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Edgar and Betty

A friendly parody of our favorite saga. How the story might've gone in a screwed-up, parallel universe, if your Dad is gay and your next-door neighbor's got the hots for you. Betty's a bad girl, and Edgar likes human food.

AU, OOC, Parody, Canon Couples

1. Edgar and Betty

Rating 0/5   Word Count 925   Review this Chapter

Chapter: the first chapter, obviously

TL;DR section (aka Notes or shit no one reads)
Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. Fanfic idea +IS+ mine, but Twilight, once again, if I may repeat meself, isn't mine. Be cool if it was, then I'd be rollin' in da dough, yo!

Note: This is a parody! (Dis is SPARTAAAAA!)

Note 2: Can you guess what parody names correspond to which Twilight characters? 1000 points to Ryan and Colin (wait, this isn't +Whose Line Is It Anyway?+)

Note 3: I don't care if you review it or not. Just read and hopefully enjoy it. If you hate it, feel free to "flame" it. I get amused when people get worked up, and you actually have genuine criticism, then it'll hopefully help me become a better writer, Also, I +really+ hate it when other Fan Fiction authors all but beg for reviews. It's pathetic. Just write for the sake of writing.


OMG the story is actually below!!

"Betty!" Carlos called out. "Are you up yet? School starts real soon."

Betty moaned, half-awake in bed. She didn't want to get out from under her soft, luxurious black comforter. Her eyes felt like they had sand in them, like they didn't wake up as fast as the rest of her body. Oh, that's right, I forgot to wash off my makeup last night. Better get up and scrub my face. Damn it.

The door to her bedroom opened. She thought she was going to get privacy here, like when she was living with her mother Raquel on the outskirts of arid, sunny Spokane. But now, she was living with her nosy-as-hell father on the west side of Washington state just outside of Seattle in the town of InbredVille, population approximately between two thousand and a million. Okay, so Betty didn't know the population; she was working on paying attention to details.

"Betty, get up!" Carlos grunted.

"Alright, alright, I'm up! Sheesh, Daddy!" Betty got up from bed, rubbing her smeared made-up eyes with closed, sloppy fists.

"Betty," Carlos chided, "I told you to wash your face before going to bed, didn't I?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Daddy, I promise I'll do it tonight and from then on, okay?"

Carlos approached his daughter and hugged her. He couldn't stay mad at her for long. She had inherited her mother's charisma and charm--one reason why Carlos had fallen for Raquel all those years ago.

"Okay. That sounds great. Now, get ready quickly. School starts in forty-five minutes, and your mother and I'd actually like you to do well in this school for once."

Betty had to swallow that remark and not say anything snarky. She wasn't known for good marks or behavior in scholastic institutions in the past. She was expelled from her last high school for truancy, despite her last-ditch efforts to make up hours and missed assignments. Sometimes, even when one tries to redeem herself, the consequences still must be endured.

"Yes, Daddy, I will be ready." Betty decided that she'd better get ready quickly.

After ten minutes, Elizabeth Maria Iglesias had managed to fit in a shower, facial scrub, complete makeup on her face, and be completely dressed and ready to go in her, er, outfit for school. Hair still wet, she figured that, if it took her fifteen minutes to drive to school, with the windows on the passenger and driver's sides down, the air circulating through the automobile loaned to her by her childhood friend and neighbor Jack, her long, black-dyed hair would be mostly, if not completely, dry by the time she arrived at school.

Betty wasn't going to bother with breakfast this morning. She didn't feel very hungry. Usually she ate a lot, and it showed, at least in her perception of her body upon her hips and ass, but this morning her appetite was noticeably absent. She knew she'd regret later at around ten in the morning not eating, but she just wanted to get out of her dad's house and get school over with for the day.

Neon pink Hello Kitty backpack slung over one shoulder filled with her needed supplies, Betty was ready to go! Carlos came out from the den area and looked over Betty's outfit: black denim bell bottoms with a metallic chain-link belt, Doc Martens lookalikes, a black spaghetti-strap tanktop with a longsleeve fishnet top underneath, and damp hair, her form devoid of jewelry save a two-inch black equilateral cross hanging from twine suspended from her muscular neck.

"Well," Carlos noted, "you look less Gothic and depressing than usual. That's an improvement. Now you better get to school."

"Yes, Daddy," Betty replied obediently, teeth somewhat gritting.

As soon as Betty turned around though, she rolled her eyes. Where did her father get off telling her not to get into trouble or what to wear or anything like that? Carlos himself got into something bad recently. He had been next in line for Chief of Police of InbredVille, but the IVPD received too many complaints regarding Officer Carlos Iglesias and his stun gun. It turned out that he used it many times unnecessarily. He was suspended without pay for three weeks (prior to Betty's arrival), then, upon returning to work, Officer Iglesias was reassigned to what his coworkers jokingly called a "meter maid."

Would the other students at InbredVille High know that Meter Maid Iglesias was her father? If so, then being a new student was really going to suck.



More to come, ask Alice (if she were real)