Edward and Bella are born and raised together, There life is sheltered and untouched by horror until tragedy strikes killing Bella's father in a horrible accident and everything they had is taken from them and Edward is driven insane trying to get back to her. and what they once had. All Human Twilight FanFic
(This story deals with Abuse , Drug use & Suicide, Please be prepared for this.)
14. The Bounce
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I sat on the middle of the bed closing my eyes, trying desperately not to cry and listened for the front door to click closed and his parents car to start and take him away from me.
I heard foot steps coming up the stairs but I didn't care when I heard Carlisle's car start ,
Raven opened my door right when I jumped to my feet to run to my window. I hated myself for doing it but there was just no stopping my feet.
He looked up at me and kissed his fingers before pressing his hand to the glass when I did the same like I thought I could reach him as he drove away from me.
Raven walked up slowly behind me and wrapped her arms around me resting her head on my shoulder and watched him leave with me then tilted her head to look at me, "Oh my baby girl." She said softly seeming to lighten the mood instantly.
She took my hand and dragged me back over to the bed to lay down with her. She grabbed the remote and turned the movie that was already in the DVD player from last night.
"Aren't you gong to try and distract me" I said as the tears started to fall from my eyes. She rolled on her side so she was facing me. "Not today baby." she said faintly smiling and wiping the hair from my face. "Today you get to feel sorry for yourself and besides you don't look well." I wiped my face and rolled over and tried to watch the movie while Raven played with my hair and drew pictures on my back with her fingers.
I couldn't breathe waiting for the phone call and Raven knew there was no reason trying to distract me. I wanted to break down and smash something but I couldn't acknowledge these feelings because all I could think about was waiting for the stupid phone to ring.
Raven got a text message half way though the movie , I sat up instantly tensed.
"Calm down , OK.. Its too early to hear anything." she said while she reached over and opened her cell.
She passed the phone showing me the message.
Makin texted her saying that Edward was going into be evaluated by a doctor who would decide if he was of sound mind. It was horrible to sit and wish for your boyfriend to go to jail. It was horrible selfish of me but still I wanted him back sooner rather then later.
I wiped my forehead again removing the sweat that had started running down my face. "Jelly Bell, How about I make you some breakfast. The boys brought a load of beacon and eggs , I could....." Raven rubbed my back gently when she spoke but just like when I ate the pancakes my stomach suddenly turned as soon as she mentioned beacon.
I jumped to my feet leaving her behind me. She walked in just in time to see me hurling me guts up. "You really are sick aren't you Jelly Bell." She sat on the floor next to me and passed me a wash cloth to wipe my face.
I dropped on to the floor and leaned up against the tub looking at Raven. I felt more then hopeless right now , I couldn't get up because I felt so sick and dizzy.
Raven got up and sat on the bathtub behind me and started pulling my hair back and braiding it , Knowing I couldn't move anywhere yet. "What If they call" I panicked preparing to try and get up. Her hand locked over my shoulders and gently pushed me back down and dropped her cell onto my lap phone. I instantly relaxed back on to her letting her finish doing my hair.
The phone finally rang over two hours after the text but this time it was Xavier. I pressed the answer button with my shaky fingers, I couldn't talk while he explained that the doctor said he found Edward to be very bright and perfectly sain. He said that Edward was more then capable of making clear decisions and he knew right from wrong. Xave tried to be as comforting as possible. At least that part was done but now I had to wait for them to get home to tell me how long.
I couldn't bring myself to eat anything or do anything and I was happy she wasn't trying to distract me because it would be useless. She let me pace back and forth through my room , constantly looking out the window to see if they were coming.
Late in the afternoon after I had worn myself out even more then I already was. I laid on the bed with my head resting on Ravens lap while she read a book out aloud to me but I was far to sad to listen and she knew that but the sound of her calm voice did soothe me, even if it was only slightly.
I heard the cars pull up just when It started to get dark. I sat up and got ready to lunge myself of the bed instantly crying my eyes out. Raven jumped in front of me and braced my shoulders ,
I looked up at her desperate for her to let me pass because I didn't have the energy to break free from her. With in seconds Xavier opened the door and I looked over to see his sad expression that made me instantly freeze waiting for him to speak. Raven pulled me back so I was sitting on the bed while Xavier walked over to sit next to me , "Cut the shit OK, just tell me how long."
He took a deep breathe and covered my hand with his , "four months , two with good behaviour." Even though I knew this was coming I still felt a sudden jolt into my stomach. I grabbed onto him just as Raven wrapped her arms around me. I couldn't stop shaking knowing now just how long he could be gone. I had a hundred questions but couldn't do anything but look into his eyes and wait for something else other then defeat.
I don't no why it hit me so hard. Its like something inside of me just shut down , I couldn't cry or move. I just laid on my bed between them watching another stupid movie. I stared out the window at a branch that softly scraped the glass every time the breeze hit it. I could hear them talking to me trying to get me to come down stairs with them but I just couldn't form words.
There was always someone in the room with me , It was obvious that they were not going to leave me alone and for that I was grateful. But even with someone right next to me I still felt like I was just fucking empty and alone.
What was I supposed to do with out him here with me , I didn't want to move from our bed , but I almost couldn't bare to look around the room and see the photos that I had planted everywhere thinking they would help. But it stung me to look at us in those photo's happy and smiling , Because I wanted those moments back so badly right now , I needed him to take this ache away. I knew Raven was right when she told me I needed to come down stairs and eat but I still couldn't drag myself of the bed.
