Edward and Bella are born and raised together, There life is sheltered and untouched by horror until tragedy strikes killing Bella's father in a horrible accident and everything they had is taken from them and Edward is driven insane trying to get back to her. and what they once had. All Human Twilight FanFic
(This story deals with Abuse , Drug use & Suicide, Please be prepared for this.)
3. To Catch her
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The last time I saw her she was thirteen.
I heard the buzz of the pager that lingered quietly in my pocket. It was for Emergencies only, so the sound always brought on hysterical anxiety. I snuck down stairs to the kitchen and called Xavier's mobile, he answered after one ring.
"Edward. It's go time, buddy." This and his tone ment, get ready now.
"What's happened." I asked trying not to sound like I was a mess.
"I don't know exactly Ed, messages passed down the grape vine. I just know I have to get you home and to the 'cliff edge' as soon as possible.
The cliff edge. That make sence to you Eddy?."
"Yeah I no where to go. It's at home." I answered while packing my bag.
"OK, well your flight leaves in two and a half hours. I booked your ticket, you can get it from the front desk. Marcus will meet you at the airport when you land, take you where you need to go."
"I'll pay you back for all this one day Xavier."
"It's just money Eddy. Besides we're friends, I'll help when I can.You just go and make sure your girls OK."
"Well like always, Have a good trip and call me after you get caught."
"of course,Thank you my friend."
With that he was gone and I was slipping my sneakers and Hood on and climbing out my window, running towards the bus stop.
I arrived to find Marcus parked in the usual spot leaning up against his shiny black jeep. I honestly didn't really know exactly how Xavier managed to become the person he had. Not to say that he wasn't one of the most extraordinary people I had ever met and he other then Bell had become the most loyal friend I have ever had. He told me once that he understood how the world worked. It's all about who's got the right connections and who's got the most money. Imagine moving to a new town that is the exact opposite of where you came from. His mother barely noticed him , she had a new boyfriend within a month of moving there and he hardly saw her. He spent a lot of his time wondering around the city that seemed to run of illegal dealing, drugs and criminals. It was all about being in the right place at the right time. Going of into a dark ally in the middle of the night to take a piss near a dumpster, he said he was surrounded by boxes so when the cop car chased the black BMW down the ally and the passenger attempted to throw the brick of pure cocaine into dumpster and speed off past him with the cops seconds behind them, No one noticed Xavier come out from the pile of boxes and climb into the bin retrieving the brick that ended up getting a street value of around 1.6 Million after Xavier learnt how to cut it.
He spread everything out.
He done a lot of favours for a lot of people in the drug world, made a lot of investments and found that he could manage to get a lot done with the right connections. It was all about supply and demand.
"Edward, welcome back brother." Marcus yelled when he spotted me. He immediately started to get into the jeep and start it up. He always moved as fast as possible, I assume because that's what Xavier asked.
"So where am I driving to kid." Marcus asked as we sped down the highway.
"You can drop me off at my old house in forks, I can go on foot from there." it was always simple like that. Marcus never asked to many questions he just got me what I needed and where I needed to go, he'd become a pretty good friend too, he even pulled over once and made me swap seats with him when we had time to kill and taught me to drive. It was interesting.
Marcus made his way to the outskirts of Forks and I finally started to feel a bit better knowing I was atleast closer to getting to her and I almost jumped out the moving car when we pulled into my old driveway.
"Ok, before you do the runner, You need anything? I can drop stuff of later if you want."
"No its fine, thanks allot Marcus." I shook my head rushing to answer.
"Page me if you need me, ill be in town for the next two days....., OK, run."
I smiled and took off out the car door and ran into the woods. I could of laughed at being back in the familiar playground if I wasn't horrified that something really bad had happened to her. I don't know how I expected to find her. But I definitely did not expect to find her like this. She sat on the cliff edge with her legs dangling off the side. I dropped my bag at my feet and ran over to her. She heard me coming and turned her head so that our eyes instantly met and she was on her feet in a second running towards to me as fast I was running at her.
She lept into my arms wrapping her legs around my waist wirh a force that knocked me off my feet to the ground with her on top of me. The shock of falling didnt effect her at all she pressed her lips to mine kissing me over and while she pulled me closer. I lifted her up so I could sit up with her on my lap and legs still wrapped firmly around my waist. I couldn't help but kiss her back and run my hand over her back pulling her into my chest but I felt her tear soaked cheeks under my fingers and pulled back slightly to look at her.
"What happened." I asked firmly. I instantly wanted to kill someone. I could see that some had hurt her and I saw red.
