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bella swans diary

Summary:
EDWARD AND HIS FAMILY IS GONE AND NOW BELLA IS DEVASTATED BECAUSE TO HER WITHOUT EDWARD HER LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING THESE ARE HER DIARY ENTRIES FROM THE TIME EDWARD LEFT TO THE TIME WHEN EDWARD RETURNED AND SO ON


Notes:
EVERYTHING IN THIS DIARY IS WHAT HAPPENED TO BELLA AFTER EDWARD LEFT AND BEFORE HE RETURNED TO FORKS TO CLAIM BELLA'S LOVE ONE MORE TIME AND TO BEG FOR HER FORGIVENESS FOR LEAVING HER AND BREAKING HER HEART THEY MAY NOT BE THE SAME VERSION AS THE BOOK BUT I DID NOT WANT IT IN THE WAY THAT IT WAS WORDED LIKE THE BOOK


1. bellas diary

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DEAR DIARY,
ITS BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE EDWARD LEFT AND IM DEVASTATED HE ONLY LEFT BECAUSE I GOT A PAPERCUT AND THOUGHT THAT HE WAS PUTTING MY LIFE IN DANGER HE SAID THAT I WOULD NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN BUT EVERYTIME I GO TO SLEEP I SEE HIM IN MY DREAMS BUT WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING I REALIZE THAT IT WAS JUST A DREAM AND THAT I WILL NEVER EVER REALLY SEE HIM AGAIN I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I STILL LOVE HIM BUT IM HEARTBROKEN WITH OUT HIM HERE WELL I NEVER REALLY EXPECTED HIM TO STAY FOR LONG BYE
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS LAST NIGHT I WENT TO THE MOVIES AND I WAS ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING STUPID WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE I HEARD EDWARDS VOICE I KNOW THAT ITS WEIRD BUT IT SOUNDED SO CLOSE THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS REAL BECAUSE BEFORE HE LEFT EDWARD MADE ME PROMISE I WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING STUPID SO IT WAS LIKE MY SUBCONSCIOUS WAS TRYING TO REMIND ME OF THE PROMISE I HAD MADE EDWARD BUT SERIOUSLY HES GONE AND NOTHING I DO WILL MAKE HIM COME BACK I BET IF I DIED HE WOULDNT EVEN CARE HE WOULD PROBABLY JUST SAY "WELL IT ISNT MY FAULT SHES DEAD WHY SHOULD I CARE IF SHES DEAD OR ALIVE SHES NOT EVEN MY GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE" BUT IF HE DID STILL CARE ABOUT ME HE WOULD PROBABLY SAY THIS "BELLAS DEAD OH GOD THIS IS ALL MY FAULT IF I HADNT BEEN SUCH AN IDIOT WORRYING ABOUT HER SAFETY SHE WOULDNT BE DEAD SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE AND SHE WOULD STILL BE IN MY ARMS SAFE AND HAPPY ITS ALL MY FAULT" BUT HES GONE SO WHY SHOULD HE CARE WETHER IM DEAD OR ALIVE I DONT CARE IF HES DEAD OR ALIVE JUST LIKE HE DOESNT CARE IF I LIVE OR DIE SO I GUESS ITS TWO FOR TWO HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ME I DONT CARE ABOUT HIM AND IF HE COMES BACK AND TRIES TO ASK ME TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE HE CAN FORGET ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WONT WELL GOT TO GET TO SCHOOL DONT WANT TO BE LATE
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
I WENT TO LA PUSH YESTERDAY TO VISIT MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND JACOB BLACK HE LOVES TO BUILD AND WORK ON FIXING CARS SO I TOOK TWO OLD RUSTY MOTORCYCLES DOWN TO HIM SO HE COULD FIX THEM UP AND GET THEM WORKING BUT THE PROBLEM IS MY DAD DOESNT EXACTLY APPROVE OF MOTORCYCLES SO I HAD TO BE SNEAKY ABOUT IT
BUT JACOB SAID HE COULD PROBABLY GET THEM WORKING BUT THEY NEEDED ALOT OF WORK AND ALOT OF NEW PARTS HE ALSO TOLD ME IT WOULD TAKE AWHILE SO ILL BE HANGING AROUND LA PUSH FOR AWHILE AND ALOT OF MY TIME WILL BE SPENT LEARNING HOW TO RIDE THE MOTORCYCLES ONCE THEY ARE RUNNING SO ILL BE HAVING ALOT OF FUN BEING STUPID AND RECKLESS AGAINST EDWARDS WISHES I CANT WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE RUNNING ILL BE SO HAPPY WELL I GOT TO GO IM HEADING DOWN TO
LA PUSH NOW SO ILL FIND OUT MORE TODAY
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
I MET JACOBS TWO FRIENDS YESTERDAY THEY WERE REAL NICE AND VERY FUNNY SO THEY HAD ME LAUGHING ALOT BUT WHEN IT WAS FINALLY TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE THEY THOUGHT ME AND JACOB HAD SOMETHING GOING ON THAT JACOB NEVER TOLD THEM ABOUT SO WHEN I TOLD JACOB I WOULD SEE HIM TODAY AND I WAS OUT OF SIGHT THEY SAID WOO AND THEN THEY GOT IN A SCUFFLE WITH JACOB AND HE THREATENED THEM AND SAID "IF EITHER OF YOU SET SO MUCH AS ONE TOE ON MY LAND TOMORROW YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY" IT WAS SO FUNNY THAT I WAS LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO MY HOUSE EVEN MY DAD WAS SURPRISED TO SEE ME SMILING FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF MOPING AROUND