My stomach hurt so much I was sure food wasn't a good idea anyways so I just continued to stare at the branch outside my window. I watched as it slowly got darker and darker until the only light that filled the room came from the TV playing endless movies. Everyone was down stairs eating dinner except Xavier.
I laid with my back to him while he finished watching some action flick that was still playing from when Em was in here with me. I started to slowly drift off to sleep and I just couldn't have that. I forced my eyes open and tried to think about him more and more hoping the sweet thoughts would keep the nightmares away. As my eye lids sunk more and more I was suddenly shocked back awake when the DVD ended and the room went black.
My body flung itself up right for the first time all day , Just as I started to panic the bedside lamp was switched on. "Hey , Its OK" In the ten seconds of darkness I had forgotten Xavier was next to me.
"Do you want me to get Raven , Or make you something to eat there's allot of pizza left over down stairs." The mere thought of the oily pizza in the fridge made me feel horrible , I ran into the bathroom and fell onto the floor trying to drag myself to the toilet before I missed my chance , I felt Xavier's hands suddenly pull me over to the toilet with ease , just in time for me to vomit up what small amount of food I had left in my stomach. Xavier lightly patted my back and suddenly yelled out for Raven.
Raven came running up the stairs into my room , "Where in here" Xavier said when he saw her walk in. She came in behind me and sat down pulling me into her side so I didn't have to keep trying to hold my body up.
Xavier went and got me a clean shirt and then waited in the bedroom while Raven cleaned me up. "I no how it feels baby , But I really need you to try. He wouldn't want you like this." I knew she was right. But I was just so tired and dizzy , I started to wonder if she was right and I was making myself sick with worry. I briefly thought for a second that I hadn't eaten and that was what was probably making me feel faint and I must be due for my period soon and maybe that was making me more tired and anxious.
There are moments in your life that you will never forget.
I cant say I wouldn't of like this moment to be different.
Because he was meant to be here with me.
I half laughed shocking Raven while she ran a damp wash cloth over my face gently. She pulled back and looked at me. "What is it?" she asked knowing I had just realized something.
For once I wasn't scared. I didn't feel the same anymore. I didn't feel like he wasn't here with me anymore. I thought I was empty but I didn't look close enough.
Raven leaned down so our eyes were lined up faintly smiling at me curious about my expression. "Hey , talk to me...why are you smiling."
I didn't even realise I was smiling , But I knew now everything would be OK , Just like Eddy said.
I looked up finally meeting her gaze and bit my lip trying to make seance of the jumble of thoughts in my head that left me blurting word out with out thinking
"I think I'm pregnant."
Raven didn't speak , It took at least five minutes for it to sink in.
"Xavier." she yelled before she could respond to me. He opened the door and looked at us anxiously wondering what was wrong ,
"Close the door." she whispered waving her arm to him. He did as she asked but still looked distressed looking at me. "We need you to go to the drug store..ALONE." He nodded and shrugged , "What do you need?"
Xavier didnt need much explaining to. He ran from the room and with in seconds I heard the sound of his car start and tear of down the driveway.
"You shouldn't worry until the test comes up positive and we see a doctor." I placed my hand on her shoulder seeing she was freaking out. "Rave i'm not worried" I said almost laughing.
"Why?" I shook my head smiling trying to find the right words to explain it to her but I just couldn't , "Because i'm just not."
Xavier came running in twenty minutes to find we hadnt moved from our spot on my bathroom floor. He passed me the white paper bag not saying a word but reaching down and grabbing Raven's arm and dragging her stunned from the room.
She seemed to be totally loosing it. I did the test and sat it on the bathroom bench ,
"Alright , I'm done." I said softly knowing they were standing just outside the door. They bust through the door to find me sitting relaxed up against the bathtub. Raven ran over to the test ,
"Its not ready yet" I laughed. She nodded and went back to Xavier's side.
"Stop freaking out" I demanded.
Raven and Xavier were not only the oldest but the unspoken mother and father of this group , We all looked to them when things were bad. Waiting for them to tell us what to do , But now all I could see was two people who obviously thought they were way out of there depth.
"Well?" I said smiling up at her already knowing the answer , They both stared down at me.
"What are you going to do." Xavier said stunned.
"I'm going to have a baby and Every things going to be fine." I almost couldn't believe the words of hope that were coming from my mouth. For the first time in my life I wasn't freaking out or over analyzing everything , I was just really happy. Everything made sense now , why the smell of cigarettes and weed had been making me so nauseous , I was so incredible tired all the time and constantly tear full.
"Weren't you care full?" Raven asked as they both sat on the bed with me.
"Yeah didn't you'ze use something.' I blushed and looked down trying to think.
"Yeah of course....I mean most of the time." the truth was hardly ever , most of the time we just lost control and neither of us thought about it , It really never occurred to me this would happen, But now that it happened I couldn't be happier then I was right now...except when his face suddenly popped into my head.
"We can't tell him until he's out. its not fair." I blurted out while they babbled between themselves about having to make me doctors appointments and probably tell Esme. They looked over at me obviously not agreeing.
Raven's face quickly softened as she took my hand. "Jelly Bell , You seem really calm about this and that's fucking great , But you need to tell him or he's going to get out of Juvenile detention to a girlfriend who's going to have a baby in a few months." I knew what she was getting at and that she was right but I knew it would break his heart not being able to be with me right now.
This was something we were meant to share, meant to have together,
but instead we were apart and he already hated himself for it. I shook my head trying to re think this , "Fine then at least wait." I looked over noticing how quiet Xavier was , "I don't know if I can lie to him about this." I exhaled sharply expecting this from him.
