Edward and Bella are born and raised together, There life is sheltered and untouched by horror until tragedy strikes killing Bella's father in a horrible accident and everything they had is taken from them and Edward is driven insane trying to get back to her. and what they once had. All Human Twilight FanFic
(This story deals with Abuse , Drug use & Suicide, Please be prepared for this.)
11. All these things that I've done
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I don't know if I have ever wanted to get away from her as much as I do right now,
I mean would she take it the wrong way if I just ran....?
She kept touching me and I wanted her so badly to stop but there was no way I would do anything that would hurt her ,I saw the rejection in her eyes in the bathroom when I pushed her away after I saw what I had done to her. So I accepted the touches of love and understanding , That honestly made me sick to my core.
I mean where the fuck was the line for her.
What did someone have to do to her before she decided they went to far.
I felt like the most horrible person in the world. I didn't even realise just how stupid I was until I got back and realised she had been all alone. She is horrified of Jacob coming back for her , of sleeping alone and I just left her.
Xavier told me how she was getting ready to pull me off Mike but my fist flew back and knocked her into his arms , He said he had to move her as far away from me as he could.
I wasn't meant to be the one she needed to be protected from.
I wasn't meant to be this man.
I was supposed to be the one who never pulled this shit on her. I never wanted to understand why she forgave everyone who put there hands on her.
She didn't seem to realise it was not OK.
Because she could justify it.
She can see the pain in the person hurting her and honestly it just makes me want to vomit again.
That was one of the reasons I had to run away from the house so fast , I was physically sick looking at the horrible mark on her arm caused by me. , She never once thought that It was my fault, I know it. She doesn't see what I've done. What I keep doing. THE WRONG FUCKING THING.
Then she tells me all this horrible shit about Billy , Every thing that they done to her. Like she was trying to make me see that she had been through worse ,
That this was nothing.
All I can think is I pray he died alone in an ally somewhere and it was tragic and shattering , Everything he put her through. I decided that I would have to make sure of it. No matter what promises I will ever make to her will ever include Billy Black staying on this Earth , If he is alive , by the end of my life I will be a murderer. There's just no fucking way this is going to be forgotten about.
The look in her eyes when she speaks about the years she spent in that house. The fact that she said she couldn't remember every horrible thing that happened there because there are to many. I listened to her , hanging on every word seeing that it was as if some one was pulling her out of sinking sand the more she spoke. She had covered there tracks so long , kept everything inside when she should of been screaming from roof tops. But she said she felt safe now. Everything would be OK now.
Xavier said that she denied that I had even hurt her at all , but he knew she was lying because it happened right in front of his eyes. I wanted to put my fist through the wall at the thought of her trying to protect me just like she did with them. I wanted so badly to be a different kind of man for her.
I never wanted anyone to hurt her again. But here we where , her hand placed on the back of my neck pulling her head to mine begging me to take the perfect memories of the ONLY man who never hurt her.
I wondered if this was what he would of wanted. Me to tell her everything. The gaps had all filled in. There were no blank spots anymore. I prayed when I was in hospital for the spots to come back , to not remember those things would of changed my life.
She didn't understand how good she felt when she was so close to me , I didn't want to feel good. I didn't deserve to feel anything but like a complete asshole. I would like to say that If I had of known all of this before Mike decided to call her a 'SLUT' in the middle of the fucking street I would of acted differently , But its most likely that it would of only made it worse for Mike.
I tried to turn my face away from her so she wouldn't see the tears that filled in my eyes evey time I looked into her's , knowing what had been done to her , what I'd done. But even though I didnt want to look at her when she pulled me back to her I didn't fight it. There was nothing left in me but hopeless sadness. "Look at me" she barley whispered when my eyes refused to meet hers. unwillingly I looked to see what I had expected,
Why did she love me so fucking much.
How could it still be there, I mean If anything it looked stronger. "I'm begging you not to make me do this." she had to listen to the urgency in my voice and understand that I meant it. She couldn't want this. She had asked this question before but she didn't have the determination she has now. Hadn't she had enough for one day.
She relaxed back down taking her hands from around my neck and taking my hands into hers , curling her fingers into mine tightly. "You never ask me why I talk with Esme and Carlisle alone all the time." , I didn't know the answer. I wondered if deep down I was afraid to , more then just wanting to respect her privacy I was in some way afraid of all the things she didn't want to tell me , maybe she had her own reasons like I had mine. "You told them everything didn't you." I asked finally understanding the strain in there relationship , I had mistaken discomfort for sadness and awkwardness for guilt.