"Scout's gone Eddy. I don't know where she is or if she's OK. Its all my fault." she harshly choked out every word through her heart broken sobs. I placed my hands on her cheeks lightly to calm her.
"Ssshh Bell. She'll be back just tell me what happened." I whispered looking deep into her red eyes. She shook her head at me a choked back more sobs.
"I was in the yard and Billy.....He was drunk and him and Sam just fight all the time and.... She saw him and she attacked him. I managed to get her to stop before she ripped his arm of but he got the gun and shot it at her." that's when she looked down with the horrible look of guilt washing over her and tears started to continuously poor while my heart broke for her. "I yelled at her and told her to leave and never come back. I screamed it at her. And now she's gone and she's all alone. She's not at Malcolm's or anywhere else. She hates me." she almost screamed. I pulled her as close as I could and rocked her gently. "She loves you Bell, She'll come back. She's smart she knows your just protecting her."
I managed to calm her down after a few hours but I could see that she was deeply wounded over telling scout to leave. But it didn't make seance and she knew I would want the full story. We laid down and I pulled the blanket from my bag and cuddled close to her under it starring into eachothers eyes running my fingers over the features on her face that I craved to see each day we were apart.
"Bell, why did Scout attack Billy." I tried to ask as calmly as possible because I knew that dog and she would never attack anyone. I dreaded to think why she would bite Billy. She bit her lip and looked down creasing her forehead, and I ran my thumb over them gently trying to remove them.
"Bell. Tell me." I said less calmer, the more I wondered what triggered all of this.
"He was chasing me, and Scout just came out of the woods and jumped at him."
"Was he going to hurt you Bell."
"We'll never know I guess." she said with a devastatingly hopeless look in her eyes.
"Bell has he put his hands on you."
It took me no more then a split second for me to see something in her eyes that I had never seen before, it was shame. She refused to look at me again and pushed her face into my chest so I couldn't look at her at all.
I thought I knew, what it felt like to snap. To truly no that you want something, like I wanted him dead . She would never give me details I knew that. But I didn't need them, there is no excuse for that look in her eyes. I couldn't breathe. I just looked at her sinking.
Laying next too me knowing there was nothing I could do. So what. Do I kill him. I already left her real father to die so why not take the next step and kill her fake father.
She reached out and grabbed my neck and pulled my lips back to hers again. She kissed me passionately as her hands trailed over my body. "Just be here with me please." she whispered into my ear and I knew exactly what she wanted. I switched my brain off and used those emotions to show how horrified I was. I could feel it in our touches and kisses. I didn't even know how afraid I should be. Just another moment I will forever look back on and wish I had ran off with her. But I didn't. I waited to long and it ruined both our lives.
I rolled over so that I was on top of her and that's when I stopped to look at her, I pulled our lips apart and ran my fingers over the side of her face. "Tell me what to do Bell. Tell me how to fix it." my voice sounded so distressed and broken but she just looked up at me with this dream like look in her eyes and she slowly shook her head wiping the hair from my eyes as I hovered over her.
"Come here." she whispered so lightly I barely heard pulling my head to her chest. She held me the way I used to hold her when she couldn't sleep. She ran her fingers through my hair and down my back trying to soothe me but it did no good. I couldn't hold the tears back or stop the shaking , I just held her tighter and let the pain rush in.
I just remember feeling like my arms and legs were being ripped out. We were so tightly in tangled that it felt like we might finally merge together. But it was the police officers with Billy screaming at me behind them. It was too dark too see much of anything but I saw her. Her pearl white skin glowed in the moonlight and as they pulled us apart she dragged me closer to kiss me with everything she had, one last time.
That was the night, the last night I saw her. I'm not proud of the reasons that led to me being seperated from her for three years, they were my mistakes that I knew she would of had to have paid for and knowing that made everything worse.
It was time to go home. Carlisle said we done everything we said we would and now it was time to go home where we belong. Jasper stayed behind with Alice and her grandmother and said he would come back when he and Alice finish school. Emmett who had less then a year left until he finished high school and was happy to come home. So the four of us walked back into town like we never left.
The first night we got there was like having concrete lifted of my shoulders, there was no question in my mind what I was here for. I stood on the front porch after we finished bringing in the last of the boxes.
"You know what your doing?." I turned to see my father standing behind me.
"You don't have to worry dad. I'm not a kid anymore. I know what I'm doing."