"Xave he could loose it , I mean let's face it the guy doesn't deal well with guilt very well or rationally." Raven raised her eyebrows agreeing with me , But Xavier looked at us both shaking his head , "He's not gonna crack over this. I know him...He wants this. I mean if anything this could give him the kick in the ass he needs." Xavier always wanted me to be harder then I was on Eddy because he knew when I was hurt so was Eddy, A power I never wanted to take advantage of.
"Just give me some time please guys , Just a few weeks to think about how to do this to him while he's in there for protecting me...In his own stupid violent way." Xave finally nodded and relaxed back , "You need to eat something , Do you think you could keep something down?" I agreed to eat something as long as no oil was involved.
I laid down with Xave while raven went down to make me something to eat and talk to Makin. I could trust Xave , Raven and Makin not to tell Eddy but the rest of them....Well It's not that I didn't trust them but I knew It would be obvious they were hiding something and I didn't want them to have to lie to him like I was going to have to.
I woke to my own screams and strong hands trying to hold me down , "Its OK Bell's, Its Just a dream." I instantly relaxed into Raven while she rubbed my back and I found my hands were resting on my stomach knowing she was right.
She laid and talked to me until it was time to get up and get ready. Everyone sat around the kitchen table trying to be as nice as possible , Raven made me a fruit salad and a bowel of yogurt to have while the boys eyed my breakfast choice suspiciously seeing as I always had Eggs , beacon and waffles and allot of other horrible things couldn't bare to even think about.
"Ready?" Raven asked as she walked back into the kitchen after having a shower , "Sure" I got up and grabbed my coat. leaving the boys quietly as they all sat arguing over something stupid.
"Where you two going" I looked over my shoulder to see Marcus sitting at the end of the table quietly watching us. "Shopping we will be back soon." Raven said smiling to him but it was obvious he didn't believe her. "What do you need a new dress or something Marco" Makin said getting Marcus into a head lock and throwing him onto the ground and quickly winking at me. We left them both wrestling on the ground laughing.
I stopped in my track to see Xavier leaning up against his car. I thought he had gone to 'work' after breakfast but he must of been waiting out here so no one asked when he left with us. He opened the door for me while Raven went to sit in the front with him.
We arrived at the doctors and went inside. Raven went and spoke to the lady at the front desk while Xavier clung to my side silently. He never spoke much but I could always look at his face and know what he was thinking and right now he was incredible nervous. "You can wait in the car if you want." he leaned back ignoring me and obviously settling in. I leaned over to him and smiled when he looked at me thanking him silently.
Xavier had this zen about him that frankly pissed me off allot of the time. He had a peace about him that was mistaken for apathy. He had it forced it into his head by teachers and his parents that he wasn't smart enough but they were the one's who had a criminal under there noses and never once realized it not because they were stupid but because he was smart , but that is something they really were to stupid to see.
I know she called him often but he never answered , He told me once when I noticed him reject her calls that she only wanted him now when she couldn't have him because he had a new family.
I could forgive Xavier for everything he did because even though it was bad and brought allot of people down he used it to drag us all up with him. But it was done now , we didn't need anymore money so why did he keep going and putting himself into these dangerous situations.
Raven sat beside me filling out the forms while asking me random questions she couldn't answer. Raven seemed to be getting quietly excited but was trying to keep it to herself until I saw the doctor. After waiting and reading two boring magazines with Raven the nurse finally called my name out , I stood up and started walking towards her when I realised I wasn't alone. I turned back when I realised I wasn't alone.
"Really , your both coming? They looked at each other as if waiting for the other to back down , "Fine." I said embarrassed realising the nurse was giving us a weird look.
Xavier stood in the far corner of the examination room with his arms folded leaning into the wall. The doctor gave me a ultrasound to see if he could see anything yet, Raven looked at the screen and then to the doctor , "There's your baby" the doctor announced drawing Xavier over to my side. Suddenly the three of us were smiling , the doctor said he would print out photos while he explained that I had to be at least eight weeks along , That's when there expressions changed. the doctor wrote down allot of vitamins and other things I needed to do until I got my appetite back. They didn't speak again until we got back into the car after going to the pharmacy and Xavier brought everything he possibly could.
I sat in the back seat after Xavier helped me in , they both looked over at each other and Xavier raised his eyebrow at her before looking down. "Eight fucking weeks , Seriously babe , didn't you notice you were...ya no late?" , I shrugged not realising I was so far along myself , "I've been stressed , I just didn't think about it." I said stupidly making Xavier laugh as he leaned into the window while he drove.
"Maybe we should talk to Eddy" Raven said suddenly in between arguing with me over simple facts , "I think your right." Xavier said not looking back at me. "You promised." ,"Babe by the time he get's out you'll be ready to pop and he needs time to prepare himself." ,
"NO NO NO NO , You cant , you promised to give me a few week's.".They were pissed off but I knew they would do what I wanted , especially since they knew I would kill them if they did tell him.
After a few days I couldnt help but get a little upset , Because more then anything I wanted to tell him . and today was the day he would be allowed to call me. I laid on my bed after asking Rave to leave me alone while I talk to him waiting to her my cell ring she was reluctant but I assured her I would be fine for an hour.
My mind raced while I lay there , I looked over at the board and the empty spots on the notice board I hung to pin my favourite photos.
He took one that was of me that he took and another of us laying in bed holding the camera above us.