"When I went for the Xray's after Jacob..... " She stopped and closed her eyes for a moment like we both always did when we thought of that day. But instead of stopping she took a breathe and opened them again and looked directly into mine , "When he beat me up , and I had the xrays done it showed a few old fractures and things , There was just no point in lying to them. I told Carlisle most things but I have told Esme everything. But that's when Carlisle started talking to lawyers and getting paperwork together, Apparently I'm a pretty wealthy girl" she said smiling at our hands still tied together. "This is where I think I'm meant to be" she said bluntly , "You want to move away from me." I asked trying to be understanding , "No , I want you and me to live here together , I want us to start a life here." Suddenly the old room that was covered in dust and falling apart looked different. Suddenly I had visions of sweetness and happiness. "I want us to be something else." It all started to make seance now. "I thought you wanted to run away to the city and be in the crowds." I added quietly remembering her daydreams from her childhood,
"Now I just want quiet , I used to be so scared when I was little that I was like my mother , that the want for freedom came from her and that's why I wanted to run to some place..., bigger.
But now in this house. I just want it the way it was. I want you and I to have the life this house was made for. He Loved her so much , I only know because he never looked at another women again , He always missed her.
You and I are different but , I'm not her. They were just silly dreams , we can travel if we want. We have the world at our finger tips now , but I want this to be our home. This is the place I want to come back too. That's why we have to talk about this.
I know you've lied when you said you wont go after Jacob when they find him.
But now I need more then empty promises.
That's why I wanted to meet you here ,
Because this is it Eddy ,
You said it your self. 'If it doesn't lead home , then it's not worth doing' , Your home now Eddy , I want us to have everything we dreamed of.
All the time we missed out on , all the love you needed from me , We can make up for all of it Eddy. I no you don't think we can but you need o see that every day i'm with you makes everything so much easier to bare.
It was just a bad start , and now you gotta let it go. I wont let all of this sadness define us.I won't let it kill what I love about you.
Be happy with me please, I'm begging YOU"
My face dropped into my hands and I started crying like that nine year old boy in the car. "Tell me what happened." I shook my head in my hands as the memory started to become clearer like it always did. "Tell me Eddy." she didn't stop no matter how hard I cried or tried to turn away from her , she placed her hands lightly on my cheeks , "Tell me what he wanted you to tell me , what happened."
I never lied when she asked me anything , Not once ,
I told her I didn't want to talk about it , or I just didn't say anything. Because she never once made pushed me like this.
I don't think I could ever really imagine being with her the way I can right now. When I did think about our future when I was younger we were never older then we are right now , I never thought about living in this town with her. In this house with her. I just couldn't fucking breathe at the thought of such peace after this life of torment. "Eddy look at me."
For the first time since the car accidentt there was nothing in our way but ME. So I did as she asked and looked at her.
"We drove over this dip." she froze and held my hands tighter urging me , NO...Pleading with me to keep going.
"There was this car coming at us , He was right in front of us and Charlie swerved , There wasn't enough time to get out of the way but he had enough time to make sure his side of the car took all of the impact . I remember hearing you screaming and I reached out to you then everything went black.
I woke up and he was trying so hard to calm me down because I was just freaking out. We had flipped over some how , I couldn't get the seat belt of and I couldn't wake you up. He reached out to me. He told me everything was going to be OK , But that's when I saw , that he stuck." She handled it all so much better then I did telling it. The whole time I couldn't contain the sobs as I explained everything to her. She smiled when I told her that he said that he loved our family , that they saved them. It was like she always knew what he would of said. He loved her like nothing else. I paused trying to breathe not being able to believe how hard it was. How it seemed to physically hurt me. She brought one of my hands to her lips kissing it lightly, desperately trying to give me strength.
"He told me to tell you , He's Sorry that he's going to miss seeing you grow up. That he was going to miss everything. I had you in my arms the car started to fill with light but I didn't know what was going on but Charlie did.
He just started screaming that I take you and run off the road , get out of the way. I didn't know what was going on. He was just screaming. So I did what he told me to and I ran and got you off the road just in time to watch another car come over the hill and collide with them.
It knocked me off my feet with you in my arms , When I woke , I got up and took you over to this tree close by and left you under it." The confusion that started to cover her face as I started to tell her the most horrible thing I had ever done. But she never once looked like she hated me or she wanted me to stop. She had slowly made her way closer to me as I spoke and now her legs were wrapped around my waist and she sat on my lap running her fingers through my hair while I spoke.