HE THINKS BEING AROUND JACOB IS MAKING A REAL IMPROVEMENT IN MY LIFE AND MAKING ME HAPPIER THAN I WAS AFTER EDWARD LEFT BUT I DONT REALLY CARE ABOUT THE PAST ANY MORE SO I GUESS IT DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE WELL IM ALOT HAPPIER SO I GOT TO GO BEFORE IM LATE TO WORK
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHO WAS AT MY HOUSE WHEN I GOT HOME FROM WORK LAST NIGHT I WAS JUST ABOUT TO PULL INTO THE DRIVEWAY WHEN THE HEADLIGHTS ON MY RED LAMBORGHINI GLINTED OFF A BLACK MERCEDES PARKED ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY HOUSE I WAS CONFUSED BECAUSE THE CAR BELONGED TO EDWARDS FATHER CARLISLE AND I KNEW THAT THEY WOULDNT BE COMING BACK TO FORKS SO WHEN I GOT OUT OF MY CAR I LOOKED UP TO SEE SOMEONE LOOKING OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW SO WHEN I ENTERED THE HOUSE THE PERSON WHO WAS IN MY ROOM CAME DOWN THE STAIRS DRESSED IN BLUE JEANS AND A LONG-SLEEVED BLACK V-NECK T-SHIRT WITH BLACK TENNIS SHOES I LOOKED AT EDWARD IN THE BRIGHT LIGHT OF THE HALLWAY AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING HERE HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME AND ASKED ME TO FORGIVE HIM FOR LEAVING ME BUT I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID NO THAT HE COULDNT LEAVE AND THEN COME BACK TO THEN ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND EXPECT ME TO TAKE HIM BACK HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID I GUESS YOUR RIGHT I DONT KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKG WHEN I CAME HERE HOPING YOU WOULD FORGIVE ME AND GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE AFTER I HAD HURT YOU AND THE HE REACHED INTO THE POCKET OF HIS JEANS AND TOOK OUT A SMALL RED VELVET BOX AND HANDED IT TO ME AND SAID I GOT THIS FOR YOU BEFORE ME AND MY FAMILY LEFT I MEANT TO LEAVE IT ON YOUR BED THE DAY I LEFT BUT I FORGOT I HOPE THIS WILL HELP CLEAR UP SOME OF THE THINGS I DID BEFORE I LEFT THAT REALLY HURT YOU AND I HOPE THE LETTER WILL HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHY ME AND MY FAMILY LEFT IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THEN HE LEFT
I HAVENT EVEN OPENED THE BOX TO SEE WHAT IS INSIDE BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANYTHING FROM HIM SO I JUST LEFT IT ON MY DRESSER AND WENT TO SLEEP BUT IM GOING TO OPEN IT NOW TO FIND OUT WHAT IS INSIDE SO ILL WRITE TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT IS INSIDE TOMORROW
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
WHEN I OPENED THE BOX YESTERDAY I FOUND A PURE GOLD AND DIAMOND ENCRUSTED BRACELET NECKLACE AND EARRINGS THAT HAD MY NAME ENGRAVED ON A GOLD HEART THAT WAS HANGING FROM THE CENTER OF THE NECKLACE AND UNDER MY NAME SAID THE LOVE OF MY EXISTENCE IT MADE ME CRY WHEN I READ THAT BUT THE LETTER MADE ME CRY EVEN WORSE THAN THE WORDS ENGRAVED ON THE NECKLACE HE EVEN LEFT ME HIS PHONE NUMBER AND ADDRESS SO I COULD TALK TO HIM I WISH I COULD FORGIVE HIM BUT I CANT GOT TO GO
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
I KNOW ITS BEEN A COUPLE OF WEEKS SINCE I WROTE BUT I WAS WITH JAKE AND HIS FRIENDS SO I WAS TOO BUSY TO WRITE TOMORROW IM GOING CLIFF DIVING WITH JAKE SO ITS GOING TO BE ALOT OF FUN I CANT WAIT TO GO AS LONG AS EDWARDS SISTER ISNT WATCHING OUT FOR MY FUTURE I WILL BE FINE SO I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HIM THINKING I KILLED MYSELF WELL IF I WANT TO GO CLIFF DIVING I GOT TO GET UP EARLY
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
I WENT CLIFF DIVING YESTERDAY BUT JAKE WAS NOT AVAILABLE SO I WENT BY MYSELF WHEN JAKE SAW THAT I WENT WITH OUT HIM AND ALMOST DROWNED HE PULLED ME OUT OF THE WATER WHEN I GOT HOME I WAS SHOCKED BECAUSE ALICE EDWARDS SISTER WAS THERE THEN SHE SAW THAT I WAS ALIVE SHE DECIDED TO STAY OVER AND VISIT I WAS VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT IT WAS FUN WE WATCHED A LOT OF MOVIES WELL GOT TO GO SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
I HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM EDWARD IS GOING TO THE VOLTURI THEY ARE THE RULERS OF THE VAMPIRE WORLD AND HE IS GOING TO ASK THEM TO KILL HIM IT IS NOT GOOD IF HE DOES THAT I AM NEVER GOING TO SEE HIM AGAIN NOW I GOT TO GO TO ITALY AND PROVE TO HIM THAT I AM ALIVE OR HE IS GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE I CAN NOT LOSE THE ONE PERSON IN MY LIFE THAT I LOVE IF I LOSE HIM I MIGHT AS WELL KILL MYSELF ALSO SO I CAN BE WITH HIM AGAIN I AM ON A PLANE RIGHT NOW SO I AM HALFWAY TO ITALY TO KEEP EDWARD FROM KILLING HIMSELF SO IF I MAKE IT IN TIME I WILL BE WITH EDWARD AGAIN THE PLANE IS GOING TOO SLOW AND IF I DO NOT GET TO EDWARD ON TIME I WILL NOT BE HAPPY AND RIGHT NOW ALICE IS NOT ENJOYING THE PACE OF THIS AIRPLANE SO I AM GOING TO GO SO I CAN CHEER HER UP AND MAKE HER HAPPY BYE
