Edward and Bella are born and raised together, There life is sheltered and untouched by horror until tragedy strikes killing Bella's father in a horrible accident and everything they had is taken from them and Edward is driven insane trying to get back to her. and what they once had. All Human Twilight FanFic
(This story deals with Abuse , Drug use & Suicide, Please be prepared for this.)
7. Your DEAD
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I dragged the hood over my head and ran up the stairs to my room.It was easy to get into the house with a hood on and my head down , I think they were used to seeing me all covered up. , I had every intention on telling them , but i had to tell mum first , she hates tatoo's and now I was covered. I felt almost like I might be sick at the thought of telling her , but I had to at least try to make it through the screaming so I could make her understand. My foot tapped and I waited anxiously for her to pass me on the way to her bedroom. After an hour I heard her coming up the stairs and as she drew closer the sound of her heels made me start to sweat.
I almost let her keep walking but instead I closed my eyes and called out to her. "Mum." she paused outside of my door and looked in at me , "You OK sweet heart." I looked at her with I'm sure what was a very obviously guilty look. Understandably my attempted suicide hit my mother harder then anyone else and I hated bringing anything to do with it up , I never wanted her to see the scars , even though I know she loved me no matter what , still I hated that they were there , a constant reminder of my fuck up. "Edward , sweetie whats wrong you look like you've murdered someone." she said with a smile the two seconds after saying it a serious look came over her and she came in closing the door behind her and sitting next to me , "Tell me you didn't" I laughed at her and shook my head , "Calm down , really mum. I just wanted to tell you something." she nodded and smiled with relief. "Well" she said trying to encourage me.
I didn't no what to say so I just took my jumper of and standing up in front of her in the process. her hand rushed to he mouth counting the gasp of shock escaping her lips. She looked horrified and I instantly became defensive and started ranting. "Mum I know it looks really bad, and you probably want to slap me because you always said no tattoo's and I really don't want to fuck up anymore then I have but this is a bit more socially acceptable then jagged scars down my arms and I just....Just." In my rant I stopped looking at her and at the wall behind her and found I couldn't finish my sentence. "Just what baby?" her sweet voice interrupted my freak out and I looked back down to see her looking up at me with nothing but compassion.
"I just dont want to look in the mirror every day and remember what I did, have it rubbed in my face , I just want to blend in." she smiled and took my hand and pulled my back down on the bed so I was sitting next to her. She smiled and soothed my hair back so it was no longer covering my face, "Do you think maybe you'll start wearing T shirts again now." I laughed at her and she wrapped her arms around me, assuring me there really was nothing I could do to make her stop loving me, and I had done allot. "I just want you to be happy Eddy , to be happy in your own skin."
That night I sat in my bed preparing for school the next day , well by preparing I mean trying to fall asleep. It still seemed like a dream , one second I was shaking her dead bloody body begging her that she come back to me but then I woke to see her staring back at me so much more beautiful then anything I could of imagined. I thought I would have more time to figure out how I was going to tell her everything but like I thought , as soon as she felt safe with me again she would remember everything she was blocking out and I would have another chance , I just thought I would have a couple of months but on Friday morning after I got out of the car I saw her sitting waiting for me and it was flooded in her eyes what she was thinking , and I knew that she could see me again.
There were so many things that could tear this apart , Not just me trying to kill myself but what I did after and now it would all come out , Because when she finally does ask , I wont lie.
I didn't sleep at all and ended up giving up at three in the morning and got dressed in anticipation and just like my mother requested I wore a sleeveless shirt under my jacket.
"Izzy, Quit day dreaming, and get in the truck," I looked over at him shocked by his voice and gave him a pissed of look , He knew I hated being called that , I glared at him as he hopped out the front door putting on his work boots as he rushed out to the truck , I on the other hand had, been ready for hours. It was impossible to sleep and I wanted to get dressed before he woke so he didnt see me put on my favourite white shirt and wonder why I wanted to look nice.
I could not stop thinking of a way I could explain this to Jake so he would understand , or at least maybe understand one day. But there seemed that there were no right ways to tell some one that you wanted some one else. I thought I had only ever been Jake's girl but I can see now that I was never his. I had used him for comfort and protection when it only ever should of been friendship. I felt so much like I needed him. In ways I didnt understand. He had this way of making me feel so safe while quietly being scared of him. Everything that had happend with Bily , No matter how bad it got , he always saved me.Every time he had to fight with his father to save , Hurt him deeply and a part of him hated me for it, That why I think he always brought it up. Just how much he had done for me. He had given up on his only family for me.