"I went over there and there were bodies on the ground from the other cars , There was blood everywhere and when I went over to his crushed car and looked inside.
He was still alive.
I climbed in to get to him but he used all the strength he had left to tell me to get you away from there , he said he didn't want you to see him like that.
So I got out of the car and went back over to you and picked you up and I just started walking knowing every step that he was behind us dying alone."
I started to pull away from her wanting to not see her judging the horrible thing I done ,
"Don't, Do that" she said as I pulled my arms from her ,
I looked at her wondering how she could want to be anywhere near me. "I don't hate you baby , You done what a dying man asked you to do. Because you knew it was the right thing Eddy." I looked at her through my tear filled eyes but was suddenly pulled close to her. "I never want you to keep anything from me again." I wrapped my arms around her and cried into her neck.
I could feel her shake and anxiously grab at me , telling me she loved me and she never wanted me to be alone ever again, Not with anything. Now we wouldn't have to be. She knew everything.
Finally it felt like it was over ,
After all these years I could finally breathe. I don't think I ever really thought Bell would hate me over that , I just never wanted to admit what to anyone what actually happened that night. But I never excepted the damage it was doing by keeping it all in.
Now I can see.
Everything is so clear.
She's right , I'm home now.
I woke in the middle of the night on the cold hardwood floor of Bell's old room with her body on top of mine freezing.
"Bell's" I whispered and shook her lightly but she was out fast asleep , Probably emotionally exhausted , We had cried for hours while she told me I was stupid to worry that her love for me had any kind of condition. Once again I realised she felt for me how I did for her , But couldn't understand it.
Instead I decided to be grateful for it. Because there is nothing on this Earth like loving her
and nothing in this universe like having her love me back.
All those promises I made to her when we were kids about us being together again only really meant something now because I wasn't just focused on getting back to her.
I was focused on keeping her forever.
I picked her up and carried her out to my car and put her in the passengers seat. She didn't wake at all , In fact she looked more peaceful then I had seen her in years. I turned the air con on and warmed the car up. I started driving home feeling completely at ease. It was like I was a completely different person. The constant sparks of anxiety that jolted me , didn't feel the same anymore. Like it might go away one day.
I pulled up outside of my house and sat there watching the wolfs play in the clearing together under the moonlight. I'm not sure how long I sat there watching them before she woke up.
"They look happy." she said weakly as I looked over to see her smiling. Her eyes drifted from them to mine , leaning back on the head rest. "Do you think it feels weird being here with out him."
"Who? , Jasper." I said assuming she felt what I felt. She nodded and yawned still sleepy. "You should tell him to come home." she said as if I had a choice in the matter. When the fact was I don't think he wanted anything to do with me anymore. "We don't talk much Bell. I think he's mad at me or something." Bell started biting her lip then she reached out and took my hand. "You used to think it was Em that I was talking to behind your back when we were kid's." I looked at her confused , "What do you mean it was Em , He said....."
No , He didn't. I assumed. He was just protecting him.
Bell looked at me as I realised. I thought about that day in the hospital after they caught me and Bell in the Forrest , how he ran out of the hospital room. How mad Em was. Because I was scaring my brother. But I was to self involved to realise. "Em just went along with it because he thought he could take you being mad at him more then Jasper could. He was just so scared Eddy. He over heard Xavier and Em talking about you , Xavier was freaking out all the time, that we wouldn't have you for long. I wouldn't listen to him.....But I listened to Jasper. Its why I had to let you go. Because we thought you would go to the doctors and maybe get better." Bell spoke of him with love , they were trying to do what Xavier and dad did and that was avoid what they all knew I would do.
"I'm so worried he thinks I hate him or , that you would if you knew we used to meet up to talk about you." I wasn't mad , I smiled at her and told her I would fix it and make him see that everything we all did was out of love and I wouldn't hate him for it.
I wasn't angry anymore and I wanted him to see that , to see what I am now.
From there on everything just got better , in days it would be my birthday and I couldn't even care that we would be spending most of the day with a lawyer because Bell had a surprise ready for that night. I didn't care about anything except having to leave her for how ever many months they put me away for, But this would be the last time we would ever separated , At least there was that.
We started going out almost every night but it was different. Bell stopped smoking weed constantly and so did I , we still rolled the occasional joint but we didn't care about it any more. She never drank or took drugs , She would always just have her hands on me, looking up at me, like she wanted to kiss me all the time.