I loved that photo too.
I had three copies of the photo from the ultra sound. I got up and pined one in the empty spot and then pulled out my album and got my favourite photo of him and pined it in the other spot. On my way back to the bad I picked up the framed photo of him on my desk of him sitting alone looking gorgeous and put it on the bed side table so I could stare at it.
Suddenly my heart was pounding as I looked at his photo of him alone and my irrational thoughts of him hating me when he found out . I mean I know he said he wanted all of this. But not now when were still teenagers. I mean he also said he wanted to travel with me.
I mean how do I know all this love isn't just in my head, that he's not in there thinking he should just forget all the shit that comes with being with me and leave when he get's out ,
Then just like he could read my mind my cell phone started ringing.
I bit my lip so heard I suddenly tasted blood in my mouth and hit the answer button.
"Hey my baby." at the sound of his voice my whole world stopped. I closed my eyes and pulled the phone to my ear with both hands,
"Hey" I whispered into the phone smiling ,
"So what are you wearing." he said low and hot , making me laugh hysterically at him.
"Fuck I miss that " he said soothingly , "What" I giggled out , "Your laugh , your voice....Fucking everything."
"Are you OK?" I whispered concern
"Yeah baby i'm fine in here , just bored to death and I want to get back to you." I couldn't help myself but sigh in relief as he killed my fears.
"You know they say you can start visiting next week end. " I smiled and snuggled into bed.
"I'll be out in two months for sure , this is easy." , "I can't wait to get you back in this bed." I could hear him smiling in t the phone with me.
"You feel better baby , Your not still sick are you?" he asked anxiously as I glanced over at the ultrasound photo , "Don't worry about me Eddy, really i'm fine." ,
"You been getting out" I knew he would be worried about me couping myself up in the house like I kind of had been. "Yeah , I went into town just this morning with Xave " I wasn't lying , We did go to town I just didn't tell him why.
He asked me a hundred little questions because he was freaking out over me being unhappy. "Can you send me a few more photos of you , its nice looking at you happy before I go to sleep." , I looked around the room at his photo's and knew what he meant and told him I would and bring some more when I visit.
"Are you in bed" he asked sweetly , "mmm" I said closing my eyes listening to him , "Do you have to go?" I asked a little to frantically.
"Not just yet." He murmured in a way that made me bite my already bleeding lip. "Promise me your being careful OK , Don't go go anywhere with out them"
"Trust me I couldn't if I wanted to , Xavier and Raven are my shadows now." He laughed at my obvious frustration. "That's what I want to hear."
"Yeah , what is it?"
I wanted to tell him so badly right now but he just seemed so worried about me already. and I totally chickened out.
"I love you."
"I love you to Bell , You know that right..Nothings ever going to change that." I loved how he always said the right things but at the same time it scared me because it was like he knew something was up no matter how hard I tried to hide it.
"I'll talk to you in a few days OK baby, Friday morning.
Try to have sweet dreams."
My fears of him hating me were gone after talking to him , all my fears were gone and I decided to do what he told me to do when I heard that voice in my head that tried to convince me he was leaving and just simply tell it to fuck of.
He was right I had to re train my brain until the only voice in my head was his telling me he would love me forever, Even when I kept telling myself there was no reason to love me like I think he does.
But there was the other part of my brain that knew he loved me and I honestly knew that.
I felt it.
Every time he told me how he felt it made me bounce,
Bounce back to what I was when I was younger,
hopeful , confident and most of all trusting in the people I love.
I used to wonder all the time how my mother could of just left me here and for a little while when I lived with Jacob I thought I got it ,
I thought that the longing she had to be free far out weighed her love for me. I thought maybe I was like her. The thought of being like her almost drove me insane because I dreaded wanting to run more then I wanted anyone that I loved.
What would happen to me when I looked around and realised I was stuck.
But I wasn't her ,
I knew it when he asked me to marry him and when I realised I was pregnant.
I yearn for the glue that will stick me here permanently , Because now it wasn't just him I wanted.
Now I wanted 'us'
I wanted to be his wife and the mother of his children.
I wanted this life that I had in my head , This dream of what could be.
I woke on Friday morning to find Xavier asleep in the arm chair , I got up and snack past him to get ready and let him sleep for awhile longer. Raven went into the city late last night with Makin and Marcus to take care of a few things and said she wouldn't be back until later this afternoon, Which was more then fine except that I felt sorry for Xavier having to wake me twice last night when I had nightmares. I felt embarrassed but still couldn't resist when he wrapped his arms around me to comfort and soothed me back to sleep. But I wasn't his problem , I wasn't meant to be anyways.
I always felt bad having Eddy having to spend his nights waiting for me to scream out like I was being murdered and scatter away from because I had those few moments when I thought he was some one else. I broke the heart of the person I love the most every night. I know because I saw the look in his eye's when I did pull away from him.
I got dressed into jeans and a jumper and snack downstairs past Xavier who was still snoring in the chair. Emmett was the only one in the kitchen , He leaned back in a chair at the kitchen table with his feet on the table and a big bowel of cereal resting on his chest while he watched the TV playing from the lounge room.
"Hey Jelly Bell , What you doing up so early." He said smiling slurping up the remaining milk in the bowel.
"I was just about to ask you the same question." I smirked raising an eye brow at him. He pulled his feet of the table and stood up pulling out the chair next to him , "Sit" He said as he walked past , "I'll get you some cereal"
"What the fuck are you watching" I said bursting onto laughter. Realizing it wasn't the regular sporting event I was used to him watching but some kind of B grade Spanish Soap opera, By the looks of the outfits they wore.