He nodded and turned to go back inside. I smiled and closed my eyes taking it all back in. The smell of the Forrest and flowers and the fact that I knew she was close once again. I looked around one last time before taking off into the woods. I ran and ran as fast as I could. The feeling of freedom was invigorating after what I had been through it was exactly what I needed to remind me of my life that I used to have. I don't know why I ran there, it was like gravity pulled me there and when I arrived in the familiar yard I could of laughed. Finally I could do everything I had promised her. I could finally fix it, no matter what it took.
I ran my fingers over the old wood on the house and remembered doing the same thing when I was a kid with her by my side. I looked over to see the old create pushed up under the kitchen window, the same place bell and I used to put it to peak in. I took one wrong step that led to me knocking the old trash can over and that was it. I heard movement in the house and thought maybe i had spooked a animal that was inside, but before I could question it she came falling out of the sky hitting he head on a pot plant on the way to the ground.
There was that second where the world stopped. After three years she was just laying there.
"Bell, Are you OK." I ran over yelling falling to my knees by her side. My fathers voice was in my head screaming not to move her. I didn't know if I should get help or stay with her and in amongst all of the hysteria I couldn't stop staring at her. She took my breathe away. I could see her forehead scrunch and her eyes slowly opened to look at me. I had played this moment over and over in my head but I never thought she would look so different....and unconscious.
"C'mon Bell please wake up, your really starting to freak me out."
As if she heard me her big brown eyes snapped open and locked with mine hovering over her. I don't know what I expected really. I just didn't expect this. She looked into my eyes and in that moment our whole lives could of just been snapped back into position, I actually thought it would be that easy, can you believe I thought that. I wanted to kiss her more then I ever had in my life, I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and apologise over and over for taking so long to get home to her and beg her for forgiveness. But she just starred at me blankly and I just didn't think about it and slowly reached out my shaking hand to touch her face that I missed so much and then I saw it.
The way she looked at me.
She was so angry, sad and confused and for the first time in my life she pulled back from me, scrounging to get away from me as fast as possible.
I raised my hands so she knew i wasn't going to hurt her and wondered if maybe she didn't recognise me. It all seemed to happen so fast, and I had no idea how to react to the way she looked at me in the dirt on my knees.
"What are you doing here." I felt my eyes well up at her words. She knew it was me, guilt ran through me hitting me every where it could to make this pain worse if possible. How dare I just come back here after three years and expect her to just be waiting for me, part of me expected her to still be that little girl I left by the cliff edge.
"I came back for you Bell." did she understand that I never forgot her, that she was my everything and all. She just looked at me like she could see me for what I was and it broke me in a hundred ways. She hated me and with right, I left her here alone to rot but there was this piece of me that truly believed she knew that I loved her and I wouldn't be gone for any longer then I needed to be, as soon as I could i would crawl back to her if I had to.
"Bell just stop, talk to me." but my begging did no good. She had stopped listening to me and there was no getting through to her. She sped off down the driveway on a motorbike and with in seconds she was gone and I was left standing on the old dirt drive way wondering what it was that just happend.
I took the walk home slowly and breathed in the Forrest air trying to imagine what it was that I needed to do to fix it like I always promised. I wasn't ten years old anymore, I had become what Bell used to always dread, what I knew I would be with out her.
I stopped at the tree that stood in our front yard and pulled out the mobile phone Xavier had given me awhile ago, I waited while it rang to hear my friends familiar voice on the other end.
"Hey Eddy, Broken any noses yet. What about collar bones." smart ass. I laughed and shook my head at him.
"Why are you calling me. I thought you would be drunk on Swan loving right now."
"So did I, there's a problem I didn't expect."
"What's the problem. Your there, she's there. I mean it's fucking perfect." he said sounding almost frustrated.
"I think she might be angry at me, I can't blame her. It's been three years."
"Yeah but it's Swan, she'll forgive you. Maybe you just freaked her out. How did she look the first second you saw her."
"Yeah we'll if your going to go jumping into girls windows while there sleeping Ed you got to expect a bit of anger" I laughed at his comment and explained what happened and for some reason he didn't sound to surprised.
"She didn't exactly see you coming, maybe she just needs time to adjust."
"I don't know, she looked at me like.... I don't know, I'm just freaked out I guess."
"It's Bell. Seriously Cullen. This will all work out."
"Oh yeah , what if she's with someone else." I tried to crush his confidence with reality but I should of known better.
"It's been three years, she probably does have someone else. But it's not going to matter man, trust me. I mean fuck. It's Bell Swan, you went back there to fix it right. Maybe there's more to fix then you think."
after talking to Xavier I realised I had to look at this from a completely different frame of mind and if he was right, if she was someone else's girl then I would just have to wait until she was mine again, because I knew she belonged with me, I've known all my life so nothing will get in the way off that.
