Crazy Minds & Silly Stupid Love
Heart-warming, yet comical love story between two Forks High School students; Edward & Bella. She doesn't want to let him in, and he just can't keep his inexplicable feelings for her at bay, but an unexpected truth threatens to tear them apart. AH, AU. (Has adult rating because of strong language and sensuality in later chapters.) Preview: "Yes, because I can't see myself being with anyone else, but then with you," He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. "It's like a movie in my head, and I want it. I want it more than anything else, and I want it with you."
17. Rewind My Heart For You
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I'd never given much thought to how I would die. I've always presumed that I would die an old women lying in her bed, but that's just me.
From the moment you jump until the moment that frigid water crushes your body—taking your breath away as it drags you beneath the surface—you don't know if you're going to come back up. The pressure of the water gripped me, pulling me down deeper and deeper into the deepest depths of the ocean. I could still see the surface as I tried to fight against the weight of water pushing me under.
My lungs contracted, begging for oxygen as the grey clouds above the surface began to dim. My eyes fluttered closed as I gave in, letting the ocean pull me into its depths. I wondered how Edward would react when he found out that I was dead. I hope that my death doesn't cause him great pain, but something buried deep inside of me wished to see him suffer. My eyes fluttered open one last time to see something barreling towards me. The last thing I felt was a pair of strong arms lock around my waist pulling me back to the surface.
Tuesday, April 17th (Three weeks later)
"You jumped off a cliff, Bella?" Alice demanded, horrified. I couldn't understand the expression on her face, or why she was looking at me as though I had just betrayed her.
"It was recreational." I muttered, shrugging indifferently.
"Recreational?" She repeated, appalled. I shrugged my shoulder as I fell back on to the sofa.
"Do you have any idea what you would have put my brother through if something had happened to you?" She screamed, shooting daggers at me through her green eyes.
"Don't you dare, Alice!" I threatened wildly. "Edward has nothing to do with this!" Alice stared at me dumbfounded.
"Have you completely lost your mind?" She barked, suddenly enraged. "Do you have any idea what would happen if my brother got a phone call from your Dad telling him that you were dead?" Her eyes were rimmed red with tears.
"Edward would never be the same if he lost you, Bella, and I would lose my brother forever." Alice sobbed. The shock of what she just told me had me frozen in place.
"Am I supposed to believe you?" I snapped, arms flailing. Her eyes jumped to mine bewildered.
"He loves you, Bella." She murmured, so quietly I almost didn't hear her.
"Excuse me? Well, that's kind of hard to believe since I haven't seen or heard from him in almost four months, Alice" Alice shook her head vehemently.
"I don't know why my brother stopped contacting you when he left. I told him a thousand times he was making a mistake, but he wouldn't listen to me." She sighed, her eyes fixated on the window beside the couch.
"He fucked up, Bella." Alice shrugged. I shook my head in disbelief as I paced around the room trying to think over this unexpected news. Did it really even matter to me anymore? Did I still care? Maybe. Do I still love Edward? That, I don't know.
"It doesn't matter. I'm not going to waste my life waiting around for him to come back, Alice."
"What if he still loves you?" I paused, surprised by the question.
"Then, he can spend the rest of his life living in regret." I retorted, slamming the front door shut behind me, leaving Alice alone in Charlie's house.
I revved the engine of the dirt bike that Jacob had bought from an old family friend of Billy's for a couple hundred bucks, just two weeks ago. The bike was trashed when he bought it, didn't have an engine, no motor; it was just scrap metal, really, but Jake—being the mechanic he is—somehow managed to fix it up and get it running again.
He gave it to me as a gift, but warned me that he would have to keep it in his garage because Charlie would definitely not approve of me riding around on a dirt bike all the time. I wiped away the tears escaping my eyes with the sleeves of my dark green hoodie before roaring the engine again and lurched forward as I put the bike into gear.
I couldn't handle all of these lies anymore. I just wanted the truth because nothing matters without the truth. If being with Edward meant that I'd have to live in a world full of lies, then I don't want to have that kind of life; I've never wanted my life to be a lie. I was ready though, ready for the day that Edward does come back to Forks because I'm not a naive teenaged girl anymore. I know who I am now; I am no longer the lost, insecure teenager I was when I met Edward.
I still wait for the day Edward comes back because when he does, I'm not going to fall for his lies this time. This time I'm not going to let it be so easy for him.
And if he doesn't come back? Then, he will have truly broken my heart. What would happen if he didn't come back? What would happen to me? Could I survive, even if I wanted to? How many times was I going to have to keep telling myself he isn't coming back? I knew a part of me would always hope that someday he would come back and beg me to take him back, but another part of me didn't want him to come back and that part of me didn't care if I ever saw him again. Would I always be in the dark, or would I find my way out of the darkness?