"Honestly , I just cant stop watching it." He said almost like a zombie as he placed the bowel in front of me , looking more then a little embarrassed.
"How long have you been watching this?" I asked as both our eyes became glued to the screen.
"A couple of months" He said leaning back in his chair again to keep watching.
"Do you speak Spanish?" I asked realizing there was no sub titles.
"No....But you can figure out what's going on" He answered not really paying attention to me.
By the time Xavier started walking down the stairs Em and I where on the coach silently watching the soap together , He was right you could figure out what was going on.
The credits had just started rolling when Xavier walked into the lounge room , Em quickly clicked the TV off and we both looked up at him from the sofa while he finished rubbing his eyes open. He stood in front of us and froze when he realized we were both staring up at him like we had done something wrong , He looked around confused ,
"Nothing." We both said at the same time looking ahead. He shook his head at us and raised his eye brows , "Anyways ,I have to go and take care of something , Raven will be back with the boys soon and Jazz and Alice will be here soon, so were all good here right?"
"You no I can be alone for a few hours" I said defensively looking at them both , "I'm fine al.." I started to babble before they both interrupted me.
"NO YOUR NOT."
I huffed and leaned back down in my chair.
"Where are you going to , Maybe I could come." I said pissing him off as he put his jacket and headed for the door and yelling out to me ignoring me,
"Bye Bell." He laughed slamming the door behind him.
Alice an Jasper arrived not long after , So Em set up his new Video game and we all started playing. No one moved for hours while we sat glued to the TV when Raven and the boys got home. With in minutes the peace was gone and they all started partying. I relaxed on the lounge watching them all laughing and having fun. I realized the time and went to get my mobile phone knowing Eddy would call soon. I ran into the laundry room where I left it when I was doing a load of washing , I felt fine until I walked into the lounge room and smelt the joint Makin , Jasper and Marcus were passing around.
"OK guys , You should go get the fire started." Raven said suddenly waving her arms to the door and stepping out of the way while the struggled to be the first one out the door with Alice following laughing. I instantly turned and went back the way I came and ran to the toilet. Raven ran in and pulled my hair back for me while I spewed my guts up. "I'll try to get them to start smoking outside with out giving anything away." I sat on the floor and looked up at her before suddenly turning back to the toilet again realizing I wasn't done.
His timing really was impeccable , while I was vomiting I felt my cell start to vibrate in my pocket , I reached in quickly and passed it to Raven. She flicked it open and answered it before I could turn back.
"Hey Eddy , how ya going?" she tried to sound casual , Knowing he would freak when she answered after knowing I would be waiting for him to call.
"She's fine, she's just in the bathroom." Really she wasn't lying.
I wiped my mouth and stood up leaning my body into the wall and holding her hand to steady myself. I pointed up feeling horrible and nauseous. She nodded and kept forcing small chat with Eddy while she quickly helped me up stairs into my room.
I sat on the bad and put my hand out for the phone , "She's just walked in Eddy , I'll talk to later swwety." I smiled up at her while she passed it to me so she would no I was OK.
"Hey" I said trying to sound happy and not sick while Raven closed the door behind her.
"You alright baby" For some reason he didn't buy it and suddenly started stressing out.
"You sound weird"
"Calm down really i'm OK , I just feel a bit off that's all."
"I cant wait to see you next week , I worry about you." I couldn't hold back the half laugh at his concern.
"I think I should be the one worried about you."
"I'm not so sure of that Jelly Bell." I smiled at him using Raven's nick name for me, That I honestly was not really enjoying but If I said anything they would all only use it more so I just shut up.
"I had a dream about you last night." He said as if admitting to a crime.
"What happened int it?" I whispered back curling up on his side of the bed.
"It was weird , You looked different ,
Older I think."
"So was it a nightmare" , I said making him laugh.
"You looked beautiful.But more importantly you looked really happy." , I smiled while he explained the dream he had of him following me into the Forrest on a sunny day. He made me blush when he explained what he done to me in detail when we reached our destinationin his dream, Making everything In me long for him even more.
"It just made me miss you , I feel like I'm missing something ya know.."
"Like a limb." I said finishing for him , letting him know I felt the same.
"How have you been sleeping baby?" he asked sweetly , making me search hopelessly for the right answer ,
"That good huh?" he said when I didn't talk , "I'm just a bit anxious. It's kind of to be expected right? Besides Rave or Xave usually wake me quickly"
."That's good....atleast there's that." he said with a longing in his voice
"They have me on like lock down , Do you have have anything to do with that?"
"Of course not" He laughed obviously lying. I heard a scratching at the door and went over to it to let Scout and Rage in. They both jumped onto the bed with me and fell asleep while Eddy told me about how he couldn't wait to see me next week.
I closed my eyes while he told me a hundred sweet things about how he loved and wanted me , I felt horrible that I needed this reassurance all the time...But I did , and when he told me these things my heart would stop pounding and aching in my chest and the shaking in my hands would finally settle. Everything bad just slipped away , finally his nightmares were always replaced with things that made him happy.
He rarely had nights when he woke screaming anymore and sometimes I actually thought he felt guilty about it , Like he felt as though he was leaving me alone in something. When really something dark inside him was gone and in its place a light was left. One that gave him back to me and truthfully ,
As much as he thinks he hates seeing me wake up horrified , as much as it hurt him when I violently pulled away from him ,
It killed me to have him pull me close when he woke from his own mind torturing him. My dreams were recollections of horrible things and sometimes so where his...But mostly it was head punishing him for crimes he didn't commit , and make him see things that burn into his soul and eat at him , Things that never happened.
