Crazy Minds & Silly Stupid Love
Heart-warming, yet comical love story between two Forks High School students; Edward & Bella. She doesn't want to let him in, and he just can't keep his inexplicable feelings for her at bay, but an unexpected truth threatens to tear them apart. AH, AU. (Has adult rating because of strong language and sensuality in later chapters.) Preview: "Yes, because I can't see myself being with anyone else, but then with you," He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. "It's like a movie in my head, and I want it. I want it more than anything else, and I want it with you."
16. Rescue Me
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Getting on that plane was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I knew I would regret it as soon as we took off, but it was too late to go back and change it. The expression on Bella's face just before I boarded the plane was excruciating. What does she think of me now? Would she hate me if I showed up on her doorstep and begged her to take me back? I couldn't even begin to imagine what I would do if leaving her meant that I would end up losing her.
Have I already lost her? Would she give me another chance when I return—when I beg her to take me back—I just didn't know. I sighed as I stood up, looking at my mother's peaceful expression.
If she really loves you, Edward, she'll have to take you back. She told me this morning while I was feeding her breakfast. I hoped she was right; I don't know what would happen if she wasn't. I hope you're right, Mom. I had told her. I shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked out of the hospital, searching the parking garage for my rental car. I wonder what she is doing right at this very moment. Was she thinking of me? Does she miss me just as much as I miss her? I didn't know, but I do know that I could be with her right now; holding her in my arms, whispering in her ear that I love her.
"Fuck!" I yelled, slamming my fist against the steering wheel. Calm the fuck down, Edward! I told myself as I took deep breaths. I scrolled through the list of names in my contacts until I found Bella's name. I sighed as I pressed the call button after blocking my number. The other line rang, once, twice, three times.
"Hello?" A quiet voice answered. My breath caught in my chest at the sound of her voice.
"Hello? Who is this?" She demanded when I didn't respond. I tried not to laugh at her growing irritation. She was so damn adorable when she got angry.
"I know you're there, I can hear you breathing."
"I'm hanging up now. Goodbye." The line went dead.
"I miss you . . . so fucking much." I whispered to no one but myself.
My mother had sold our house after she had gotten sick to help pay for the medical bills. She was basically living in the hospital at that point. Once she realized she could no longer take care of me I was taken to live in, well, basically an orphanage, but nobody called it that anymore. The circumstances of the situation were complicated.
I had no other family to go to, and nowhere else to go, but my mother was still my legal guardian and those rights were never taken from her, even after Carlisle adopted me. It was an open adoption; Carlisle and Elizabeth—my mother, agreed that I could visit her whenever I had liked. Of course, if by some miracle her condition stabilized and she could go on living her life as she normally would, I would still live with Carlisle and Esme as though they were my parents.
The hardest thing for me is knowing that she didn't have much longer. Her doctor—Dr. J. Jenks—had asked if we could step out of the room and speak privately. I knew he put much thought in how to go about telling me that he didn't know how much longer she had to live. I couldn't believe what I was hearing as everything around me blurred, and my legs went numb.
I don't know what I would have done if Carlisle hadn't been there in that very moment. Carlisle assured me that that they had done everything they could and more. I couldn't comprehend what he had said next, all I heard was that it was just her time before everything had gone black.
When I woke up a short time later, all I could think about was Bella. And it was in that moment when I realized I truly needed her in my life. I can't help but think that she should have been here—I should have asked her to be here—just to have her at my side if I needed her to be there for me. I needed her now more than ever.
I realize now that this is where I needed to be. Staying in Forks was never an option, but asking Bella to come to Chicago with me so I could be with my mother—it would have been a lot to ask of her—but if I had thought of taking Bella with me I would have selfishly asked her to come.
All of which led me to making a failed attempt to call her. I was speechless when I had heard her voice on the phone just several minutes ago. It's been . . . too long since the last time I heard her voice that day in the airport so many weeks ago.
I thought it would get easier the longer I was away from her, but I have never been more wrong in my entire life, and I was foolish to believe that being away from her would get easier with time. It was only getting worse with every minute of every day I spent not standing at her side, being unable to see her face, and not being able to hold her in my arms. To put it bluntly; it was becoming quite unbearable.
So many times I tried telling myself to let her go—to let her move on with her life—instead of just sitting around waiting for me to come back, because I honestly didn't know if I was going to go back to Forks. After spending that first week in the hospital with my mother every day until visiting hours were over, I knew I wasn't going to be able to leave and I didn't know when I would be able to leave.
I met a girl at the hospital today. She was pretty enough, blue eyes, blonde hair, cute smile. She was easy to talk to; our conversation flowed almost effortlessly, and I found myself wondering if I could ever be with someone else. I knew I could make it work if I really tried, but could I be with someone else and not think of Bella? Could I be with someone else and pretend that it's not Bella I'm holding in my arms, or Bella's lips that are pressed against mine?
