Edward and Bella are born and raised together, There life is sheltered and untouched by horror until tragedy strikes killing Bella's father in a horrible accident and everything they had is taken from them and Edward is driven insane trying to get back to her. and what they once had. All Human Twilight FanFic
(This story deals with Abuse , Drug use & Suicide, Please be prepared for this.)
Rating 0/5 Word Count 8056 Review this Chapter
I opened my eyes from the feeling that I was being shaken.
It took me a few seconds to realise where I was and that I was not being shaken but my body had a shock running through it to my bones.
I was laying on the same lounge that I had only laid Bell on a few seconds ago. The thought of her name made me tense my muscles remembering her hand covered in blood. I tried to sit up starting to panic when I felt pressure on my chest.
Her hands laid over me gently, slowly pushing me back down , "It's OK ,Your alright."
She was on her knees next to me , I instantly looked down at my chest and took that hand that she had cut in mine. I examined it even though it was wrapped in a bandage , I slowly pulled the sleeve to her sweater up to look at her wrists that were completely unmarked. "I'm sorry I scared you Eddy." her free hand rubbed circles over my stomach while I lay unmoving still looking at unmarked wrist unable to respond to her or comprehend what had happened.
"You cut your wrist on the glass." I mumbled through to her while she sat trying to soothe me , I felt her shake her head next to me. "It was just a few small cuts , really i'm fine. I feel horrible for making you worry like that."
I looked over at her confused. "I don't no what happened." she leaned forward and pressed her face to mine, "You just had a bit of an anxiety attack. You'll be OK. You just need to breathe," I completely relaxed , relieved that she wasn't hurt. "I'll get Carlisle." she said slowly moving to the door.
I sat up slightly when Dad came in to check on us , He insisted we stay the night in his office , He helped fold out his couch and make the bed before kissing us both goodnight.
I had no intention on going to sleep and neither did Bell , She sat up on the bed and looked down at the mattress.
"What is it?' I asked knowing she wanted to say something.
"Carlisle said something earlier , That maybe you were trying to hide how scared you are about leaving." She said slowly meeting my gaze.
"Honestly Bell. I can't even think about any of it with out freaking out about you, Your the one who's hiding things Bell and we promised we wouldn't do this." I added not being able to hide how hurt I was.
Her soft expression suddenly became angry as she stopped looking at me and back down at the mattress again. She suddenly jumped to her feet and flicked the light on as she stomped across the room in her underwear over to her jeans hanging on the chair. Her hands started to shake as she pulled the folded envelope that she crushed in her hand and threw at me.
I picked up the scrunched envelope that landed softly on my lap and smoothed it out, desperate to see what its contents could hold to upset her so much. It was addressed to here , realising it was in her pile of mail today. I opened it and unfolded the letter to see the three simple lines across it in scratchy hand writing.
'You can pretend all you want Isabella, But you no it wont last.
We are not over , He will never love you like I do. No one can.
You belong with me'
I dropped the letter and cleared the space between us as fast as I could. I grabbed her waist and lifted her off the ground and lowered her back onto the bed.
I hovered over her and kissed away the tear that had escaped her closed eyes. "Hey ,We don't do that anymore, remember" I demanded softly, Hating the way she wouldn't meet my gaze.
She opened her eyes slowly looking into mine. "This is real , You no this. Were getting married and were going to be together forever" she nodded agreeing while I spoke but I could still see the hurt in her eyes. Because he had hit her weak spot. Her fear of abandonment was much stronger then her rational way of thinking.
I just didn't know how much stronger it was. A life time of rejection had left her scared on the inside just as much as the out. I knew she felt it too but there was a part of her that refused to let her self believe there was any such thing as Forever.
"I belong with you." she said weakly, assuring me of what I already knew. "You do baby , You belong right here with out a doubt." I said pressing my body harder to hers and running my hands and lips over her body lovingly and desperately , Wanting her to see this for what it was. I wanted it in her head that nothing could touch us. She had to feel those moments like I did when we would pull away to breathe and our eyes would lock. In those moment I died a little bit from the peace that seem to come with making love to her.