My poor Eddy.
More then anything I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and tell him over and over that I love him. The thought that I once almost lost him and none of this sweetness ever existed.
I felt horrible because I never blamed him for what he did to Billy. Most people would see it as Billy did...A bribe. But Eddy knew better , He was a drug addict and useless , To him it really was a death sentence , Now I just prayed that Jacob never found out about it , or the engagement...or the pregnancy.
"I can't wait to see you." He whispered into the phone. , "I just want to wrap my arms around you." I could hear longing in his voice that worried me.
"I want to see you alone , Xavier is leaving for the city again tomorrow and wont be back until Friday so he will drop in on the way and see you in the morning and I'll see you in the afternoon."
"That sounds great." He sighed with relief knowing what time I would be there. My previous plan was being scratched the more he spoke.
"You sound anxious" I blurted out concerned. Praying that I was paranoid about him screaming behind his whispering words.
"I'm OK, I just can't think straight in here some times..ya no." I could almost hear him frowning at his own words and started back tracking before I could offer him any kind of comfort.
"Forget it baby , it's fine...Few weeks and i'll be out right?" his sad voice suddenly turned sounding cheerful in a way that made my stomach that made my stomach turn. "That's right." I answered reassuring him.
"I should go but i'll see you on friday right?"
"Right, i'll be there"
"Can you bring me some photo's." I felt a tear escape my eyes when I heard his words.
"I picked some nice one's ,
Oh and I forgot to tell you I'm getting a laptop tomorrow , So I can start looking for a wedding dress on-line"
"That awesome , You can pick out the bridesmaids dresses and a suit for me." He babbled on for a few minutes , I had managed to pull him back to me bt how long would it last. He sounded like this was hitting him harder then he thought It would.
"I love you Eddy. I'm here for you"
"I know , but i'm OK, Don't worry about me
And I love you too." He sounded oddly cheerful again as he said goodbye and hung up. I pulled the phone away and sighed harshly , "FUCK."
Xavier walked in to find me sitting in the middle of the bed with the wolfs , staring at the sonogram. He walked in and closed the door behind him and sat in the arm chair by my bed.
"When did you get back?" I asked still staring at the photo.
"Just now , there all pretty fucked up out by the fire , I counted at least 4 empty bottles of JD and I'm missing an ounce of weed and a hand full of pills from my stash." I laughed and looked up at him to see him smiling. He just didn't give a shit.
"You can go and party with them I think I'll be OK in my locked house."
He leaned back in his chair putting his feet on the bed relaxing back, "Three things Bell,
One , this house is never locked. I need to do something about that... But even so , I've seen you box of gun's , You just haven't seen mine , Or Marcus's , Makin's and Raven's." Oddly knowing I was in an house full of guns made me feel safer.
"So two is No your not safe alone in this house , and three is i'm fucking tired.
And there's nothing I would rather do then sit with my pregnant friend and watch some crappy movie about confused teenagers in high school." I laughed and got up to put a DVD and throw a blanket and pillow at him in response to his comment about my DVD collection.
I put a dvd in the player and turned to find Xavier holding the photo in his hands ,
"Do you feel different."
I paused and looked at him , thinking about the question.
"I feel sick allot" he laughed at me while I sat back on the bed.
"But yeah , I feel really happy. Like I'm lucky because I didn't know it would feel like this ,
He's in there ya no growing...I can feel that." He smiled up at me when hands glided over my stomach. "Eddy's gonna do a back flip when he find's out" I smiled knowing he was right.
"I'm worried about him, I think maybe I should tell him so he has something to look forward to. Something to be excited about." He nodded holding the photo still but he was looking through it searching for words.
"I no he might sound angry or lost but I know he wont do anything stupid now , there's to much at stake. Especially since you going to marry that idiot." Before I could say anything about the idiot comment I realised what he said before it,
"How do you know were getting married?" I asked shocked
"I saw him a few weeks before his birthday in a jewelry store , Its was pretty hilarious , " He laughed , "He looked so confused , I actually saw him scratch his head a couple of times."
"Why didn't you say anything." he shrugged , "I figured he'd tell me sooner or later , Besides I wasn't to surprised."
"He's beautiful." he said passing me back the photo not asking why I thought I was having a boy.
We talked through most of the movie until we both started to get tired. Xavier seemed convinced that Eddy was acting with a clear head , That he had no more anger left in him and I desperately wanted to believe him.
I woke early refreshed from sleeping all through the night undisturbed. Xavier was the only one in the room with me. I left him sleeping and ran down stairs.
"What did I miss?" I asked throwing myself onto the coach beside Emmett who was already watching the 80's Spanish soap ,
"Nothing, Nothing but I think Maria is going to catch Alfonso with her sister."
"Sweet," I said taking a piece of toast from his plate and leaning into him to enjoy my new favourite show.
"Seriously?" We looked up to see Xavier standing in the doorway raising his eyebrows at us , Almost to scared to laugh.
The really scary thing was that it took about ten minutes.....and he was on the coach with us debating on what was happening with us.
A few days later we both woke early and snack out of my room past Raven to meet Em in the lounge room,
the three of us were caught by Alice and Jasper who simply shrugged and gave in instantly ,
Jasper didn't talk for the first twenty minutes and I watched him waiting for his reaction , When he finally said shocked with a blank expression ,
"This is the best fucking thing I have ever seen." We all nodded silently agreeing , All trying to figure out what was going on.