"I'm going to give you my phone number and you can call me, even if it's at three in the morning, or if you just need someone to talk to, I'll answer." She smiled, jotting down her number on a scrap piece of paper. I pursed my lips, trying to hide a frown because I already knew that she would never get that phone call.
"I don't want to be rude, but you aren't going to be getting any phone calls from me." I was trying to be sincere and honest with her because I don't think I could live with myself if I broke another girl's hearts. She smiled, rolling her eyes as if that didn't bother her in the least.
"You have a girlfriend back home waiting for you, don't you?" She guessed, sounding a little hurt.
"I'm sorry." I replied. And I meant it, as hard as it is to believe, I really was sorry and not just because I was turning this girl down before I even gave her the chance. I was sorry because I had broken Bella's heart when I left.
"Do you love her?" She frowned, shaking her head slightly. "Don't answer that. It's really none of my business."
I smiled, assuring her that it was okay. "Yes, I love her. I never knew I was capable of loving someone as much as I love her." It was the cold, hard truth. I lost the girl I love the moment I left town, and had no one to blame but myself.
"She's a lucky girl to have the key to your heart." She said softly.
I scoffed, shaking my head. "I was lucky to have the key to her heart, but I threw it away when I came here."
"So, what are you still doing here?" She asked, as if she couldn't think of one damn good reason why I wasn't on a plane back to Forks already.
"My mom is dying." I admitted, grimacing at the wretched timing of it all.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry." I didn't want to see her sympathy, and I hate the fact that my mom is dying makes leaving Bella seem like it was okay, but it wasn't okay.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go." I murmured, pushing myself away from the small table, the doorbell chimed as I rushed out of the café doors. I never asked her what her name was.
No, I couldn't see myself being with somebody else. From the moment Bella had walked into my life the only person who I could see myself spending the rest of my life with was Bella. The moment I realized I was in love with her life as I knew it had ended because I would never love someone else. I was always going to love this girl and I would spend an eternity trying to win her heart if I had to.
I tossed my keys onto the kitchen counter and fell onto the sofa in the other room, covering my eyes with my arm. How could one girl bring me to my knees in such a short period of time? Every thought I have is consumed by Bella, endlessly Bella. She had ruined me, forever.
"You haven't been sleeping very well." Elizabeth accused as I kissed her forehead.
"I'm fine." I assured as I sat beside her on the small hospital bed. She sighed, shaking her head at me disapprovingly.
"I should never have let Carlisle convince me to let you fly out here to see me."
"Why not?" I demanded, irritated now. Her eyebrows rose at my tone.
"I'm not the one that needs you, dear."
"Yes, you do." I said quietly, taking her hand in mine. She smiled, squeezing my hand.
"I think Bella needs you more than I do, and you need her more than you need you dear old mom." I chuckled.
"I want to be here for you."
"Maybe, but not as much as you want to be with your girl."
"I can't leave you here again." I whispered.
"Yes you can. I am still your mother, Edward, and I want you to go home. I'm okay here—I'll always be okay." She promised.
"That's not enough."
"Go home, Edward."
"You definitely got your stubbornness from your father." She laughed, looking at me like I was still her little boy. I chuckled with her even if I wasn't her little boy anymore. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I leaned back, pulling it out of my pocket and glanced at the caller id. Alice.
"I should take this." I sighed, rushing out of the room before she had a chance to protest.
"Hey, Al," I answered, warily.
"How is your mom doing?" She asked curiously.
"She seems fine, but things aren't getting any better."
"Is she still refusing treatments?"
"Yeah," I said, leaning back against the wall.
"How are you doing?"
I ran my hand through my hair, not sure if I could be honest with her.
"I'm handling it." I grimaced. We were silent for a long moment.
"So, Jasper is taking me to prom." She announced suddenly. I held the phone away from my ear as she squealed excitedly.
"Prom?" I repeated. No . . .
"Uh-huh! This Saturday. I can't wait! I already have a dress picked out and everything." She cried. My legs went limp as I slid back against the wall onto the hard tile floor and leaned over as though I was about to be sick.
"Is—is . . . Bella going?" I pursed my lips, staring blankly at the white floor tiles as I waited for her answer.
"Yes . . ." Alice drawled, hesitating.
"Does she have a date?" I asked reluctantly. It would kill me if she had a date to prom, but I had to know. I gritted my teeth as I imagined her dancing with some guy, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close.
"Yes, but they are only going as friends—at least that's what she told me. "
"I should be the one taking her to prom." I sighed.
