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worth the pain
Set about 6 months after the fateful 18th Birthday party from New Moon, the Cullens have left. A horrible tragedy strikes the Cullens. Can Bella help the remaining members heal? Bella/Jasper, Rosalie/Emmett.
4. Chapter 4
Word Count 1606
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Emmett pulled into the garage between Edward's Volvo, Jasper's Navigator, & Alice's Porsche. I must have looked at the Volvo funny, because Emmett explained that they had driven Edward's Volvo to Forks from New Orleans because they wanted me to have it. I sighed and mumbled thanks. I wasn't ready to look at their possessions; it made everything too real and I couldn't afford the luxury of my own grief yet.
We climbed out of the truck and entered the house. Jasper and Rose were gone from the living room. I looked at Emmett; he shrugged and said they were upstairs. We headed that way. Rose met us at the top of the stairs.
"Bella, I carried him up here. I was hoping he would be more comfortable. He hasn't moved at all or made a single sound. I'm scared for him, Bella." she whispered.
"I know, Rose. I am, too. We're going to make it through this, though, OK? I'm going to go to him now. Does he need to hunt?" I asked her.
"No, I took him while you and Em were gone. Just a quick jaunt into the woods; Bella, I had to hunt for him, he couldn't." she shuddered at the memory.
"OK, Rose. Why don't you and Emmett go for a little bit? I want to minimize how much emotion he's being exposed to and see if I can break through to him." I said.
She nodded. Emmett came up behind her and wrapped her in his arms. "We're going to go to the little guest house in the backyard, Bella. We're in earshot, so if you need us, just holler and we'll be here in a flash. I'm really glad you're here 'lil sis." he said.
Smiling weakly at them, I eased open the bedroom door and went inside shutting it softly behind me. Jasper was rolled into a tight ball on the bed he used to share with Alice. He made no sign that he knew I was here. I crossed slowly to him, the last thing I wanted to do was provoke him, so I made my movements small and non-threatening.
"Jasper, its Bella, is it OK if I sit with you for awhile? Could you give me a sign that you hear me, honey?" I whispered. He made no movement, not even blinking.
I climbed onto the bed and gently rubbed circles on his back. He flinched slightly at first, but then seemed to relax into my warm hands. I talked gently to him as I rubbed his back. Reminding him of how much we loved him and asked him to come back to us. We stayed that way for hours, until the moon rose.
I was beginning to get very sleepy. Rose peeked into the room. I quietly told her we were OK and she nodded, closed the door and walked back to the guesthouse with Emmett. I hoped they were able to comfort each other. I knew they would be all right. As she closed the door, I gently pulled away from him. He whimpered so low I almost didn't hear it.
It broke my heart. I whispered gently, "Jaz, I'm not leaving you. I'm going to put on some pajamas and brush my teeth, but I'll be right back. I won't leave you, Jaz, not as long as you want me to stay."
I crept to my bag and pulled out my things, a soft tank top, cotton sleep pants, toothbrush, & toothpaste. I slipped into the attached bathroom and changed quickly. I grabbed a washrag from the linen closet inside the door and washed my face. My stomach growled, so I ate a granola bar from my purse and quickly brushed my teeth and hair, pulling it up into a ponytail.
As I walked silently back to Jasper, I saw that his eyes were closed. I didn't know if it was better or worse than the unblinking emptiness, but I'm an optimist. As I climbed back onto the bed, I arranged my body around his. I knew I would have to sleep soon, but I wanted to comfort him as much as I could all night. He shifted just the tiniest bit to lay his head on my lap. My heart leapt with hope. I began to gently stroke his blond curls and hummed a lullaby from my childhood. His eyes were open now, light golden brown, but still unfocused and blank. I could only imagine what he was feeling. He had shut down to the point where he was no longer projecting any emotion to me. Tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my face as the terrible weight of the loss we had suffered crashed into me. Sometime later, I slept; my hands still in his hair. Sometime in the long night, I felt Emmett's cold hands gently tuck Edward's black quilt around us. Thankfully, I slept without dreaming.
When I woke up, I could tell it was late in the morning. Jasper lay exactly as he had the night before, but I think I might have seen some measure of peace in his bottomless eyes. I gently began to detangle myself from him, but his hand grabbed my leg. Obviously, he didn't want me to go.
Remembering his whimper from the day before, I gently whispered again to him, "Jaz, I'm not leaving you. I'm going to put on some clothes and brush my teeth, but I'll be right back. I won't leave you, Jaz, not as long as you want me to stay."
His hand relaxed and I slipped over to my bag. I quickly grabbed a pair of soft, almost destroyed, jeans and a pink t-shirt. I padded to the bathroom and grabbed a quick shower, rubbed as much water out of my hair as I could, threw on my clothes, devoured another granola bar from my purse, & brushed my teeth.
I heard Bella start the shower, so I decided to check on my brother. He was on the bed pretty much the same as yesterday, but he looked more relaxed. I glanced at his eyes and noticed they were still golden. Hunting could wait. I decided to sit next to the bed for a while.
"Hey man, look I don't really know what to say right now. I'm pretty messed up myself, but I miss you. I know you're hurting real bad right now. Let us help you, bro." I said quietly.
Then, I just sat there next to him. I wished I was the smart one, like Edward, or the compassionate one, like Carlisle. But I was just big dumb Emmett. So, I sat and I waited, not wanting him to be alone and hurting.
About ten minutes later, Bella opened the bathroom door. She saw me sitting there and asked me quietly if I wanted her to leave for a little bit to give us privacy. Jasper twitched a little at that, so, I told her to stay and I would go hunt with Rosalie for a little bit. I hoped she could help him some more. She had done more in a day than Rosie & I had been able to do in a week. For the first time since this mess began, I was hopeful. Before I left, I motioned for her to come outside the door with me. I knew Jaz could still hear us, but I wanted the illusion of privacy.
"Bells, Rosie & I are not going to go far. Jaz is fine; he doesn't need to hunt right now. We just want you to know you're safe with him, OK?" I told her.
"I know, Emmett. Jasper and I have an agreement, I think. He won't hurt me." she replied confidently.
Once Emmett & Rose left to go hunt, I went back to Jasper's room. I might have been imagining it, but I think his eyes might have tracked me just a tiny bit as I walked back over to him and began to gently stroke his hair again. "Jasper, I know it hurts right now, let me in so I can help you. Please, honey, come back to us. Come back to me." I murmured. We stayed that way for a long time. Rose came in after a while.
"Bella, you need to take a break and eat something, OK? You're going to make yourself sick if you don't." she pleaded. "I'll sit with Jasper for a few minutes."
I gently stopped stroking Jaz's hair, and slid away slightly.
"Don't leave me." he whimpered, "Please, Bella."
A wave of crushing sadness and loss swept over the room from Jasper. I ran back over to him and dropped to my knees, so I could be level with his face. "Jaz, honey, are you there? Talk to me, please, Jasper!" I begged. "Please…stay." he rasped, so quietly I could have missed it.
I cupped his cheek in my hand and whispered our mantra, "Jaz, I'm not leaving you. I'm going to get a sandwich in the kitchen, but I'll be right back. I won't leave you, Jaz, not as long as you want me to stay."
I saw and felt his awareness as it snapped back into his golden brown eyes.
"OK" he mumbled, quiet as a breeze.
I kissed him gently on the forehead and asked Rose to stay with him. She nodded; her face showing me she would be crying if her immortal body would allow it. I knew in that moment that I would never leave him, could never leave him.