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Forgiven?

Summary:
Bella and Edward are on a plane coming back from Italy, Edward wants Bella to forgive him... but will she?


Notes:


1. Sleep...

Rating 4/5   Word Count 1514   Review this Chapter

Bella's POV...

"You look tired, you should sleep." He was begging now, for the past hour and a half he had been trying to persuade me to sleep. As always i wanted to be stubborn and said no.

"I'm fine!" Why couldn't he just shut up? I was already mad with him...

"You're upset..." - he frowned - "You're angry with me, arn't you?" He looked upset now.

"What do you think? You... you left me..." - tears were welding up in my eyes, hold them back i told myself - "You left me, left me with nothing! I don't hear from you for months... then out of the blue i come home and Alice is at my house. I know why she came... she thought i was dead. My phone rings, Jacob answers it and then gets all tense, wouldn't tell me who called, Alice comes rushing back into the house saying she saw you die?!" I couldn't hold them back any more, the tears began streaming down my cheeks.

He wiped them away but more followed, "I know, and i'm sorry, truly i am! I didn't relise i would cause you that much pain..." His voice was strained, but soft at the same time. "I still don't understand why you tried to kill yourself... What about Charlie? Renee?"

"I wasn't trying to kill myself, Edward. I was cliff jumping, people do it all the time..."

"Cliff jumping?" From his expression i guessed he was trying to understand what i was thinking.

The tears had stopped at this point, i was glad, it was embarrassing. "Yeah, it was... fun... I don't understand why you tried to kill yourself..."

"I guess, i guess i just didn't want to live without you..." He looked so... so ashamed.

"You already were, living without me." I looked at my hands, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"You think i was coping without you?" He mused, i just nodded. "I thought i could, but the truth is... i couldn't! Everyday, i saw your face in my mind. Your eyes when i told you i didn't love you..." - If he could cry, i think he would be crying now - "I didn't keep in close contact with my family, i didn't do anything, just sat inside, thinking of you. It felt like a part of me was missing, like my heart had turned to dust."

I remembered feeling like that, like a part of me was missing, "I felt like that too, i missed you so much! Everyday i sat waiting for you to walk through the canteen doors at school. Smiling, saying you had come back, and you were staying. Charlie was going to send me back to Jacksonville to live with Renee, he couldn't cope with what was happening with me..." I realised i had already said to much, he didn't know about my nightmares, hallucinations or whatever else was happening to me...

"What do you mean?" His voice was worried, hurt and scared for what i was going to tell him.

"It's nothing, really..." - he gave me a look that said 'tell me' - "I just had a few nightmares, hallucinations... that's all."

"These started when i left didn't they?" He was angry with himself, and upset that he had hurt me even more than he knew...

"Everybody has the odd nightmare, Edward. It's just a fact of life! Also maybe you should know... Jacob's kind of a warewolf..." Dang it! Why couldn't i keep my mouth shut?!

Edward's head shot up in an instant, "Warewolf? They're all meant to be dead..."

"Yeah, well when Victoria started to show her face-" Saying to much again...

"Victoria was back?!" He looked livid.

"It was nothing... the Quileute's kept me safe. Look i'm tired now, i want to sleep... Let's talk about this later okay?"

I heard a growling getting louder and louder in his chest, any moment now i was sure he would explode, "NO! We need to talk NOW! Why didn't you tell me about this before? Do you know how important information like this could be to ME? The Quileute's may not have been able to-." He stopped, talking in a deep breath. I was sure he was trying to stay calm, for my benefit i was sure... I knew what he was thinking, i didn't need to be a mind reader; he was thinking about what he thought may have happened...

"I was perfectly safe, she got nowhere near me! There was never a time when i couldn't hear the panting of a DOG! Anyway it was more protection from what i was getting from YOU!" I suddenly regretted saying what i thought was the right wording at the time, the words just slipped out... I forgot Jasper and Alice were behind us until i heard Jasper groan with pain, Alice was comforting him as he cried out with more pain, it was then i realised that he was crying with the pain from Edward's feelings... What have i done you stupid idiot?! You had a chance to make things up! You've done it now, he's never going to forgive you! I heard Jasper cry some more as my own feelings of guilt, hate, anger and sadness rushed through me. after a few seconds i felt a wave of calm and happiness rush through me, i sent a gratefull glace back to Jasper, he tried to force a smile but it fooled nobody.

Edward had sat still, frozen as these events happened. I didn't know what to say, what was i supposed to say? Say i was sorry? Ask him to forgive me? Finally, after what seemed like hours he spoke...

"I...I...I'm... s-sorry..." He stuttered, i had never in my life heard him speak like that before... So unsure, scared, hurt...

"N-no! Don't be... I shouldn't have said that... I'm sorry!" I felt tears coming to my eyes, how could i hurt him like this? I closed my eyes and hung my head, how could i have hurt him like this? I love him, care for him... I felt an arm reach around my shoulder's, plugging me closer... Before i knew it i was cuddled up into his side, staring up into his sad eyes... I had heard a soft sign come from behind us, like a relaxing sign, i guessed Jasper was feeling less pain now, that meant Edward had relaxed a little too. "I shouldn't use that against you... i'm sorry, i wasn't thinking... Do you forgive me?" I looked down to stare at pattern of the flooring, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

I felt a finger lift my chin up, then before i knew what was happening, his lips crushed mine. Are you ready to forgive him? After everything that's happened; a kiss is all it takes? I didn't know what to do... I loved him but i didn't know if i was ready to forget the past and move on... Before i had a chance to make my decision he pulled away, his cold breath sent a homely shiver down my spine and he spoke.

"I know what i'v put you through... I know how hard i have made things for you the past few months... I know i can never make it up to you..." - He closed his eyes in an agonized way and took a deep breath - "I don't know if you even want to know me anymore... Tell me now, do you want me to leave you again? Now you know the truth? I won't force you into anything... It's your decision..."

I heard Alice gasp behind me, was she shocked at what he had said or did she have a vision of the choice i was going to make? I didn't know what to say... You love him! Tell him you want him to stay! This is all you have craved for, for the last few months... HIM! I knew instantly what i wanted... HIM! I flung my arms around his neck and hoisted myself up to level our heights then forced my lips on his... After a few moments i had to brake away to breath. "Does that answer your question?" I asked sheepishly, snuggling down into the warmth of Edward.

"You going to sleep now?" There was a big grin across his face, i knew he wasn't asking; he was telling, but i didn't want to sleep...

"For the houndrenth million time, i'm not tired!" I laughed to show him i was only joking, he laughed with me.

We talked for a while, laughed and played a childish game of eye spy. Though, after a while i couldn't fight the tiredness any more, i closed my eyes and saw only Edward, grinning at me with his big crooked smile. I felt a blanket being pulled around me, a hand was stroking my hair, another holding my hand. I felt my mind drift away, but in the background i could hear my lullaby being hum in tune...