"Seriously , what's up?" we approached the school and I could see Edwards car parked in its usual spot and all I wanted was to get to him as fast as possible, but these feelings brought on whole new waves of guilt as Jake pulled up out side of the school. I looked over at him and forced a smile, "I'm fine really , We can talk tonight OK," I said as lightly as I could, he smiled back and leaned over and kissed me a little to forcefully before saying goodbye to go to work. Only to find myself feeling more guilty to see that Edward would of seen Jake with his hands all over me , new guilt. just what I needed. He smiled widely as he approached and I stopped breathing. The black markings spiraled up his neck and down to his wrists , I bite my lip and believed it was the only thing keeping me from falling over. he wore a sleeveless black shirt and jeans , it was the hottest thing i had ever seen and it was obvious by the stairs from the other girls, i was not the only one who thought so. But he walked through them all unaffected by there pointing and whispering. He got closer and smiled the smile that made me melt , "Teenage rebellion" he said with an adorably nervous shrug , "Keep it up Rebel , It suits you." suddenly his smile became one of relief , I got the feeling he was expecting a different reaction, but honestly he was perfection and anything done to him would only be an improvement because nothing could take his smile that turned heads all on its own , Just when you thought he could not possible look any better he comes to school like this."I was worried you.." I shook my head before he could finish. "Bell can we skip the first two classes, Maybe go somewhere and talk." I wanted so badly to stop biting my lip but it was impossible , and yes I wanted to be alone with him , more then anything. So I started to walk to his car with him with out a word.
We stopped at the meadow along side my fathers long drive way. We walked through the flowers and I remembered being in this very spot with him when we were younger , He was a few steps in front of me so I took my opportunity and pounced on him , causing him to fall flat on his back but pulling me on top of him in the process. The sound of our laughter echoed all around us but in amongst it I heard something else that caught my attention. I looked over my shoulder but saw nothing , "Did you hear that ," I said still half laughing. He never looked away from my face instead he reached up gently wiping the hair from my face , "I need to tell you something Bell , and I want to tell you before you talk to Jacob." "No" I said interrupting him. "I'm not leaving him because of you. I don't want to lead him on any more. I don't love him. I think deep down he no's that , I cant be there anymore." he looked into my eyes and it made me even more sure this was right. "I've done things Bell." I closed my eyes for a moment , I knew the reason he probably didn't contact me but this was the first time I real had to face up to it. "I know you must of met some one , and maybe even fallen in love with her but i can." Before I could finish I was forced to stop as he burst into laughter , "Bell , Never in my life. Its only ever been you. I swear , Your it.." He said trying to explain himself through the bursts of laughter , like it was just unthinkable to him , I really was horrible because I only ever loved him and I think he though otherwise , and I felt horrible at the thought of him explaining him self right now. "There's nothing you can say that will change my mind , I want this to be different , but can you save what ever bad news until after I talk to Jake. I just cant Handel anything else right now , and it wont change my mind anyway. please." he looked like he wanted to talk but I just couldn't Handel it right now , no way. I was at breaking point , I knew that much. "I just don't want to lie to you Bell." the intense look in his eyes when he spoke made start biting my lip again. "Your not , I'm asking you." he weakly smiled again as he looked up at me , "I want you to have everything I can give you Bell , and once we sought the house and find Scout ,
I couldn't even think to ask what he meant by the house when he said her name . It was like being hit in the guts with a brick and I couldn't breathe. "Bell what is it , What did I say?" tears spilled out of my eyes as I searched his , trying to speak , "Where is she , we have to go to Malcolm's." I tried to move from his lap but suddenly he was sitting up holding me in place , "Ive seen Malcolm Bell, He doesn't no where she is." My mind raced and I dragged him to his feet with me. We had to find her I looked all around , wondering what I was meant to do. his arms were around me in a second because he knew I didn't know what to do. "Its OK baby we'll find her." I had seen her in the Forrest years ago and ran from her like she was a monster , she would of thought I didn't love her , she would of thought I didn't want her , and I do. I cried helplessly in his arms that protected me like a shield. I couldn't stop crying when I thought about her all alone , with no one. Edward pulled me back and took my face in his hands , "I'll go into the Forrest and find her," "I'm coming.". He smiled and nodded. "I need to talk to Jake tonight." "Bell there's no rush." but there was his comfort was no use , ever second I was with him was completely wrong. I needed to be with my family and Edward and I needed to find Scout. My life that was taken had been put on hold to long and I wanted it back.NOW.