Even though we all thought it was awesome, we still never told anyone we all watched it...Because it made no seance that we all sat glued to this weird TV show every morning.
Xavier left on Thursday night , He was meant to go on Tuesday but put it off as long as he could to stay home with us....Or more like me.
Raven sat on my bed folding clothes , She was such a mother. I dried my hair that was still wet from having a shower, I walked over when her usual fluorescent rainbow hair caught my eye.
"You have Red hair" she looked up at me and nodded. "Underneath all this its red, Can I see." She looked confused for a second before smiling and nodding.
It took all night and allot of product but eventually it was all gone and her gorgeous thick red main was left.
She looked in the mirror when I was finished blow drying it , "Extreme hey." I said smiling , she laughed nodding, knowing I meant it.
"Why did you cover it" I asked running my finger through the thick red curls , but she just shrugged and I could see she didn't have an answer.
Makin and Marcus had been gone all day and just when Raven was getting ready to call them we heard Makin's Truck pull up outside, Raven walked over to the window to see them while I stayed on the bed watching another crappy movie. "Oh No," Raven said sounding scared.
"What ?" I quickly looked over at her to ask why she looked so shocked.
"I'm sure someone's going to die , Its just a toss up now I guess, My brother or my lover." I laughed confused at her.
We walked down stairs and outside to ask what they were thinking as they off loaded the dirt bikes of the back of the truck laughing , Obviously as high as a kite.
Raven stood watching them for a long time with one of her hands covering her mouth in shock.
"What you said you loved motor bikes?" Makin said defending himself against my unapproving head shake. "I said they were fun but dangerous , Did you happen to buy helmets?" But before I could finish Marcus started pulling the helmets from the back of the truck hidden under a sheet.
"We got everyone one?" Marcus said to Raven , who was still eyeing him confused , "At lest you wont die alone?"
"Come here" Marcus said getting a closer look at her as she walked into the light ,
She walked over to him and took his hand as his mouth hung open , "You look amazing." he said running his fingers through her hair before suddenly grouping her. I don't think she will be on night shift with me tonight.
The boys rode the bikes all night and eventually even Raven joined in just so they would leave me alone. Makin watched me suspiciously when I dismissed there pestering to try my new bike so I tried to look uninterested , even though I really wanted to have a go , Chances are I'd fall and I could't really risk an accident in my condition.
I laid in bed with Emmett watching an action DVD from his collection after telling me if he has to watch another romantic comedy with me he was going to snap , which I found pretty rich coming from the guy who has half this house watching a Spanish soap opera at 5am every day morning.
"You want me to drive you to the Detention centre tomorrow?" he barley whispered next to me, I smiled and looked over happy he had asked. I couldn't help but be more comfortable around Jasper and Em then the others because they really did feel like my brothers and I never had to worry about them judging me or not loving me because of my mistakes because they knew me inside and out and were the closest thing I had to real family. The Cullen's were the only one's I had left that held any memories of my life and my father.
"Have you talked to him?" I asked not taking my eyes off the TV , "Once , not for long. He sounds like shit." I nodded agreeing with him. "When I asked him why he sounded lie shit he changed the subject and said he had to go." , it was typical of him. It actually was really starting to piss me off that he wouldn't take anyone's help or even tell me when he was upset. He keeps going on about not keeping things from each other but he is the first to have secrets if he thinks he is sparing me from pain , He doesn't realising the lie's hurt me more then the truth could.
I feel asleep quickly into the second DVD he put on. I feel asleep thinking about him but the images were soon interrupted when I feel into a deep enough sleep that my demons could creep into.
The dreams of being in the chest were the worst because they were filled with darkness and panic that was unspeakable , I could feel the skin on my finger tearing as I scratched at the wall of the chest trying uselessly to get out as blood ran down my hands as my finger nails snapped and cracked. When suddenly I felt huge hands grip onto me in the darkness.
My eyes snapped open to see Em's soft expression staring back at me. I couldn't help but search the room always fearing that Billy was in the room , that he had broken out of my nightmares to come pull me back into the dark chest , I couldn't stop panting , jumping at the sound of that stupid branch that hits my window when the wind blow. "It's just me and you little sister , There's no one else here." I looked over at him again and realised he was right. "Lay back down with me." I could talk because I still couldn't breathe but when I laid down next to him and he put his arm around me shielding me from from everything like Eddy used too, I couldn't help but notice that he smelt like him.
Like home ,
Horribly that was what sent me back to sleep soundly.
I woke a few hours later to Em shaking me lightly again but for different reasons, I was just about to swat him away when I realised why he was waking me, I opened my eyes and smiled and ran down stairs with him to watch the senseless soap.
"You nervous?' I shrugged understanding what he meant . "I've never been anywhere like that" . He nodded knowingly , "I'll walk in with you, you'll be OK." , I felt so much better knowing he would walk in with me. I knew I could go with Esme and Carlisle but honestly since I found out I was pregnant I couldn't face them and wasn't really sure they would be as happy about it as I was, So I had refused all their help they offered even though I really needed Esme right now. Like really needed her.
The whole motorbike thing got me thinking and I realised I had no idea what I was doing , I didn't no what to and not to eat. I mean I heard somewhere you cant jump on trampolines so I figured motorbikes were out of the question. I decided after the show to finally take my new laptop out of the box and do some reading , Em sat beside me watching a football game while I went on the net and tried to figure out what it is you should expect when expecting. Raven and the boys slept all day leaving me and Em the only one's awake when Xavier finally arrived.