We woke early and left a note for dad on his desk telling him we were OK. I walked out to the car with my arm around her trying to shield her from the cold morning air.
She didn't talk the whole way home and still rubbed at her eyes with her uninjured hand trying to wake up. Once again I wrapped my arm around her while we walked quietly inside , As usual everyone was laying fast asleep through the messy lounge room with Scout and Rage laying in amongst them. The wolfs heads snapped up to look at Bell , but she simply raised her hand to them , silently telling them not to move. She walked up the stair with me closely behind her. She hesitated at the top of the stairs for a split second but thought I didn't notice as she charged ahead down the hallway to our room.
I walked in behind her as she paused looking at the closed door to our bathroom. I walked over and opened the door and turned the light on to find exactly what I had expected... Nothing. I assume Xavier would of cleaned it up straight away , even removing the empty mirror frame from the wall ready to be replaced. All evidence of what happened were gone from the room but not from her face.
"I never loved him. Not the way I love you." She said with an almost guilty expression coming through her self loathing that still filled her eyes.
"I know that" I answered softly knowing it was true , But also letting her talk to get what ever it was off her chest.
"I no why he thinks I belong with him. We had this life together.
I know I get angry when you ask about him but its only because I'm so angry with myself for letting everything go so far with him. I never should gotten close to him like that, I confused him......" She shook her head as if trying to wrap her head around something. "I mean, If he ever knew what I know now.."
"What?" I asked wanting her to continue.
"He got so mad when he thought something was going on with me and Mike.
I never understood why he was so quick not to trust me but now I think deep down he only got so angry because he knew I didn't want him , I didn't crave him. So there had to be some one else." she looked like her heart was breaking while she spoke. "I used him for comfort and I betrayed you by doing so."
"Stop talking like this Bell. " she shook her head not listening while I lightly braced her shoulders.
This is what I wanted from her.
I could see it in her eyes that this is what she felt horrible about.
"You didn't betray me Bell, I left you here alone, almost forever. I respect any decision you made while we were apart. If you want to be mad at anyone you be mad at me. you did what you had to do to get through it."
I pulled her into my arms and ran my fingers into her hair at the thought that everything that I had with her would never of existed if I had succeeded in trying to kill myself. Something I'm not sure if I will ever fully forgive myself for. But knowing she lives with such regret is unacceptable and it seemed no matter how hard I searched I could not find the words to take her guilt over a betrayal that doesn't exist away.
"I wish I had only ever kissed you." she barely whispered into my chest emotionless.
I felt like an ass hole remembering the conversation we had when I pointed out proudly that I had only ever kissed her, only ever loved her. Only to reassure her that a girl was not the reason I was gone without any contact. But I never realised until now that instead of making her feel better it made her feel like she had done the wrong thing by confiding in someone while I was away.
"If I never left you this wouldn't of happened." she gripped my shirt tightly at my words and pressed her face into me so hard I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt onto my skin.
"I just got so scared its the only reason I.." I pulled her back to look into her eyes so she could see how serious I was.
"You never have to explain yourself to me Bell. Understand me when I say none of this touches us. I no there was a part of you that always loved me , always waited for me.
I saw it in your eyes when you started to remember me ,
remember us." She faintly smiled at my words because she knew I understood her , she seem to relax with relief that was completely unnecessary.
"You don't seem to understand , Wong has only ever been done by you. You never hurt me Bell. I love and respect everything about you.
You always deserved so much more then anyone ever gave you."
These were the conversations we needed to have. We needed to tell each other exactly what we were thinking. Because when we did talk everything always seemed so much clearer. I started to realise that there was nothing I could ever do to loose her but some times when I looked in her eyes I didn't see the same.
We had only a few days left until everything became real and we would have to deal with the enevadable. But still everyone continued to ignore it. The endless party at Our house began and Bell started recording every moment with a photo. There was a constant fire and BBQ going in the back yard but Bell had no real part in any of it so I joined her in staying sober for once watching them all having fun. Bell danced with Raven by the fire while I sat on the back step with Xavier , unable to take my eyes of her while he spoke.
