Have you ever felt that a piece of you was missing? That's how I felt ... until I met her.
6. You're Not Ugly
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“You’re going out again?” Alice huffed as she followed me downstairs.
“Yes, I’m going to grab another book from the library.” I told her as I grabbed my library card off the table. I hated being in the house during Jacob’s time with Renesmee. I wasn’t a jealous lunatic like he was, but I didn’t like the fact that he babied her so much. When I was a child, I had the mind of a teenager. The way he was behaving with her would hinder her development and make her … spoiled is the term I think would best describe it. Not that it was any of my business how he spent his time. I choose to spend my time asking her questions and gauging her maturity. She was smart and she even made comment regarding Jacob’s behavior calling it over the top. Of course, I thought that was an understatement.
“Would you like company?” She asked as she grabbed a short jacket from the closet. “Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie went hunting and I’m bored.” She pleaded.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but I would rather have some time alone. Maybe my aunt would like some company. She was upstairs painting, maybe you could take her shopping for some new clothing,” I hinted, Jasper had told me that whenever I wanted to distract Alice all I had to do was mention shopping and it would distract her. Hopefully he would be right.
“Oh I would love to take her shopping! She’s beautiful! I already know what color would look best on her.” She ran upstairs to attack her with her fashion ideas.
“And there goes Alice,” I murmured to myself as I walked to the door. I opened it to find a mad Leah outside the door. “Hello Leah.” She stepped past me into the home.
“Where’s Jacob?” She huffed. “JACOB! JACOB BLACK, get down here!” She started yelling before she received an answer to her question.
“What’s the matter?” I asked but she ignored my presence. Jacob came bounding down the stairs with Renesmee in his arms.
“Hey Leah!” The young child squealed, giggling.
“Hey what’s up?” He asked and her frown grew deeper.
“Figures your brain goes to mush when you’re here,” she looked away from him, “you don’t even remember what today is do you?” She held her hands balled in fists.
“Thursday?” He seemed legitimately confused.
“The date dumbass!” The child gasped at her profanity and Leah just rolled her eyes. “What is today’s date!” He eyes darted back forth as he racked his mind trying to figure out what he had done wrong.
“Oh my God Leah, I’m so sorry!”
“You promised me that you would be there for me today and you came running here and didn’t even think!” She growled.
“Leah, I’m sorry … you just don’t know what it’s like to imprint.” He was still holding the child, I didn’t know exactly what was going on but it was clear to me that she need to talk to him. If I were him, I would have taken the time to at least talk to her privately.
“Whatever Jake, but you know what I’m going through. You know what it’s like to lose a parent and I was there for you and your sisters whenever you needed me. I just asked you for this one thing and look at you.” She turned away from him disgusted.
“I know and I will be there for you … just let me finish up with Nessie and we can hang out all night if you want.” He said warmly, but I could tell from Leah’s expression that it was too little too late.
“When you say finish up? How long are you talking about?” She countered.
“I just got here a couple of hours ago,” he paused and waited for her reaction, “another couple hours or so.” He murmured now refusing to look at her.
“A couple of hours?” She shook her head I could see the hurt in her eyes he had really let her down. “A couple of hours, you know what you can keep your fake concern and shove it!” She stormed out of the house slamming the door behind her. I still didn’t know what was going on but I was stunned when he still stood where he was like a statue.
“Aren’t you going after her?” I chastised. He looked down at Nessie and went into a trance like state.
“Nah, she’ll cool down and come back and we’ll hang out later. Right now I promised this little one a round of Scrabble.” He bounced Nessie in his arms and she smiled. She then looked back at the door, concerned.
“Why is today so important to Leah?” She asked and the smile on Jacob’s face sobered.
“It’s her father’s birthday the first one since his death,” he cooed, “So she’s a little sad.” A little! Why did everyone demean Leah’s emotions? She was pissed and extremely hurt. I felt my jaw clench I couldn’t believe I was this angry over his stupidity, since he was stupid so often, I should have expected it.
“You should go after her,” Nessie told Jacob. As soon as he started coming up with reasons why he needed to stay with her, my repulse level hit a dangerous peak so I exited quickly. Leah was sitting in her car cradling her head over the steering wheel. I knocked on the window and she rolled it down.
“What do you want?” She grumbled. She didn’t even bother to give me eye contact. I was more than glad, I didn’t want to see the sadness in them.
