Crazy Minds & Silly Stupid Love
Heart-warming, yet comical love story between two Forks High School students; Edward & Bella. She doesn't want to let him in, and he just can't keep his inexplicable feelings for her at bay, but an unexpected truth threatens to tear them apart. AH, AU. (Has adult rating because of strong language and sensuality in later chapters.) Preview: "Yes, because I can't see myself being with anyone else, but then with you," He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. "It's like a movie in my head, and I want it. I want it more than anything else, and I want it with you."
15. Skinny Love
Rating 0/5 Word Count 3640 Review this Chapter
Two months later . . .
Late February . . .
It's Twilight – the ending of today, and the beginning of tomorrow, but tomorrow wasn't coming fast enough. I've lost count of how many nights I've spent lying in bed staring up at the white ceiling of my bedroom. Every night I could hear the slow ticking of the wall clock in the hallway, and the drip of the leaky faucet in the bathroom.
Plop . . .
Plop . . .
Plop . . .
-0- -0- -0
I can't stand time anymore, and I want to stab whoever the hell created the word "time". Time itself is a waste of time in my opinion; time is just counting down every breath you take until your last. Time flies when you're having fun, but drags when things are shitty, so, in the end, time is meaningless if I'm just going to die anyway. Somehow, time keeps going, even though it seems impossible sometimes . . .
Everything is still the same, or at least that's what it seems like. I felt like a jigsaw puzzle, missing its last piece. I felt like something was missing, almost as though there is a hole in the world, or earth has tilted off its axis; I can't explain it.
The first week after Edward left was bearable, until he stopped calling. Every day for about a week and a half I waited, and waited for a call, but it never came. I stopped hoping to see his Volvo parked in the school parking lot because it was never there. I tried talking to Alice, but every time I tried she avoided my questions about Edward, or she would purposely change the subject.
I hated seeing the pity in Carlisle and Esme's eyes every time I spoke to them, but they never mentioned anything about Edward, at least, not while I was around. As weeks passed I spent less and less time around the Cullen's, and started spending a lot of time with Angela and Ben, but even that didn't last long.
-0- -0- -0
"Bells, I know things have been kind of hard for you ever since . . . ," Charlie said, trailing off at the mention of Edward.
"Well, you know, but all of this moping around has got to stop. I feel like you've become a ghost or something, and I just want you to know that if things don't change I'm considering shipping you off to Switzerland . . ." Charlie frowned at the thought.
"I take that back, your mother wouldn't be very thrilled if I shipped you off to Switzerland, but I will send you back to live with Renee. You have to move on, Bells." Charlie said, looking at me seriously.
"I know, Dad, and I'm working on it. I just need some time or something." I sighed.
"Bells, it's been almost three months now. You have your whole life ahead of you to worry about." Charlie said, staring at me pointedly.
"I get it, really, and I'll work on it." I replied honestly.
"Good, that's what I like to hear." Charlie nodded approvingly.
"Bells?" Charlie murmured, looking out the kitchen window.
"Why is Alice Cullen standing in our driveway?" He asked, looking back at me.
"What?" I asked, shooting up from the table to look out window.
"What the hell?" I mumbled as I noticed Alice and Rosalie beckoning for me to come out.
"Bella, get your ass out here, now!" Rosalie yelled.
"Uhm," I muttered.
"Go, get out of here." Charlie said, nodding toward Alice and Rose.
"Really?" I asked, dazed.
"Go, Bella. Do something, have some fun, or something before I ground you." He said, shooing me away. I chortled, shaking my head slightly.
"I'll see you later, then." I said, glancing back at Charlie as I headed toward the front door.
"Tell Alice to let Carlisle and Esme know that they can keep for you the night." Charlie called.
"Okay." I laughed, heading out the door.
"Bella, how many times do I have to tell you to answer your phone?" Alice accused, staring at me with narrowed eyes.
"I hardly ever use my phone anymore, actually, I've been thinking about selling it on eBay." I shrugged. Alice raised her eyebrows at me speculatively.
"Have your lost your mind?" She questioned appallingly.
"Maybe I have, but at least it was unintentional." I sneered. Alice stared at me sympathetically.
"Can we just not talk about Edward right now?" I muttered.
"That would be fantastic because if I hear the name Edward one more time, I will seriously flip my shit." Rose cut in. I laughed; I actually laughed for the first time in ages, and it felt good.
"Good, now that we have that settled, let's go shopping!" Alice clapped, excitedly.
"Shopping?" I repeated.
