastated. Not like I cared.

It was a little risky to think all these thoughts with a mind reader in the house, he could hear them any time, and tell Carlisle, but if he did that, I would find a way to get what I want; with or without his help

Clearing my thoughts I went to the living room. Emmett and Jasper were watching something on the TV, and Rosalie was reading.

"Others?" I asked.

Rose looked up at me. "Alice, Esme, and Edward are hunting, and Carlisle's in his study. Why?"

I shrugged. "Just asking." I turned around and walked up the stairs. I had to smile at Edward's stupidity. He was just so stupid. Did he really think that I wouldn't try anything when he was not there? He could read my mind, and yet he left, making things easier. The only thing I had to do was to drop a little blood, then call Carlisle and that's it. I entered the bathroom, and searched under the sink until I found a pair of scissors. Not perfect, but good enough. I found a spot on my left wrist before sliding the scissors across my skin. I didn't have a problem with the pain. I'd done it enough times to get used to it, and I was slightly surprised that, although my wrist was covered in scars, I still had some unblemished skin. Quickly, I made two more cuts, deep enough to start bleeding very badly. With a satisfied smile I watched the red droplets as they leaked down my wrist. I'd never had a problem with blood, but now it was making me sick. This whole world was making me sick.

Jasper's POV

I was watching TV with Emmett when we heard Elizabeth's voice calling for Carlisle.

"Carlisle, I need your help!"

I raised an eyebrow, not understanding why she would need Carlisle. Emmett's expression mirrored my own, showing that he didn't understand either. Something's wrong, I thought as I stood up and quickly ran up the stairs to see what had happened. What I saw wasn't actually what I had expected. Carlisle was in the bathroom, watching Elizabeth with black, hungry eyes. And she was bleeding.

She was fucking bleeding.

Elizabeth, what have you done?