"She's seems different." Xavier said while I smiled to myself.
"She's happy." I said answering him smiling even more when she started laughing at something Raven said.
"She still thinks I'm going to fuck off on her again but." Xavier turned to look at me for a second like he was going to say some thing and then stopped.
"WHAT?" I almost yelled realising he knew some thing.
"Its probably nothing." he mumbled , it was obviously something.
"Xavier what the fuck is it?" my words came out sharply as I started getting frustrated.
"When you left after I told you what happened during the fight...." I nodded knowing what he was talking about.
"Did she tell you what happened." I shook my head confused , "What happened?"
"She came running after you. then she saw me and I told her what happened. She slapped me me." Xavier said smiling while half laughing.
"She thought you were doing a runner. I told her not to be stupid. I told her all she had to do was call you and you would come running....but"
"She didn't believe you." I added quietly. he didn't answer and I didn't need him to but them something else clicked in my head.
"You thought I was leaving that day. When me and bell were going for a early drive."
"What do you expect , it was like 4am and I wake up and your creeping out the front door alone...Your never alone." he added smiling. "I'm sorry Eddy. I just freaked out a bit. I thought for a second maybe she was right. It was just stupid." I patted him on the back knowing he meant well.
"How do I convince her I'm never going to leave her."
"I think the trick is to not leave her."
I knew he was right. I could not convince her of something her mind has prepared her for so that she wasn't hurt again. I just had to make sure every day she knew that I wanted nothing more then to be with her.
"That's why you need to stop all this shit.
looking for Billy and Jacob
Fighting randoms , all this crap has to stop. We didn't go through all this shit so you could end up in jail."
I no he didn't mean to make me feel like a complete ass hole but I did any way. I wanted to snap out of this shit and think before I acted. I needed to uninstall this built in rage. Because until I did somewhere inside her knew this couldn't last, not while I'm like this. Eventually I would find another way to ruin everything. "Mike wasn't a random."
"does it matter.
Bell was left by her mother , watched Jacobs step mother walk out the door and leave them in hell " He said as he stood up and walked away not giving me a second to think about trying to defend myself. Because he was right, She had been left by everyone, especially by the people who should never of left her so how could I expect her to think i'm any different.
Jasper, Alice and Emmette stumbed into the forrest towards home to sleep when the sun started to rise. Everyone had fallen asleep except Raven Bell and I. the three of us laid out squashed together on mine and Bells bed, Marcus laid across Raven fast asleep while we talked about nothing imparticular until they slowly dozed off.
I laid watching her sleep thinking about that moment when I snapped and thought of nothing else but causing harm, and doing just that. I had done to much to her caused to many tears. When she was here with Raven it was like they were in their own world. I looked over at an oddly placed notice board that was hanging on the back of the door but before I could wonder how long it had gone unnoticed by me I heard a faint murmur.
I watched her face slowly scrunch and crease and didn't wait a second longer and started shaking her lightly , she instantly shocked awake. Her body stiffened and every muscle tensed before slowly relaxing when she examined her surroundings and assuring her self she was safe.
I wiped my hand over her face lightly removing the sweat that started to fall from her fore head.
"I want you to stay here with Raven on Friday."
She was still half asleep and didn't have a clue what I was talking about. I watched her as the words slowly sunk in leaving her confused.
"Why?" She almost yelled when my words hit her.
"I just cant bare you being there.
Please Bell." she didn't say anything she just silently nodded and rested back down on to my chest.
I knew she didn't need this kind of crap when she had just woken from a nightmare but seeing that look of horror and pain when she woke made the words blurt out of my mouth. I wanted to keep her from being more distressed then she needed to be.
"We should do something about this." she said looking over at Raven and Marcus asleep on the bed next to us. "What do you want to do?" , she leaned up and the sadness had completely disappeared and was replaced with a sweet determined smile.
We spent the rest of the day moving in more furniture. The downstairs study and the guest room were fixed up for Makin and Xavier while serious work was put into the Garage for Raven and Marcus. It seemed silly that they didn't have there own space seeing as they all intended to be here for awhile. Everyone but Xavier were here constantly now, Xavier left quietly allot to take care of 'business'. For the first time ever I wanted him to stop all this, before things ended badly for him. He was smart about how he handled things but still I couldn't help but worry.