I jumped to my feet and grabbed my bag to leave when Xavier's car pulled up outside, eager to hear what Edward said to him and if he was OK. "What the fuck happened to you face." I stood shocked to see the massive bruise that covered his eye.
"Shit Xave are you OK?" Em said behind me fired up as soon as he saw him.
"We need to talk." I knew enough to no when anyone said that there was something really wrong and the look on his banged up face proved it.
"We've got to go to see Eddy." Em said knowing we should be leaving now.
"I'll drive ." We both got in the car with Xave and he started speeding down the highway furiously ,
"I found Jacob , He's in the city. I followed him for awhile he noticed and we got into a bit of a scuffle and he got a good hit in" He looked over at me but I couldn't talk ,
"That's not the worst part kiddo , I went and saw Eddy and I couldn't lie about where the bruise came from and he fucking lost it , He started saying he was going to kill him now that he knew where he was , That he would kill him for what he done to you"
I don't remember ever being angry at him like this.
Xavier had promised me that he was sure that his anger had subsided been burnt out. He had learned nothing.
He was blinded by his anger like always , Assuring me we had an expiry date. That we couldn't have all the things he swore he would die to give me, Because he couldn't keep his cool and would eventually ruin everything we build.
They both kept talking but I couldn't listen to a thing they said because I wanted to kill him because I was so fucking frustrated.
"Both of you wait here." I said slamming the door behind me. My nerves were gone. My head was clear. But in the most horrible way , It wasn't clouded by dreams and hopes anymore. Just darkness and bars.
The guard walked me into the outside area and over to where he sat at a table by himself trying to light a cigarette as the wind lightly blew by.
The officer left me after pointing him out and I stormed over and realised tears were escaping my eyes as I did.
I suddenly caught his eye and his happy expression quickly faded. He walked over to me worried but I just sat down ignoring him , He sat next to me cautiously , "You talked to Xavier obviously and I can expl...."
"I brought you some photo's" I said quickly interrupting him. He looked down at the pile I put on the table in front of him. But hen back up at me realising he had shattered my already broken heart.
"Go on look at them , the last one's my favourite." he slowly broke my gaze and pulled the last photo out."
I watched as his face broke desperately trying to understand what was happening and I desperately tried to force the word out through my heavy breathing , heart pounding and sobs that erupted from my chest , "I think it's your son , It's to early to tell but it feel's like a boy to me , " I reached out and harshly took his free hand and placed it on my stomach , "What does it feel like to you?" I cried out to loudly.
"Raven and Xavier are the only one's who know because they have to look after me , Are you going to keep doing this?
Keep leaving me , US," I added placing my hand on his where the life was growing inside of me.
"I know i'm being horrible to you Eddy , and it makes me sick but I need you to hear me." he shook his head and wiped my tears before pulling my head to his , "I hear you" ,
"I don't no what to do , what to eat or if I can take an aspirin when I get a head ache , It doesn't matter who's with me...I'm all alone and I need you." he quickly pulled me into his arms tightly. "I promise I wont do anything , I mean it Bell's." He pulled me back to look at me again and I could his eyes were suddenly bloodshot and teary and his face held sadness I had never seen before and I had to ask..
"Do you want this?" I chocked out praying he wasn't freaking out , But my fears quickly disappeared when his smile released his tears , "Are you kidding?" , He stood up and got down on his knee's in front of me looking up into my eyes , Suddenly he was shining,
"This is everything I ever wanted , I'm gonna be a father and your going to be my wife. I wont do anything to fuck this up Bell I'll make sure every things perfect I promise , " His hands slid on to my belly again covering it , and suddenly laughing , "For you and my son and maybe later our daughter too."
"Can I be excited now? or are you still mad at me." He smiled cheekily at me and I bit my lip nodding , Suddenly he picked me up in his arms and started kissing me screaming out like an idiot , Even the guards were laughing at him. This seventeen year old boy in jail screaming out he's going to a father. I loved him for it. I believed he wanted to be better for us , How could this be bad when it brought so much joy. He spent the rest of the visit whispering sweetness into my ear and kissing my neck obviously not caring about anyone else in the room.
And when I left there that's what I was , joy full. Not anxious , Sad or angry but overjoyed that I was pregnant and he was the happiest I have ever seen him when I told him.
The house was full that night waiting for me to crack but instead we had a good night. We sat around laughing and throwing popcorn at each other , While they got incredible drunk. It was at about 2am when the boy's decided to go for another ride on the bikes , But Raven Alice and I went upstairs to go to sleep in my bed and talk crap.
When I woke in the morning I looked over to see Alice smiling and pointing downstairs silently , We jumped on to the couch with Xavier , Jasper and Emmett , we all sat silently when Marcus and Makin walked in.
"So this is why you all get up early...Some 80's TV show"
"Don't judge us , its like a drug." Alice said from Jasper's lap while he nodded with his eyes fixed on the screen.
"Fine" Makin said not wanting to fight as he held his head still recovering from his hang over.
They sat down with us and started watching ,
Neither of them said anything until they both started laughing.
"What!" Xavier said smacking Marcus in the back of the head , annoyed they were interrupting the show. Makin looked over and forced words out through his laughter ,
"Raven speaks Spanish."
We all looked at each-other before suddenly yelling out together to the only person who wasn't in on the sad secret about our addiction,
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- 13 Nov 12
- 13 Nov 12
- In Progress