"Yes, we are going shopping, Bella, and I will drag you into every store if I have to." Alice threatened.
"I hate shopping, and I don't need new clothes."
"Have you seen you lately, Bella?" Rose scoffed, looking horrified.
"I have and I don't see anything." I shrugged, evasively.
"Did I not make myself clear, Swan? You look like hell." She said simply.
"Thanks Rose." I snorted.
"Bella, we're taking you shopping, and that is the end of it. Now, both of you get in the car, so we can go." Alice barked. Rose and I stared at each other wide eyed for a moment before hurrying into Alice's yellow Porsche.
We spent almost five hours shopping for clothes, and I was in hell the entire time. I have never bought so many clothes in my life; I never spent more than hour buying clothes, and this was pure torture.I had bags full of clothing, and Alice picked out most of it. I bought a rails Dillon jacket, a few V-neck T-shirts, a pair of converse sneakers, several pairs of skinny jeans, and a Balenciaga Quilted Motorcycle jacket that I picked out myself, but everything else was hand-picked by Alice and Rose.
I wasn't even allowed to buy my own clothes because Alice insisted that she was going to buy everything for me, of course, Alice being Alice she did. After spending five hours shopping and walking from store to store my legs felt like wooden sticks, and my back was aching in pain by the time we reached Alice's car.
"We're taking you out to eat, Bella." Alice told me as we pulled out of the parking lot.
"Why—you already bought me a ton of clothes, Alice." I reminded her.
"Because you need some lessons, and we're going to teach you."
"Teach me what, exactly?" I wondered, suspiciously.
"How to be an attractive young woman," She said, winking at me through the rear view mirror.
"I hate my horrible life." And I thought I was already in hell, but I was dead wrong.
Over the next three weeks, I was peeled layer by layer with no hope of return. I had become their subject: a doll they used to experiment on. It was a trial and error process as Rosalie once put it. While Alice taught me how to be a respectful, prim and proper woman, Rose was turning me into a bitch with a bad attitude; effectively raising my self-confidence through the roof. Suddenly, this idea of turning me into an attractive young woman didn't seem so bad anymore, and I couldn't help but notice the drastic change.
Rose and I started a weekly routine of working out at the gym. At first, I refused the idea because I never saw myself as the type of girl who exercised regularly, until now that is. After Rose repeatedly insisted that I was too skinny, and needed to tone out my body. I remember laughing hysterically when she said that, and I'm laughing even now just thinking about it.
I stood in front of my full length mirror and pulled my shirt up to look at my toned stomach. I tried not to smirk in satisfaction when I saw that I was getting abs. My arms filled out more with muscle rather than skin and bone. I was enjoying this so-called transformation a little too much.
-0- -0- -0
"Long time no see, Swan." A husky voice called from behind me. I twirled around to see Jacob Black grinning at me, flashing his ultra-white teeth.
"It's been a while." I murmured, turning away with my hands in my pockets as I continued my path down La Push beach.
"What's up with you?" He asked, looking puzzled. I quirked an eyebrow at him questioningly.
"You seem . . . different." He decided after a short moment.
"I've changed since the last time I saw you." I shrugged. Jacob snorted, chuckling.
"Because of that boyfriend of yours, or was it your idea?" He joked, bitterly. I stopped abruptly, spinning around to face him.
"You need to put a cork in that verbal filter of yours, buddy." I warn, glaring at him. Jacob's eyes were as wide as saucers staring at me in utter shock.
"Damn, Bella." He whistled, looking intrigued. I smirked, rolling my eyes.
"I didn't know you had it in you." He chuckled.
"Well, I do now." I responded.
"So, this has nothing to do with your boyfriend?" He wondered, overly curious.
"No, we broke up a while ago." I couldn't say his name yet, even though I felt like I was letting go of him more and more each day.
"I'm sorry." Jacob said, sympathetically.
"Don't be. It's in the past." I shrugged, kicking at the sand.
"He's an idiot if he let you slip through his fingers." I chuckled, meeting his brown eyes.
"I don't think it was intentional." I muttered. I clenched my fist in my pockets in irritation. I was feeling hope.
"Maybe, but he left you, didn't he?" Jake retorted, raising his eyebrows skeptically.
"I'm not going to try and make excuses for him anymore, so I suppose you're right, Jacob Black." I said, nudging his shoulder with mine.
"Do you want to talk about it? I mean you don't have to, obviously." He reassured.
"It's kind of a long story." I said. I didn't know if I was ready to talk about it, or if I even wanted to just yet.