I arrived back home to find Dad standing out side starring up at the roof of the house.
"What are you looking at." I asked as i walked up next to his side with out him knowing. He jumped and grabbed his chest gasping from shock but a smile emerged from his face.
"Well before you gave me a heat attract I was just looking to see if there was something on the roof. I heard a noise." he laughed and shook it off, waving his hand.
"Anyways, how was your walk." he asked lightly sitting on the porch steps and patting the spot next to him.
"I saw her." I whispered, still in shock that it was actually her.
"What. You were gone for like less then an hour how did you get to the reservation."
I shook my head and braced his shoulder.
"No dad. I went to Charlie's house and she fell out of the kitchen window."
"Wow. How did she look." he asked with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open.
"Mostly she just looked angry but....Dad she's like....all grown up and gorgeous.You guys are going to freak out when you see her."
"Edward how do you know that she's going to be at school tomorrow when you get there. Maybe you should just start next week with Emmett." I smiled and patted his back.
"I just know dad. Stop worrying OK, I promise, this place won't send me mad. I'm going to be fine." I laughed to myself for a second and shook my head at where we were sitting right now and how it might as well be the front seat of a roller-coaster that's just staring up, but I didn't have the heart to tell him.
I stood in the quad at school the next day searching the crowd for her. I waited in the same spot hoping I would see her first so she didn't run off on me again.
Then there was the moment when the roller coaster started.
I saw her and my heart stopped. I just wanted her to see me so badly and not run in terror from me, I just needed to show her I could wash away the pain if she would just forgive me for my mistakes. She paused in her tracks and starred directly at me and I looked into her eyes praying for a chance. Just one.
She looked like she was going to cry but still she started to walk towards me and I felt like I had been turned to stone and only now did this life matter again. I tried to take a step in her direction to start filling the space as fast as possible but then for no reason I could see a bunch of girls went charging past her, and one knocked her elbow into bell throwing her into the ground and intern covering her in mud. The other kids swarmed around laughing and then I was ready to kill them all, how could this be happening. I fought through the crowd to get to her but she was running back through the doors as fast as she could. She took one last look back and locked eyes with me before disappearing down the hallway, by the time I got to the hall way she was gone. I stood at the end of the empty hallway and closed my eyes, trying to breathe. To just breathe.
I'm not going to say I'm proud of the person I have become. But its like Xavier says 'Who we are is a result and most of the time it seems nessacery to be what we are to survive.' I believed that, I didn't like what I was but I knew in the end I wouldn't get anywhere if I wasn't like this. I wouldn't be able to change the way this game is being played. I walked back through the quad to see her chemistry book lying in the mud I picked it up and looked around to see if I could spot the girls that knocked her over but they were out of sight. It felt like everyone's eyes were on me like I was entertainment on feet but I wasn't actually doing anything worth watching.
I took her book and walked over to the car park to get back in my car. I clutched the steering wheel and then started pounding it over and over with my fists before finally smashing my head into it and then breathing into it as if it would take back leaving her for three years and letting this shit happen. I mean she had like thirty people standing around just pointing and laughing. The bell rang and interrupted me trying to cool down I grabbed my phone out of my glove box and made a quick call to Emmette to ask for a favour while running to find my first class. I snapped the phone closed just as I arrived at the class room doors and made my way in.
She sat in the last seat by the window all alone but surrounded by other children pointing and laughing at her. She was going through her bag pulling out every book she had and then checking again. Her pants and jacket were covered in wet patches were she had obviously had to scrub the mud off. She sat not looking at one of them as if after all these years she was still completely uneffected by there crap. It was still Bell sitting there. I walked straight down to her frantically going through her things and placed her book on the table and slid it across so that it was in front of her.
She looked up at me and she was that nine year old girl who used to sit with me every day, I wanted to grab a hold of her and run. To take her home finally. It was time now, she was old enough for this to end.
Instead I sat next to her and reached out putting my fingers over her hand.
"You ok Bell." I whispered lightly but she didn't answer, she just starred ahead ignoring me which just made me more worried. "Bell are you hurt." I couldn't help myself and just reached with my closest hand taking both of her tiny shaking hands in mine that covered both of hers like a blanket as they sat on the table clutched together in a way I couldn't stand to see. Her brown eyes seemed to be screaming at me and then they anxiously darted from me across the room to the table next to me. The teacher continued to yell out the page of the text book that we were meant to be working from but I couldn't help but continue to examine her as she tore away from my eye contact and looked away from me a new rush a shame seem to cover her face as she pulled away from my grasps.