Charlie's was the only room that remained completely empty , I saw her face when ever she would pass it. It was a sadness that would never go away but one she seemed to cherish as if it was her last connection.
Makin ,Alice,Raven and Bell were all in the kitchen cooking while the rest of us finished putting Raven and Marcus's bed together. Bell was right next to me all day but still I felt like she was avoiding me, when I did try to talk to her she hid behind her camera and ignored me. I knew she was mad at me for not wanting her there but I think I could take this more then seeing the look on her face when they take me away not knowing what could happen.
We hadn't talked about it purely because there was nothing to talk about. If I end up back in hospital we will deal with it.
In the end it will be OK.
I will make sure of it.
I sat at the table with everyone when when she walked in to the dining room from the kitchen holding a large bowl of salad. She walked over and placed it down in front of me while in the middle of a conversation with Alice about a shopping trip they were all going on tomorrow. I suddenly relaxed back into my chair and enjoyed the moment realising she would be fine while I was gone. Nothing could touch her when she was her with them. Our happy life would be the perfect distraction. The wolfs danced around her feet after running through the back door suddenly to see her after being gone all day. She knelt down and embraced them both together , I watched as they lowered there heads to her. I wondered if she knew she was their leader.
After a long day it was finally time to go to bed. After driving Alice , Jasper and Em back to my parents house I walked back into a quiet and seemingly empty house. For the first time since we moved in there weren't bodies scattered through the house , the only one asleep in the lounge room now was Scout who were slowly spending more and more time here. Something Bell was quietly happy about.
I walked up the stairs and down the hall to our room , the door was open slightly and the light was on. I walked in to find her sitting in the middle of the bed reading a book with Scout's Pup Rage laying over her.
"Hey" I said dropping my jacket on the ground and taking my shirt and jeans off. she smiled and pulled the covers back for me to crawl into. I propped myself up on my elbow to look at her.
"What are you reading?" I asked trying to see the title.
"Its just poetry" she said shrugging and throwing onto the floor and crawling under the covers with me.
"You can keep reading if you want I wont bother you." I assured her seeing how engrossed she seemed in it, but she she shook it of and looked over at me. "Its just something I used to read at school all the time."
"Do you want to go back?" we never really talked about it there was no point we weren't up to it, but now I think we could do it if she wanted. She half giggled and reached over grabbing her camera of the bedside table and held it above us. "Smile" I pulled her close while she snapped shots of us.
"I don't ever want to go back." she said simply lowering the camera.
"I just don't see the point. Why should we waste our time going to school to go to college to get a good job and make lots of money?......I've got more money then I no what to do with, But I do not want to waste anymore time."
How could I not agree with her when all I wanted was to be with her. It made sense not to waste time in a class room when we had a life to live right here.
"So our bathroom is kind of big." I look over at the open door to our on suite wondering what she meant. "I guess it is."
"Do you think it would be OK If I set up a darkroom in there?" she always seemed cautious when she had ideas , Always making me wonder how many times she had been shut down or dismissed, "That sounds cool. You have that huge bench , no window's and good ventilation from the ceiling fan." she smiled and cuddled in closer to me happy with my approval of something that was obviously important to her. "The only thing I miss about school is the darkroom." , I rubbed her back while she babbled on about it all night while I made mental notes about what we needed to do to get the job done , Happy with yet another distraction for her and that she seemed to be getting over what I had told her this morning.
I stayed awake for hours just like every other night , Unable to help myself from enjoying every second with her as well as waiting for the enevadable. Even the wolf watched her while she slept sometimes knowing before I did that she was in distress.
It seemed the more stressed out she got te more nightmares she had, So how could I sleep knowing with in hours she would horrified and alone. Something I wanted her to never be. I had tried twice now to talk about the fact that I was going to miss her birthday. Just another kick in our gut's. Another thing to worry about , or in Belll's case ignore.