“Some cheese steak fries?” I offered playfully but she saw no amusement in my statement.
“I’m not hungry,” her voice changed, she was trying to hold back her sobs.
“Well then, we’ll do whatever you wish.” I said quickly maneuvering to the passenger’s side of her vehicle and letting myself in. “Where shall we go?” She looked over to me and a tear rolled down her cheek.
“You don’t have to do this,” she murmured.
“Do what?” I smiled. “I’m a leech so I’m naturally selfish by nature. I’m bored I need new scenery!” I joked and she laughed a little.
“New scenery,” she thought, “that I can do.” She started the engine and took off. The drive was long and silent. I kept checking on her temperament I didn’t want her to turn into a wolf while driving. Even though the thought of a big wolf like creature behind the wheel was slightly amusing.
After about twenty minutes of driving we ended up at what looked like a large playground. The area was abandoned I assumed it was because the day was so dreary. We got out the car and Leah looked around the area. Her eyes became teary, I assumed she reliving some memories of her father here. We walked over to the swing set and she sat down. “I’m sorry I don’t have award winning conversation for you today.”
She used her feet to move herself around a little. I instinctively stood behind her and began to push her a little. “That’s fine I enjoy the quiet, don’t you?” I spoke with a friendly, encouraging tone hoping that her mood would eventually lighten.
“No, normally the silence gives way to thoughts I don’t want to have.” She placed her feet firmly on the ground so that I couldn’t push her anymore. I returned to the front of the swing set so I could see her more clearly. “I think if I was surrounded by constant silence I’d go crazy.”
“An excessive amount of anything is negative,” I commented, “I’m sorry that you’re hurting.” I hesitated before speaking but I did want to convey my concern, she nodded and smiled a little.
“You know I’d bought his gift already. It was a small memory book that I’d filled with pictures and memories of all of us. It took me months to complete it … Sam helped.” She looked up to the sky and then a few tears fell down her cheeks. “There’s nothing left for me here. I’ve lost everything.”
“That’s not true. You have your mother, Seth, and your studies. Even though your father is gone you still carry him with you.” I stated.
“Why does everyone say that? I can’t feel him or see him! I can’t talk to him and he can’t comfort me when I’m hurting!” She stood up and went to storm off but I stopped her.
“But you have memories. My mother died giving birth to me I never even got the chance to hear her voice or be held in her arms. You have those things hold onto them.” I grabbed her hands and held them. “Cherish them!” After a few moments of silence she slipped her hands out of my grasps.
“I’m sorry about your mom. It must suck not getting the chance to know her.” We moved in the direction of the bench and took a seat.
“Yes it does, but I’ve lived a lot of years and have moved past it. I still have trouble sometimes with knowing that my life caused her death. I just wish I knew something about her. I changed my aunt so she doesn’t remember much of anything from her human past the only thing she could tell me was that my mother was really beautiful.” I explained.
“It wouldn’t have taken a genius to figure that one out!” She laughed a little.
“Why would you say that?” I turned and looked at her.
“Because … you’re not ugly,” she said with a lopsided smirk, “she probably had a good heart too. Not many people would take the time to comfort someone they barely even know. Thanks… for being here.” I patted her hand and smiled. “You even called yourself a leech and that most definitely made my day!”
“I thought you’d like that!” We both laughed.
As she allowed our conversation to grow, I could tell she was breaking free of the funk she was in. However there was one more thing I felt she should do before letting go of this day. “Just say it! It will make you feel better!” I commanded.
“Nahuel, this is silly.” I frowned a little; it was weird hearing her address me with my actual name. I may prefer leechy myself.
“Come on, just try it.” We stood in the middle of the park and she looked up to the heavens.
“Happy Birthday dad, I love you and I miss you,” She offered him one last tear before looking back at me. “Do you think he heard me?”
“I should hope so since I talk to my mother all the time.” I offered her my arm and she looped hers in mine.
“Hey, I wonder if your mom is friends with my dad up there.” She laughed.
“Yes, I’m sure they’re BFFs,” I said, using the little bit of slang I found in one of the books I had read.
Leah burst into laughter at its usage. “What? I’m pretty sure I used the term correctly.”
“Yeah, it’s just … let’s just say I like you proper.” With that we headed back toward the car. I didn’t know where we were going, but I hoped that it wasn’t home.
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