I looked over to her starring at the cover of her closed book and reached over flicking it too the right page and scanned it to find where the teacher was reading from. That was when I saw it. She looked at me for just a second, flashing me her heart stopping smile. It wasn't until then that I remembered doing that exact thing when I was younger and she would start to day dream in class.
I opened my book in front of my but leaned back in my seat putting my arm around her resting on the back of her chair. I could not looking at her and I knew that she would of felt my eyes on her the whole time. I could hear them whispering and pointing and could not understand how this could of happened. But I knew how, I wasn't here to protect her, Mike had some kind of infatuation with Bell since she was a kid and i dreaded to think of how his obsession may have escalated.
The bell finally rang and the class emptied quickly but neither of us mover as if we had an unspoken agreement to talk now. But i watched out of the corner of my eye to see Mike starring at Bell with a look that made me want to rip his throat out but didn't show it. I could tell by his smirk that he didn't recognize me but if he continued to look at her like that he would soon be reminded. I tried to make a joke about mike being her ex but it seemed to go right over her head and all I could see was shame.
I parked the car in the driveway and gave in, my hands clutching the steering wheel refused to loosen and I pressed my face to it firmly again for the second time today.
I tried to focus and think clearly but all I could keep thinking is that I was fucked. I had been in therapy long enough to know what a repressed memory is, I might as well be digging at concrete with a spoon. There are reasons you push things out and make your self Forget. You do it to protect yourself , your heart from being broken again or your mind remembering how it was your heart got broken. I don't think it always has to be bad things you push away, sometimes you make yourself loose the good memory's as well because you can't believe that you can't get any of it back, or understand why it was taken away, it's a complete self preservation thing that had become necessary and I feared she had spent years building these walls that's foundation was stronger than me and any fight I had to put up.
The passenger side door opened but I just couldn't move. "Hey Edward. how was school." Emmettt asked over cheerfully.
"It was great." I replied with my face still pressed firmly to the wheel.
"You punch anyone." he asked joking but curious at the same time. I feel back into my seat laughing at him while rubbing my hands over my face.
"Well I'm guessing what I've got to tell you won't come as much off shock then." I relaxed back in my seat and looked over at him. "Probably not.".
He nodded and collected his thoughts for a moment before taking a deep breath.
"I done what you asked and talked to everyone that I could and it's shitty. She started back there a few years ago like you said and ever since then Mike , Jessica and the rest of them made her life Hell. They throw shit at her, play tricks on her, spread all these bullshit rumors about her. I mean Mike's told everyone he's....seeing her. But people have only ever seen him harassing her and I got that list you wanted" my mind raced thinking of a hundred horrible things. A hundred different ways to destroy them.
"There's more Edward," more what else could there possibly be for her, but that was obvious I guess.
"One of the girls I used to hang out with was friends with Leah and a few other people around la Push, there were a lot of rumors going around but nothing's citrin....just get her out of there man, anything you need I'll do it. Just bring her home brother.
I could close my eyes right now and smash
my face into the rocky drive way because i knew i should never of listened to anyone for a second who said she was safe.
After the night on the cliff I made Carlisle and Esme call the Police and Children's Services over and over but even they promised she was safe with her current family. Imagine knowing someone you love more then anything is in danger and your tied down so you can't reach her, and they wonder why you go insane.
After a family dinner and a long conversation explaining that I will be fine to my parents, I could finally go to bed. Well I could pretend I was anyway.
I flipped the phone open and dialed Xavier's number.
"OK Ive got stage one of the plan worked out. I just need a but of help."
"Great the old Edward is back. Like always man, you name it you got it. Let's rectify this situation and get you two back too your old selves again,..finally."
"Xave this might take awhile."
"Edward everything is going to seem fast after the last three years. Anything you need for how ever long......, so stop worrying and spill, what do you need"
"Marcus and his friend who's good with a spray can, a couple of liters of white paint oh and is Marcus still seeing that girl?"
"Yeah the Bolivia's , what do you need those crazy kids for?."
"Girl problem I can't Handel myself. Nothing to extreme... I just want to scare someone."
"Hey im not judging, that bitch will kill if you ask. Meet them on the highway in an hour and remember to have fun no matter what your doing Edward. Keep it light when you can and the load won't seem so heavy when it hits."
