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Twelve years ago Edward left Bella thinking she would be safe and happy away from the dangers of his world. She wasn't. How can he make it up to her?
Each chapter written from a different POV with some overlap as the same incident is seen from a different perspective. Some new characters of my own imagination.
You know, all the recognisable characters are not mine. They belong to Stephanie Meyer and I hope I've used them in the spirit in which she created them.
37. Edward - The Letters
Word Count 2452
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What else could I do? I promised Bella that if she should die I would deliver the bad news personally to those she loved along with a letter that Bella had written at some point with this eventuality in mind.
Luckily, having gone public with our relationship there were no problems about me staying with Bella. I didn’t leave her bedside for a second. Bella said that she didn’t want any visitors so the family were kept away. I know some didn’t like it – Alice in particular, but Bella wanted to be calm and quiet and that meant no family.
Bella’s heart managed to keep working for ten days, longer than Carlisle had thought possible; but still there was no new heart. Bella went on by-pass, but five days elapsed and her kidney started to fail and still no new heart. That was the end of hope.
“When I go to sleep tonight, I want you to switch all the machines off” she said to Carlisle when he delivered the bad news. “Edward, I love you. Promise me you’ll do what I asked with the letters, and don’t forget to put on your mask when you go to see Renee, promise me.”
I felt empty. I didn’t know how to give that promise. Already I felt as if I had died.
“Edward! I need you to promise me! Edward!”
The despair in Bella’s voice brought me out of the fugue I was entering. “I am so sorry love. What did you want?”
“I need you to promise me that you’ll do what I asked with the letters, and not forget to put on your mask when you go to see Renee. Please Edward, please.”
“I cannot possibly refuse you anything. I promise that I will deliver your letters, but would you mind if I took Alice with me?”
There was the merest hint of a smile. “Of course not, just don’t let mom catch sight of her. Alice is unforgettable.”
Carlisle kissed Bella’s cheeks, and her forehead then left the room. I knew that he was calling Esme. He would need his family with him and he knew that I would need them when Bella had fallen asleep.
Bella tried to stay awake for me, but the fight was gone. I could tell when I kissed her that it would be the last time.
“I love you Bella, I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Edward. No one in the history of the world ever loved anyone as much as I love you.”
“I know of only one possible exception” and that was our last conversation.
When Bella had fallen asleep Carlisle invited the rest of the family in to say their own quiet ‘goodbyes’. That done he turned off the machines and the sun set on Bella’s life.
Alice and I drove down to see Lizzie and Jacob. It was early morning when we arrived but I had no compunction in turning up at the Reservation without permission or waking them up.
“What the hell? Do you know what time it is? What the hell are you doing here ....” and I saw the moment Jacob looked at me and Alice and realised why we were there.
Jacob let out the most painful howl I had ever heard. It was a call to the pack, but lots of people came to see what was going on. Lizzie took one look at Jacob, Alice and me and started to cry rivers of silent tears. It looked like I wouldn’t have to say a word.
After she had dried her tears Lizzie gave me a box. On it Bella had written:
Please give this to Edward in the event of my death.
Inside the box was a number of letters, the uppermost one addressed to me.
My Darling Edward
I am so sorry that you are having to read this. I don’t want to leave you. I am happy now in a way that I have never been happy before – even all those years ago when I knew that I had you but for a short time. Being with you has made my life worthwhile, you are my reason to be. You always light up my dark and have given me the best any woman can ask for.
At the time of writing this we have lived together for more than two years, married for nearly one, plus the six months when we first met in Forks. It is more time than I ever hoped to have with you.
I don’t know why, but I have been getting the feeling that my time is almost up. Perhaps it is the heart that turned out to be just a bit too damaged for me that is making me feel that my luck has run out. So I have written some letters for those I love the most that I want you to deliver for me. I have already told mom that I don’t want a funeral service and that my body is to be donated to medical science. In my letter to her I am setting out what I want her to do to say goodbye to me. I hope she will.
I now have to ask you to do me some enormous favours, what I want you to do to honour me. Firstly, please, please do not allow yourself to be killed: it will ruin all my plans.
If you have no soul (you know I don’t believe that, but on the off chance that you are right) then once you are burnt that is the end for you, which means that it will be the end for me too. I will spend eternity locked in mental isolation – a form of hell. So please, I beg you, don’t do that to me.
If there is an afterlife for us humans then I want to spend it watching what you get up to here on earth trying to find a way to get a message to you – make sure you look out for it! But if I am to be reincarnated, you will have to find me. You will know who I am, the mental mute, probably so clumsy that I’m practically disabled even in a new life and a danger magnet. There will be no point in looking for me for a few years since you will have to wait for me to be reborn – and who knows how long the queue is? - and grow old enough for you. But you should have the time.
While you’re waiting for me I want you to publish your music, and to write more because it is so beautiful. I want the world to be able to hear it and love it the way I do. It belongs with Chopin and Debussy and that’s where I want to find it when I come back or while I’m watching you: Chopin, Debussy and Edwards. Can you please do that for me?
I hope that you can work out why I’ve asked you to study law. If not, I’ve asked Lizzie to give you a clue or two.