She was driving me crazy. Every second that passed I fell more and more in love with her.
I would go to all the parties with her all over me and I couldn't believe that she was mine.There was never a thing I could do anymore with out thinking about how much I wanted to get my hands on her again. I constantly was caught by everyone checking her ass out. For some reason I honestly could not stop , She had these amazing long legs that just made me insane , She would get out of bed in the morning in nothing but her underwear because I told her not to ever feel like she had to hide her scars from me , That I loved every inch of her with out question. I told her over and over again that to me she was perfect.
The night before my birthday we wondered back home from town after going to see a movie , That we actually went in and watched even though mum and dad didn't like the idea.
I chased her up the stairs into the hallway while she laughed , I got a hold of her when I got in the bedroom and threw her on to the mattress. The stopping point was getting further and further away each day , I ran my hand under her thigh and up her side under her shirt while she suddenly tore mine off.
I leaned forward with her on me and lifted her shirt off wanting to feel her bare skin on mine. I kissed her everywhere and rolled her over so I was on top and I could pres my body to her a much as possible , I could feel her nails graze down my back making me moan into her mouth while she kissed me and ran her tongue down my neck.
I could go like this for hours with her , Not worrying about getting anywhere or time or anything but being the one who get's to be alone with her. We would keep going until we were completely worked up and exhausted and we fell asleep just to wake up and start again. Most days I would feel her kisses before my eyes even opened , It was when I realised I wanted this exact moment forever , there had to be a way to bottle it.
We would go into town like usual and she and Raven went shopping while The boy's and I wondered around. Makin walked outside the mall and Xavier , Marcus , Makin and I followed all pulling a cigarette out. "Bell's has a bit of a hectic night planned for your birthday." I smiled while I lit the smoke. "Its not going to happen , She will be to upset after the meeting with the lawyer." I said knowing I was right. Makin seemed confused "Why is she planning it then." "She's distracting herself." he nodded understanding. "I have my own plans anyways , she will cancel with you guys because she's upset , But I'll fix it" "What are you planing Eddy." Xavier asked stepping towards me. I shook my head at him and flicked the smoke "If I tell you it wont be a surprise. Will it."
When we finished shopping Bell walked over to my side taking my hand , "I have to go and do some thing with Raven , She said she will drop me off after. I wont be long". I kissed her cheek and didn't ask anymore question's. Assuming if she wanted me to know she would tell me. I kind of like it when she had these cheeky secrets , intended to drive me a little mad.
I sat in the big armchair in my room after driving around with the boys having a laugh with them , They all tried not to talk about the obvious , it was nice of them all to try to cheer me up , as well as Bell, She needed it allot more then I did and I was more worried about her then I was about me. I sat in the bed room that we had both been starting to pack back into the boxes , Carlisle had people over at what was now mine and Bell's new home. Xavier and everyone else said they would help Bell get everything together when I was away. I was kind of jealous thinking about them all there painting the walls and all that crap because I knew they would be having fun. The light flicked on and I hadn't even realised It was dark. "Hey" she closed the door behind her and leaned up against it.
"Come her." I said opening my arms to her. She walked over almost cautiously to me like she was worried about getting to close , I just couldn't have that , so I reached forward when she was close and swung her onto my lap. She didn't say anything she just curled into me like some how I could shield her from everything that was going to happen. I hummed a tune and ran my fingers through her hair enjoying the moment. While I had it.
I looked over in the morning to see that she was awake already and she looked horrible, even though it was my birthday it was the last thought on both our minds , Especially mine, But I didn't give a fuck about the meeting. She pressed her face into my chest when she saw I was awake. I held her close again refusing to move until she was ready to do this, Even though I was as cramped everywhere from falling asleep on the arm chair with her,
I knew she would be more then miserable to hear what the lawyer has to say, Because let's face it , I was the only one found standing after a fight that left five boys on the ground unconscious all of which weren't talking except for Mike. I was screwed.
We packed a few things into the back of my car so we could head straight into the city for my birthday when we were done. I could distract her again from all this crap.