I shrugged into my black leather jacket as I trudged inside the gas station. The door bell chimed as I walked through the door. The guy at the counter nodded at me with a strange expression on his face. I ignored him as I went toward the back looking for the cold drinks. I grabbed an Arizona Iced Tea and went back toward the guy at the counter.
"Is this all?" He asked, glancing at me.
"Yeah," I replied quickly.
"That will be two dollars and forty-three cents."
"I'm sorry, but do I know you from somewhere?" He asked as he handed me my change for the five-dollar bill I handed him.
"No, I don't think so." I said, narrowing my eyes as I tried to decide whether or not he looked familiar to me, but I have never seen him before in my life.
"Hmm, that's strange feel like I know you from somewhere." He shrugged. I snorted.
"Right," His eyebrows rose questioningly.
"Am I bothering you?" He asked arrogantly.
"No, just your cocky attitude is." He looked bewildered by my rude remark. He smirked suddenly.
"I think we have a mutual disliking. I like that. I'm James." He grinned, holding out his hand.
"Bella," I murmured as I shook his hand.
"Let me guess, you're boyfriend broke up with you and he broke your heart." I stared at him wide eyed, stunned by his sudden comment.
"Something like that." I admitted.
"Good guess." He shrugged with a grin.
"Here is some helpful advice for you; you need a new pick up line if you want to get a girl." I called just as I was about to walk out the door.
"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for the advice." He guffawed as the door slammed shut behind me.
He was standing there at the entrance staring at me like he always did. He was wearing a pair of black slacks, the sleeves of his white button were rolled up and his tie undone. His hair was in a pile of disarray. His hair could never be tamed. He slowly stalked toward me, but my legs couldn't move. I was statue on the dance floor.
He stopped in front of me, only inches away. I may not have been able to move my feet, but I still found the words to speak.
"What are you doing here?" He smiled gently, as his long pale hand extended out toward me. I sighed at the feeling of his fingers sliding between mine again.
"I never left." He murmured. My eyes narrowed at him suspiciously. Why was he lying to me? I haven't seen him in months. He was so different, yet still the same as I remember.
"What?" I murmured, bewildered. He chuckled softly.
"Silly Bella," He whispered as his face inched closer to mine.
I gasped as I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. My t-shirt clung to my clammy skin as I walked toward my bedroom window. I leaned against the window sill, letting the cool breeze brush against my face.
"Holy shit!" I screamed, jumping back from the window.
"Jake! What the hell are you doing here?" I called, hoping I didn't wake Charlie.
"Can I come up? I need to talk to you." He called back. I bit my lip, not sure that was such a good idea.
"Fine, but be quiet." I warned. Jake laughed, rolling his eyes.
"Relax, Bella." He grinned.
"What do you want?" I murmur as he landed with a soft thud on the hardwood floor.
"Do you want me to leave?" He asks arrogantly. My silence answered his question.
"I want to talk to you." He shrugged, standing inches away from me. I nodded, waiting for him to continue. Jake took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever he was about to say.
"I'm in love with you, Bella." My eyes widened, terrified. I stood motionless staring at him with the strangest expression on my face.
"Did you hear-" I cut him off quickly. "I heard you, Jacob."
"Look, I know . . . you're still hoping that your boyfriend will come back, but he's not coming back, Bella." I covered my eyes with my fingers as I sat on the end of the bed.
"Please stop, Jake." I muttered, trying to shake the thought from my mind.
"I'm not going to stop because I am not going to let you spend the rest of your life waiting for some guy." He paused for a moment as he knelt down in front of me.
"I want you to pick me, Bella."
"Just stop talking." I mumble, shaking my head.
"I would never do what he did to you. I could never hurt you like that. I promise you." He swore, his eyes begging me to believe him.
"He promised me he would never leave, Jake. He left anyway. The promise you just made means nothing to me." I said. Jake stared at me blankly for a long moment.
"I'm sorry to hear that." He murmured. "Me too," I whisper.
"He's not coming back, Bella." Jake mutters, looking at me sympathetically.
"You don't know that, Jake." I tell him. He sighs.
"I could make you happy, Bella; I could be everything he's not." He says determinedly, clasping my hands between his.
"Don't." Jake stares at me,
"Why can't you see it, Bella? Edward is not here anymore, and he doesn't want you, Bella, but I'm here and I want to be with you." Jake snaps his eyes on fire.
"I still love him, Jake." I admit quietly. Jake's shoulders fall.
"I'll wait for you, Bella. No matter how long it takes." He whispers. "I know." I sighed.
Days passed like weeks and weeks passed like months. I've been told countless times that Edward wasn't going to come back, at least not for me, but then again, I've been told that he will come back, not only to Forks, but for me. Two opposing sides fighting for me to decide which side I was going to believe, but who to trust? Who should I believe? The Cullen's, or the people I've known my whole life—family? I knew in the end I would have to decide what I believed; I just didn't know what to believe, or who to believe. I had to make a decision.