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
WE JUST LANDED IN ITALY RIGHT NOW ALICE IS TRYING TO FIND A CAR TO USE SO I CAN GET TO EDWARD SHE TOLD ME THAT IF HE IS SUCCESSFUL IN GOING ALONG WITH HIS PLAN TO SHOW HIMSELF IN THE SUNLIGHT BEFORE I GET TO HIM ME AND ALICE WOULD BE COUNTED AS HIS ACCOMPLICES BUT IT WOULD NOT BE PUNISHMENT SO MUCH AS DINNERTIME FOR ME AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE VAMPIRE FOOD I GOT TO GO SINCE EDWARD CAN NOT READ MY THOUGHTS I GOT TO GET HIM TO LOOK AT ME SO HE WILL KNOW THAT I AM ALIVE AND NOT DEAD AND I HAVE TO HURRY OR I AM NOT GOING TO BE ON TIME BYE
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
I AM SO SCARED I GOT TO EDWARD BUT NOW WE ARE GOING TO MEET THE VOLTURI ELDERS I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IF WE DIE HERE IT IS GOING TO BE MY FAULT I AM SO SCARED THAT I THINK I MIGHT PASS OUT AT ANY MOMENT I AM JUST GLAD THAT EDWARD IS WITH ME RIGHT NOW AND HE DID NOT GET A CHANCE TO GO THROUGH WITH HIS PLAN TO KILL HIMSELF WITH HIM BY MY SIDE I FEEL LIKE HE NEVER LEFT BUT THIS IS ROSALIE'S FAULT IF SHE HAD NOT TOLD EDWARD I KILLED MY SELF HE NEVER WOULD HAVE COME HERE TO KILL HIMSELF TO BE WITH ME AGAIN I BLAME HER FOR THIS IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS I WILL BE SO HAPPY GOODBYE
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
THANKFULLY WE ARE STILL ALVIE TODAY THE PROBLEM IS AS SOON AS THE PLANE LANDED HERE IN FORKS AND EDWARD MADE SURE I GOT HOME SAFELY HE LEFT WITH HIS FAMILY TO GO BACK TO ALASKA BUT ALICE FELT BAD AND SAID SHE WOULD RATHER STAY WITH ME IF I WAS WILLING EDWARD LOOKED AT HER LIKE SHE WAS CRAZY SO SHE TOLD HIM TO STAY OUT OF HER HEAD AND MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS AND HE LEFT I DO NOT KEEP IN TOUCH WITH EDWARD BECAUSE HE TURNED OFF HIS CELL PHONE I DO NOT KNOW WHY HE GAVE ME HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER IF HE WAS JUST GOING TO TURN IT OFF WELL I CAN NOT WORRY ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW SO I AM GOING TO GO TO SLEEP NOW BYE
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
I JUST GOT HOME FROM WORK SO I AM ON MY WAY HOME AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN I GET THERE BECAUSE IT IS MY BIRTHDAY I JUST HOPE ALICE DID NOT GO OVERBOARD AGAIN ECSPECIALLY WITH THE DECORATING WELL I GUESS I WILL FIND OUT SOON THIS BETTER NOT TURN INTO ANOTHER FIASCO LIKE LAST TIME DID BECAUSE THAT WAS A COMPLETE DISASTER I REALLY HOPE IT TURNS OUT BETTER THAN LAST TIME GOT TO GO BYE
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
MY BIRTHDAY WAS WAY BETTER THAN LAST TIME YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT ALICE DID FOR ME SHE CHANGED ME INTO A VAMPIRE EDWARD NEVER DID AND NEVER WOULD CHANGE ME IN TO A VAMPIRE SO I AM GLAD ALICE DID I OPENED MY PRESENTS YESTERDAY AND ABOUT FIVE OF THEM WERE FROM EDWARD I LEFT THOSE ALONE I DID NOT EVEN TOUCH THEM BECAUSE HE CAN NOT KEEP EXPECTING ME TO ACCEPT THEM HE IS JUST WASTING MONEY FOR NO REASON WHEN I CAME INTO MY ROOM LAST NIGHT MY CLOSET WAS NOT EVEN THE SAME ALL OF MY CLOTHES WERE DIFFERENT I COULD NOT BELIVE ALICE WOULD DO THAT FOR ME I WAS SO HAPPY I HUGGED HER UNTIL SHE WAS TRYING TO PRY MY ARMS FROM AROUND HER NECK IT WAS SO STRANGE I YANKED THE FIRST THING I SAW OFF OF THE HANGER AND PUT IT ON SO SHE COULD SEE HOW IT LOOKED BUT HER EMOTIONS SURPRISED ME A LITTLE BIT SO I DID SOMETHING WEIRD WHEN SHE LOOKED AT ME SHE ASKED IF I HAD JUST CHANGED HER EMOTIONS AND I SAID YES I DID I GUESS WHY THEN SHE TOLD ME THAT JASPER COULD DO THE SAME THING THAT I COULD IT WAS SO WEIRD THEN SHE PULLED HER CELL PHONE OUT AND CALLED CARLISLE TO TALK TO EDWARD ABOUT THAT AS SOON AS HE HEARD THAT I COULD DO THE SAME THING AS JASPER HE RACED OVER HERE TO SEE ME IT WAS SO WEIRD HE WAS ASKING ME SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THEN EDWARD AND ALICE STARTED PACKING MY STUFF WITH LIGHTNING SPEED NEXT THING I KNEW WE WERE IN ALASKA ALONG WITH MY LAMBORGHINI IN CARLISLE'S HOUSE TALKING WITH THE REST OF THE FAMILY I AM SO HAPPY TO BE WITH THEM THAT I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE
LOVE BELLA