"I've got time." He smiled, sincerely. I sighed, pursing my lips, contemplatively.
"I don't know where to begin." I admitted.
"All stories start at the beginning, so start there." He suggested.
"Well, it all started when I met Carlisle-" I began, starting from the beginning.
I told him the story of how Edward and I met, Edward's absurd fascination with me from the get-go, and our strange need to be together. Jake walked beside me, silently listening to my story, and seemed to be hanging on to every detail as though he really wanted to know, and cared about what I was feeling. I laughed when I told him about Alice and Rose's plans to give me a new image as an attractive young woman.
"He left you to the graves didn't he?' Jake murmured, shaking his head in disgust. I snorted, bitterly.
"Everything he ever told me was a lie. I just don't know why he tried so hard to convince me that he loved me if he was planning to leave me." I felt like it was all ready to start pouring out of me at any moment.
"Don't dwell on it, Bella; you'll never be able to move on." It was the brutal truth I knew I needed to hear, but at the same time wasn't quite ready to hear it.
"I'm a work in progress." I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"I hope he has the balls to come back here and ask you to take him back.' Jake said coldly.
"Why?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Because I'll have even more of a reason to kick his ass," He retorted.
"Shit just got real." Jake announced with a loud laugh. I laughed with him at the irony of it all. Rose was right—life's a bitch.
"So, when did you start hanging out with Rosalie Hale?" He asked after a moment.
"I have no idea. It just kind of happened, I guess." I muttered.
"You being friends with Rosalie Hale is a bit terrifying." He admitted a disturbed expression on his face.
"I wouldn't say we're friends, Jacob." I laughed.
"Maybe not today or tomorrow, but I think you will be."
"I don't know." We slowed our walk to look out at the ocean. The straight line between the ocean and the grey clouds made it look like the ocean was endless, but I wasn't a little girl anymore and knew that miles and miles away the ocean would end when it met land—I just couldn't see it.
That night I found myself lying in bed staring out the window watching the rain crash into the glass. The lightening flashed, lighting up my room for a split second. My arms wrapped tightly around my stomach as though I was going to fall apart trying to hold on to every detail and every word because I can't survive without it. The hope was bubbling up inside of me like a cancer, and I couldn't stop it.
If he was lost to me forever, then, I had nothing left, as if my life depended on him coming back to save me from myself. I couldn't let myself believe that though, because I would never be able to get back on my feet again, and all hope would be lost.
I still felt as though I was missing a piece of myself; a piece that I couldn't live without, but how could I gets it back when he took it with him?
I could hear the shushed whispers of everyone around in me in English class. I had the odd feeling that they were all talking about me. I clenched my fists in the pockets of my dark grey hoodie, trying to block them all out, but I still caught bits and pieces of their conversations.
"I heard Edward dumped Bella because he knocked her up." Mike Newton muttered to Tyler Crowley. I pursed my lips, trying to convince myself punching him in the face was just a waste of my time.
"No, you're so wrong. Edward was sneaking around with Tanya behind Bella's back the whole time they were dating." Lauren Mallory snapped.
"Everyone is so full of shit. He clearly loved her." Eric barked.
"How do you know?" Mike shouted, skeptical.
"How could you not know, dude? It was written all over his face every time he saw her." Eric laughed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. His eyes met mine from across the room. He smiled, and threw a wink at me. I snorted and smiled back, appreciating his sincerity.
"I thought he went to Chicago to be with an old girlfriend he met there." Sarah said quietly. I covered my eyes with the palms of my hands to stop the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
"Enough with the chatter, let's get started, shall we?" Mr. Warner bellowed. I heard his loud footsteps crossing the room to his desk.
"Can someone tell me where we left off on Friday?" He questioned, I held my breath as I heard his footsteps coming towards where I was sitting. Please don't say anything . . . please.
"Isabella?" He murmured quietly. I lifted my head to look at him. I knew my eyes were red with tears, but there was no hiding it now.
"Are you okay?" He asked, trying to be sincere. I shook my head, rubbing my eyes with my sleeves.
"I can't . . ." I trailed off, unable to speak as I shot up from my seat and rushed out the door. I pulled up my hood as I reached the parking lot when I noticed it was still raining.
"Bella?" A familiar voice called. I jumped, startled, as I looked up to see Jake standing beside a dirt-bike several feet away.
"Jake?" I called as I ran towards him. His strong arms caught me quickly, pulling me in close to his chest.