The more I remembered ,The more my walls crumbeled and took me down with them , there were reasons for pushing all this away. It hurt. "Breathe baby" He whispered in to my ear as if begging my heart to stop racing and my hands to stop shaking. I pressed my face into his chest , and it felt like every movement i made with him shadowed one i had done when i was younger this was where I was ment to be , there was no sign of misery in sight when I was with him because he was the one for me. This was home , and the thought of explaining it to Jake made me shake more , but I knew It had to be done to get any where.
We stayed at there for way too long because I could not pull myself together and even though I was a mess he never let me go , he just pressed his face to my hair telling me over and over that it would all be ok. Deep down I knew he was right but I couldn't help but freak out.
After I had stopped crying long enough to pull myself together Edward braced my shoulders and pulled away so we were looking each other in the eyes. "Jacob will be getting to school to pick you up soon." I nodded and stood back up and made my way back to the car. We talked the whole way back to school , like we used to. We were completely in tune with each other , we were just rusty before. I told him where I thought we should start looking for her when we searched for her. That was when Edward explained what happened when he went to see Malcolm. That she had a pup with her , my mouth hung open because in my mind she was still a pup herself. We got to the school with half an hour to spare before school ended but I said goodbye to Edward after twenty minutes or so , in case Jake came early "Take my phone , my house is on speed dial under 1, call me if you need anything at all" "Thanks , I think i'll need it" I laughed to my self putting the phone in the front pocket of my bag "Bell, Your Safe right. With him I mean" I wanted so desperately to say yes confidently but I don't think I knew the full extent of Jake's rage , but still after everything we had been through I don't think he would physically harm me. "I'll be fine , I promise." . I dragged myself from his car and waved goodbye to him , Nothing could touch us now. After this it felt like everything would be OK , I just had to get through the hard part.
When the bell rang for school to finish Edwards car drove up beside me , be his eyebrows raised at me and I nodded back letting him know It was ok to leave. I waited for Jake for half an hour but he didnt show.
Nervous didn't come close. He always picked me up. the only time he didn't was when....When he... , before I could think I took off down the street on foot into town, towards his work site , but when i reached it there was no one there. I stood there for a second and trying to breathe , "Bell" I turned to see Edward in his car behind me , he waved me into the car as I ran to him. "What's going on, he forget you?" maybe he had , maybe it was that simple , he just forgot me. I didn't always have to assume the worst. "I can walk" I announced realising he was starting the car to take me home ,"Its miles" He laughed out. "Beside , I can drop you of where he wont see me. OK." I nodded and excepted the ride. I started biting my nails and tried to start a conversation with Edward but I was far to nervous "Your low on fuel" I said looking at the gage". "Yeah that's why I drove beck to town..,Bell do you want me to come with you.?" He asked when we got to the reservation. 'No , its OK , I can do this." I smiled at his concerned expression , "I'll call you soon. , you'll be there?' , "I will, I promise." I nodded and left his car and started the short but agonizing walk home while Edwards car tore of behind me. Breathe Bell.
I hated leaving her there , it made me sick to my core. It was just a brake up , people broke up every day. I was probably just being over protective , right?. I started the long drive home and made it all the way to my driveway before realising I hand't stopped to get fuel. I decided to go back into town quickly , just in case I had to go and get her later I didn't want to have to worry about crap like that getting in my way of getting to her. I stopped at the gas station and filled the car , I was nervous and in a hurry to get home in case she rang early , I had only left her under an hour ago , so I didn't expect her to call any time soon , but still I hurried. I stood in the long line waiting to pay when I noticed a boy a few years older then me walk in and get in line behind me , "Your Cullen aren't ya?" The boy said rather harshly , I instantly turned back into that kid ready to go , "Who the fuck wants to know?" He smiled and looked me up and down. "Your dead kid" he said as if he knew something I didn't. "What are you talking about" "Two of the boys I work with , saw you and Bell all over each other today.' "WHAT!" I yelled in his face , "Jake's going to KILL YOU , Your Dead!" before he could finish his insults I was out the door and in my car , not really caring if the police were contacted for me not paying for the fuel , I think we were going to need them. Because now I knew why I had the bad feeling. I never should of left her alone.
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