I sat at the foot of my bed staring blankly at the suitcase standing beside the closet. Leaving Forks isn't going to solve anything...But what if it did? I shot up off the floor and started pacing around the room. I couldn't do this to Charlie, it would kill him if I left without a word, but nobody else would care if I suddenly disappeared. Jake would be the only one in town who would notice my absence.
Fuck it, I'm leaving. I thought as I went for the suitcase, throwing it onto the bed as I raced around the room tossing clothes, money, my toothbrush, toothpaste, and some snacks into the suitcase. A sudden thought stopped me dead in my tracks. I couldn't just take the truck and go now could I? People would know what to look for once they realize that I'm missing. I decided I was going to walk into town and hail a cab and from there I would go to the airport and wait for a flight to Jacksonville. I scribbled a note to Charlie and placed it neatly on the kitchen table before walking out the front door.
I ended up taking a train to the airport because I figured taking a taxi in the middle of the night was not the safest and brightest idea I've not ever had, nor was running away, but I couldn't stay in Forks any longer. There were too many memories . . . of him. The earliest flight available wasn't until noon tomorrow, so I bought myself a one-way ticket, and waited. My eyes were heavy with sleep, but I couldn't succumb to sleep; I had to stay awake.
"Hey, hey, wake up." Someone murmured, shaking my shoulder. My eyes fluttered, abruptly disrupted from sleep.
"Bella, what the hell are you doing here?" I gasped at the sight of James standing in front of me with a strange expression on his face.
"James? I...I'm going to Jacksonville...Florida." I murmured. His eyes narrow at me speculatively.
"Really?" He deadpans. I groan, looking at the clock behind him. I sigh in relief, thankful I didn't miss my flight.
"You're running away." He announced suddenly. I ignore him as I continue to watch random people rushing through the airport trying to catch their flight.
"You're fucked, you know that?" James growled angrily, sitting himself in the seat next to me.
"Fuck you." I mutter, shaking my head bitterly.
"You're a coward." He scowls.
"I never asked for your opinions on the subject of my intellect thank you very much."
"Too-bad because you are an idiot, Bella Swan."
"And you aren't?" I retorted sourly.
"I never said I wasn't, but what you're doing is reckless." He chuckled humorlessly.
"I don't care." I growl.
"What if this guy comes back while you are gone?" He asks suddenly. I ignore him.
"What if he shows up at your door looking for you, but you aren't there?" I could feel his eyes on me, but I refused to look at him.
"You aren't going anywhere." He murmured after a moment.
"Don't tell me what I will and will not do." James snorts back a laugh.
"You aren't going to get on that plane. I know you aren't."
"Shut up." I moan, covering my face in my hands, trying to clear my head of the bullshit he's trying to put into my head.
"Look, you have two options here. Option A, getting on that plane to where ever the hell it is you think you are going and never come back to Forks, or option B, which would be listening to what I am telling you and go back home like you know you should."
"I have to do this." I mutter after a moment.
"No, you don't." I look at him for the first time since he woke me.
"Look at it this way, if you leave now, you'll never know if this guy came back for you and you'll spend the rest of your life wondering "What if".
"By staying you have nothing to lose, but if you leave you'll lose everything. Including this guy."
"Why are you trying to help me? You don't even know me." I murmur, confused. James smiles slightly, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
"That's where you are wrong, my friend. I do know you...sort of." My eyes narrow at him suspiciously.
"But I don't know you." James sighs, shaking his head.
"Another time. You need to decide whether you are going to stay or be a coward and leave, and I am going to sit here with you until you decide." He says as he makes himself comfortable in his seat as though he figures we are going to be here for a while. We sat in silence for a long moment, not knowing what else to say.
"Everyone keeps telling me he isn't coming back." I sigh, fidgeting with my fingers.
"Do you believe them" James asks.
"I don't want to believe them, but I have no reason to believe he will come back."
"So, by leaving this is your way of giving up on him?" I shrug. "What else what it be?"
"Do you love him?" James cocks an eyebrow at me.
"I couldn't love somebody else the way I love him." I answer honestly.
"Then, don't give up on him. It's that easy." He shrugs, nudging my shoulder.
"It doesn't work that way." James sighs in frustration.
"If he were in your situation right now, what do you think he would do? Put yourself in his shoes, Bella." I thought this over for a long moment.
"I don't know what he would do."
"If he still loves you, what would he do?" He pressed, specifying. Somehow, I knew the answer to this.
"He would wait for me, no matter how long that might be."
"And there's your answer." He smiled, pleased with himself.
"Come on, I'll take you home." He says, holding out his hand as he stood.
"But, what if he doesn't come back?" I wonder, not sure I wanted to go back home. This catches him off guard for a minute as he debates his answer to that question.
"Then, you move on, Bella. It's the only option that you would have." He smiles sadly, still holding out his hand.
"How did you know I was here?" James tried to hide a guilty smile.
"I saw you get on the train and I followed you." He answered honestly. "Now, am I taking you home or what?"
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