I stood on the side of the highway that was only lit by the moon, waiting for the black jeep that I heard long before I saw. The sound of the heavy metal music tore through the quiet town like a jagged knife and couldn't help but feel bad for all I was asking from these people. I mean I hadn't seen Marcus in years and only knew about his friend and girlfriend from stories that Xavier's had been telling me over the last few years.
The jeep skidded to a stop and the back passenger door swung open to three hysterically laughing metal heads dressed in leather and covered with tattoos and piercings.
Marcus sat in the drivers seat with his window suddenly flying down, he looked me up and down and smiled.
"Jeez Eddy. You got fucking big., Get in man its cold as shit out there."
Marcus sped off down the street while they all screamed the German lyrics to the remstien songs in synchronicity that blasted out of the various speakers plastered through the car.
"So Edward, this is my fabulous girlfriend Raven, and this is her brother Makin. Raven turned from the front passenger seat to lean over and shake my hand. Raven was stunningly beautiful. Her long black hair was covered in different coloured streaks , and it puffed out to make her look like some kind of evil fairy. She had a mass of star tattoo's that ran from behind her neck under her hair and down her back. All the metal and ink seemed to disappear when you looked into her kind eyes. Her brother Makin who sat next to me ruffled my hair while I shook hands with his sister. Raven started to take her seat belt off and climb into the backseat between Makin and I.
"Swap with me brother." she said laughing as Makin grabbed her wrist swinging her like a doll into the seat he was in while he jumped in front.
"So, Edward. What did you need me for?" she asked almost cheerfully with an obvious charge hidden behind her words.
"There's these girls, they bother my friend Bell and I just want to get them to leave her alone. Nothing to extreme, I just want to..."
"You want me to beat the shit out of them?"
"No, no hitting. Just ya know."
"I think I can handle it, but are you sure you don't want me to slap them around a bit?."
I loved these people, I mean I'm sure Xavier was paying them but I wondered if they would do it for free. They constantly laughed and played with each other, they looked like they could pass for murders and they had the sweetest kind of love.
Raven turned back to smile for a second while she made her way to the group of girls that were hanging around outside the cinema. I can't be sure what she said but at one point she had Jessica up against a wall holding a fist full of her hair before whispering something in her ear and turning to strut back to the car.
"What a fucking bitch. I so should of hit that little dog. You tell me if she ever does anything again Edward, I would live to beat the crap out of her."
Marcus laughed at Raven and her rage while he tore off again, this time in the direction of the school.
It kind of seemed dumb, not that any of them said a word about it. They just made the best of it and had an awesome time.
Marcus lifted raven up so she could pull herself into the only open window we could find in the whole school, then we both pushed Makin through so we could pass all the supplies through.
"Alright, let's do this shit. Speed anyone?" Marcus announced as the three of them gathered together in the hallway. It took them about ten minutes of snorting before they were ready and I desperately wanted to have some but I knew if Xavier found out he, Raven skipped over to my side holding the small sachet that was packed with white powder while Marcus and Makin walked off ahead babbling.
"Do you want some." she asked sweetly. I looked ahead at Marcus and Makin turning the corner of the hallway.
"I won't tell them or Xavier. You don't look like the drug addict type anyway, I think you can handle it, it's just a rush. Like life, you can handle it right." Ravens eyes seem to speak with her mouth and she was unknowingly seductive. I smiled and put my hand out and she took it in hers, sprinkling it over my hand. I looked around but raven and I were completely alone so I leaned into my hand and snorted the powder.
Instantly I felt a surge of adrenalin, it was over powering and amazing, my body felt as if it was pulsing with my heart. Like I could feel every pump of blood my heart circulated. I looked at Raven and burst in to laughter "Holy shit." I managed to get out through the laughter. She smiled widly showing all her teeth. "Let's go have some fun Cullen. She took my hand and we ran off after Makin and Marcus. We found them in the boys bathroom lighting candles and laying out thick white sheets on the ground, they seemed to be so caught up in their conversation that they didn't realise we had been left behind. Raven went over to Marcus and started to get the rollers ready. While Makin walked over to the main wall at the end of the bathroom. It was covered in horrible crap about Bell. Disgusting jokes and names for her written everywhere.
"This all about your girl" he asked quietly while Raven pulled out a small stereo and music started to play behind us. I nodded pissed off and scared to start talking because he would see that I was chewing the side of my mouth off.
"Your fuck-in tweaked." he said as he burst into laughter, "Jesus Rave, why. Xavier's gonna kill us." Marcus said hitting raven in the arm but she smiled and shook her head.
"Lay off, no one will tell Xavier, Edward just wanted a taste.Besides,
I'm not his fucking baby sitter."