Bell insisted on coming with me and Carlisle and Esme to talk to lawyer , He explained that I was looking at least Three months if I was lucky ,If I passed the evaluation that he was sure the judge would send me for , "Even when you get out there will more then likely be a long probation period" , Bell suddenly snapped "THREE FUCKING MONTHS." she didn't hear them right , all she heard was three months , she started shaking next to me , and I knew it wasn't going to get better , "Come out side with me." she wiped her tears and almost refused to move , But I all but picked her up and took her into the hall with me and across to an empty conference room ,
"Hey , its going to be OK , No matter what." she looked up at me angrily at me like she wanted to kill me for saying that. "You'll be gone for months" I grabbed her shoulders "Bell , if it is longer. You will be OK. I promise. Everything will be OK. Even if its double that.' she looked t me confused "Why would it be longer , its assault , Xavier said they just wanted to scare you." I sat her on the table while she rambled and got in front of her placing my hands on her face, "Baby , The judge is going to want me to be evaluated , after just getting out of the hospital and trying to kill myself, Well, they just want to make sure I haven't lost it. That i'm not a danger to anyone"
"Do you mean you might have to go to hospital....That's better then jail isn't it?" I shook my head trying to figure out how to tell her this with out crushing her completely. "Baby ,When I get evaluated if they decided I have to go back to hospital , then its up to the doctors how long i'm gone for. They can keep me as long as they want."
It looked like some one had kicked her in the gut's , I hated being the one to do it to her , but no matter what we had no more secrets. She needed to be prepared for it. The court hearing was in six weeks. Not nearly enough time for me to get everything ready for her. But I would try. "I cant handle this" she said as she tried to get passed my but I wouldn't let her storm of like this. "Shh" I grabbed her and knotted my hand into her hair gently pulling her to my chest.
I was oddly calm , I was finally in some kind of control over myself. The bigger picture was finally lit up enough to see. I was more worried about her then myself. Bell was still this anxious mess and I caught her looking over her shoulder more times then I cared to count. I needed a plan , and weather she liked it or not, she couldn't be left alone. Not while Jacob was out there.
Eventually she was calm enough to go back in and finish the meeting , The lawyer explained that he would do his best to reduce the sentence but it would be allot easier if I would just told everyone what happened , but it would bring up way to many questions about everyone. I said that the people who backed me up in the fight were strangers who I had never met , Thankfully there was no one else speaking up saying otherwise. I was being fined for damage to private property and disturbing the peace , anything the cops could put on me. I don't know why I expected any less when Mikes father is a police Officer.
I told mum and dad I wanted to take Bell for a drive to talk to her about everything , Then took her out to my car. I helped her in and then started to drive in the direction of the city. "I don't want to go to the night club anymore" Bell said when she realised where I was driving to. "Unless you want to." she added making me smile that she would go somewhere and be miserable because Its my birthday, "You should probably text them and tell them were not coming." I smiled and kept driving. "Where are we going." she said while she got her phone out and started texting. "That will ruin the surprise." she shook her head at me , "Its your birthday remember." she added with a slight giggle.
"Well if it's my birthday , we should do what I want, right?" I looked over as she nodded. "There's something I want to see." she didn't say anything but I could tell she was curious. We turned the radio on blasted music down the highway , She reached in to the backseat looking for a cigarette for me. "Found them , " she said as she plopped back into her seat and pulled one out to light up for me before She reached over and stuck it into my mouth. "I have a few peasants for you" I smiled at her when she suddenly fell into the backseat. "Don't look" she said giggling as she started taking of her clothes in the backseat.
I want to say that I was a complete gentlemen and didn't look once. But it was my birthday and I couldn't help but look into the rear view mirror and catch a few glimpses of her hair running over her bare back ,
When I looked back again I saw her legs in the air and her jeans gliding off them , "Watch the road Edward" she said suddenly making me laugh.
There's these moment's in your life when you realise you are exactly where your meant to be. These are the moments you live for , The one's that make all the horrible things that led to it bareable. That realisation made me see that there was no point in even thinking about what I was going to do. It was better to just do it.
She jumped back into the front seat wearing that red dress and these black heels that strapped up her legs. "You look fucking Amazing Bell , just beautiful.' she blushed and turned her back to me lifting her hair "Can you zip me up." I reached over and started to pull the zipper up when I saw the tattoo behind her ear , "Is that my name?" I asked unable to contain the shock , "Surprise." she turned laughing , "Too much?" she asked raising her eye brow at me. "I love it , But you didn't have too." before I could finish she revealed a long shiny silver chain , she leaned over and put it around my neck "Are they dog tags?" I asked as they dropped on to my chest. "I no that I didn't have to but I really wanted to" she said running her hands over my chest while I despretly tried t watch the road.