"What the hell, Bella? Why are you crying?" He demanded, staring at me through narrowed eyes. I shook my head quickly, resting my head against his shoulder. Jake sighed, irritated, running his fingers through my hair.
"Did someone hurt you?" He asked after a short moment.
"No." I mumbled into his shoulder.
"They were talking about him weren't they?" He guessed. I sobbed, clenching his black leather jacket between my fingers.
"Ssh, Bella, it's okay. Just relax." He soothed, running his hands down my back comfortingly.
"Who was it, Bella? Tell me. I'll kill them." He growled, pulling away to look in my eyes.
"Jake, don't." I muttered, trying to push him backwards.
"People are so heartless." He sighed, pulling me back into his arms.
"What are you doing here, Jake?" I wondered suddenly.
"I came to rescue you." He grinned, tossing me a helmet.
"Excuse me?" I exclaimed as he climbed onto the bike, revving the engine.
"Hop on." He nodded, flashing his white teeth.
"Are you serious?"
"Just get on the bike, Bella, and hold on tight." He smirked, wickedly. I shook my head in disbelief as I put on the helmet and hopped on the bike, wrapping my arms around him.
"Ready?" He yelled.
"I think so." I muttered, terrified.
"Here we go!" He shouted excitedly as we took off, racing through the parking lot before he took a sharp turn onto the street.
"Where are we going?" I asked after we had been sashaying through traffic for about ten minutes.
"Have you ever went cliff diving, Bella?" Jake wondered.
"Cliff diving?" I repeated. Jake nodded quickly with a grin.
"Think you could do it?" I swallowed, a lump in my throat. I never had a problem with heights, until now. Jumping off the swing set at eight years old is one thing, but jumping off a cliff?
"Why the hell not?" I shrugged, forcing myself to put on a brave face.
"You'll love it. Trust me." My fingers clenched around his leather jacket. Edward had said the same thing once. It felt like it's been years, but that was only a couple months ago.
"You ready for this?" Jake asked as the bike jolted to a stop on the side of the road.
"Let's do this." He smirked, nodding in approval as he pulled off his helmet.
"It's a long way up before we reach the top." He said, pointing to the cliff we would be diving off of.
"Lead the way." I said, gesturing ahead of me. Jake chuckled.
"Okay then." We had to stop and take a few breaks as we climbed up the cliff. I couldn't keep up with Jacob, he made it seem effortless, and as thought we were just walking on flat land.
"What's it like?" I wondered. I was pretty sure we were about half way to the top by this point. Jake's eyes furrowed questioningly.
"Jumping off a cliff," I stated, sarcastically. He snorted.
"It's a total rush, Bella. You don't come up from the water the same person you were before you jumped." I thought over his words carefully.
"What do you mean?" He pursed his lips as he thought of how to explain.
"It's like the first time you ride a bike without training wheels, but much more thrilling. The first time you jump is scary as hell . . ." He trailed off for a moment, lost in thought.
"I remember my first jump, I almost chickened out, but I did it, and I've done it so many times since then that I do it for sport now,"
"We made it." Jake grinned at me.
"We're at the top already?" He nodded.
"Look Bella." He said, pointing out in front of us. My mouth fell at the site; all I could see was the grey clouds and other cliffs surrounding the beach.
"How high up are we?" I wondered, slowly looking below us. The ocean was almost flat from this height. I could see a couple black specs on the beach.
"Probably close to forty feet off the ground." He shrugged.
"I can't do this." I muttered, shaking my head in panic.
"Relax, Bella. You're fine, you haven't even jumped yet." Jake laughed, pulling off his white T-shirt, tossing it to the ground.
"Maybe I should just meet you at the bottom." I mumbled. My heart was pounding in my chest just at the thought of jumping off.
"It would take you hours to get reach the bottom." He informed me, raising his eyebrows skeptically.
"That's fine with me as long as I don't get killed on the way down." I retorted.
"This may be your only chance to do something you've never done before, Bella," Jake called from behind me.
"You have nothing to lose." I closed my eyes trying to control my labored breathing before turning around back toward him.
"Tell me what I have to do." Jake had a point, and I was going to do this. Life required taking risk, and doing things that you never saw yourself doing.
"Just jump, Bella, and don't look down." He chuckled as I looked down.
"We'll jump together, on the count of three. Ready?" I took a deep breath and nodded.
"One!" Edward's face flashed in my mind.
"Two!" Edward's voice whispering to me that he loved me.
"Three!" I still love you, Edward, even though you broke my heart.
And then, I jumped.
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