"Well your not anymore." Makin said still laughing.
From there on out it was almost a blur of laughing and taking our chances to get each other with the paint brush. Marcus , raven and I spent all our time painting the walls white, creating a canvas for Makin. After we done all the major spots white for Makin we laid back and waited for Makin to finish. "Well, you've snorted ecstasy based speed, so how about a joint. It will help with the jitters." Marcus held the joint out and my shaking hands took it anxiously.
"One night with Rave and your a drug addict." Marcus said as he leaned over to light me up.
"I've been pretty heavily medicated for awhile, it's nice to have things sped up again." I said as I inhaled the pot deeply, spreading its invigoration through my limbs.Marcus nodded and looked through the room. "Kids can be ass holes." he said leaning up against the wall. "Have they always been like this too her, I mean some of that shit was pretty harsh."
"No. I used to protect her from all of this." I said waving my arm at the now blank wall.
"But I did something and left her here without thinking it could come back to bite her." Raven layed across Marcus, both of them staring at me waiting for me to continue. "I think I hurt Mikes pride a bit when I was younger. She's the only thing I ever,.. loved....He knew that.... I broke his arm and fractured his collarbone for talking shit about her, then I just left and she had to deal with it. Just another thing I made a mess off." Raven leaned forward and held out the joint with the hint of a smile but not thread of judgement.
"Edward I can tell you feel stupid doing all this. Like a bit of paint can change anything, but it's righteous. There's nothing wrong with dedicating yourself to loving something and standing by it. You do what you gotta do little man." I had forgotten until then that I used to love Marcus. Suddenly all I could think off was being thirteen and behind the wheel of his jeep while he taught me how to drive, only now could I see that he was despretly trying to get me to loosen up and maybe have some fun.
Makin yelled from the boys restroom for raven to help him. She reached into Marcus's shirt pocket and retrieved another joint and lit it up jumping to her feet and running through the swinging door.
Marcus watched every step she took until she was out of eye sight then he look over at me again.
"She likes you." he said with a smile
"No she's a bitch to almost everyone, but she likes you."
"She know about...." because of the drugs I almost blurted out the only thing I could never talk about but Marcus looked at me knowingly.
"She knows bits and pieces. She's not really one to pry, she's cool like that.
She knows Xave and I were worried about you Eddy, you were such a good kid and I really thought we lost you."
I didn't want to think about the last few years, it only brought on more guilt.
"You guys have got to see this" ravens voice and laughter radiated from the restrooms and Marcus and I ran in too see what was so funny, which took about two seconds after walking in. It was awesome. It's was nothing I could ever of imagined. The colours looked beautiful and In amongst the art was horrible shit about mike and Jessica and everyone else on the list that I gave to Makin, He tuned to me and tapped my shoulder pointing at the door. We left raven and Marcus falling over each other laughing and followed Makin into the girls rest room was even better Jessica's name and horrible cartoons of her plastered the walls but my favorite part was on the end wall of the restroom that was the main place to find the worst shit about Bell, and I hated the thought of her walking in here to see all that shit every day but now when she looked she would see a massive gorgeous white swan with a gold crown on her head and her wings spread out splashing in the water that was swirls of blue flying up into the star filled sky. It was perfect and it said something to her.
"Your a fuckin artist." was all I could say to Makin who stood by me with his headphones hanging around his neck shaking his head.
"This is from you, your emotions. They radiate from you." I looked at him almost embarrassed.
"Hey man, I get it. I don't have a girl friend but I've got two sisters who I love more then life and I couldn't imagine seeing some of this shit. But this, this is how you see her right. Xavier said to you she was this free beautiful girl who you loved. That she was your stars and moon. A princess"
I didn't have words surprisingly seeing how fucked up I was, I just nodded and shook his hand. This was definitely a start, I didn't feel stupid anymore because I could never of imagined it could look like this.
I walked through the quad looking for her but I couldn't see her anywhere. I wondered towards the the arts department to the photography class that I took hoping Bell would be in it and noticed a bag sitting on one of the tables and saw that the light was on showing someone was in the dark room, it wasn't bells bag on the table but I thought maybe she could still be in there. I got closer to the door and hear her scared cry come from inside. I opened the door to find him pushing her up against the wall holding her wrists above her head. I ran at him and wanted more then anything to just snap his neck. I grabbed him and slammed him up in to the wall and took a hold of his throat squeezing it tighter and tighter. He was so horrified and I got off on it, I asked him if he wanted a repeat of our childhood and then watching him match the dots up and realise who I am. It gave me back something I had lost, the realization that I could more then Handel this. I launched my knee into him and let him drop to the ground.