In the morning when Bell , Alice and Raven went shopping I used the time to go and have a long talk with mum and dad , to assure them everything would be OK and also explain why Bell and Raven wouldn't be there. I felt like I was in a good clear head space. I told them why I panicked when I saw Bell bleeding but dad said they understood. I hung around the house for a few hours talking to mum after dad left for work. She seemed really happy lately even with my recent fuck up's. There was no trace of the sadness that used to drown her eyes, Because I think she knew even if everything wasnt perfect right now that it soon would be.
I drove into town and brought Bell a birthday present knowing I would most likely miss it seeing as it was in a few weeks, Usually I had no problems picking out gifts for her but now it was impossible. I wanted it to be perfect and make her smile. I had tried to get it out of her what I should buy but she caught on fast and insisted she didn't want anything seeing as I brought her an engagement ring on my birthday, but it just wasn't the same thing. After going through every store I found something perfect and realised the time and thought I had better go.
When I started driving I decided to get some pizza's for everyone before I went home but when I pulled up across the road from the pizza place I saw that Bell Raven and Alice must of had the same idea.
Alice bounced in front of Raven and Bell telling them something that must of been funny because Bell and Raven were in stitches trying not to drop there arm fulls of pizza boxes. I got out of my car and started to wonder across to the street to them. They didn't notice me and just when I was going to yell out to Bell I noticed Jessica and Victoria come strolling towards them.
Raven was in the back seat of the car searching for some thing, probably her smokes. Alice and Bell stood on the other side of the car and I watched Jessica make a face at Bell , I was to far away to hear what Jessica said but Raven obviously wasn't because she suddenly jumped from the car and stormed past Jessica barging her with her shoulder with so much force it knocked Jessica off her feet and the contents of her milkshake covered her.
"Whoops , My bad." Raven said like a bimbo while laughing. Bells giggles and the sight of that little bitch covered in chocolate milk and ice cream was more then enough to make me smile. Jessica jumped to her feet and Raven jumped at her ready to attack. I ran up and wrapped my arms around her waist ,
"OK time to go." ,
"C'mon Eddy I can take her," she growled through her teeth while I took her to her car.
"I'm sure you can" I laughed. Bell dragged herself to the car with Alice trying to stop there hysterical laughter , "I'll see you at home." I said closing the door seeing they were not going to be able to talk for awhile. I followed them home and we all gathered up in the kitchen together. The lack of seats at the dining room table were never a problem seeing as the three girls would all just sit on our laps while we ate. We all laughed and passed the pizza boxes and drinks around when Bell looked at the empty seat next to us.
"Where's Xave?" she asked looking around realising there was only eight of us. We all immediate looked at Makin. He leaned back in his chair and tried to be casual "He'll be right back." , Bell face sunk while Raven quickly changed the subject and everyone joined her filling the silence that had taken over the room. It was not long until Bell joined in laughing but it was clear that what Xavier did for a living bothered her. Raven, Marcus and Makin had done nothing since I got into trouble. Xavier wouldn't allow it , They had made more then enough money not to have to work. But I don't think it was the appeal anymore and Xavier knew that. He made them stop because he was worried about their safety but he still didn't care about his own.
We all sat around the fire in the backyard avoiding talking about the fact that tomorrow would be my last day of freedom , I insisted I didn't want them to make a big deal about it or stress over it , Because I was only worried about her , and getting upset over something we couldn't change would do her no good.
Like usual the night was filled with drugs and alcohol and the flashing of Bell's camera , Raven took it from her hands quickly and pushed Bell on to my lap on the ground. I caught her in my arms and she looked up at me. I held her there for a second and like always everything went silent and there was only me and her here. I couldn't pay attention to them laughing , dancing to the blasting music or flashes from the camera while Raven snapped endless photos of us ,
I pulled her close to me so our faces were in inches from each other , enjoying the moment and her breath hitting my lips , she smiled into me before slowly pressing her lips to mine and running her fingers in to my hair and gently down my neck as her tongue traced my lips. She moved so gracefully on me but I could feel her heart pounding onto my chest.