Ever since I saw you with Pia I wished that I had been able to leave you with a child: you would have made the most wonderful father. That is my one regret about my life with you, that I couldn’t give you a child. Perhaps he or she would have had your human eyes. I miss that.
I love you so much and feel truly blessed to have you love me in return. I hope that you never get to read this and we have many more years together. But perhaps it is greedy for one person to have all the joy you have brought me for many years. Perhaps we must accept that we have a love of the highest quality if not of quantity. Never forget that you are my north, my south, my east, my west. My everyday, my Sunday best.
Thank you, Edward, for everything that you have given me. Please give me one more thing - the gift of your life.
I’ll love you forever
I passed the letter to Alice and Lizzie to read. While they were doing that I found the letter addressed to each of them. There was also one for Carlisle and Esme, Renee and Phil, Angela and Seth and Jacob. I also found Bella’s will. She left her body to medical science under the guardianship of Andrew Campbell, all her worldly goods she left to me with the request that I give some little memento to those to whom she was closest.
I now had to find a way to live without Bella again. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to do it. How could I exist in a world where Bella didn’t live? Bella knew me well enough to know that I would need a purpose, a reason to try and she gave it to me. I knew that the new music I would write would tell the world of my pain and loss. There would be occasional seconds of respite when I could immerse myself in my memories but that was the best I could hope for. But I would do what Bella asked me – I would find a way to live.
More than twenty-two years had elapsed since Bella had died and my reason for being had ended.
It was so unfair that Emmett had to die instead of me in the fight with the Volturi. So many good friends had lost their lives that day: Emmett and Rosalie, Carmen and Eleazar, Huilen and seven of the wolf pack gone forever, including young Hal, Jason, Gemma and Sam who rejoined when he saw how he was needed. Sam saw that Alec had paralysed everyone and was able to kill him, releasing everyone from Alec’s hold, before he too was killed by Felix. Tanya and Embry both lost limbs and three other members of the pack were severely injured, but life for those left behind was that much safer. The vampire world was now ruled by a Council of Elected Members.
It was Jasper and Garrett who told the Volturi about the wolf pack and the alliances between them and us veggie vamps. They showed Aro what the Cullens had that the Volturi didn’t – Alice with her gift of seeing the future, and me able to read the present - and the wolf pack was the excuse Aro used to try to get us.
Jasper and Garrett had no way of knowing what they would be unleashing and I could feel the guilt that still weighed them down six years after the event. At least some strange force had prepared the pack for the attack and they were ready for it.
Just last year Renee, Bella’s mom, had died of heat stroke. She ought to have known better but she fell asleep in the sun and died.
Phil, Renee’s husband, sent me all of the Bella memorabilia that Renee had saved – early childhood videos and ‘photos of her life. I saw a lot of images that I had never seen before and I spent a whole month just wallowing in memories of Bella. For a short while the music I wrote was a little more uplifting than usual since Bella’s death. That music raised a lot of money for the charity set up to fund research into combating and treating depression.
Bella’s clues for why she wanted me to study law were ‘Bearer Bonds’ and ‘Peter Pan’. I eventually worked out that she wanted me to write music and give the copyright to a charity but for me to have a bearer’s licence to play the music myself. I persuaded Andrew Campbell to set up and head the charity – something he was pleased to do since he had to stop his surgeries as age caught up with him. Dr Robbins also served on the Board which he thought a great honour.
Day three of senior year again and I felt no joy or anticipation.
When we decided to move to Falston Alice had a vision which she was sure meant that I would see Bella. But all last year I searched for a mind that I couldn’t read. None of the school pupils were closed to me, and during the holidays I went to the surrounding towns to listen and search and still I couldn’t find her. And the first two days of the new school year I spent all my time searching the minds of the new Freshmen but to no avail: perhaps it was a way that Bella was able to get a message to me but neither Alice nor I were able to interpret it properly.
Alice and I were sitting in the cafeteria morosely pretending to drink our protein shakes. Without paying any attention I heard “.... Arabella?” at which point I perked up to listen.
“You call me Arabella one more time Adam and you will probably find that I become even clumsier than usual in your presence and end up slipping and clobbering you over the head with my crutch!”
I almost smiled with the laughter of the crowd that the clumsy Arabella was with.
“It’s thanks to you that we don’t have to do gym anymore. Everyone lobbied the school board to ask that gym no longer be compulsory for us juniors and the seniors so that we didn’t have to be put at risk from you so here’s to you Ari, thanks for getting us out of gym!”
I remembered how there was a pupil who was apparently a danger to everyone in gym class but she wasn’t at school the previous year – she alternated years with her parents and spent last year with her dad. This year she was in Falston with her mom.
I tried to hear what Ari thought of the teasing she was receiving but I just couldn’t get a fix.
I heard her say “Who are they? They weren’t here before.”
“The Cullens, Alice and Edward. They arrived from somewhere last year. You won’t have seen them when you were here for the holidays because they don’t mix with the rest of us.”
“Alice and Edward Cullen huh. For some reason I feel as if I should know them.”
I looked at her face, different to what I was expecting but still beautiful. Our eyes met. Her mind was still closed “Bella!” I sighed and her eyes widened in shock: I had dazzled her once again.