I would Handel this.
But not here.
I ran over to her still sitting on the bench up against the wall shaking uncontrollable so much that I thought she could shatter.
I assured her this would end that I could make it better and walked her through the school waiting like I used to. Waiting for the next ass hole but by the time I showed her the restrooms that I may of succeeded in atleast showing her i meant business.
By Friday I was more then settled in. I did all of the normal school crap that mum and dad loved and I got to protect her for eight hours of the day, and could keep my head level enough to except that was going to have to do right now. I woke in the morning and ran down my old familiar staircase to the kitchen where my mother sat. Dad had already left for work and Emmett was still fast asleep.She had a fresh cup of coffee waiting for me, finally excepting it was the only thing that would kick start me in the morning, even though since we returned it seemed unnecessary. "Good morning sweet heart." she said kissing my forehead when I sat on the bench.
"Do you think you might see her again today." she asked leaning over the bench to me with the warming smile I loved.
"I see her every day. We're like, how we were. Soon...well hopes not lost anyway." I stopped and decided not to get her hopes up but I saw the excitement suddenly leave her eyes and I felt bad for taking that small piece of sweetness she had in her eyes.
"Maybe you should drive me." I said quickly then getting up straight away to get my keys throwing them to her.
"What, Why?" she said confused catching my keys.
"She gets to school early....." her mouth dropped and she almost looked nervous.
"You wanna see her don't you." she smiled and we both ran out to my car and I watched my mother drive way too fast to get me to school.
We got there at the perfect time, I pointed to the spot to park in so we would see her pull up with Jacob. Esme looked at me while we waited and i could see the anxiousness in her eyes.
"Do you want to see her, it might help her remember." I asked reaching over and taking her hand and make her smile again but she just shook he head.
"No, No. I don't think that's best I just wanted too see what she looks like, she said scanning the student walking in that could be her but I watched as the big truck tore down the street and pulled up.
"There mum. Over there near that red truck." I looked over at mum to see if she spotted her but I knew she had when I noticed eyes welling up. She watched as Bell walked slowly up the pathway looking around for me holding on to one of the straps of her bag.
"She's looking for you." it wasn't a question, more like she was sweetly stating the fact that made her heart swell.
"She's just beautiful." she laughed at her words, shocked as much as I was when I saw how different she looked. Like we all kind of half expected her to freeze in time.
"Go, go over to her, call if you need and I'll pick you up after school., now go, go." I laughed at her rushing me and jumped out of the car and ran over to Bell who had her back to me searching the quad for me. I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned with a huge smile and wrapped her arms around my neck for a small moment before leaning into me and starting to walk towards the front doors of the school. I walked up the steps and held the door open. She walked in ahead of me and I looked over to the car park to see Esme sitting back smiling at me, leaning back into the head rest, I waved at her and I could see that she looked pretty happy and that was enough to make me happy too, even though this day meant to be horrible. I took every chance I got through out the day to tell her no matter what she needed I would I would make it happen, that of she needed me I would be there in minutes no matter what time or circumstances but she just looked into my eyes smiling like Esme did last I saw her. My phone rang at lunch and I looked to see it was Xavier, I looked over and watched Bell like a hawk while she waited in the lunch line to get her usual salad and juice.
"Hey Eddy hows school." he always sounded like a smart ass when he talked about school. Like he thought it was hilarious that I bothered.
"Worth it." I said calmly watching Bell laugh with the elderly lunch lady over something.
"So what's on for your week end."
"I don't know. Just hang around I guess."
"Hang around the woods by yourself you mean." he knew me better then I'd like to admit.
"No way Edward, listen Marcus said you had fun with them the other night. So they'll pick you up tonight same place at eight and ill meet up with you guys later on."
This didn't seem like it was up for debate so i just gave in.
"Fine. See you later."
"Have fun Eddy." and that didn't seem like it was up for debate either. I snapped the phone closed while she sat down with her tray.
"I know you said your not hungry but I got you an apple just in case." I smiled at the shiny red apple she held out
"Im serious Bell anything at all." I pleaded with her but she just leaned on the classroom table daydreaming into my eyes with that fucking smile that killed me.
"It's gonna be OK Eddy, I can see that now. ill survive two days. Ill see you on Monday."
The bell rang for the end of school and I looked over at her not wanting to move, not wanting to start the walk to the car park that would leave me without her again.
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- 13 Nov 12
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