They all kept partying well into the night , Xavier got home around 2am giving us the perfect distraction , I looked across the yard to Bell standing with Raven and Makin talking. I raised my eyebrows at her and smiled , she giggled and started biting her lip in the cutest way nodding quickly. I turned and walked quietly inside unnoticed.
I barley made it through the kitchen before she came running in behind me and jumped on to my back wrapping my arms around her neck and her legs around my waist. I ran up the stairs with her and into our room. She jumped off my back as soon as we walked through the door. She slammed the door closed and then pulled me to her so that I had her pressed up against the wall. I pulled her shirt of and ran my tongue down her neck and collar bone , then back up to her mouth to feel her moan into my lips as I kissed her always keeping her as close as possible for as long as I could.
I woke on the ground of our bedroom with her a few hours later surrounded by our clothes scattered everywhere. I leaned over and scoped up her hot naked body of the floor in my arms and laid her on the bed with me.
I looked over at the door when I head movement in the house but assumed it must of just been someone going to bed. But that's when I noticed it,
The board that hung on the door that was blank last time I checked was now full of photo's of me and Bell.
In fact when I really took a good look around I realised slowly she had added dozens of photo's of us through out our room. I was nice. It was like our life was laid out around me. I pulled the blankets over us when she started to cool down and laid down beside her so I could see her. I reached over and lightly rubbed her back while she slept wanting her so badly to get the rest she needed.
Everything was obviously been taking its toll on her. She rarely slept through the night , hardly ate and seemed to be losing all her colour lately but I knew she was just freaking out and really there was nothing I could do about it. I could spend hours trying to convince her everything would be OK , and I had , But still I couldn't stop her from worrying.
I pressed my nose into her hair and tried to memorize the scent that remained me for home but I knew I would eventually loose all these small things that made it worth getting out of bed, I would just have to try to hold my breath until I got back to her.
After a few hours she began moving in my arms , I immediately braced her bare body and shook her awake. "Baby wake up" , She woke suddenly like always but instead of pushing my away she instantly pulled me close and wrapped her arms around me and desperately dug her fingers into me harshly like I would slip away if she didn't hang on as tight as she could.
"I'm here Bell. No one's going to hurt you again"
I don't no why I said it , the words just slipped out , because I got the overwhelming feeling that she dreamt of being alone. That she remembered the last time I left her here , I knew that it was all she was thinking of. Before I could say anything else she pulled her body as far away from me as possible , jumping to her feet. She grabbed my sweat shirt and put it on and started jumping into her jeans , I watched her cautiously for a few seconds , "Baby are you OK." She didn't answer and she had a crazed determination in her eyes that scared me. "What's going on?".
I sat shocked watching her suddenly opening the closet door and pulled out her bag and mine , I jumped to my feet pulling my jeans on while I ran over to her. "Bell talk to me." She started filling the bags with our clothes and it became obvious what she was doing.
I couldn't move because of the horrible wash of guilt that came over me. I just broke inside watching her stuffed hand fulls of clothes not paying attention to what she was packing or to me standing next to her. I reached out and gently took her hands , I looked down at them in my hands while she tried to pull them from me realising she was bleeding through her bandages on her hand. "Baby stop , your hurting yourself." I pleaded but she still had eyes fixed on the open bags she still needed to fill , "BELL!" I Yelled snapping her eyes back to mine , Trying to get her brake out of state she was in.
Her lip trembled and she shook in my hands , I could see anger building in her eyes that I couldn't bare to look at . I raised my hands and placed them on the sides of her face , "You'r going to be OK" She shook her head in my hands , Her words came out sturrered and scratched "I can't be alone , I can't be with out you."
I leaned down and pulled her head to mine , "You can do anything Bell." ,
"I cant" she cried out cutting me off.
I looked at her and decided to cut the shit , "I'm coming back Bells , I promise you that nothing will keep me from getting back to you." she looked up at me and I could see she still doubted me.
"I know there's something inside of you that tells you not to listen to me , But you need to tell that voice to fuck off because I promise you I will be back and then I'm never going to leave you ever again." I looked at her trying to urge to try and believe me. I took her back over to the bed and pulled her into my arms and started rubbing her back again. She continued to breathe heavily and I thought as fast as I could to take this surge of panic that had come over her.