DEAR DIARY,
I DIDNT HAVE TO LEAVE THE CULLENS EVERY TIME ROSALIE LOOKS AT ME I FEEL WAVES OF HOSTILITY ROLL OFF OF HER ITS LIKE IM STILL INTRUDING IN HER FAMILYS SECRET LIFE EVEN THOUGH I AM ONE OF THEM EDWARD KEEPS TELLING ME TO IGNORE HER BUT IT REALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS WELL THATS ALL FOR TODAY
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
I ASKED ROSALIE WHAT I HAD DONE TO HER THE OTHER DAY WHEN THE OTHERS WENT OUT HUNTING SHE TOLD ME HER STORY IT WAS NICE TO KNOW HOW SHE FELT BUT SAD TO KNOW HOW HER LIFE HAD ENDED SO SOON I TOLD HER THAT I DIDNT ASK TO BECOME A VAMPIRE THAT IT WAS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FROM ALICE SHE APOLOGIZED FOR BEING SO MEAN WHEN SHE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHY I WAS A VAMPIRE I TOLD HER IT WAS OKAY AND THEN I PICKED UP MY BOOK CALLED WUTHERING HEIGHTS AND STARTED TO READ WELL THATS ALL FOR TODAY
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,
EDWARD PROPOSED AND ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM I CANT BELIEVE IT IF I WAS STILL HUMAN I MIGHT HAVE PASSED OUT BUT FOR VAMPIRES THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE I WAS SO HAPPY THAT JASPER FELT SICK EVEN I GOT A LITTLE SICK BUT IM STILL SO HAPPY WELL THATS ALL FOR TODAY SEE YOU LATER
LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,