She smiled and kissed my ear as she whispered into it "It has everything you need to know on it." I lifted them up to see quite simply imprinted into the tag was 'Bell loves Eddy 4 ever' they looked rustic and vintage and I wondered where she would find something so cool. "You make me so happy." she held on to me and I put my arm around her while we drove deep into the city , Stopping only to get Pizza on the way.
Finally I found what I was looking for. We got out of the car
"Get your bags" I said getting the rest of our stuff from the back seat. She looked up at the high buildings that surrounded us smiling. She pulled out her bag and and took my hand while we ran , unbelievable fast considering her heels she was wearing. I took her in through the back door of the building and over to the elevator. "Eddy we can't be in here." she said laughing but still worried. "Its fine. Xavier took care of it." We took the elevator to the top then I took her over to the stairs at the end of the hall. I opened the door looking back at to see her reaction.
It was one of the highest building in the city and you could see everything for miles and miles. Her smile slowly turned to amazement when she saw the light from the city that surrounded us. It was perfect , She walked past me over to the edge and looked out as the breeze blew her hair , I cant imagine anything looking as incredible beautiful as she does right now. As her hair blew it revealed the tattoo behind her ear making me drop to my knee's in front of her. She turned to look down at me worried that something was wrong.
"What were you planing on doing for the rest of you life?" I asked smiling up at her in the most sexiest dress I have seen. She half laughed
"What are you talking about?" she giggled confussed looking down at me.
"Its just that , If your not too busy. You've got no major plans. I was wondering if you would marry me Isabella Swan?" I said unable to hide my grin as I pulled the small black box out of my pocket.
I pulled the ring from it and dropped the empty box , reaching out and taking her hand in mine. She didn't say anything or move as I slid the ring on to her finger.
"I just want to be with you forever and what ever comes after. I want to give you everything." I looked up waiting for her to answer , But she just smiled as sudden tears came down her cheeks.
"You going to leave me hanging?" I asked laughing but before I finished she jumped onto me , I feel onto the ground with her on top of me,
"Yes I'll marry you." I had never seen her smile like that before. I wish I could ask her a thousand times over just to see that smile , her lips pressed to mine and her hands ran over my body and under my shirt before suddenly taking it of. It suddenly dint feel like every other time. It wasn't just lust but love driving us.
I ran my fingers over her back and slowly slided the zipper down so I could run my hands over the bare skin on her back. She paused for just a second and looked deep into my eyes. Then she sat up on top of me and pulled her dress off.
It took me a few seconds to take in how incredibly beautiful she looked before I sat up and pulled her naked body close to mine.
We had never talked about doing this that realisation made me suddenly panic. I pulled back to look her in the eye's , praying I hadnt crossed a line.
But she looked at me with the sweetest love and devotion , "Don't ever let me go Edward."
I pressed her face to mine and whispered while my lips grazed hers "Never."
I didn't need to ask her anything.
I didn't think it was possible to be closer to her , I thought I loved her as much as anyone could love anyone. But now when I'm on top of her and her heart is pounding through to my chest and I can feel her breath hitting my lip, I can see now I didn't know what love was.
Every move she made seemed to be in sync with every one I made. She wrapped her arm's around me and pulled my body closer to her , I kissed her lips and down her neck feeling her breath hit me when she moaned as my tounge ran over her chest and back up to her ear "I never wanted anything the way I want you Bell.".
I couldn't tell anymore where she stopped and I began. We fit together like I always knew , Like she was my other half. I could hear her telling me over and over that she loved me , while I ran my hands all over her kissing every inch of her. I told her that she was my everything forever. I never thought that making love to her would really change the way I felt about her so much , that it would make me want her more. I could feel her moan lightly into my mouth when I kissed her making me go crazy. I never wanted to stop touching her or being with her like this. She ran her fingers over my face and lips , the around my neck , She smiled up at me like she felt the same way I did. That this was perfect. It couldn't be any better then this.
It broke my heart to think I would have to walk away from her after all of this. It felt like she was really mine again now. I wished we had talked about doing this before we just jumped into it , But sex just never really came up. We had way to many things to worry about. And honestly I dont think there is one single thing I would ever change about last night. Not ever.
For the first night ever we both slept in each others arms undisturbed, until the sun rose and I could feel her bare skin warming on top of me still i a deep sleep. Once again I had the realisation that this was exactly where I was meant to be.
Now it hurt.
Now when I thought about having to leave her , I was fucking terrified.
Suddenly I couldn't breathe. "Fuck"
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- 13 Nov 12
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