"Where do you want to get married." I said quickly through her short harsh breaths. She suddenly stopped breathing and looked up at me stunned. I faintly smiled at her and wiped the hair from her face. "What are you talk...." before she could finish I jumped in , "I was thinking the meadow by my parents house that we used to play in when we were kids , Well, either that or Vegas." her worried expression suddenly disappeared and she laughed at me for a moment before pulling me close.
"Both sound good." she mumbled after a few seconds giving into me and let herself start to get excited over the near future that I promised her. She talked for an hour or so before peacefully falling back to sleep while she said she was leaning towards Vegas to my surprise. I decided to just stay awake seeing as I was on limited time.
I heard a few noises in the house early in the morning but thought nothing of it seeing how many people were living here. But at around 8am I decided to make Bell breakfast in bed seeing as she had such a rough night. I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen and instantly noticed something very wrong.
There was no one asleep on the kitchen table with a bottle of JD , No one half naked on my couch with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth. I cooked breakfast in the kitchen alone for the first time. It was weird , I assumed they decided to go into the city late last night and keep partying and they would be back here soon hungover and tired. I ran back up the stairs with the pancakes and orange juice to find she was just starting to wake up. She stretched out on the bed and looked over at me smiling wrapped up in the white sheet.
"I'm sorry I freaked out , I've been a bit high strung lately" she forced a smile trying to get me to understand , I shook my head and sat down beside her placing her breakfast on her lap as she leaned up. "You don't need to apologize , I get it but I just want you to no everything is going to be OK" She paused while she ate and forced a smile nodding with her mouth full.
"I think everyone must be out partying or something." I said looking at the open bedroom door. Bell shook her head and explained that they wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning because she wanted the day alone with me. She chewed her lip nervously and sat the plate of pancakes aside. "Is that horrible of me." I jumped over onto her and started tickling her causing her to break out into hysterical laughter. I climbed on top of her and stopped giving her a chance to catch her breathe from laughing to much. When her face suddenly changed and she was suddenly as white as a ghost , "Babe you OK?" She pushed me aside and ran into the bathroom , I ran after her to find her on her knees in front of the toilet bringing back up the breakfast I had just made for her.
I knealled down beside her even while she tried to push me away and pulled her hair from her face and rubbed her back lightly. "I'm OK, I just think I'm coming down with something." ,
I stood up and turned the shower on , I picked her up off the floor and helped her get undressed and took of her bandage that needed to be changed. Seeing as she was still dizzy , I took her in my arms steadying her and carried her into the shower with me. I knew she definitely must of been coming down with something or have a virus because she was so unsteady on her feet, so I decided we would spend the day in bed together watching movies which seemed silly seeing as we had the whole house to ourselves but I honestly couldn't think of anything I would rather do then just lay here with her watching crappy girlie movies that make me feel like I might be sick. I bandaged her hand back up still amazed at the few minor marks that made me pass out. I t just showed me how irrational you can be , your mind can do what it wants, You could make yourself believe anything.
Bell slept most of the day only catching bits and pieces of each movie. She struggled constantly to stay awake even though I told her she could rest seeing as she wasn't well but she felt like she was wasting our last day together asleep but she honestly didn't look well and I wanted to look after her before I left , as much as I could anyway. Scout and Rage lay on the floor at the end of the bed as if they knew what was happening.
She woke early in the morning after falling asleep after we had a lite dinner and laid down to watch another movie. She seemed to be far to exhausted to even have nightmares through the night which was surprising seeing how stressed out she had been. "What time is it?" she said as she tried to wake herself up looking around wondering how long she'd been out for. Scout jumped to her feet and looked at Bell anxiously "Its ok" , I was always surprised how the wolf seem to understand her when she spoke. They always waited for her to tell tell them to be calm , until she did they were ready to run , attack o kill even , what ever needed to be done. Until Bell defused them. They relaxed and wondered out of the room.