"Maybe, but you aren't here to do that, Edward." She reminded me.
"I know." I retorted bitterly.
"Oh! Rose is here! I'll talk to you later, brother. Love ya!" Alice beamed before the line went dead.
"Thanks, Al." I should be the one taking Bella to prom—I'm supposed to be the one to ask her to dance with me—I should be the one she wraps her arms around, but it was going to be somebody else who would be dancing with her Saturday night.
I briefly considered the option that I could leave and go back to Forks. If I left as early as tomorrow morning I could be there in time for the dance. Obviously, I wouldn't be able to just walk in, but I would find a way to get in. I would stand in the middle of the dance floor and I would wait for her, but nothing was ever as easy as it sounds. Thinking about what she would do if she saw me waiting for her in the middle of the dance floor was enough to banish the idea of getting on a plane tonight. Would she run into my arms as I would like to think she would, or would she yell at me for showing up unexpectedly to her special night? I imagined what would happen if I did show up to prom.
I would cautiously walk into the gym, on the lookout for Bella to make sure she hasn't seen me already. When I did finally spot her, I wouldn't be able to look away, knowing how beautiful she would look that night. She would be wearing a blue silk dress that would cling to her pale skin. The contrast of her translucent skin and the dark blue dress made it look as the there was a glow outlining her body. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from watching every move she made; every flip of her dark brown curly hair, every flicker of her brown eyes, and every time she would look to the floor when she felt as though she wasn't the most beautiful woman in that room. Through my eyes, she was the only woman in that room.
No one else in that room would matter once her eyes would find mine. I would get lost in those eyes-as I always do, and neither of us able to look away as we slowly shuffled through the crowd of students dancing to the loud music bursting through the speakers. The bass reverberating through the large gym as though the gym had a heartbeat of its own. We would stop as my hand would reach out for hers, her eyes pulling me in as I slowly brought her into my arms. I would place my lips against to her ear and whisper to her.
"I love you, Bella." Trying to show her through my eyes that I was sorry for leaving her for so long. She would smile slightly as her small fingers cupped around my chin, pulling my face to hers.
"I forgive you, Edward." And then, my lips would be—I shook the fantasy from my mind unable to handle what I knew was going to happen.
The urge to buy a one-way ticket back to Forks was becoming insurmountable. How many more times am I going to be able to tell myself to stay for my mother's sake? Being here for my mother was the right thing to do, at least it seems like it is the right thing to do, but the wrong thing to do is go back to Forks to be with Bella, or so I thought.
What if I was wrong? What if right and wrong ceased to exist under these circumstances? Staying in Chicago for the sake of my Mother is what I should do, but isn't what I want to do. The fact that my mother had encouraged me to leave didn't help what I knew I should do—what I had planned to do—and that was to stay with her in Chicago for as long as she needed me. Would it still matter if I decided to go back to Forks, or is doing what I want to do the question of the matter? If right and wrong cease to exist, then going back to Forks would be the right thing to do because it is what I want to do, but what if the matter of right and wrong is still being accounted for?
"You should stop thinking so hard. You're killing brain cells." A warm voice chuckled. I jumped, startled as I met the eyes of the girl I had met in the cafe a few days ago. My fingers ran through my hair of their own accord; a reflex reaction when I am caught off guard.
"I didn't expect to see you, thought you might have left already." She continued as she sat beside me against the wall.
"Not yet." I said, pensive.
"You don't like me." She murmured suddenly.
"I don't know you well enough to say that I dislike you." I was being evasive of her question by turning it around on her.
"True, but you still don't like me." She pressed, nudging my shoulder with her elbow. I scowled, looking away from her.
"I told you." She laughed, not offended in the least.
"I don't even know your name." I murmured, meeting her eyes again.
"I'm Kate." She smiled, holding her hand out.
"Edward." I shook her hand, pulling my hand away when her hand lingered in mine.
"Sorry." She mumbled, a slight blush on her cheeks.
"I should stop trying while I can." I looked at her sympathetically. I could afford to give her that much.
"It's nothing personal." Honesty was key.
"I know." She smiled.
"Please don't hope that I might change my mind." I pleaded, willing her with my eyes to believe what I was trying to get through to her. We could never, and will never be romantically involved.
"Feeling hope for something is unavoidable, just like people change their minds about things they never thought of changing." She shrugged. My eyebrows furrowed as I thought this over.
"You put up a good argument." I conceded.
"Always do." She chuckled with a bright smile.
"I'm not going to change my mind." Call it stubbornness; call it whatever the hell you want, but I know who I want, and nobody is going to change that.
"Maybe you won't, but I'm still going to try to prove you wrong." She said confidently.
"I really wish you wouldn't try."
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