SORRY I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A WHILE I WAS BUSY PLANNING THE WEDDING. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT'S ONLY THREE MONTHS UNTIL WE GET MARRIED! I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! GOT TO GO NOW ALICE IS CALLING ME BYE

LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,

WE JUST GOT MARIED AND IM SOOOOOOOO HAPPY. RIGHT NOW WE ARE ON OUR HONEYMOON AND EDWARD IS KIND OF HAPPY THAT HE WON'T PUT ME IN DANGER ANYMORE NOW THAT I'M A VAMPIRE. HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A SCREAMING BABY EITHER. WE ARE JUST GOING TO ADOPT INSTEAD AND WE ARE THINKING ABOUT GETTING TWINS OR A BOY AND A GIRL. I CAN ALREADY SEE OUR DAUGHTER GIVING HER DADDY HELL. HE'S GOING TO BE TRYING TO KEEP ALL THE BOYS AWAY FROM HER AND SO WILL HER BROTHER. WELL THAT'S ALL FOR NOW! SEE YOU LATER.

LOVE BELLA

DEAR DIARY,

EDWARD THINKS AND ACTS LIKE I AM STILL BREAKABLE AND IT IRRITATES ME ALOT. SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HE'S ACTING LIKE A JERK. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE ME TO GET A NEW F***ING DIARY TODAY, BUT I DECIDED TO GO ON MY OWN. WELL NOT EXACTLY ON MY OWN MORE LIKE WITH ROSALIE AND ALICE. I NEED THE GIRL BONDING TIME. WELL THAT'S ALL FOR THIS DIARY SEE YOU LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE BELLA