"It's about 3.30" I said answering her earlier question. She didn't get angry or sad she just looked desperate. "Please let me go with you today." I half smiled at her sweetness and wiped the hair from her eye's. "No baby." she didn't fight me or argue she just pressed her lips and body to mine and made love to me for hours like she hadn't seen me in years. I ran my lips over her cheek to her ear to tell her how much I loved and wanted her , but my words brought on a whole new urgency to the passion that was driving her.
It was so much easier to get lost in her then to have to think about how close it was getting to having to leave her. I kissed every inch of her body and traced my fingers all over her trying to memorize each feature of her. I wanted her to know that there was nothing else in this world but here. Not for me.
The fucking world could crumble around me right now and I wouldn't notice or care because there is nothing more worth seeing then her looking up at me on top of her , her hands held a yearning for me to get closer to he then I was but it wasn't possible. I twirled our legs together and pressed my face into her neck , feeling her heart pound in sync with mine while we panicked with out saying a word about it. There was nothing left to talk about , There wasn't enough time for me to reassure her I would be back , I would just have to prove to her that she can trust me.
I laid on my side facing her while she did the same , she stared into my eyes. I could see her becoming nervous because we only had hours left , I started to panic just looking at her feeling it become more real.
"Honeymoon." she said almost frantically , I met her gaze and realised what she was doing.
"Bali , It looks nice." I blurted out remembering when I saw it on TV once. she nodded agreeing , "Tibet , Something different." I laughed at her and I realised my breathing was starting to steady when I didn't even realize it had accelerated.
"I'm going to be OK , I promise" she said confidently trying to assure me. I smiled at her thought the tears that I had building in my eyes no matter how hard I tried to stop them. "You will be and you wont be alone. Everyone is here for you Bells" she smiled at me trying to calm me.
I could move even though I knew I had to start getting ready , I had heard some of them get home and wonder through the house getting ready but still we remained unmoving in each others arms. I heard my cell phone buzz knowing it was a text from Mum and Dad saying they were on their way. I pulled her tightly remembering having her ripped from my arms when I was young. This was the feeling I used to get. My stomach would sink and turn while my heart felt like it burned inside of me. I actually looked over at the half packed bags on the floor and thought that maybe she was right , maybe we should just run. But once again it would be me fucking up and being selfish.
I pulled away from her and got to my feet and started putting the black suite on while Bell sat in the middle of the bed watching my every movement , I could bare to look at her until I was ready , I could hear the cars outside starting knowing Xavier and everyone else would be leaving now to meet us there. No one but Raven and my parents knew Bell wasn't coming and every second that passed made me sure I had made the right decision asking her not to come. Because I couldn't even handle looking at her while I was getting ready , how could I look at her in a court room.
I threw the tie on the ground and leaned over the arm chair to get my jacket , "I love you" She mumbled almost to quietly to hear. I couldn't help myself but close my eyes at the words because they physically hurt to hear and could of knocked me off my feet. I looked over to see her trying desperately not to cry and be strong. I walked over to her and knelt onto the bed and wrapped my hand around her neck and kissed her softly but passionately before pulling away to look her in the eyes, "I love you.
I'll be right back" I couldn't manage anything else as the tears started to spill out on to my cheeks and she gently wiped them I took my chain from around my neck and put it in her hand, "Look after this for me." she closed her fingrs around it while I walked over to the door stopping only to pat the wolfs as I passed them and take two photos of the board on the back of the door and storm out it not letting myself look back at her because I just couldn't hold myself together if I did.
Raven sat at the bottom of the stairs resting her head on her hand , she stood up when she heard me coming and forced a smile through her bloodshot eyes, When I reached her side she straightened my collar and fixed my hair , "Your not wearing a tie?" I smiled an shook my head. "Please keep your head down in there. It will make the time drag but you don't want to be in there longer then you need too ok" I nodded agreeing knowing she was horrible worried I would get hurt,
"Look after please , She can't sleep alone and your the only one she..." Raven nodded taking in what I was saying , "I'll look after her Eddy you no that." , I leaned forward and kissed her cheek and walked out the front door.
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- 13 Nov 12
- 13 Nov 12
- In Progress